AE: VK Redux
by vakuri
Summary: Alternate version of Vaders Kids. Anakin suffers from 'empty nest' syndrome and changes at the office sends him into emotional crisis. Are 'Forces' conspiring to deny him happiness? Who will help him from falling off the edge of the Mustafar lava bank?
1. Chapter 1 Set This Sith To Stun

_Chapter 1AE_

* * *

'_1800 Sith Flowers: When You're "Forced" to Give The Very Best'_

'_An Empty Nest is Worthless If You Can't Yell at Your Kids'_

'_Set This Sith to Stun'_

* * *

Year pass and life takes sudden unexpected turns for the Dark Lord. The Skywalker house is quieter these days.

The twins have long since moved out and have careers; each enjoys married life. Li-An and Alex are at the end of their teen years and finding their own way through life. Home to them is just a place to sleep and to change clothes. A younger daughter at boarding school leaves Anakin and Isabel with their youngest, an air surfing adolescent who will soon leave the nest to become an Apprentice to Kyle Katarn. Even the droids find independence outside the Skywalker home. Little is asked of them. They come and go at will. Isabel refers to them as 'emancipated loyal servants'. Anakin sees it differently, 'freeloading metal squatters.' They make themselves available should the lady of the house require their services. They are conveniently absent when the Dark Lord demands their presence. Yes, life is different in the Skywalker home.

Sunday dinner, however, remains a regular event along with birthday's and anniversaries. Still, it is not the same. Even old friends and nemeses have gone. The occasional funeral is a sobering sign that everything is changing. Anakin begins to spend more time at the office. It is not by choice.

It is sixth months after a retirement party for Gladys. He throws a lavish event for his favorite executive assistant but it is still painful letting go. He tries to convince himself that this is just some elaborate practical joke concocted by his two eldest disrespectful kids; probably encouraged by that smart-mouthed son-in-law. He is certain that Gladys will be back behind her desk the next morning. His family is playing a horrible trick on him. They will rue the day they trifled with his emotions.

As the party winds to a close, it becomes evident that his surrogate mother; his confidant, is indeed leaving. Anakin cannot not bring himself to say goodbye to Gladys when the reality of her retirement sets in.

It takes a bit of urging from his wife but after being locked in a cloakroom with Gladys, he is finally able to express his heartfelt feelings for her. It is time to give praise for her years of dedicated service. It does not come easy for him but he does it the only way he can.

"I guess you did an okay job, Gladys." Apparently, she has not changed her mind. He tries another tactic. "You're not that old you know. I truly believe that you have several more good years in you. Why you feel the need to retire so early I'll never know."

Gladys takes his hand in hers and pats it gently.

"I know you'll do just fine with my replacement. Chin up, Anakin. You know you're like a son to me."

"Well, a good mother would never abandon her child."

"A good son would cut his _'mother'_ a break and let her enjoy the golden years of her life."

"There you go; playing the senior citizen card."

"If you took a look at the human resources handbook, you'd know that I'm within my right to retire. I gave you ten years pass my maximum, dear."

He looks annoyed and pulls his hand away.

"Okay! Fine! So where are you and old man Uli going for your retirement vacation?"

"I'm not telling you. You'll be tempted to follow us."

"I can figure out where but I thought you'd have the courtesy to tell me."

"Anakin, I know you don't like letting go but can't you say _'goodbye'_ graciously? …just this once?"

"No!" He rolls his eyes then begins to accept the inevitable. "Fine. I'll be the better person... even though you betrayed me. Thank you for everything, Gladys. You've been a wonderful employee."

"Thank you for the lovely corsage, necklace, and generous retirement vacation package. The party was splendid."

"See? I'm the best boss in the galaxy. It's a shame you're leaving me like this."

"Oh, cut it out! Your wife said you can't leave this room until you give me a proper send-off."

"Fine! Give me a hug!" He puts his arms around her. Her soft white hair smells like fresh spring lavender. He holds her for what seems to be an eternity. Anakin takes a deep breath before letting go. There will be no tears. He almost lifts her off the floor. Gladys looks up at him through her platinum wire-rimmed glasses and smiles. Anakin smiles back as she pinches his cheek and shakes her finger at him.

"I'm going to be keeping a close eye on you."

"From where, Yavin?"

"Don't be a smart-mouth. I'll be back in town to see you."

"Yes, ma'm."

"Be nice to your new secretary."

"I will. I promise."

"Good boy."

Gladys knows not to expect much more from her brooding soon-to-be former boss. His wife tells him that he needs to get used to his new Imperial Executive Secretary.

He mopes about the house as if someone had stolen his light saber. Isabel displays some _'tough love.'_ She forces him out of the house each morning to face the new challenges of the day.

He heads into the building pass the elite Imperial Guards. They greet him with their usual salute. Anakin makes his way to the express elevator and rides to the executive floor. He opens the door to the reception area and lets out a deep breath. He makes the obligatory greeting. His voice lacks enthusiasm and warmth.

"Good morning….Miss Di Pesto."

The greeting he receives is friendlier.

"Good morning, Mr. Skywalker. Welcome back. Your wife called last week and said you weren't well."

"I know. I heard her."

Anakin recalls that day when Isabel calls the office on his behalf. Anakin is shuffling around the house in protest. Leia is enjoying this moment. Anakin reminds his daughter that she has a home of her own across town and a job of her own in the Senate. There is no need for her to be in his home taunting him. He can wear pajamas everyday if he so chooses. At least he changes his pajamas and robe daily.

Leia comments that he is behaving like a mental patient. Isabel thinks this remark is hilarious. If Leia cannot drive him out of his house, no one can. His wife calls the office to let Agnes know that he would not be coming to work. His mental health week takes its toll on the family. Isabel has had enough of his _'One-man Pity Pajama Party'_. It takes some time but Leia's strategy is working. It was hard to find a sympathetic ear while his wife and daughter made light of his situation. He needs to go to a place where he will get the respect he deserves.

Agnes smiles her famous sweet toothy grin. Nothing seems to bother this woman.

"Thank you for the beautiful welcome flowers you sent last week, Mr. Skywalker. They still look perfect and smell lovely."

He watches as she leans in to smell the large bouquet in the expensive crystal vase on the right side of her desk. If she only knew what a hassle it was for him to order them. His wife and daughter 'hovering' as he presses the speed dial on the phone in his study. He reads the 'prepared script', word for word, as he speaks to the Coruscant Imperial Florist operator named _'Tammi'_. _'I am interested in the Coruscant Gardens Grand Bouquet.'_

If his Friday night Sabacc buddies could hear this humiliating phone call, they would laugh him out of town and then he would be forced to choke someone. He suffers through the ordeal with a customer service operator whose sugary sweet voice makes him grind his teeth. She is a bit pushy to boot.

"_That comes to 333 credits. Will there be anything else today, Mr. Skywalker?"_

"No."

"_Are you interested in hearing about our special promotions? We have a lovely 'Thank you' basket for that special client or our special Executive Suite Collection fruit basket for your military personnel. It's only $89.95 today. Normally it's 100 credits but you get a discount because you are on our Platinum Customer List."_

"Wow, a whole 10 percent discount, eh? What do your cheap customers get?" He receives a disapproving stare from his wife. He continues the conversation with the customer service operator. "No, thank you. My officers aren't much for flowers. That's all for today."

"_I see from your past order history you did send 'get-well' flowers to an Admiral Ozzel and Captain Needa…"_

"No."

"_Would you like to scan a note card?"_

"No…" He looks up at the two women in his life and rethinks his answer. He responds in an equally sugary sweet tone, pretending to enjoy the conversation. "Oh, of course I would love to scan a personal greeting. Thank you for reminding me." He gives Leia and Isabel a look that could freeze a Mustafar lava flow.

"_Will there anything else today?"_

"No."

"_Thank-you, Mr. Anakin Skywalker, and have I provided you with excellent customer service today?"_

"No…I mean, 'Yes.'" He looks at his wife and scowls. He cannot shake this customer service operator. He musters every ounce of willpower not to force-choke the persistent woman.

"_Thank-you. Would you like to take the customer service survey at the completion of this call?"_

"What do you think?" He hopes he will never have a need to do this ever again. His force-choke efforts would have been wasted since _'Tammi'_ is a voice activated computer.

After Agnes sniffs the beautiful aroma of the bouquet, she does one more thing. Before Anakin can stop her, she picks up the note card and reads it as if it were classic poetry. He is itching to use the Force to keep her from talking but he has to restrain himself. He does not want to get a lecture from his wife. Instead, he uses his _'trigger fingers'_ to reach up and scratch his head. Agnes reads his words back to him. She gushes as she does this.

_Dear Agnes,_

_Welcome to the Imperial Armed Forces Headquarters. I hope you will consider us like family. We are the Military of One and you are now one of us. Please accept these flowers as a gesture of my gratitude for becoming my new right hand. _

_May the Force be with you._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Anakin Skywalker_

_Imperial Commander of the Armed Forces_

She continues to speak.

"And it's on official stationery too. You have lovely handwriting, sir."

Anakin stops biting his lip and forces a silly smile.

"Thanks. Well…I had better tackle that pile of work on my desk. Perhaps we'll chitchat later."

"Oh, your desk is clear, Mr. Skywalker. Your son-in-law and Mr. Binks stopped by last week while you were out and took care of any outstanding projects. They really enjoyed themselves. General Solo ordered lunch for everyone. He is so funny and cheerful. He really enjoys working for you. I can tell."

"What?"

"Oh, don't worry. He said nothing of consequence was thrown away. All of your important writings and mandates were stashed in your confidential file in the small cabinet under the credenza."

"Is that so? He never mentioned it during Sunday dinner. Well, I'm going to personally thank him."

"Oh, you're so nice. Your officers must love you. They talk about you all the time. I got so many calls asking when you were returning to work. They were really concerned about you."

This peaks his curiosity.

"Get out of town. Really?"

"Oh yes. Admiral Motti was inquiring just the other day. He said a day without you is like a day with sunshine…or was it 'like a day without sunshine'? I can't remember…anyway…it's good to see you, sir…"

Before she completes her sentence, he disappears into his office and slams the door shut.

Anakin removes his coat and lets it fall onto the sofa. He walks over to his desk and immediately begins to rifle through the drawers. He locates a handful of folders in the shallow drawer of the credenza. Anakin makes a mental note to throttle that no-account son-in-law of his. What gives that smart mouth the right to decide what is _'work'_ and what is not? He opens the green folder. It contains expense reports. He tosses it aside and opens the red folder directly behind it. It contains memos concerning personnel changes. The blue folder contains peace treaties he signed years ago. Gone are his bookie sheets and office pools for pod racing and plasma ball championships. Lando won the last fantasy sports event. It was the plasma ball pool. Anakin is in the mood to kill some people today. He angrily tosses the folder across the desk. He has a visitor.

'_Nice coat. Is it new?'_

"What's it to you?"

'_I'm just asking. Your wife picks out some nice threads for you.'_

"She bought it to distract me from all the crap that's going down around here."

'Got a lot of compliments, eh?'

"I suppose."

'_You know, Ani, this could be a good thing. I know how you hate change but just think of all the great things that are in store for you.'_

"Yeah, I feel it creeping up behind me and kicking me in the ass."

'_Think of this as a positive thing.'_

"Okay…I'm positive it's about to kick me in the ass."

'_You could at least show your gratitude. I could be doing other things you know.'_

"Like what? It's not as if you've got any responsibilities"

'_Hey Force ghosts get their feelings hurt too you know. Listen, I'm watching over your kids.'_

"I can watch over my own kids, thank you very much."

'_Alex is putting together quite a talented garage band. Mace, Ayala and I sat in on one of their jam sessions. The kid's got a good voice. He could be the next Galactic Idol. Just think, in a few years he'll be selling out stadiums all over the galaxy. Young teenage girls will be throwing their panties onstage.'_

"If you're trying to get a rise out of me. I'm not biting."

'_You know our little Ana-Lena sneaks out of that chic-chic convent school you've sent her to. She takes the Coruscant metro with her dorm buddies to hang out at Dex's Diner.'_

"It's very unbecoming for such a venerable Force Ghost to lie like that."

'_It's true. They sit in a booth waiting for a glimpse of the Imperial Navy and Army cadets to stop in after field training.'_

"I don't believe you."

'_Search your feelings, Anakin. You know it to be true.'_

"I'll take care of it."

'_What are you going to do? Is she in for some swift discipline?'_

"Don't you worry about it."

'_Not to worry. She hasn't done anything wrong. She's a good girl.'_

"You call sneaking out of boarding school to gaze at boys _'being good'_?"

'_You can't lock her up, Ani. That school is punishment enough.'_

"I've got it under control. I'm not going to punish her. We will have a nice stern father-daughter talk. She'll get the message."

'_Don't go overboard. You're famous for your father-daughter talks. Leia sure learned her lesson. Anyway, I believe it will work itself out. Ana-Lena is going through a phase. I warned her about cutting her skirts too short. Those sewing classes she's taking have come in handy. You can't even tell that she hemmed those skirts herself. Every pleat is even. The girl's got talent.'_

"What?"

'_Oh nothing.'_

"I'm calling that school to inquire about the security. How could they let my child wander off campus and into the streets?" He starts to pick up the phone.

'_I wouldn't do that if I were you. She'll never speak to you again.'_

Anakin sets the handset back in its cradle. Qui-Gon continues.

'_Take it easy. I'm keeping an eye on her. The last thing she wants is you talking about her to those Jedi nuns. That Mother Superior could run circles around old Palps in his heyday as Emperor. He would cower under that battle-ax. Don't get me wrong; not all the nuns are harsh looking. A few could use a makeover. Some of them have potential. Those convent frocks need to be updated…With a bit of lipstick and bronzer, some of those pale frau's would look kind of hot.'_

"Did you pop in here to tell me about nun ambush makeovers?"

'_No. I just thought you wanted to chat.'_

"About what?"

'_Your new secretary…Ms Di Pesto.' _Qui-Gon points his thumb towards the door. Anakin rolls his eyes and smirks.

"Ms._The_ Pest-_o_?" He is amused by his own joke.

The intercom lights up. Anakin is still speaking as he presses the _'answer'_ button. Qui-Gon smiles.

'_Aww, come on, Ani…she's sweet. Give the woman a chance She's no Gladys but she's trying.'_

"Trying my nerves…and that mousy voice." He mimics her mannerisms but is startled when he hears her voice in the speaker.

"Mr. Skywalker, Mr. Binks has arrived for his 10 o'clock meeting with you."

Anakin sits wide-eyed and frozen at his desk. He is like a tauntaun in headlights. He tells himself if he sits very still it will be as if she had never heard him. He is not even focused enough to perform a mind trick on her. He finally speaks.

"Oh! Uhm…okay…uh…send him in….thank-you." Anakin releases the speakerphone button. He feels Qui-Gon looking at him, judging him. Anakin snaps back. "What?"

'_Oh, nothing. Don't pay attention to me.'_

"You were laughing too. I saw you."

'_I never made fun of her. Anyway, she can't see me.'_

"Lucky you. _'Gossip Ghost.'_"

Qui-Gon smiles.

'_X-O-X-O'_

Anakin has no idea what the ghost is talking about.

Just then, the door opens. Miss Di Pesto holds the door open for Jar-Jar. Anakin rises from his chair. He tries his best not to make eye-contact with his new secretary.

Jar-Jar enters with his usual enthusiasm, his eyes darting around the room looking for something new and interesting to look at or to touch, usually without permission. The Gungan is not a frequent visitor to the executive office. The visit is like a fun field trip for him. Anakin mutters to himself.

"Oh, sith!*"


	2. Chapter 2Just When Things Were Looking U

_Chapter 2AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_Just When Things Were Looking Up…'_

'_All the News That Miffs the Sith'_

'_Dinner at Eight and Don't Be Late'_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Good morning, Ani! Weesa been missin'yoosa here at Imperial headquarters. Officers missing you moouy mucho." He sees the coat lying across the sofa. "Oooh looky here. Yousa got new fab fall wardrobe. Coat must keepin' yousa cold heart warm. So soft too! Deesa hundred percent bantha cashmere? Yousa lucky yousa wife have bestest taste to select clothes for dishonorable hardheaded husband."

"What brings you up here this morning, Jar-Jar? I'm extremely busy."

Jar Jar looks at the empty desk and credenza.

"Busy? What you got beein' busy for? Yousa got no work to do. General 'nerf herdin' son-in-law saw to that while yousa out on sick leave. What kinda sickness you have anyway?"

"What?"

"Heesa say yousa office streamlined now. No more useless paperwork takin' up space in desk. General Solo say yousa head nice and empty just lika blank canvass. Yousa got him to thank for that."

"I will. Sit down and state your business."

"No needin' for beein' grumpy. Yousa startin' to sound like former evil emperor Palps. Sith off deesa old block. May God rest his old rickety soul."

Jar Jar bows his head solemnly. Anakin snaps back.

"He's not dead."

"Not yet."

"Stop taking up my time, Jar Jar. What's with this so-called important meeting?"

"Oh, meesa see yousa no time for cordial preamble chit-chat. Meesa get to point expeditiously-like." He sees Anakin stare him down and growing impatient. Jar Jar continues. "Okiday, Meesa needin' to bring to your attention important issue. The GSTM sent us a memo regardin' equipment and uniforms used by various trooper forces. Theysa findin' military armory not meetin' standards for combat."

"GSTM?"

"Galactic Standards for Testing and Materials."

"Oh, I knew that."

"Ahem…Sure you did, Ani. Anyways, meesa bringin' forms for yousa to sign. Also, heresa the union demands."

"What union demands?"

"Oh, General Solo forgettin' to tell yousa? All trooper corps voted to unionize while yousa home on protest bed rest. Vote was ratified unanimously. Heresa copy of contract and bylaws. "

"They can't unionize! This is the military!"

"Troopers technically not military. Theysa be clones."

Anakin scans down the list on the digital tablet. One could almost see his blood pulsing through his veins as his anger increases. Qui-Gon sits on the windowsill across the room with his arms folded.

'_Easy, Anakin. You knew this was coming.'_

"Not like this…"

Jar Jar thinks Anakin is speaking to him since there is no one else _'present'_.

"Yeesa, Ani, By galactic law yousa have to sign it." He points with his long Gungan index finger indicating the dotted line at the bottom. A bright red 'Post 'em' arrow is strategically affixed to the signature line. Anakin looks up from the document.

"Move your finger…please."

Anakin continues to read the contract. He tries to find a reason not to sign it. Meanwhile, Jar Jar taps on the desk, looking around for something to do. He wanders over to the bookshelf at all the family holographs and model starships. He notices Leia's stuffed Ewok and the various wedding holographs. An oddly familiar flat metal helmet rests on the top shelf to the left. The hollow of the small helmet has been soldered shut. Jar Jar can hear something rattling around inside. It sounds like bits of gravel and sand. He sniffs around the edges the holds it up to his mouth.

"Is theesa bein' crunchy candy dispenser?" He licks the bottom.

Anakin is still reading and does not respond. Jar Jar examines the metal object more carefully then begins nodding his head in a rhythmic motion. He uses the metal object like a shaker or tambourine.

"Hey, Ani, whatsa kinda instrument it be? Yousa findin' deesa on da beach of Yavin?"

Anakin is still reviewing the union contract. He casually glances across the room at Jar-jar. When he realizes what the nosy Gungan is shaking, he becomes incensed.

"Put that back!"

A startled Jar Jar fumbles and almost drops the domed and saucer-shaped object. The contents can be heard rattling inside.

"Meesa justa lookin' at the musical instruments. Meesa never knowing yousa like maracas."

"That's not a maraca! It's Watto's ashes. That's an urn, you idiot!"

"Oh! meesa so berry sowwy!" Jar Jar squeamishly tosses it back on the shelf. "Bleech!" He frantically scrapes his long tougue. Just the idea that he almost ingested the remains of the Toydarian junk shop owner cause him to lose his appetite…almost.

Qui-Gon is laughing.

'_Ah-ha-ha! Leave it to Jar Jar.'_

Anakin is not amused.

"Don't laugh. It's not funny."

Jar Jar walks over to the desk.

"Meesa not laughing."

" Meesa…I'm not talking to you." Anakin gets caught up in Jar jar lingo. He catches Qui-Gon laughing at him. Jar Jar is confused.

"Who yousa be talkin' to then, Ani?"

"Nothing. Forget it. So, what's with this contract? I'm looking through this thing and I just don't get it. What's the problem?"

"Union rep say troopers go on work stoppage bombastic big time if yousa don't meet demands."

"Excuse me??

"Yousa got to meet demands or yousa be without imperial S-Troop. If bombastic Clone Wars II break out everybody gonna blame you, Ani. Yousa got dissa paper before."

"Oh, I threw that away."

"Dissa second notice, Ani."

"Oh. They were serious about that?"

Qui-Gon is still sitting in the window. A view of the Jedi Temple is behind him. He leans back against the window frame.

'_Good going, Ani.'_ He says this mockingly and makes a 'thumbs up'.

Anakin rolls his eyes. He rubs his forehead and reads the document once more.

"So what's wrong with the equipment and uniforms? I think they look pretty bad ass."

"Ani, theysa not blaster-proof. What good be the armour iffa shots go straight through? And why most important part of dark lord's military got worst weapons? Thetsa needin' target practice too!"

"Okay, okay! I'm signing, I'm signing! Get out of my office! I've got to clear my head."

"That should take no time at all!"

"What did you say?"

"Meesa say Nuting." Jar Jar quickly snaps up the signed document and heads for the door.

There is a moment of silence in the office. Anakin is about to force-close the door when he remembers that his _'conscience'_ is still sitting in the window across the room. The dark lord releases a heavy sigh, barely glancing over at his spectral mentor. He leaves his desk and walks to the door. Anakin taps his fingers against the door as he prepares to utter some humbling words. He cowardly backs away and returns to his desk. After another heavy sigh, he presses the intercom.

"Miss Di Pesto, …"

"Yes, Mr. Skywalker?'

"Would you step into my office please?"

"Yes, sir."

The door opens and the timid but smiling secretary pokes her head in and waits. Anakin waves his hand for her to enter.

"Come in, Miss Di Pesto. Close the door, please."

"Yes, Sir."

"Have a seat."

"Okay."

"Uhm…I just want to say that I was wro….wro…ahem…ack…"

Anakin goes into a spastic coughing fit. Miss Di Pesto's eyes widen in horror as her new boss tries to speak. She grabs the silver water carafe from the coffee table. She takes a glass and fills it with water and hurries over to him. He stands and takes the glass and drinks. She takes the empty glass from him as he settles back into his chair.

"Are you alright, Mr. Skywalker?"

"I'm fine. Have a seat. I want to apologize for what you may have heard over the intercom. I did not intend to hurt your feelings. I was wro…wrong for saying anything that would offend you in any way. I hope you still want to work for me."

Agnes starts speaking at rapid-fire speed. Anakin sits stunned.

"Oh, yes, sir. Your wife told me I would need to be patient with you. She says you have a psychological need to instill fear in people to maintain control and sometimes it manifests itself into unwarranted mocking and insults of your intended victims but that there is good in you.."

"What?" His face puffs up like a Dagobah bullfrog. Miss Di Pesto quickly defuses the situation.

"Apology accepted, sir."

She smiles her cheery, bubbly smile and nervously backs her way out of his office. The door is still open.

"Miss Di Pesto…"

"Oh! Sorry." She returns to close the door. Anakin rests his head against the back of his chair and rubs his forehead. He remembers that he still has _'company'_ and turns towards the window where Qui-Gon sits. The Force-ghost has a big smirk on his face.

'_You said the 'W' word. I'm impressed. See, a nice humble apology never hurt anyone. Your wife is going to be so proud of you.'_

"She doesn't have to know."

'_So, what else is on our agenda today?'_

"_Our_ agenda?"

'_I could be your advisor…you know, help you make sound decisions.'_

"I don't need an advisor. I'm my advisor."

'_Yeah, that worked out well for you thirty-odd years ago.'_

"Don't you have any other former apprentices to haunt?"

'_I don't consider it 'haunting'. I consider myself something more of a life coach.'_

'A dead life coach…that's just great.'

_' And to answer your other question, my other apprentices are perfect and doing quite niclt these would be interested to know how your morning went with your new secretary…'_

"Fine! Now you're a blackmailing ghost. I have a board meeting with the Imperial commanders. I've had enough of this. I didn't think you would sink so low."

'_I've got nothing to lose.'_

"Let's go. My day can't get any worse."

The meeting is uneventful. It is long and boring lasting well past lunch. Governor Tarkin drones on about troop withdrawal on Geonosis while General Tagge returns from the buffet with a plate of roast shaak on a Corellian baguette and a side salad. Anakin never has much of an appetite during these sessions usually settles for Red Bimmisaari iced tea and a mixed fruit salad with yogurt. Qui-Gon amuses himself as he observes the men discussing military strategies over a cacophony of metal utensils, china, and gulps of hot and cold beverages.

The meeting concluded as a resounding success…which means no one was killed. Either Anakin's prescription meds are working well or the dark lord has grown used to the band of idiotic top brass. Qui-Gon was almost hoping someone would get out of step to justify a mild neck throttling. He even tried to instigate some turmoil just to rile up his former apprentice but Anakin does not take the bait. Between the meds and meditation sessions with Master Yoda, life with the Dark Lord has become relatively mundane. The officers file out of the conference room. Anakin is on his way back to his office. If this is all that is happening then his day is going better than he thought.

Miss Di Pesto is busily working the phones and typing memos. As soon as she sees him, she springs from her chair and follows him into his office.

"Oh, Mr. Skywalker….your wife called. She said you need to meet her after work for dinner."

"For dinner? Did she say why?"

"She just said to make sure you arrive on time It's at ..."

He cuts her off midsentence.

"The Les Galaxies de Coursaire."

"Uh…yes…how did you know?"

"I had a feeling."

"She's sending a suit here for you to change into. She wants you to look nice."

"Anything else?"

"She said to arrive with a good attitude. She said that you would know what that means."

"Fine, I'll take my meds."

"What was that, sir?"

"Nothing." He disappears in his office and force-closes the door. He does not reappear until his suit arrives. He changes in his private washroom. Qui-Gon sits on the vanity and watches as Anakin looks in the mirror to adjust the black silk bowtie. The ghost smiles wistfully.

'_Wow, you sure clean up good. Your wife hooks you up with cool threads.'_

"That, she does."

'_If I were alive, I would dress up like that.'_

"Hmm..humm."

'_I would!'_

Anakin tugs at the cuffs of his freshly laundered white dress shirt. The platinum Imperial cufflinks show just below the sleeve of his black dinner jacket. He checks himself once more in the mirror. Qui-Gon smiles, and then makes a sound like that of a drop of water onto a hot skillet.

'_Sizzzzz. You are smokin'!'_ He quickly realizes what he has just said and ponders if this is the most appropriate thing to say to the Dark Lord. _'Opps…uh…you know what I mean.'_

"I sure do…wiseass."

It has been over three decades since that fateful moment on the lava banks of Mustafar. Qui-Gon

Is actually 'testing' the waters to see if this is still a sore issue for the man in black. After all, that nonsense about Obi-Wan inadvertently doing a chop shop number on him was just a bad dream. Anakin pretends he does not hear the remark. He reaches for the doorknob to exit the washroom.

"Ok, let's roll."

They leave his office stopping briefly to address Miss Di Pesto on the way. She gushes when she sees her new boss.

"Oh, gee, Mr. Skywalker, how handsome you look. I mean, you're already handsome but you look so debonair."

"Are you saying that I look like a slob the rest of the time?"

"Oh! No, no…I…"

Anakin flashes a smile and very calmly leans across the desk.

"I'm teasing, Miss. Di Pesto. Thank you for the compliment."

"Oh." She giggles. "You're welcome."

"See you in the morning, Miss Di Pesto."

"Okey-Dokey!"

He stops for a moment then decides not to respond. He walks out and heads for the executive elevator. As he steps inside the elevator he begins to feel that something big is about to happen tonight. An Imperial elevator operator stands at the display panel. He acknowledges the Dark Lord boarding.

"Lobby, my Lord?"

"Yes."

Qui-Gon stands beside Anakin with his hands folded in front of his heavenly robe. The Force Ghost can no longer hold the laughter emanating from his non-corporeal form. His cheeks puff up and he lets out a snort .He mimic's the elevator operator's servitude.

'_Will that be the Imperial lobby, my Lord? Ha! Isn't that a bit much, Ani?'_

Anakin tries to ignore him. Qui-Gon tries again.

'_Can we stop at the Imperial PX so I can grab a dinner jacket for myself? I'm joking. No need to stop the elevator for me.'_

Anakin looks up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes in an attempt to ignore the ghost. Finally, he breaks into a wide smile. The trooper glances over at him. They are the only two people inside the elevator.

Once the elevator reaches the ground floor, Anakin quickly steps out and walks across the lobby floor pass the glass doors. Several Imperial naval officers salute him as well as the stormtroopers standing by the door. He and Qui-Gon are on the Imperial Plaza outside. He scolds his former mentor.

"Don't ever do that again."

Qui-Gon looks at his former protégé.

'_What?'_

"Don't play dumb."

'_Lighten up. Ani. We're going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. This is going to be a night to remember.'_

"Says you."

Anakin, for some reason has grave doubts about this evening. The medication he takes has adverse side effects. It dulls his senses and he finds it difficult to read people through the Force. This is just the way his wife likes it because it keeps him in check. Tonight he is in for a bumpy ride.


	3. Chapter 3Dinner At Eight and Don't Be La

_Chapter 3AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_Dinner at Eight and Don't Be Late'_

'_All the News That Miffs the Sith'_

'_The Great Announcement'_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

The drive to Les Galaxies de Coursaire restaurant takes less than fifteen minutes during the evening rush. He hands the data card from his speeder to the valet and walks inside the restaurant. A greeter escorts him to the maître'd who greets him with great enthusiasm and reverence.

"Ah! Bienvenue, Monsieur Skywalker. So good to see you. My, how dashing you look."

Anakin barely makes eye contact with the eager-to-please host.

"Good evening, Pierre. Am I early?"

"You are just in time! You are never late, Monsieur. It is an honor to serve one of our finest clients. I have the best table for you and your family. It is a window table with a view of the city. It is a spectacular night. You can see every star and planet in the Core World Sector."

Pierre leads Anakin into the VIP section of the dining room and snaps his finger. A thin gentleman quickly appears at the ready. The maître'd barks orders to impress the Dark Lord.

"Jean-Claude! I want everything perfect. Mr. Skywalker is here. Don't disappoint."

"Qui, Monsieur."

The maître'd continues to fawn over the arrival of the Dark Lord. Anakin was hoping to keep a low profile. The other patrons turn as his name is mentioned repeatedly. This is somewhat embarrassing as he approaches his table. As he looks around the table, he has an unsettling feeling. Everyone looks too damned happy. He remembers that Qui-Gon is with him. The Force Ghost primps himself and smoothes his robe. Anakin catches him from the corner of his eye. Qui-Gon looks back at him while taking in the surroundings.

'_Hey, this is a class place; I just wanted to look good like everyone else.'_

'You don't look like everyone else. They can't see you; what do you care?"

'_I still take pride in my appearance…even if I am only made up of holo-vapors.'_

"Whose fault is that?"

'_That decrepit old former Emperor father of yours pitting me against that red menace.'_

"Hey, play the game, share the blame."

'_Touché. You're all heart.'_

Pierre pops up in front of Anakin. Anakin and Qui-Gon are startled. The maître'd starts talking.

"Monsieur Skywalker, permit me." He pulls out a chair.

Qui-Gon blurts aloud.

'_Holy Sith! He scared the crap out of me!'_

Anakin tries not to laugh, shocked that the revered Force Ghost startles so easily.

"Now you know what it's like to pop up on the living." He continues smiling but it quickly fades as he sees who is at the table He has forgotten that when his wife said _'family'_ she meant the _'in-laws'_ Professor James Solo, Sabrina Solo, and that ne'er-do-well son-in-law. Anakin tries to force that charming smile again.

Solo stands and extends his hand for a hearty handshake with Anakin. The suave, retired professor and former undercover agent gives Anakin a slap on the back. If he had slapped Anakin any harder, the dark lord would have coughed up the fruit salad he had earlier.

"Skywalker, good to see you, you old bastard. Glad you could make it."

Anakin maintains his composure.

"Professor. It must be a special occasion. Look who's here." He makes his way around the table. Mrs. Solo gives him one of her celebrity-style air-kisses. She is dressed to the nines. A tiara adorns her upswept hair.

"Anakin, darling. How lovely to see you."

"Good to see you too. You look fabulous as always. Going to a coronation after dinner."

Sabrina laughs.

"Oh, Anakin, you're such a droll fellow. I love you for it."

He ignores Han before returning to his seat. He kisses Isabel before sitting. "Hello, honey. You look gorgeous."

"Hi, sweetie. You look very handsome tonight."

"Thanks."

She gently touches his face then looks across the table. "Anakin, did you see Han?"

Anakin purses his lips then stares at Han.

"Yeah." Han waits for Anakin to greet him; instead, Anakin asks a question of which he already knows the answer. "I didn't see you at the meeting today in the boardroom, Han."

"Oh, I slipped out a bit early."

"Well, if all of my officers left early, the safety of the galaxy would be in peril."

"It will never be in peril with you in charge, sir."

"No. No, it would not."

"Anyway, I had to take a call and then I wanted to be on time for dinner."

"No one wants that. Where's Leia?"

Leia appears at the table. The waiter hurries to pull out her chair.

"Here I am, Dad."

Anakin leaves his chair to walk around the table to give his daughter a kiss on the cheek. Leia looks into her father's eyes.

"What is it, Daddy?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just glad to see my angel."

The frantic waiter hurries to seat Anakin as he returns to his chair. The sommelier walks over.

"Bon Soir, Monsieur Skywalker. May I bring you a cocktail, wine perhaps?"

"Not just yet. I need to get some food in me."

This is true. He remembers that the medication he took earlier is still coursing through his veins. He cannot drink alcohol until he has some food in his stomach. If he had the constitution the likes of Obi-Wan, this would not be an issue. That Jedi Master has a cast iron stomach with a liver to match.

The first course is served once everyone is settled. There is small talk going on at the table. Anakin knows something is up. Everyone is so nice and getting along splendidly. Anakin's suspicions grow by the minute. This must be an intervention. Did someone blab on him about the new secretary? By the time the fourth course is served, James Solo leans back in his chair.

"Well, I think we ought to share the good news with Anakin."

Anakin dabs his mouth with the linen napkin.

"What's the news? You moving back to Corellia?"

"Oh, no,no,no. It's better news than that. If anything, we're going to spend more time here than before."

Han and Leia regard one another, smiling sheepishly and holding hands. Professor Solo whispers to the waiter to summon the sommelier.

"Wait, wait. This event calls for a special champagne and then we'll have dessert."

The sommelier circulates the table pouring champagne. A team of waiters serves dessert. Anakin is about to stick his dessert fork into a slice of decadently rich Naboo chocolate torte when Han and Leia announce their news.

"Daddy, you're going to be a grandfather."

Anakin's eyes dart around the table. Suddenly, he raises his hand as if to summon a waiter.

"Check please!"

Isabel grabs his arm and quickly lowers it. Qui-Gon looks around.

'_Oh this is going to be good. It's high time you two kids started a family.'_

Leia sees Qui-Gon and squints with contempt in her eyes. Han is not sure why the expression on her face has changed.

Anakin gives Han an icy stare from across the table. Isabel tries to calm her husband by caressing his back. Professor Solo stands and proposes a toast. He raises his champagne flute.

"I propose a toast! This delightful young couple has never disappointed us. I believe Anakin would agree with me." He looks to Anakin who stubbornly remains seated. Isabel urges him out of his chair.

Anakin stands then picks up his glass. His remarks are less than celebratory.

"Yes. What a day for a celebration! These two are full of surprises." He glares at the couple.

Han's father interjects.

"It is indeed a fine day to celebrate. The Solo and Skywalker family is guaranteed to carry on through the next generation and then some." He hugs his son and kisses Leia. "This is splendid; just splendid!" He turns and gives Anakin another slap on the back. Anakin rolls his eyes then decides he has something else to say. He looks at his daughter.

"Are you happy, sweet pea?"

"Of course, Daddy."

"Well, I guess there's nothing else to say but congratulations."

Professor Solo decides to speak again. He displays his one-upmanship over the dark lord.

"If I can just say a few more words…I must confess this is the happiest moment in my life. We are truly blessed today. Anakin, Isabel, looks like we are a true family now. Leia, your old man and I are going to celebrate with these two cigars I bought just for an occasion such as this one." He presents two cigars he had purchased from the restaurant humidor shortly after arriving.

Anakin remains quiet. He forces a gleaming, toothy smile as thoughts of this moment run through his head. He proposes his own silent _'toast'_.

'_Double-O sidewinder, wife-mauler, cigar-chomping, martini-drinking, showboating rat bastard in-law. Here's to your son, the cradle-robbing, smart-mouth, nerfherder rat-bastard, junior, who deflowered my little girl even if it happened years ago.'_

Anakin remains standing as Professor Solo speaks. He decides it is time to be conciliatory and become as one with the Solos. He brings the champagne flute to his lips when Leia decides to speak. She gestures for her father to wait.

"Oh, wait, Daddy, there's more."

Qui-Gon sits on the empty dessert cart eager to bear witness to the next bit of news. Anakin looks at her.

"There's more?"

Han and Leia join hands and look into each other's eyes once more.

"Yes. We wanted to save the best for last since you were the last to arrive. Well, here it is. Han and I are having twins!"

Everyone around the table rejoices. The clinking sound of champagne flutes and congratulatory comments fill the table. Leia is about to take a sip of the Rodia soda from her champagne flute when there is a loud crash. Pierre hurries over with two waiters. He hastily snatches a napkin from a patron at another table. There is much commotion. Pierre is frantic.

Call a paramedic! Call 911, EMT! Sacre Bleu! C'est fini! Mon Dieu!" He whispers frantically to Jean Claude. My life is ruined!"

Leia shouts to Han.

"Water! Will you please get a glass of water, Han?"

_To be continued…_


	4. Chapter 4 The Vapors, The Vader

_Chapter 4AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_The Great-Great Ten Times Removed Chapter'_

'_The Vapors-The Vader' _

'_Our Father of Perpetual Self Pity'_

'_Lost Highway'_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

The sommelier works his way around the table. The maître'd and waiter stays close by. Pierre wrings his hands anxiously.

." This is horrible for business if he dies!" He tips his head close to Jean Claude and whispers. 'Go to my office and get my lawyer on the line."

Several minutes later, the two families are in a private smoking room and bar. Professor Solo stops at the bar. The bartender lights his cigar. Professor Solo takes a puff and watches the commotion. Sabrina Solo stands with her husband. She is wearing her long black evening gloves. A jeweled pearl cuff bracelet adorns each wrist.

"Is he coming around yet, darling?"

"I'm not sure."

Leia meanwhile kneels at her father's side. Han stands close by with the glass of water in one hand and his other hand in his pants pocket. Leia squeezes her father's hand and slaps his face to bring him around.

"Daddy? Daddy? Wake up."

Han takes a sip from the glass then remembers why he has it.

"Did you still need this?"

Leia rolls her eyes.

One of the waiters hands Isabel a bar towel filled with ice. Isabel applies it to the back of Anakin's head. Another waiter walks over and hands the professor and his wife each a fresh martini.

"Thank you."

The waiter bows as the professor offers him a tip.

"Merci, Monsieur."

Sabrina Solo touches her husband's arm. She smiles blissfully.

"This isn't so bad after all. Darling, did I tell you how divinely and utterly happy I am?"

"Yes. Yes, you did."

"How is your martini, darling?"

"Perfect. Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred. We must come here more often; not just for special occasions." She has a cigarette holder in one hand and her drink in another. She eats one of the skewered olives. They look over at Anakin. He is still unconscious. Sabrina nods her head thoughtfully.

"He should see someone about his fainting spells, poor, poor man."

Isabel smoothes her husband's forehead as he lies on the velvet sofa.

"Anakin, sweetie, wake up."

Han drinks some more water then looks down at his father-in-law.

"He's not waking up." More people enter the room. It is the Coruscant EMT. They are a bit distracted.

." Is this the guy? What happened?"

"He fell."

"On the sidewalk?"

"No! He fell here in the restaurant."

Pierre blurts out to the paramedics, "I wasn't my fault!"

Han walks over to the bar to get a drink. The paramedic standing closest to Anakin looks addresses his partner.

"Hey, Doc, doesn't he look familiar?"

The other paramedic steps in for a closer look.

"Oh yeah, he's…what's his name…." He snaps his fingers. "He's the dude in the news all the time."

"Oh yeah…the crazy dude choked that Admiral several years ago." They notice Leia giving them a dirty look. "Okay, Bosco, hand me the medic bag."

"I thought you brought it."

"When I drive, you get the bag, remember?"

"My bad. Be right back."

"Wait, I'll go with you. We might need the gurney."

While the paramedics are away, Han returns holding a glass of ale.

"He hasn't wakened up yet? Did the paramedics check his pupils? If they're fixed and dilated, he could be in a coma or worse."

Leia snaps at him.

"Han, he's not dead; he just fainted."

"He's been out cold for several minutes, that's all I'm saying. I can't get over how peaceful he looks."

Leia ignores him. The paramedics return. Doc digs into his black medic's bag and pulls out something. He waves some smelling salts under Anakin's nose. There is no response. Doc speaks without looking up at anyone.

"He could have a concussion. Perhaps we should take him to the hospital as a precaution."

Isabel stands.

"I'll get my coat."

Doc extends his hand.

"Bosco, hand me a head immobilizer."

Leia turns to Doc. "Are you sure that's necessary? He usually comes around after a few minutes."

Professor Solo walks over. He removes the cigar from his mouth.

"He's going to wake up with a whopper of a headache."

Han smirks.

"Hell of an evening he's had. Is that contraption strong enough to hold him?"

"Bosco, let's move him onto the gurney. We'll take him in for observation.

The paramedics transfer Anakin onto the gurney with a backboard. They secure the head immobilizer and tighten the head blocks. Bosco hoists the gurney into an upright position to maneuver it through the doorway of the smoking room. Han purses his lips to keep from laughing. He follows Leia and Isabel through the door. Han cannot stay silent. He affects a creepy voice.

"Hello, Clarice."

Leia turns.

"Who?"

"Nothing. It's just a joke.

Leia warns him.

"Remember the last time you did that you lived to regret it."

"I think we should wheel him around outside for a few hours. The night air might be good for him."

Leia giggles.

"Han, stop. Come on, this is serious."

"Who's going to ride with him to the emergency room?"

Isabel announces that she will go. Professor Solo volunteers as well. Han makes a suggestion.

"You know what, Dad? Maybe you and mother should take Leia home. I'll go along in the ambulance."

"But Junior, your speeder is parked outside."

"Oh yeah. Let's do this; Mother, you drive Leia home. Dad, you take my speeder. Well pick up Mr. 'S's" speeder in the morning."

Isabel and Han step into the back of the ambulance with Doc. Bosco steps into the drivers' seat. The doors are closed for just a few minutes when a commotion erupts. Passersby on their way to the theatre watch as the vehicle swerves and rocks violently. You can hear Han's screaming voice from inside. The Dark Lord is awake. Isabel yells at him.

"Anakin, stop it! He's trying to help."

Inside the patient compartment, Han is in the far corner near the medical supply cart. Rolls of gauze and antiseptic packets shower his head. He gasps for air as he holds his hand to his throat. Beads of sweat appear on his forehead. Doc the paramedic is holding onto the side rail along the wall. Isabel is close to the Anakin. Bosco attempts to regain control of the vehicle. The siren on the top of the wagon is flashing. Doc steadies himself and makes his way over to gurney. Anakin, who is too embarrassed to make eye contact with his wife, places his hands over his face. Doc places an oxygen mask on Anakin. The siren sounds and the ambulance is enroute to the hospital. Anakin is in for a bumpy ride and a scolding.

'_Our Father of Perpetual Self Pity'_

The next morning Leia visits him. She stands at the foot of his hospital bed.

"Hi, Daddy."

Anakin looks dejected. He does not respond. Leia continues.

"Daddy, what's with you and Han? One moment he's the best son-in-law you've ever had, then the next minute, you're trying to kill him."

"I don't know what you're talking about. He started it."

"He did not. You walked into that restaurant with an attitude."

"I was hurt."

"Hurt? About what?" She shakes her head. I know…Never mind."

Anakin points an accusing finger at her.

"You told that snake of a father of his but you couldn't tell me?"

"It slipped out before you arrived. Han and I intended to tell you. We planned to announce the news to all of you at the same time. I'm sorry."

"I felt like an outsider."

"But I'm naming one of the babies after you."

"No. That's not necessary."

"But I want to."

"I forbid you. I don't want people to think you're referring to me when you start talking about potty training and learning how to read."

"I'm sure people will be able to distinguish the two of you. One will be a bundle of joy and the other will be a well-loved spoiled baby."

"I rest my case."

"Oh, Daddy, you're behaving like a…okay, fine! We'll pick another name."

"I hope you don't name it after that father-in-law of yours. I would be highly insulted."

"I promise, Daddy."

"Thank you. You know, I have never asked any more of my children than they could handle. All I have every wanted from any of you was your love and devotion."

Leia rolls her eyes and mutters to herself. "Oh, here we go again."

"But, noooo…You kids look for ways to break my heart."

"Oh, Daddy, please!"

You torment me. All six of you." He counts on his fingers to make sure. "That's right."

"Any you know what you are, you're a tyrant! That's what you are!"

"Really? Who went to all of your dance recitals and plays from the time you were in pre-school. Who taught your brother to ride a speeder? Who paid for your vacations? Hell, I never got a spring break when I was a Jedi. Who spent 15 years as a stay at home father? Who sacrificed his life of happiness for you?"

"It wasn't 15 years. You went back to work doing whatever it was that you did downtown. Don't go playing the long suffering father…"

Anakin sees someone in the doorway poke their head in quickly then gingerly attempting to pass his hospital room. Anakin cuts Leia off mid-sentence and yells for the would-be visitor to come back.

"I know you're there! Get in here!"

Luke enters the room but prefers to stay close to the door.

"Hey, Dad. How are you doing? I heard you had a bit of a fall."

"Don't disrespect me by standing near the doorway. Come over here and talk to me."

Luke walks over to the hospital bed.

"So…how are you feeling?"

"Betrayed. Did you know your sister is knocked up?"

A silly smile creeps across his face as he looks over at his sister.

"Dad, she's a married woman."

"Don't change the subject. Who else knew?"

"Uhm…"

Anakin senses a conspiracy.

"I thought so. Everybody knew but me!" He waves his arms wildly. Luke almost laughs and covers his mouth. Leia rolls her eyes. Someone else is outside his room. This person attempts to speed pass too. The Dark Lord is onto them. "I know you're out there…get in here!"

Alex pokes his head in the doorway. Li-An is close behind shoving him.

"Go on in."

"No! You go first!"

"Age before awesomeness."

"As if."

Anakin looks towards the door.

"I'm waiting."

The two bothers walks into the room. Li-An carries a folder under his arm. He is in medical school. He is wearing a white coat. A stethoscope hangs out of the left pocket. Alex is dressed quite differently. He wears a grey t-shirt emblazoned with a blue Jedi emblem and a pair of faded Jedi Jeans. This is typical attire for a teenager. Anakin gives him a once-over.

"Your mother and I buy good clothes for you and you show up here in a t-shirt and torn jeans?"

"It's the style, Dad."

"Yeah, for working in an Utapaun quarry."

Alex smiles stupidly. Anakin points to the doorway. He hears two female voices outside.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your groupies?"

"Well…I thought that you wanted a private visit…you know…with just us kids." Alex hesitates for a moment then leaves the room. There is giggling in the corridor. Alex seems to be in negotiations to get his 'guests' to enter the room. Alex returns with two girls trailing behind him. They are around the same age as Alex. One is a petite blonde wearing tight jean, torn in provocative places, a pink tank top cut above the waist. Exposing a pierced naval. The other teen is a brunette with too much mascara around her beautiful violet-blue eyes. There are no piercings but her clothing is equally revealing. Anakin recognize them immediately. They wave coyly knowing they are due for a lecture.

"Hello, Mr. Skywalker."

"Hi, Mr. Skywalker." We're glad you're feeling better."

"Ladies. Miss Halcyon. Miss Shan. You girls on some sort of diet?"

"What?"

"You've got your belly stapled"

Alex blushes.

"Dad!"

"You young ladies should put on some clothes before you wind up in hospital like me."

"Yes, sir."

"I'd like to have a few words with my children. Why don't you wait outside for a moment?"

The two girls giving Alex a sly wink before they leave the room. Two more voices can be heard outside the room. One male youngling and a slightly older female voice bicker with each other.

"Hurry up. You're not supposed to ride that in here."

"I'm coming! Okay? Geez!"

Kris, the youngest Skywalker sibling enters the room He does a heel drag with his air surfer board until it flips vertically the parks it behind the closet chair. He is wearing his ivory Jedi robe over a Tusken Rayders t-shirt and cargo shorts. Ana-Lena is close behind, nudging him. She is wearing her school uniform Anakin remembers what Qui-Gon said about her skirt. Anakin watches as she enters his room.

Kris goes to his father's beside and kisses him. Anakin melts when he sees the boy on the threshold of adolescence. This is his last hope. Anakin reaches up and runs his fingers through the boy's wispy golden locks.

"You know there's a barber shop on the mezzanine in the Jedi Temple." He raises one eyebrow as he looks at Ana-Lena. "Hello, Missy."

"Hi, Daddy. I love you." She kisses him.

"Hello, sweet pea Junior. Hand me that blanket in the closet behind you."

"Sure." She walks over to the closet and reaches for the blanket. Leia purses her lips as she watches her father check out the back of Ana-Lena's skirt. At least it is not a thong. Leia knows her father would be angry if it were. Ana-Lena returns to his bedside. "Are you cold, Daddy?" She unfolds the blanket. He takes it from her.

"Why don't you have a seat, sweet pea? Sit close to me…" She sits in the hospital armchair. He gestures for her to move in closer. "I haven't seen you in awhile. Move in closer…closer." She is sitting as close as she can as the chair stops at the metal frame of the bed.

"Is this close enough, Daddy?"

"Perfect." He presses a button on his bed to sitting position. He snaps open the blanket and tosses it across her lap. Leia smiles and turns away. She pretends to smooth her hair. Ana-Lena stares at her father.

"I'm not cold, Daddy."

"I know but it's going to be a cold day on Tatooine before you walk around in that skirt again."

"Oh, Daddy, you're so old fashioned."

"I'm helping you to preserve your modesty."

Like gives his baby sister a reassuring wink. Kris glances up at the I.V. drip attached to his father's arm."

"Are you dying, Dad?"

Leia chimes in.

"He wants us to believe he is…faker."

Anakin is offended.

"I am not a faker. I could have been killed last night."

Kris rolls his eyes

"Awwwh…maaan…here we go again."

Anakin barks back at them.

"A little bit of me dies each day when you kids disappoint me."

Luke tries to reason with his father.

"Oh, come on, Dad…that's not true."

Leia interrupts.

"Oh, Daddy, please! You're so full of drama. Yes, I said it! Drama! Every time you don't get your way, you have to create drama. Well let me break some news for you. Everything can't go your way!"

A nurse storms into the room. She is wearing purple scrubs and a colorful print nurses' smock. Her hospital I.D badge is clipped to the left breast pocket. Her name, Shirley V. McQueen, R.N, .is printed in bold letters below her holophoto.

"Is there a problem? What's all the yelling? Who are all these people?"

Anakin feigns the persecuted sick father. He lifts his right arm as if he is too weak to move and points around the room.

"These are my ungrateful kids."

The heavy-set nurse listens to the accusations bounce back and forth as if watching a plasma tennis match. Leia continues to yell at him.

"Let me tell you something, Mister. It hasn't been heaven for us either! You took what was supposed to be a joyous occasion for Han and me and turn it into a dramatic pity party for you!"

Luke chimes in but tries to be diplomatic.

"Dad, you don't always make things easy for us. We love you but sometimes you can be a bit heavy-handed and demanding."

The nurse turns to Anakin with her hands on her ample hips.

"He's got a point. You've been here less than 24 hours and you rang the nurses' station at least nine times."

Anakin looks at the nurse.

"Do you mind?"

Li-An has something to add to this remark.

"Dad, you need to chill. We can't be expected to be perfect all the time."

Ana-Lena is still in the chair.

"Yeah, and I should be allowed to date."

Anakin points his finger as he barks back at his daughter.

"You're too young to date! I'm calling that school about your uniform, young lady."

"If you humiliate me, I'll never speak to you again!"

"You children are so selfish." He starts to hyperventilate.

The nurse checks his pulse.

"Mr. Skywalker, do you want me to ask them to leave?"

Leia is angry.

"What? After we stopped what we were doing to come visit you?"

Anakin is hurt…or at least pretends to be.

"I have nothing more to say to any of you!"

Kris looks at Leia.

"What did I do?"

Leia embraces her little brother and rubs his head.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

The nurse takes Anakin's blood pressure.

"Woo, Mr. Skywalker. Your blood pressure is way too high, child! You want me to send them home?"

Anakin sinks back onto his pillow. In a small, pitiful voice, he turns to his nurse.

"I just want everyone to get along."

Nurse Shirley V. McQueen shoos the Skywalker brood out of the room as if rounding up ducks in a barnyard.

Alright! That's it! You heard your father. Everybody out…out! Take those two skinny girls roaming the break room with you. This poor man needs his rest."

The twins and their siblings file out of the room. Kris grabs his air surfer board. Ana-Lena takes the thermal blanket and tosses it on her father's bed.

The room is now quiet. Nurse McQueen returns.

"You happy now?"

"Aren't they great?" He beams with pride.

She smoothes out the sheets on his bed, opens the crumpled blanket, and lays it over the sheet. She tucks him in and pulls up the side rails. She seems disinterested in what he has to say.

"Uhm-hum."

"Wow, this is snug." Anakin can barely move under the covers. He smiles.

Nurse McQueen adjusts the I.V. drip then moves the chair away from the bed. She fluffs his pillow then folds her arms.

"You know what?"

"What's that, Shirley?"

"You need to move your ass up out of this bed and go home. We've got real patients to tend to."

"I thought you felt my pain."

"Shut up, you ain't sick. Those children love you and all you did was complain. I bet they're the best thing to happen to you. I feel sorry for your wife, puttin' up with your nonsense."

"My wife loves me."

"Bless her heart. I've got to go check on some sick people. Don't ring the nurses' station."

She leaves the room.

About an hour later, Isabel arrives. She tosses a black leather duffle bag onto the bed. He catches it before it hits him.

"Get out of bed and get dressed."

"What's this?"

"It's called clothes." She lowers the side rail.

"But I haven't seen the doctor yet. He's going to see how I'm doing."

"He doesn't need to see you. I met with him before I came in here."

"What did he say?"

"You're being discharged."

"But…my concussion."

"You want me to pull you out of this bed?"

"There is a six-second stand-off. Anakin throws off the blankets and swings his legs around sits upright. Nurse Shirley returns to remove the I.V. drip. No longer 'tethered,' he snatches the black duffle and disappears into the bathroom to shower and shave. He slips into a pair of black trousers and a long-sleeved white polo shirt and blazer. An orderly arrives with a wheelchair. Anakin looks at his wife and laughs.

"What's all this?"

"Get in the chair, Anakin."

"No."

The orderly is a big fellow. The tall and slender Dark Lord standing along side the hulk of a man comically resembles the number 10. The big figure has a voice to match. When Anakin refuses to be wheeled out, the orderly takes charge.

"The lady is asking you to get in the chair."

"It was more of a command. I'm not used to people telling me what to…"

The orderly cuts him off mid-sentence.

"Man, get in the damn chair!"

Anakin sulks then lowers himself in the wheelchair.

Anakin and Isabel do not say much to one another during the drive home. He wants to say something about her driving his speeder but decides against it.

She stops the speeder halfway across town. She turns to her husband.

"This is where you get out."

Anakin is confused.

"What?"

"You're getting out right here."

"But I'm supposed to go straight home for bed rest."

"No, you're not coming home with me to whine and feel sorry for yourself."

"Where am I supposed to go?" He knows he can use his Force powers to overtake her but he decides against doing so.

"That's up to you. It's a nice day. Go for a walk and rethink your life."

"Isabel, this is not right."

"I'll see you for dinner."

Anakin steps out of the speeder and watches as Isabel drives away. He looks up the speedway. He can see the Imperial Headquarters in the distance. Going there is not an option. He would have to spend the rest of the day with Miss Di Pesto. He looks in the opposite direction. He could pay a visit to the Jedi Temple but that would be too humiliating. Everyone is always busy there anyway. Yoda would give him a lecture and then start counseling him. He stops in a nearby Biscuit Baron Quicki-Mart then grabs the next available speeder taxi and heads uptown.

The twenty-minute ride ends on a quiet street. He pays the fare, which comes to eighteen credits. The same taxi ride used to cost twelve credits a decade ago. Inflation is everywhere, especially the Core Worlds.

He gets out of the taxi and heads up the walkway. At least someone will be happy to see him. Moreover, he will not be judged.

He lifts his gloved hand, presses the doorbell and waits for a friendly face.

_To be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5 PTSD

_Chapter 5AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_The Great-Great Granddaddy of All Chapters'_

'_PTSD: Post Traumatic Sith Disorder'_

'_You Can Go Home Again…It's Just a Suggestion'_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

There is a pair of red gardening clogs on the step of the entryway. Some gardening tools and a zephyr lily in a terracotta pot, half-filled with soil, lay nearby. Anakin does not remember any gardening going on except for the landscaping service that tends to the lawns in the retirement community. He should know. He is the one footing the bill for this over-priced senior housing. The residents do their own gardening. It is supposed to be therapeutic. He presses the doorbell once more.

A few moments pass. There is no answer. Anakin walks to the side of the one story house to look in the window. He wonders where the old coot could be, certainly not at the Shady Acres Retirement Facility. The old man is banned from the Shady Acres Senior Community Center. There was some incident concerning a canasta game gone badly.

Anakin feels someone watching him from the sidewalk.

A thin elderly man of average height, sporting a black windbreaker cruises by on his turbo-walker. The waistband of his khaki pants come up to his midsection. He wears a plaid shirt decorated with medals he had earned while serving in the Imperial Starfleet. He wears the signature black hat. It shows signs of wear and tear but it is clean. A platinum Starfleet pin attached to the crown indicates his rank as ensign. A sudden breeze blows wisps of his white hair away from his forehead.

The two men regard one another briefly. It is not that Anakin jars his memory of the old days with the Empire; he just looks suspicious.

The man pushing the turbo-walker is a member of the Shady Acres Senior Neighborhood Watch committee. Anakin could be a criminal for all he knew. All the telltale signs are there: Anakin is wearing a pair of black leather gloves and the flowing black coat most likely has hidden pockets in the lining to hide stolen valuables. On the other hand, the former naval officer's eyesight has deteriorated over the years. Had his sight been better, he would have immediately recognized the stranger as the Dark Lord traipsing across the lawn and crouching near the azalea bushes.

A whistle hangs from the elderly man's wrinkled neck. If the tall man peeking in the window is up to no good, it was okay with him. He hates the owner of the house. Perhaps the gloved intruder will kill the old bastard in his sleep. The old navy veteran continues on his way uttering an angry but barely audible _"Humph!"_

Anakin watches as the elderly man continues up the street. He decides that he cannot see anything through the living room window so he tiptoes back across the lawn to the front door. Anakin steps over an old sign in the grass that says 'Beware of Attack Dog'. The sign had been a great source of amusement for the entire Skywalker family. The dog slept most of the day. For kicks, Anakin would bring Skippy along to chase the yapping _'rag mop'_ through the house.

Anakin digs into his wallet, pulls out an emergency card key, and inserts it into the data reader. The door opens from inside before he can turn the knob.

"Anakin? What are you doing here?" Old man Palpatine holds the door ajar.

Anakin inches forward.

"Oh, well…I thought I'd stop by to pay you a visit. I brought your favorite ice cream, chocolate cherry starship."

He holds up the white insulated freezer bag bearing the Biscuit Baron logo. The old man seems genuinely surprised to see Anakin. He repeats his question.

"Uhm…What are you doing here? Why didn't you call?"

Anakin look up and down the street. He tries to step inside the house.

"I wanted to surprise you, you silly old man." Anakin chuckles softly then steps across the threshold before the old man can hold him back. As Anakin invites himself inside, he notices that the foyer is illuminated with candles. Anakin thinks this is odd because it is early in the afternoon. He looks at his father who is wearing a disheveled velvet robe.

"What's going on?" Anakin hands the old man the bag containing the ice cream and looks around. Palpatine sets the bag on the console table. He notices a straw gardening hat on a wooden chair beside the table. "Nice hat."

He passes a 32-inch high marble Corellian column. Something sits on the beveled surface. Anakin winces at the stuffed remains of Palpatine's loyal canine companion 'Ms. Maulie.' A diamond-encrusted pink ribbon barrette is attached to a tuft of fur on the dogs head.' A 5'x7'frame, embedded in the front of the platform, shows a holovid of the pet during various moments in life. An engraved titanium plaque reads, _'Good Golly, Ms. Maulie – R.I.P'. _

Maulies' _'passing'_ the year before was a devastating loss for old Palps. The former Emperor was genuinely heartbroken by the demise of his canine companion. Maulie was the only thing that kept him from returning to the dark side according to Old Palps. Maulie was his salvation dog. Now Anakin knows where the $3000 credits went that Palpatine begged for so relentlessly. He told Anakin it was for _'essentials. '_

That horrendous custom-designed monument allowed the user to pose the pooch like a doll…only creepier_. 'Preservation Maulie'_ can be adjusted into four different positions. Today's pose is sitting with head tilted sideways. The glass eyes seem to follow you wherever you go. Anakin passes the monument with caution.

Anakin continues his casual stroll through the foyer. He is about to make a right turn into the living room. Palpatine blocks the entrance. Anakin is puzzled by Palpatine's odd behavior but also amused.

"You're not stirring up some Sith mischief, are you?" Anakin winks.

The old Sith seems unusually nervous and defensive.

"No!...no….nothing like that. Ahem…" He appears distracted. An awkward smile creeps across his face. Anakin keeps talking as they stand in the foyer.

"Good. Because you have no idea what a crappy last 24 hours I've had…and then I got a concussion to boot." He wrinkles his nose at the burning candles and patchouli incense wafting through the air. He pays a bit more attention to his father's appearance. The old Sith is usually impeccably dressed. "You look a mess. Are you sick?" He feels Palpatine's forehead for fever the turns to look at the candle. "… and what's with the candles and incense? Is there no power in this house?" He starts to wave his had to flick on the foyer light switch. Palpatine impulsively grabs Anakin's hand and lowers it.

"Now, now…that's not necessary."

"Go get dressed. I'll take you out to lunch. I'm over being mad about that dinner fiasco. I'm a forgiving person. I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. Can you believe that sith?"

Palpatine's eyes light up as he takes Anakin on his arm and attempts to lead him back towards the front door.

"I know! Isn't it wonderful? That makes me a great-grandfather."

Anakin stops before they reach the front door and turns to the old man. His left temple pulses. His outrage is evident.

"You knew?!"

"Yes, of course. Leia and Han took me out for lunch. We had a lovely time! Yes. Well, why don't you go home and rest? Concussions aren't a laughing matter you know." Palpatine keeps looking down the hall towards the back room while trying to usher Anakin out of the house. Anakin suddenly hears soft music playing in the distance. He becomes increasingly concerned about the old man's strange behavior.

"Are you alright? Is someone in the house holding you here against your will? I sense a presence of something…evil."

"No…no…no…nothing like that."

"Let me check it out anyway. You look a bit nervous. I have my light saber. You are old and feeble. People prey on folks like you everyday. Stay here."

Anakin pushes him aside and moves carefully towards the back room. Palpatine follows anyway in order to stop him.

"Anakin, no, please!"

It is too late. The distinct hum of the weapon reverberates in the hallway. Anakin storms into the back room with his lightsaber ignited. He lunges forward only to discover something so horrific that it will scar him for the rest of his life.

"Oh good God!" Anakin begins to hyperventilate and crashes backward against a dresser to the left of the bedroom door. An old woman lying in the bed screams. He screams too. Their voices in unison give off an unholy sound. Anakin nervously fumbles the lightsaber. The blade sears through the red satin sheets at the foot of the bed. Palpatine catches up in time to witness the blade slice through part of the mattress leaving a 15-inch long gash. An acrid aroma of scorched fabric fills the room. Palpatine is visible distressed.

"My 300 thread count satin sheets! Anakin, what have you done?"

"Dad! What is this?"

Palpatine tries to regain control of the situation. He gently pats Anakin on the shoulder.

"Anakin, it's alright. Calm down. You can pay me for the sheets later…and a new mattress and box spring."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried to warn you. Anakin, you're hyperventilating. I'll go get the ice cream bag so you can breathe into it."

Anakin cannot comprehend what he is seeing, his mouth agape from horror and shock. He manages to cry out to his father.

"What's going on?"

"Anakin, if you just wait and let me explain." As he holds his arms outstretched pleading for Anakin to listen, his robe falls open. "Anakin, I implore you…please be reasonable. You'll see everything is just a big misunderstanding."

The open robe reveals another horrifying sight.

Anakin is witnessing the end of the galaxy as he knows it. A pale, graying old woman cowers up against the headboard of the king-sized bed. Her gray tresses falling in her face like a pin-up girl who has aged eight decades. She must have been attractive at one point of her life but this is not one of them. She gathers the blankets up against her body. The 'two-for-one punch' of seeing these pale, naked bodies with all sorts of unmentionable body parts exposed, each part defying the laws of intergalactic gravity and motion. If only he could burn his eyes out, he would. The very thought of these ancient entangled bodies in 'flagrante delicto' is more than he could stomach.

'_PTSD: Post Traumatic Sith Disorder' _

An hour passes. Anakin does not recall how he got out of that _'Senior Citizens House of Horrors' _and into another but he managed. He finds a safe haven across town. The host seems comforting and ready to hear his woes.

"Anakin, sugar, take this. It will calm your nerves."

Bunny sets a silver tray on the coffee table. She places the piping hot cup in his hands. Anakin is trembling. The cup and saucer rattle violently. He takes tentative sips from the cup of Bimmisaari tea.

Bunny watches him as she sits on another sofa. She is wearing lime green silk lounge pants with a matching chemise and green chiffon floor-length peignoir.

"How are you feeling, sugarplum?"

"I'm a wreck. Look at me."

He sets the cup down and holds out his hands for her to see. She leans in to examine his hands.

"You keep sipping that tea, Ani, honey. It'll stop."

. Bunny crosses her legs and checks her freshly polished toenails through her clear acrylic pumps. She glances over at the clock.

The front door opens. Bunny quickly leaves the sofa.

"Ani, honey, I'll be just a minute. You finish that tea now. It'll make you feel a lot better, trust me."

Bunny greets Obi-Wan at the door. There is a hushed discussion going on before the Jedi Master walks into the living room.

"What's he doing here?"

Bunny goes on to explain what happened according to Anakin's fuzzy account.

"He's had a traumatic experience."

Obi-Wan whispers back.

"So your answer is to give him tea? Good heavens, he'll never leave!"

"Well, I know that Benj! You're his friend. You are like a brother to him. Can't you say something to help him through this?"

"You let him in. You talk him down!"

"Like my new outfit?" She twirls seductively as she models for him.

"You look ravishing, my dear."

"Then go in there and handle this. It's your turn!" She points towards the living room.

Obi-Wan walks into the living room with a big smile as he greets Anakin.

"Anakin, old friend. I hear you've had a rough 24 hours."

Obi-Wan settles in the well-worn leather armchair facing Anakin. Bunny joins them. Anakin sets the cup down and sighs.

"Obi-Wan, you have no idea. It was terrible. Who still does that at that age?" He stops himself. "No offense."

Obi-Wan squirms in the chair. He must not take what Anakin says to heart. He keeps smiling.

"None taken."

Obi-Wan lights his pipe then takes a few puffs. He listens as Anakin tells him about the previous evening at the restaurant and then today at Palpatine's house, including the chance encounter with the widow Winship. Anakin goes into graphic detail about the old couple. Apparently, Palpatine and Sarah Winship have been canoodling for quite some time. They became friendly during a canasta game at the Shady Acres Senior Community Center after her breakup with one of the other members.

Anakin tells himself he should have known that the gardening clogs and gardening tools belonged to the widow.

"There out to be a law. What did I do to deserve that? Where's the outrage? Am I alone here? I mean, if I weren't so vain, I would have gouged my eyes out right then and there. Then last night... Oh, I am so angry! I was the last to know. Why didn't they tell me?"

"What are you talking about, Anakin? You're upset that your father didn't tell you about his little lady friend?"

"No! Aren't you listening?"

"Yes but you're telling me two stories."

"I'm talking about Leia and Han now. Keep up with me."

"Well, Anakin, if I may be blunt, you brought all of this on yourself. You can be difficult."

"Oh, I know that." He waves his hand as if to dismiss the issue. "…and then the '_sith'_ hit the fan again today. It started out being a good idea for a visit. Besides, I had no place to go…"

"I see."

"It was horrible. My kids are all mad at me. My wife is not speaking to me…just because I got a little claustrophobic in an ambulance."

Obi-Wan leans back in his chair. He sets his pipe in its tray on the end table.

"From what I understand, Anakin, you had your son-in-law in a force choke hold. You could have caused a terrible accident. Isabel could have been hurt. You need to get hold of your anger. It leads…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It leads to the dark side. I feel guilty about that and I will apologize. Did you know that they ambushed me last night? I walked into that restaurant and they all knew about Leia and Han. They took great pleasure laying all those bombs on me. Very '_effing'_ funny. Ha-ha-ha." He holds out his hand. "Look at my hand. It's still shaking."

Bunny reaches over and squeezes his hand.

"Awh, Ani, honey; you should be happy. You are so blessed. You have a beautiful understanding wife and beautiful children who adore you. Think positive. More good things are happening to you than bad."

"But I'm too young to be a grandfather."

"No, you're not. Besides, just think of all the things you'll be able to do with the little ones. You know what I did? I went to Rodian Drive and bought the cutest little outfits for the twins."

Anakin stares at her blankly. It is apparent that everyone knew about the blessed event but him. He takes another sip of tea. He is a bit calmer now. He sets the teacup on the tray. Obi-Wan and Bunny anticipate that he is about to leave. Anakin folds his hands on his lap. He is feeling better. They are confident that their words of encouragement have helped. His next question, however, renders them silent.

"Sooo…did you guys have lunch already? It's sort of late but an early dinner is fine too."

Obi-Wan and Bunny stare at one another. They need to take action fast.

'_Yes, You Can Go Home Again'_

It is past five o'clock when Anakin returns home. Threepio greets him as he walks through the door.

"It's Master Ani! Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! It's so…"

Anakin holds up his hand and signals for the droid to stop talking. He unbuttons his coat and unhooks his light saber, setting on the table in the foyer.

Artoo approaches him and extends his computer interface arm. Two tablets rest on the small metal plate along with a 10-milliliter cup of water. Anakin quietly takes the tablets, pops them into his mouth, and then washes them down with the water. Artoo takes the cup and crushes it with his internal compactor.

Skippy greets his master with a pair of slippers in his titanium jaws. This is a rare moment for both dog and master. Anakin has tried all sorts of obedience chips but all failed. He came to accept his K-9 droid companion as a free spirit. This time, Skippy not only delivers a pair of slippers, he rolls over, begged, and then retrieved the Coruscant Times. He wags his tail awaiting his master's approval. Anakin is quite pleased.

"Good dog." Anakin pats him on the head.

Isabel appears. She heard all about his horrific experience uptown from Obi-Wan. The Jedi Master suggested to her that Anakin would need his medication immediately upon returning home. Not even Jedi mind tricks could erase the memories from that afternoon. Besides, Anakin grew irritated when Obi-Wan attempts to tamper with his memory. Apparently, Obi-Wan had an ulterior motive in _'helping'_ him. It was date night for Obi-Wan and Bunny. While Anakin was nursing a second cup of tea, Obi-Wan decides desperate times call for desperate measures:

"_It's getting late…You must go home."_

Anakin squints at Obi-Wan

"_Stop waving your hand in my face. Your mind tricks don't work on me. I know when to leave. You don't need to tell me twice. I want to go home. Call me a speeder taxi."_

Anakin has no recollection of this conversation.

None of this matters to Isabel. She welcomes her husband home with a kiss. He embraces her. His open coat envelopes her as he draws her near. He whispers.

"I'm sorry."

Isabel removes his shoes. He slides each foot into a slipper. She takes his coat.

"Dinner is about ready. Go freshen up…we'll wait."

As he steps away to freshen up, he sees Threepio and stops.

"Thank-you, Threepio. It's good to be home."

The protocol droid nods with great reverence.

"It's good to have you home, Master."

Anakin walks into the family dining room a few minutes later. He takes his place at the head of the table. This is the best part of the day. His wife and children surround him. He is even happy to see his knuckleheaded son-in-law and spunky daughter-in-law.

The images from the last 24 hours are now a fading memory. He is content to see his children without making a judgment or criticism about their choices in life. He trusts them. Tonight they shower him with love and affection.

He is especially pleased to see Ana-Lena home. She was able to finagle a few days away from the confines of that convent school. She explains to the Mother Superior that there was an illness in the family. This is perfect timing. Anakin can discuss the convent school dress code with her. This will keep his mind occupied in the coming months before 'Dark Lord Grandfather's Day' arrives.

…And even though Anakin buried the bad memories of the past 24 hours, deep within his psyche, a number of things are now forbidden in the Skywalker household:

_Incense, candles, burgundy velour robes, red satin bed linens, the song 'Lady', and CCST *(Chocolate Cherry Starship Ice Cream)._


	6. Chapter 6 Droid & Master Bonding Part 1

_Chapter 6AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_Droid and Master Bonding'_

_['Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've  
constructed' - D.V.]_

'_Jumper'_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

A few months pass since the _'great announcement.'_ Anakin is determined to put that horrific chapter in his life behind him. He finds solace in his den bonding with his friends. Just as he is basking into the peaceful solitude of his meditation den, his peaceful security is broken.

A great disturbance in the Force makes it necessary to step outside the comfort of his den. He hears voices all a-twitter. He tiptoes around the corner and peers into the living room, making sure he keeps his body flush against the wall to avoid detection. His wife, Isabel walks over to the sofa. Five other women follow her: her mother Ouisanne Nor, Maggie Jade, Bunny Harrington-Kenobi, Mara, and Leia.

They drop their colorful shopping bags on the floor as they sink into the plush furniture, kicking off their shoes. Inside each of the eighth to ten bags circling the women are more shoes. The women look exhausted, as if they had just completed the 26k Coruscant Marathon. After a few moments, Isabel pops up from the sofa.

"Drinks everyone? I am parched."

Maggie Jade kicks of her red open-toed pumps and follows Isabel to the kitchen.

"Let me help you, Bel. Did you have your living room redecorated? It looks gorgeous."

"Just a new sofa and drapes…oh, and new rugs. With most of the children out of the house, I'll have more time to decorate."

"Where's that handsome hubby of yours?"

"I don't know. He went into the office this morning. He should be home soon."

They return with a tray of beverages and hors d'oeuvre. The women sit around drinking Bimmisaari iced tea while showing off their newly purchased designer footwear. Leia is relaxing in the Queen Apailana recliner. She is wearing gold silk pencil slacks and a brown chiffon pleated tunic with half sleeves. A gold brocade sash ties neatly at the bodice revealing a pregnant belly. Maggie Jade sashays in front of the sofa modeling her new footwear.

"I absolutely love these shoes. Did you see that woman trying to snatch them from me? She said she saw them first; and then had the nerve to give me a look. She looked vicious. I swear she did time."

Mara is fastening the strap on a pair of gold sandals she bought. Her red hair falls in her face as she talks.

"Mom, they were in the chair beside her. I think she was putting on a sani-sock when you took them."

"Whose side are you on? They wouldn't have looked good on her anyway…she had cankles! And did you see her fake boobs nearly falling out of her dress? She looked like a stripper…no offense, Bunny."

"None taken, Shug…mine are real."

Leia turns to Ouisanne with a mock gasp. She is surprised Bunny did not belt Maggie in the jaw. Isabel tries on a pair of shoes from her own shopping bag.

"I think I'll wear my navy satin pumps to the Jedi Temple Gala…." Just as she says this, she sees Anakin spying on them in the entranceway. "Anakin, why are you doing lurking around the house? I didn't know you were home."

"I wasn't lurking. I was just passing through."

"You were definitely lurking."

Anakin sees that all eyes are on him. He stands awkwardly at the entrance to the living room. It is too late to retreat into his den. He notices the shopping bags.

"Hello, ladies. I see you've all been helping the economy today. The Coruscant budget deficit must be all wiped clean by now. Heh-heh…"

No one laughs at his feeble attempt at a joke. Maggie Jade smiles as she touches up her lips with her favorite Ruusan Red lipstick.

"Anakin, you handsome devil, why didn't you come out earlier to chat with us?"

"You ladies have plenty to talk about without me hanging around."

"Anakin, you have great fashion sense. Tell me what you think of these shoes. I haven't decided which ones to wear to the gala." Maggie Jade stands then parades up and down the carpet as if she is on a fashion show runway. Her 'electric' hips shift left to right. She pirouettes into a pose with her hands on her hips. "What do you think?"

Anakin backs away.

"Uhm…I'll leave you to your girl-talk while I grab a sandwich." He makes a quick exit.

Isabel tries on her second pair of shoes. Without looking up, she calls to her husband.

"Don't eat anything big. We're going to have dinner soon."

"Yes, ma'm."

Anakin continues through the living room and disappears into the kitchen.

Aunt Bunny smiles.

"He left in a hurry. Too much girl-talk for his liking."

The front door opens. Threepio can be heard greeting someone.

"Well! Good afternoon, young Master Kris. How was Padawan class today?"

"It was cool I guess. How are you, Threepio?"

"Quite well, master Kris. Don't forget to leave your air surfer board outside. Your mother has strict rules about bringing it in the house."

"I parked it near the lemon tree plant in the garden."

"Oh…okay. Hey, wait…not the garden, you remember how your grandfather tripped over it and broke his hip."

"Alright, I'll move it when I go back outside."

He walks into the living room. The women turn as he passes the sofa. Isabel speaks.

"Kris…"

Kriztan Skywalker pre-empts what his mother is about to say with his own response.

"Hi, mom…I'll move the air surfer. I'm just going into the kitchen for a minute."

"Don't stuff yourself with junk. Dinner will be ready soon."

"But you're just sitting around in the living room…never mind."

He leaves the foyer and crosses the living room when he sees his mother with Leia and the other women sitting around the coffee table for their weekly gabfest and fashion party. He stops.

Mara smiles and gives him a wink. "Hey, sport!"

"Hi, Mara. Hi, Nana, Aunt Bunny, Mrs. Jade…_Sis_."

Leia smirks at the way he greets her. He considers her bossy and wishes that she would stop treating him like a child. Leia knows that this annoys him and takes great joy in taunting him.

Maggie Jade beams.

"He is so adorable. He is the spitting image of his daddy."

Kris blushes.

Aunt Bunny waves him over to where she is sitting.

"Come on over here and give your Aunt Bun some sugar."

Kris obliges and leans over the back of the sofa and kisses Aunt Bunny on the cheek. Bunny leaves a big red lipstick mark on his cheek. . Maggie Jade does not want to be left out. She holds out her arms and wiggles her fingers urging him to come to her.

"Me too! I want to hug this sweet little boy. I wish my Mikey was like him."

All Kris can focus on is her big hair and those red lacquered fingernails. She tiptoes over to him in her 4-inch pumps. She squeezes him. His first thought is to cry for help but then that would just be embarrassing. The moment is soon over but he now has to greet everyone else. He works his way around the sofa receiving kisses from the women. He willingly gives his grandmother a warm hug.

"Hey, Nana. Love you."

"I love you too. How's my precious grandson?"

"I'm cool."

This elicits laughter from the other women. Maggie winks at him. Kris is becoming increasingly embarrassed. He finds Maggie's false eyelashes disturbing.

"He's so cute."

Ouisanne points toward the front door.

"I left a package on the table in the foyer. It's from your grandfather and me."

"Really?"

He turns towards the foyer.

"Awesome!"

Kris opens the package in the foyer. Threepio and Artoo gather round to watch. Isabel scolds her mother.

"Mother, will you stop sneaking gifts to him? He's milking this _'youngest child at home'_ thing for all it's worth. You're spoiling him."

"I didn't sneak it to him. It was on the table for all to see. Besides, he's a good kid. He deserves a little reward now and then for doing so well at the Jedi Academy. It makes me feel good, and your father feels the same way."

"You know you're undermining our job as parents."

"Yes, I know."

Isabel knows it is useless to scold her mother for indulging the youngest child. It makes it even more difficult when said child is expressing his thrill about the gift.

"Geez! This so cool! Thanks, Nana!"

Leia calls him over.

"Hey, you little Ewok, bring that over here. Show us what you've got."

Kris walks over to his sister to show off his gift. Leia adjusts the recliner to the upright position.

"Oh, good grief! You are so spoiled. This is the latest version of E-Games. You do know you're not the only child, don't you?"

"But I'm the only one at home everyday. Jealous?"

"No. These games will rot your brain. Let me hold it for you. I'll set it up. Go in the kitchen."

She shoos him away.

"No way. I'll never get it back."

"Relax, will you? You'll get your little toy back."

"You're so bossy. Your kids are gonna be in bad shape with a mom like you."

"I said I'll hold onto it while you're in the kitchen. You'll just get food all over it. Scram."

Kris sulks then leaves the room. He walks into the kitchen and quietly takes a glass from the cabinet. He spots his father pulling a container of ice cream from the freezer and looking around like a paranoid thief. Kris taps him on the shoulder and shouts.

"What's up in here?"

Anakin fumbles the ice cream container and jumps. He relaxes when he sees who it is.

"Doh! Cut it out!"

"Geez, Dad; why are you so jumpy?"

"Nothing."

"You hiding out too? Hah-ha!"

"I don't need to hide in my own house." Anakin opens a drawer and pulls out a spoon. He lifts the lid from the container of Acai and Bimmisaari red tea ice cream. He jams the spoon into the frozen dessert when Kris eyes him.

"Hey, Dad, Mom hates it when you do that. You'd better get a bowl."

"Who's paying for this ice cream? This is my house. I can do what I please." The defiant dark lord leans against the kitchen counter and eats from the container. Kris shrugs his shoulders.

"I'm just saying…" Kris unloads several containers from the cold cut compartment of the refrigerator then extracts two slices of Corellian wheat bread from the breadbox. Threepio walks in behind him, closes the breadbox, and rewraps the cold cuts. This elicits an icy stare from Kris. Threepio is oblivious to the boy's reaction.

"Must keep things fresh, Master Kris."

"I was about to close it myself."

"Oh! Well then. Good boy!" Threepio lifts his golden hand and pats the boy on the head. Anakin smirks. Threepio turns his attention to Anakin who is eating out of the ice cream container. "Why don't I get you a bowl sir?"

"Did I ask for a bowl?"

"No, sir but ---." Threepio turns away and busies himself with other tasks. He disappears in the laundry room. Anakin ignores the droid and focuses his attention on his youngest child.

The adolescent stands at the other counter. He assembles his sandwich spreading a generous helping of Corellian mayonnaise onto each slice of bread. Some of it gets on his finger and he promptly licks it off. Anakin observes him and so does Threepio who makes a comment.

"You do know that dinner will be served soon, young man?"

Anakin joins in pretending to agree with the droid.

"Yeah, Kris. You'll lose your appetite. I'll eat half of that sandwich." He stares at the droid then continues eating from the ice cream carton.

Kris divides the sandwich in half as he sits on a stool at the island counter.

"Here you go, Dad."

Anakin makes sure Threepio hears him.

"Thank, son. So, what have you been up to, sport?"

"Nothing special."

"What does 'Master Kyle' have you doing at the Academy?" He bites into his half of the sandwich.

"Why do you say it like that, Dad?"

"Humph! Kyle has a long history of being a goof-off." He walks over to a cabinet above the sink and pulls out a large bag of Tatooine Blue Tater-Chips. A devilish grin creeps across his face as Kris' favorite junk food hiding place is revealed. "Yes, I know you have chips. You kids can't hide anything from me. So let's get back to your no-account mentor. Yeah…that Kyle and Kyp were a couple of screw-ups.

"Really? When?"

"Long before you were born."

"Like what?" He goes to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of Rodian soda pop.

"He and Kyp used to get into all sorts of shenanigans with your brother Luke."

"Cool! I can't wait."

"Anyway…you seem to be doing okay. I suppose I should give him a little credit. He knows he's training my youngest so he knows not to _'eff'_ it up."

"Dad!"

"Sorry."

"Apology accepted. I'm an impressionable youth. You don't want me falling to the dark side do you?"

"A potty mouth won't turn you to the dark side. Let me try that." He points to the pop bottle.

"I though you said you never touch the stuff."

"I don't. I just want to wash down this sandwich. You were a bit stingy with the mayo. The bread is stuck in my throat. Give it here."

Anakin takes the bottle. Kris watches as his father gulps down half the bottle.

"You like it?"

"It's not bad for a kid's drink."

"I'll get you one."

Kris opens two more Rodian sodas. They raise their bottles in a toast.

"This is kinda neat us hiding from mom and all."

"It's a special father-son moment."

"May the Force be with you, Dad."

"Ditto, son."

"Hey, Dad, did you ever have moments like this with Palps?"

"Let's just say he wasn't the best father when I was your age. Come to think of it, he wasn't a good father at all."

"I guess not. He's a strange old man. I wonder what he was like at my age. Was Palps ever young?"

Anakin laughs and almost spits out his soda. He grabs a towel to wipe his mouth then begins to explain.

"You know, I don't know. I never asked him and he never volunteered. I don't know anything about his youth. I didn't meet him until I was 9 years old. Between you and me…I think he was born old."

Kris laughs.

"That's a good one, Dad."

"Yeah…he's a character…oh; by the way, did you send him a get well card?"

"Yeah, weeks ago. Why?"

"I'm never going to hear the end of how you kids caused him to break his hip."

"Is he still using that cane? His hip healed weeks ago."

"I'm getting sick of seeing him with that cane too. Just do me a favor and keep your air surfer out of the way when he's around."

"Okay."

"He's milking that accident for all it's worth. I feel like kicking that walking stick from under him."

Threepio, who has been eavesdropping from the laundry room, decides to join the conversation.

"You know, Master, I was thinking the same thing just last week when he demanded I rub his feet…The nerve! Horrible little man!"

"I hope you gave him a piece of your mind, Threepio."

"Indeed I did, sir."

Anakin is mocking the droid.

"Good for you, Threepio! Don't take any _*sith*_ from nobody."

They all high five one another. Someone is watching them. It is Leia. She saunters over with her hands on her hips that accentuate her growing belly. There is a smirk on her face.

"You cowards still hiding out?"

"We're not hiding. What do you want?"

"Just passing through." She takes a survey of the snacks on the counter. "You dishing dirt on the old troll?"

"So?"

"Listen, you need to know how to handle him, Kris, don't listen to Dad. I'll give you all the tips on how to deal with the old creature. He's basically trying to see how much he can get away with. He's just looking for sympathy. So, this is what you do…." She helps herself to the bag of chips. Anakin watches her.

"Are you supposed to eat that in your condition?"

"Everything in moderation. The twins love them. Want to feel?"

"No! I'm trying to eat for crissake." He looks horrified as Leia takes his hand and tries to make him touch her belly.

"Will you calm down? You're not going to catch anything."

"Stop! Get away from me!" He walks backwards around the counter as she pursues him.

"Don't you want to feel your grandkids?"

"No! Aren't you missing out on all that chick gossip?"

"No…they're talking about you."

"What are they saying?"

"You know what they're saying."

"That's why I'm staying in here. I don't get into trouble."

"Oh, alright. I'll leave you with 'half-pint' here to talk about Palps."

"Hey1 I thought you were going to give me pointers on how to deal with Palps."

"Later, kid. There's plenty of time for that"

Leia finally turns and leaves the kitchen.

Some time passes. Artoo rolls into the kitchen. He chirps something to Anakin who is relieved and raises his fist in triumph.

"Yes! At last those hens have gone. At last, I can walk freely through my house."

Kris reacts with indifference.

"Yeah…Whatever."

Kris disappears upstairs with his new E-Game. The coast is clear. There is no sign of the 'ladies shoe club'. They have adjourned for the day to return to their hen-pecked spouses. Anakin whistles happily, as he makes his way back to his living room. He sinks into his favorite armchair and rests his long legs on the matching ottoman. All he has to do is to wait for dinner. He flips through a copy of Intergalactic Geographic featuring tribal communities. There is a section on Ewoks and then another on Wookies and Sand People. He turns the page and sees a graphic image of their mating rituals. He shutters.

"Ewww….What the _'eff'_ is this _*sith*_?"

He tosses the magazine onto the coffee table. He leans over to look for a sports magazine when he hears a soft sigh in the recliner across from him. He jumps, appearing genuinely startled. He lets out a scream.

"Ahhh!"

"You're a jumpy fella, aren't you?"

"I thought you went home! What are you still doing here?"

"I thought you told us kids not to be strangers and that we should visit every now and then."

"Yeah, with the emphasis on _'Then'_. I don't want to see you _'now'_. What are you doing here?"

"I'm waiting for dinner just the same as you are."

He flips through a magazine eyeing her suspiciously every few moments. He snaps the pages hoping that the repetitive noise will annoy her and drive her out of the house but she does not budge. He sets the magazine down in his lap.

"Don't you have a husband to go home to cook for or to poison…Sorry. That was redundant."

"Poisoning may not be such a bad idea."

"Wha?"

"It's too awful to talk about."

"Well, I can respect that. It is between you and nerf-face anyway. All marriages have their bumpy moments…"

He starts to leave his comfortable chair to find another refuge around the massive house. Just as he is about to make a clean getaway, there is a woeful shy from the direction of the recliner.

"Alright, I'll tell you."

Anakin is pulled back into a conversation he does not want to have. He winces and plops back into the armchair. Long ago when the children started to leave the nest, he was feeling a bit melancholy. He uses these emotional times to make a vow that he will always be available to listen to their fears and concerns. He was caught up in the moment.

He never expected that they would hold him to this promise. He languishes in the chair staring blankly as Leia proceeds to tell him of her marital issues. As Leia starts talking, he pretends to slash his wrists. Threepio walks by carrying a batch of clean linens from the laundry room. The droid sees Anakin then does a double take.

Leia recounts the day that disrupts her marriage. She goes into great detail about how a lovely walk in the park turns bad.

Anakin _'plays dead'_ in the chair.


	7. Chapter 7 Droid & Master Bonding Pt 2

_Chapter 7AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_Droid and Master Bonding PT 2'_

_['Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've  
constructed' - D.V.]_

'_Criminal Intent'_

'_Jumpin' Jiminy!'_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Still trying to play dead, the Dark Lord is about to hear the travails of his eldest daughter. Death has not come to rescue him. He braces himself.

Narrator:

'_In the Core Worlds System, the people are represented by two separated yet equally dysfunctional groups, the kids who rehash stories about crimes of the heart and the parents who must listen to their whining. These are their stories':_

(Gavel sound)

Location: Coruscant Middle City Park

A married couple strolls hand in hand along the Galaxies Great Mall. He carries a picnic basket in his other hand. Ch'hala trees line the path of the beautiful park. It is a bright sunny day. Birds chirp and children play tag on the lawn, some whizzing by on their surfer gliders. Friends greet one another at the famous monument of the arts commissioned by Romeo Treblanc.

The husband hears a voice from his past and nervously tries to hurry along.

"Hey, let's go this way. There's a live performance by the Galaxies Players at the band shell."

He tugs his wife by the arm. She does not understand the urgency.

"Okay…easy, Han. Since when did you start liking performance art?"

"The performers are entertaining…in their own way."

Someone is desperately trying to get his attention. The person is calling and waving their hands in the crowd of people who are also carrying picnic baskets.

"Pudgy! Pudgy!"

His wife furrows her eyebrows bemused by the name.

"Who in the world is Pudgy? They have to hear that; she's screaming loud enough."

"I don't know."

The caller shouts again and growing louder and closer.

"Indy! Indy! Hey you scoundrel don't walk away while I'm calling you!"

His wife Leia turns to her husband with a suspicious gaze. Han rolls his eyes after trying to play dumb. He releases a long sigh before turning in the direction of the person calling him. He is now face-to-face with his greeter. Leia watches with guarded curiosity. She is a lovely woman with chestnut hair, sparkling eyes, and a smile that reveals a fun personality. The freckles on her face make her appear younger than her actual age, a few years older than Leia. The woman approaches them with a slight swagger in her step. Beads of sweat pulse across Han's forehead on this cool afternoon.

"Well, if it isn't Han Solo in the flesh! Boy, it sure has been awhile."

Han smiles sheepishly as Leia waits patiently for an explanation.

"Hello, , I sure didn't expect to see you here."

"I be you didn't." Her beaming smile does not fade as she turns to Leia. She immediately extends her hand to shake. "Hi, I'm Marion, the old flame. Indy here is obviously too stunned to make a proper introduction."

Leia gradually warms up to Marion and introduces herself.

"Hi, I'm Leia…his wife."

Han comes in too late with the introductions.

"Uhm…Leia, this is Marion Ravenwood, Marion, this is my wife…Leia…yeah….ahem…"

Marion grins and gestures in Leia's direction.

"We've met."

Han is not amused by their joke.

"Yeah, I got it."

Marion notices that Leia is expecting.

"So when is the blessed event?"

Han and Leia give two different answers.

"In four months" "Three months"

Marion can see where this is going to cause problems.

"Pudgy was never good with dates. Well, whenever the date is, that's great…congratulations."

Leia responds before giving Han an icy stare.

"Thanks."

Marion playfully nudges Han.

"So, why didn't you invite me to the wedding, you old scoundrel?''

Leia is curious as well.

"Yes, Han, why didn't you invite her to our wedding?"

Han is on the defensive. He feels his masculinity being challenged by the two women.

"It slipped my mind. Hey, I'm not good at making lists and stuff. My parents invited most of the guests for our side of the family."

Leia counts on her fingers.

"Let's see…Lando was there… who is he? Oh yes, a friend. Chewie was there…friend…half your cohorts from Mos Eisley Spaceport were there…Professor Brody…How could you forget your former girlfriend?"

Marion watches as Leia challenges Han. She is enjoying this.

"Oh-oh…Pudgy's getting nervous."

Leia folds her arms across her chest.

"He should be."

"Hello, I'm standing right here."

"Relax, we're done with you."

Marion tries to change the subject.

"So, where are you heading?"

"We were about to picnic at the concert…."

Han tries to get Leia to move on but she is curious to get to know Han's old girlfriend.

"Why don't you join us? We have a whole barbecued duck. It's more than enough for three."

"I couldn't."

"I insist."

As much as Anakin tries to zone out during Leia's account of that fateful afternoon, he cannot help being drawn in by the story. He expresses his disbelief.

"You didn't!"

"I did!"

"Then why are you mad at Han?"

"I was calling his bluff. I didn't think he would invite her. So there we are, on the Great Lawn listening to The Tatooine Jazz quartet with the other woman."

"What happened to the performance artists?"

"What? Daddy, have you been listening?"

"I have no choice but to listen."

"No, you're not listening. If you were listening, then you would know it was a ploy to avoid Marion."

"So, who barbecued the duck?"

"I don't know…the store did."

"See? If you cooked it, she would have gotten food poisoning and you and Han would have been alone to enjoy the concert."

"Daddy, why are you still laboring under the delusion that I can't cook?"

"Okay, I apologize. What was for dinner last night?"

"We went out with friends."

"What did Han have for breakfast this past weekend?"

"He picked up something at the pub with his friends."

"What is he having for dinner tonight?"

"He said he would grab something at the Imperial headquarters dining room and I needn't cook. We're not exactly on speaking terms. Where are you going with this, Daddy?"

"See? The man cannot get a decent home cooked meal. What happened to all those cooking courses you took?"

"What cooking classes?"

"A-ha! The cooking classes I paid for so you could prepare a meal without burning down Coruscant or poison your guests."

"Oh, '_those_ 'classes."

"You can't cook I rest my case."

"Those cooking instructors don't know what they're talking about. Snobs! I made a Corellian soufflé and the instructor said it was salty and too tough. It was a perfect soufflé. I busted my ass making that damned soufflé for that course."

"And you bust everybody else's ass too! Who wants to argue about whether Adran Blake was a true Corellian-trained chef or if he can walk when he's teaching or walk when he's talking--?

"That was years ago, and that guy's an idiot! He made me nervous always pacing back and forth...And that phony Tarasinese accent! _Bleu…bleu bleu!" _She does an exaggerated imitation of the renown chef. Here father responds to her criticism.

"They can't all be idiots, Leia. You argue with everybody! You argue in the Galactic Senate!"

"I'm a senator; it's my job to argue."

"You've got one of the worst reputations in this town. The other senators complain about you. You always have to have the last word. Those cooking instructors have a job to do too. Nobody will work with you no matter how much I pay them."

"Are you saying that nobody in Coruscant will work with me?"

"Nobody in Naboo will either. I couldn't even get you a spot at the Cordon Bleu school in Theed County."

"Why are you bringing up past history?"

"Why are you in my house?"

"I can't go back home to a man I can't trust."

"Isn't it a little too late for that now?" He looks at her pregnant belly.

"He isn't the man I thought he was."

"I could have told you that years ago _'Miss Know-it-all.'_"

"I was young and in-love."

"And did you listen to me when I expressed my objections about _'Dumbo'_?"

""You were being a bully and you tormented poor Han before he had a chance to prove himself."

"You're joking, right? You were dissing him a moment ago."

Leia starts bawling. Anakin rolls his eyes. He rubs his temples.

"Must you?"

Leia grabs a tissue from a box on the end table. She blows her nose. Her voice is muffled as she responds.

"_Musht I whot?"_

"Must you cry at the drop of a hat?"

"I'm hormonal."

"Don't come near me then. I don't want to catch it. I believe the solution to your dilemma is to go back home to your husband."

"Daddy, you're not listening to me!"

"I'm trying, sweet pea, but you're behaving irrationally. Why did you invite this woman to your picnic? What was the intent?"

"I thought she would say _'no._"

"But she '_did'_ say _'No'_; you said so yourself."

"You don't get it do you?"

"Well, apparently I don't! I don't do psycho stuff like inviting someone somewhere then secretly hope that the person declines the invitation? Who does that nutty crap? Oh, Leia…" He sighs. "You want the number of my shrink? I really think you need therapy."

"I'm not crazy, Daddy."

"Then go home."

"Then Han wins."

"You're _'*sithing*'_ me, right?"

Anakin lies back in his chair and covers his face. He whispers.

"Please let this be a dream."

Dinnertime –

Anakin sits at the head of the dinner table. He keeps looking at the clock and then the phone located in the alcove just outside the dining room. Han has not called. Artoo can be heard in the distance playing with Skippy the canine droid in the garden. Kris butters a roll. He senses the tension at the table. Isabel just wants a quiet family dinner without any theatrics. Threepio sets a bowl of freshly steamed peas in the center of the table.

"You forgot this, Madame. Vegetables are a very important part of a growing boy's diet." He pats Kris on the shoulder. Isabel joins the family at the table.

"Thank you for that, Threepio. It's been a busy day for me."

Anakin snorts a remark.

"Yeah, a day of shopping on Rodian Drive will do that to a person. What? Was that out of line?"

Threepio chuckles.

"Oh, Master Ani's making a joke! It's so nice to hear laughter at the table again."

Leia sits at the table, enjoying her meal as if nothing happened. Anakin catches his wife's attention then nods his head in the direction of Leia. Isabel stares at her husband thinking he has a stiff neck. Kris stares at both of them. He chuckles quietly, thoroughly amused by their non-verbal communication at the dinner table. It is his daily form of amusement being the only child still living at home. He does not count Ana-Lena who resides at the all-girls boarding school and who only comes home on holidays and alternate weekends. Still, he occasionally misses having his other siblings at home to witness his parents' antics. There is new hope however, the weekend is approaching and nothing says 'dysfunctional family dinner' like the Skywalker Sunday dinner.

For now, Kris watches as his mother refuses to indulge his father with their no-so-secret series of hand and head gestures. Anakin told his wife one day that her only shortcoming was that, she is not blessed with 'force powers' other than that, she is 'perfect'. She stopped speaking to him for a week. Since making that remark, Anakin treads carefully this evening.

Kris piles a forkful of roast shaak and rice into his mouth. His father decides to make an announcement at the quiet dinner table. Anakin clears his throat. His words come out tentative, almost conciliatory.

"Leia…I was thinking…if things get worse and you really have no other choice…we have plenty of room…you and the children can move in with us."

A fork drops on Isabel's plate. Kris stops chewing. Leia puts down the serving spoon. She has just taken a third helping of steamed peas. She is touched by her father's seemingly heartfelt tone.

Kris waits for the volley from Leia as he slowly swallows his food then picks up his glass of Juma juice.

"Oh, Daddy, that is so sweet of you; really?"

"No! Go home and work on this out! We're not a hotel or halfway house for single mothers. Are you insane?"

"You're mean! How could you be so cruel?"

"Heheh-heheh-heh! Yeah, I'm a stinker."

Kris wipes his mouth after spitting Juma juice, staining the tablecloth. Threepio panics.

"Oh, dear! That's going to make an awful stain." He hurries out of the room.

Isabel leaves her chair, walks to the other end of the table where here husband is sitting. She takes his cloth napkin and hits Anakin snaps it across his forehead.

"Ouch!"

"Didn't see that coming, eh? Your Force powers haven't given you clairvoyance enough to avoid that. Does it sting?"

"You could put a person's eye out with that."

"Cool, wasn't it? Luke taught me that."

Leia leaves her chair. She sounds hurt.

"I know when I'm not wanted. I'll leave. Happy now?" She takes the plate of uneaten food and exits the dining room. Isabel goes after Leia. Kris starts to get up from the table. Anakin sees him.

"Where are you going? You didn't ask to be excused."

"May I be excused?"

"No. We still have stuff to discuss."

"Oh…well, I'm okay."

Threepio returns with a dishtowel and a beaker filled with a salt-water solution.

"This solution will dissolve that stain in no time."

Anakin stops eating and watches as the droid toils over the tablecloth. Kris slowly steps away from the table as Threepio scrubs the wet towel into the tablecloth. Kris makes his escape.

"Master, I believe the stain is fading."

"Gee, thanks, Threepio. You've made the stain disappear as well as my family."

"I beg to differ, sir; you've done that yourself! There! All done. Will you be having dessert, Master?"

Anakin stares at the protocol droid long and hard. Artoo is in the garden teaching Skippy to rollover on command and spin in midair. They both stop after hearing a loud crash of metal inside the house.


	8. Chapter 8 Bedtime for Jedi, No Rest for

_Chapter 8AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_Droid and Master Bonding PT 2'_

_['Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've  
constructed' - D.V.]_

'_Bedtime for Jedi & No Rest for the Sith'_

'_Mother and Child Reunion is Only a Starship Away'_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Things have quieted down since dinner. Anakin finally goes upstairs after spending some time in his den. He is weary from the events of the day and is ready for a goo nights rest. He knows he has to make please with his wife before his head hits the pillow. He takes a long shower to wash away the sins of what he might say that may further alienate him from the bedroom. It seems to have done the trick. He and Isabel engage in a constructive dialogue before going to bed.

"All I ask is for a little peace in my own home. Do I deserve it? Yes, Do I get it? No."

Anakin tosses several decorative pillows and Euro squares onto the floor. Isabel finishes brushing her hair before tying it back with a satin ribbon. She walks over to the bed and assists her husband in removes the pillows while he vents.

"Why is she here? Have I ever intruded on anyone with my problems? And I've got a lot of problems."

"Actually…"

"Don't go there, 'Bel. I had actual crises."

"How about the time you drove to Gladys' house in the middle of the night to persuade her not to retire. That was not a legitimate crisis."

"Alright, I got over that painful moment in my life. I more reasonable now. Other than that, I have never overstayed my welcome at someone else's home."

"How about the time you stopped by to see Obi-Wan and Bunny last season."

"How about you supporting me for a change?"

"That was not a crisis."

"I don't know, 'Bel. Seeing my father in the altogether with his centagenerian mistress was quite traumatic."

"I don't believe she was that old, Anakin."

"Doesn't matter…whatever her age, it would have be just as revolting. You had to have been there to see my old man's wrinkly body sent me back to the psychiatrists' couch. All that progress gone to pot."

"Alright, I'll give you that. I can see where that would send you over the edge."

"Damned skippy."

The family canine droid Skippy walks into the room. He turns in a circle on the mound of pillows in the corner of the room. He looks up at his master. Anakin looks back.

"That's an expression."

Skippy seems to understand and promptly goes into sleep mode. Anakin continues his conversation with his wife.

"I mean, can't she resolve her marital spats in her own home? Why bring it all the way across town to us? Geez!"

"She just needed a place to clear her head. I'm sure she'll have a constructive and calm discussion with Han when she gets home."

Anakin is still removing pillows from the bed as he talks.

"Take us for example. We always resolve our disagreements without a lot of histrionics. You've gotten really good at controlling your temper. What?"

Isabel returns a blank stare. She decides to let his incendiary comment pass. Instead, she keeps the focus on Leia.

"You might want to talk to her. Let her know that you support her."

"She knows I support her. That's why I sent her home."

"That's not support, Anakin."

"Why is it that everything I say is wrong?—and why are their so many '_effing'_ pillows on the bed?"

"Did you take your medication?"

"Will it make the pillows go away?"

"Don't be a wiseass."

They get into bed and turn out the lights. Their heads barely touch the two remaining pillows when there is a knock on the door. The visitor opens the door and whispers.

"Mom? Dad?"

Anakin speaks without lifting his head or turning on the lights.

"This had better be good. _'S'_ or _'D'_?

"Wha--? " The youngest of the Skywalker brood is confused. His father repeats the question.

"Sick or dying?"

He figures it out. You can almost feel a smile creep across the young boy's face as he figures out his father's secret codes.

"Oh! Neither—or may be partly _'S'_…or at least that what Uncle Ben thinks…."

"Get to the point, kid. I swear to god --"

As Anakin starts to get annoyed, Isabel is the more nurturing and reasonable of the parents. She slides into a sitting position in the dark room and waves her young son over to the bed. Kris is aided by the sliver of moonlight peeking through the window on his mother's side of the bed.

"Hop in, sweetie. Let's talk."

Anakin protests.

"No! Can't you kids show some restraint? Can't this wait until morning? Do I creep into your bedroom in the middle of the night with my issues?"

"Yeah?"

"That was a rhetorical question."

"You never made that clear, Dad."

Isabel smiles.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I think I'm lovesick." He sighs wistfully. Anakin interrupts.

"You're too young to be lovesick. Go to bed."

Uncle Ben said you were lovesick once. You were younger than I was. He said it lasted for a long time."

"Uncle Ben has a big mouth. Can we get some sleep in here now?"

Isabel reaches over and turns on the bedside lamp. Anakin's eyes bug out from the glare. Isabel pats the empty space in the bed she creates between her and Anakin. She has always done this whenever any of the children required a bit of reassurance during the night.

"Come on; let's chat."

Anakin is annoyed.

"Awww, you've got to be kidding me!" He covers his head with his pillow. Kris climbs over his father and then sinks into the spot his mother has made for him. He snuggles up with her for their late night mother and child chat.

"So…tell us what's going on in your young life."

"Us? Oh---" He turns his head to see his father hiding under the pillow. His mother holds her finger to her lips indicating that they should keep their discussion to a whisper. Kris goes into detail in describing his dilemma. "Well, there's this girl, and she's totally cool. She's one of the best air surfers and snowboarders ever…for a girl. She's awesome, Mom."

"Does your young lady friend have a name?"

"Sigi…that's what everyone calls her but it's really Sieglinde."

"Oh, that's a lovely name. I think I remember you telling me that you met a friend on Hoth. That's when Luke gave you a ski trip for your birthday."

"Well…actually we met here on Coruscant during the Intergalactic Youth Convention."

"She must be pretty."

"I guess…but what I truly admire about her is her air surfer skills and her intellect."

Anakin has been eavesdropping. He snorts a laugh from beneath the pillow. Anakin tries to turn it into a cough. Kris ignores him. Isabel listens intently to her son. She gets great joy seeing her child artfully skirt the issue of any romantic feeling between him and his adolescent counterpart.

"I see. Does she know that you _'admire'_ her athletic abilities?"

"Oh, sure. I showed her how to do a Backside 180 with a triple twist. She said that no one had ever communicated a routine to her so fast. She's a fast learner"

"Ahso."

Anakin chimes in as he pretends to sleep.

"Smooth move, Kris."

"Thanks, Dad."

Isabel gently massages his head as he talks.

"Anyway, she's really popular. Everyone likes her. Palps says she's perfect for me. We have chemistry He says she has a lot of spirit. And she's not bossy like Leia."

Anakin chimes in once more.

"Tell your grandfather to mind his beeswax. He wouldn't know good chemistry if it hit him in the face. What's he doing? Pimping out his grandchild now? That old coot has never had a hot chick in his life."

Isabel strokes Kris' thick blond hair.

"Well, I'm very happy for you, sweetie. We'll have to invite your friend over for dinner sometime."

"Thanks, Mom."

Anakin is no longer hiding his head under the pillow. He wakes his hand.

"Okay, lights out, pal. Some of us have jobs to go to in the morning."

The room is dark again. Anakin speaks to his young son.

"So, is that your news?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"You know, that could have waited till morning."

"But Dad, you don't hang around long enough in the morning for us to have a meaningful talk."

"Are you saying that I haven't been a good father to you? Think again. Move on the outside so I can sleep next to your mother."

"Alright." Kris switches places with his father. Suddenly there is a loud 'thump' on the floor.

"Hey!"

Anakin calls to his son in the dark.

"Did you fall out of bed, son?"

"Yeah! Geez, Dad!"

"Looks like we ran out of room."

"What? You mean I can't stay?"

"No—"

"I thought we were having a father and child moment."

"We did…and that moment has passed. Now it's time to move on."

"Goodnight…Mom."

"Goodnight, sweetheart. We'll have another talk in the morning. Okay?"

"Sure!"

Kris walks around to her side of the bed to kiss his mother 'goodnight.' Anakin calls out to him.

"What about me?"

"Oh, yeah…that moment has passed."

"What?"

"Life isn't about you, Dad."

Kris heads for the door and leaves.

Anakin drops his head onto his pillow. Something bothers him. He feels his wife smiling with a sense of satisfaction.

"It's not nice to gloat, Isabel."

The Dark Lord settles down to sleep. The morning has got to be better than this.


	9. Chapter 9 Shout It Out!

_Chapter 9AE_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

'_Droid and Master Bonding PT 3'_

_['Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've  
constructed' - D.V.]_

'_Morning Becomes Electra'_

'_You Time, Me Time, We All Scream for We Time _'

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Anakin heads downstairs and sits at the breakfast table on the terrace. Threepio delivers the newspaper to his master then pours his coffee.

"Sleep well, Master?"

Anakin responds from behind the newspaper.

"Yes, thank-you, Threepio." He grabs the coffee cup as the droid is still pouring. Threepio watches as Anakin drinks the entire contents of the cup in one sip.

"More coffee, sir? Threepio make sure to have the silver carafe at the ready. There is no answer.

Anakin lets out a long sigh. He remembers the lecture his wife gave him some time ago about considering the feelings of others, especially the droids. He extends his cup out from behind the newspaper. Threepio refills the cup. There is more silence. Finally the master speaks.

"And how are you today, Threepio?" He rolls his eyes as he continues reading his paper as Threepio starts to speak.

"Oh, just marvelous, master. It's a lovely day out. I think I'll have an oil bath and take a trip across town at the droid convention. It's being held at the Galaxies Convention Centre. It will be so exciting to meet droids from other star systems and to compare notes about our masters."

"You don't say?"

"I do say. Yes, Master."

Anakin lowers the newspaper and looks up at Threepio. He pretends to be interested.

"And of course you'll have nothing but glowing things to say about me."

"Uhm…oh yes! Of course!"

"Well, you go and have a wonderful time, Threepio."

"Then I take it you won't be in need of my services for the rest of the day, sir?"

"No, Threepio. Enjoy your day."

"Thank you sir. That's very kind of you."

"That's me; always looking out for the wellbeing of my family and staff."

"That's wonderful to hear, sir. It sounds so sincere too! Well, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me, sir."

""May the Force be with you."

"And also with you, Master."

Anakin takes in a breath of fresh Coruscant air. The terrace is quiet. He sips his coffee and reads his paper. The imported Felucian hummingbirds chirp merrily as they nest in the lemon trees. A few other birds hover near the Fiery Felucia honeysuckle for a sweet drink of nectar. Anakin turns to the holo-comicstrip section of the paper and makes occasional comments to himself.

"Ah-ha-ha! Oh, that crazy Boga!" Suddenly the wide smile fades. He has a bad feeling right now. Anakin slowly lowers his newspaper after hearing the sound of liquid pouring into a glass. He is startled enough to jerk in his chair. His coffee tips over and spills onto his pants. He stares wildly at the intruder who is amused by his reaction.

"Boy, are you a jumpy one this morning. You might want to lay off the caffeine."

"What are you doing here?"

He snatches the cloth napkin from the table and tries to blot the liquid from his pants. Leia smiles.

"What are you talking about? I was here yesterday."

"It doesn't mean you're supposed to be here today!"

Threepio hurries onto the terrace after hearing the sound of breaking china."

"Are you alright, Master? Oh, goodness gracious me! What happened here?"

Leia has a big smirk on her face.

"Dad's a bit over-stimulated this morning, Threepio."

Anakin grumbles as he continues to blot his pants. A gentle breeze whisks the newspaper into the hedges behind him.

"I was expecting to have a peaceful breakfast this morning. Look what happens!" He begins to hyperventilate. Leia watches him but is slow to come to his defense.

"Daddy, are you wheezing?"

"No." Artoo arrives and offers him a paper bag from the 'Burger Baron' fast food chain. Anakin smells the residual aroma of Jundland cheese and onions as he inhales. He wrinkles his nose, balls up the bag and tosses it on the table. His breathing levels off. Anakin begins to curse and yell. Leia shakes her head and continues to eat her breakfast.

Artoo arrives on the terrace and promptly cleans up the broken pieces under the table. The broken cup was part of a custom-made 5-piece place setting for ten that he and Isabel received as a wedding gift from Gladys. Leia ignores him as he rants. She does not realize that he is more upset about the cup than her presence at his breakfast table. She calmly butters a freshly baked Corellian roll and adds some jam to it.

Threepio disappears then hurries back with a spray bottle.

"I'm coming to your rescue, Master! Not to worry!"

As Anakin continues cursing a blue streak, the protocol droid sprays spot remover on Anakin's pants. The stain looks a thousand times worse. Anakin stops yelling as Threepio watches the spot spread over the entire front of Anakin's pants.

"There! That stain should come out now that it's been pre-treated."

Leia laughs.

"Ah-hah-ha-ha! Daddy, if you keep that up you'll wind up at Shady Acres like old Palps."

Anakin does not see the humor in his predicament.

"Laugh it up, smart mouth. Where's your 'baby daddy'? Shouldn't you be with him?"

Leia stops chewing. She rolls her eyes.

"We're not on speaking terms."

"Well, you had better come to some _'terms'_. I didn't pay all those credits for your big-ass wedding to _'nerfhead'_ just so you could come back home. You're not laughing anymore, are you?"

"You said this would always be home. Daddy, you know you said it on the day of my wedding."

"I was emotional. You were my first daughter and you were leaving the nest. You took me seriously?"

"Don't try to be cute. You know what you said. _'Mr. Wet-pants_!'"

Anakin wags his finger at her.

"I'm going upstairs to change. When I return…"

Leia interrupts him.

"What? You're going to chase me out of the house?"

"Just don't get comfortable."

Anakin storms back in the house. Threepio follows close behind with the spray bottle.

"Poor Princess Leia."

Threepio follows Anakin up the stairs.

"Poor my ass! She had better talk to that poor excuse of a husband."

"I'll have to agree with you there, sir…impossible man!"

"Tell me, Threepio, why should I carry the burden of the bad choices these kids make?"

"Why should you indeed, sir! Just the other day I was telling Master Luke…"

Anakin enters the master bedroom and Force-slams the door in the droid's face.

"Well!"

Anakin is about to look in the closet for a fresh pair of pants, instead he makes a detour into the master bathroom. He finds Isabel in the tub enjoying a bubble bath. A gel-filled white satin sleep mask covers her eyes as she rests her head on an inflated bath pillow. Sullustan meditation music plays softly in the background. Anakin disrupts her moment of peace.

"Hey! Why didn't you tell me you were having a bubble bath?" He sees Skippy resting at the foot of the tub. "Beat it! Go do something useful." He finds a seeker ball on the floor, tosses it into the master bedroom. As Skippy chases the robotic ball, Anakin locks the K-9 droid out of the bathroom. He removes his slippers anticipating joining his wife. Isabel lifts her mask and stops him in his tracks.

"I wanted a little 'me time' before the house fills up today."

"Yeah, about that…what's with the overnight stay? I thought Leia was going home. Then I found out…"

He tries to step into the tub. She shoos him away.

"No! No! No! Back up."

Anakin continues speaking.

"Any-who…Did you hear that she and 'Dumbo' aren't talking?"

"Yes, I know."

"Why didn't you send her packing?"

"She needs to rethink her life."

"Are you insane? What's there to 'rethink'? If you ask me, she didn't do too much thinking when she agreed to marry that nitwit."

"Will you stop? Every marriage has its hiccups."

"Theirs must be one big belch. Can we turn of this goofy chime music? It's putting me to sleep."

"No. The music stays." Isabel points to the large wet mark on his pants. "What's with the pants?"

"Oh, that was Leia sneaking up on me. Look at this! Humph!" His anger melts and a lecherous grin creeps across his face. "You know…there's enough room in that tub for two. How about a _'little me'_ with your _'me'_ time'?"

"No! Get out!"

Anakin decides to pull the vanity bench over to the tub. He sits, then rolls up his pants and immerses his feet in the tub. Isabel rests her head back on the bath pillow. She is annoyed but listens to him complain.

"So, how are we going to handle this?"

"Anakin, it will work itself out. Why don't you talk to her? She never sees you anymore. You need to think of this as her way of connecting with you."

"I suppose. When will you be ready to join me so we can have a 'sit-down' with her?"

"This is your moment. Go. Get out of here." She slides the sleep mask over her eyes.

"If I get her back with _'Dumbo'_, can we have a little tub time?"

"Only if you stop referring to Han by that name. It's not nice."

"Woman, you drive a hard bargain. Hey, does that mask work?"

"No. You're still talking. Where's the dog?"

"He went after a ball or something."

Anakin gets up and leaves he to he sleep mask and chime meditation music. He changes into some dry clothes. The sunny morning has turned overcast. He runs downstairs and puts on his black trench coat.

"Hey! Threepio!"

Threepio walks into the living room. He is holding the pre-wash spray.

"Yes, Master?"

"Put that down and come with me."

"Where are we going, sir?"

"We are going on a mission to save the galaxy."

"But I have tickets to the droid convention, sir."

"This is much bigger than a droid convention, Threepio. I need your help."

Threepio is shocked and a bit flustered.

"And you're asking me? Well…I…I don't know what to say. You're asking for my advice and expertise?"

"Uhm…sure, that'll work."

"I'm speechless."

"No you're not. That's why I'm counting on you. Let's roll!"

"Let's roll indeed!"

Artoo, who has been reprogramming the new E-Game Station Kris received the day before, trails behind Threepio. He chirps something.

Threepio snubs Artoo as he follows Anakin to the door.

"So what if it does look like rain? We must be ready for Master. Artoo, if anyone asks, Master Ani and I are going on a mission of a sensitive nature. And don't ask if you can come because you're not invited." He walks ahead then stops and turns to Artoo. "And don't try to contact me."

Artoo whistles and chirps again. Threepio turns to him.

"I believe it's of a domestic nature but I'm certain these matters can escalate into an intergalactic situation at any moment."

Artoo continues chirping. Threepio is insulted.

"What do you mean, _'better you than me'_?You're just jealous that Master asked me to accompany him instead of you, you insolent little waste bin! Think of all the accolades that will be bestowed upon me when this is over! Perhaps one day you too will have your moment of glory." He gives Artoo a condescending pat on his silver dome.

Anakin ventures outside with Threepio trailing close behind.

"Master! Wait for me!"

"Hurry up, you're slowing me down!"

Half an hour passes. Isabel comes downstairs. She is looking for her husband.

"Anakin? Where did he go?"

Artoo cannot wait to tell all he knows. Isabel listens and becomes angrier the more information Artoo gives her.

"They what? He's supposed to go to the supermarket with me. What mission is bigger than helping me go food shopping?"

She glances up the stairs. She hears Kris and Leia laughing. They are in his room playing with his E-Game Station. Isabel looks towards the front door, hands on hips and tapping her foot. She blows a lock of hair out of her face.

"I'll kill him."

Skippy walks out of the den and sits at her feet. A torn-up pod racing handicappers' sheet is in his mouth. His tail wags merrily.


	10. Chapter 10 Nerfherder Territory

_Chapter 10AE_

* * *

'_The Door Was Open'_

'_Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide'_

'_Breaking and Entering'_

'_Let's Make a Deal-A-Meal…I Won't Kill You _'

* * *

Threepio pleads with his master to wait but Anakin decides that his way was best.

"Threepio, will you relax? You're with me. He can't hurt you." Anakin peers through the window.

"That was never one of my concerns, Sir. I really think we should ring the bell. It's the civilized thing to do."

"What are you saying, Threepio?"

"It's illegal and you could be arrested."

"Ha! Look at me. No one is getting arrested…let alone me. I would use my lightsaber but I don't want to attract attention."

Threepio turns to him with a sarcastic reply.

"Oh, and who would want that?"

"Fine! That's why I never travel with you…you always criticize me..." He begins to mock the protocol droid, waving his arms in a wild and comical frenzy. _'Oh, Master, it's illegal; this is against Galactic Republic law…goodness gracious!'_ He rolls his eyes then decides to placate Threepio, "You want me to ring the bell?" He points his index finger at the doorbell. "Fine! Happy now?"

Threepio is not at all amused by Anakin's portrayal of him. The protocol droid is insulted.

"I don't believe I heard it ring, master. Why don't you actually press it this time?"

"You must need an oil bath. I can hear it just fine."

"You must have the hearing of a K-9 droid."

Anakin ignores Threepio's gibe. He has an idea about how they can enter the house.

"There's no answer. Listen, I'll stand guard while you slide into the air conditioning vent over there." He points to the side of the house near some overgrown hedges. See? This is how burglars get in…Han needs to tend to his lawn."

Anakin uses an Imperial Army knife to jimmy open the metal vent on the side of the house. Threepio hesitates.

"Master, I cannot help but feel we're doing a terrible thing ---" Before Threepio can finish his sentence, Anakin shoves him through the duct work. The sound of creaking metal combined with crunched droid parts make for disastrous results. Anakin calls out to Threepio.

"Are you in?" He hears Threepio's voice echo through the air duct in response.

"Oh, dear…I think one of my parts is damaged."

"Hurry up and open the door. Stop fooling around!"

Threepio stumbles through the air conditioning duct until he is in the living room of the house. The living room is beautifully decorated but is marred by one flaw. Several beer bottles and two shot glasses are on the coffee table along with a still opened bottle of Whyrren's Reserve.

"Oh dear, that's going to leave an unattractive watermark."

Threepio hears Anakin clearing his voice outside.

"Any day now, Threepio. It's freezing out here."

Threepio locates the entrance to the foyer. He finally opens the door. He mocks surprise when his master stands waiting in the doorway.

"Oh, why it's you, master. I didn't hear you ring."

Anakin storms inside. There is a piece of the metal frame from the air conditioning vent tethered to Threepio's foot by wires. Anakin steps over the trailing wires and surveys the living room. He listens for a moment.

"Hmmm… I smell something..." He walks into the living room and sees the beer bottles and whisky. He places his hands on his hips as he shakes his head in disgust. "Oh...this is just great! No wonder she walked out on him."

Anakin opens his coat and sits in the over-sized gold and ivory brocade armchair. He taps his gloved hand on the armrest and calmly waits.

A few minutes pass. The footsteps on the staircase move in a cautious but determined pace. Drops of water wet the carpeted steps. Anakin barely looks up from a magazine he is reading.

"Is that any way to greet your guests?" He Force pulls the blaster out of Han's wet hand then sets it on the end table to his right. Han is furious.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in…never mind…silly question anyway..."

"What? You're not going to offer me any sort of refreshment? You're a terrible host."

"I wasn't expecting you. People don't usually break into my house."

Han's hair is still dripping. Anakin does not apologize for being an uninvited 'guest.'

"I'm family. Why are you dripping wet?"

"I was minding my business taking a shower when I thought I heard someone breaking into my house."

"It's cold outside. I can't stand out there forever."

Just at this moment Threepio enters the living room from another part of the house.

"Oh, master, you'll never believe what they did with the anniversary gift you gave them…" He sees Han and immediately stops talking. Han is fuming.

"What the…"

Anakin yells at Threepio."

"Sit down!"

Han interrupts.

"What do you think you're doing? Stand up!"

Anakin defies Han and calmly directs the droid.

"He's with me. Have a seat, Threepio."

"Thank you, master."

Threepio sits.

Han turns back to the droid and barks angrily.

"Get up!"

Threepio rises from the hardback chair near the door. He is not sure who to look to. Anakin reaches for the blaster and gently pats it as he speaks.

"Han, I believe I have the upper hand now. I need to talk to you." He turns to Threepio. "Threepio, sit down and don't get up until I tell you or I'll break every metal joint in your body. Got that?"

"Yes, master."

Han is fuming.

"I don't '_effing_' believe this…" Han paces in the living room doorway then stops suddenly when he notices the gapping hole where the air conditioning vent used to be. "Hey! What the hell? There's a hole in my living room wall! What happened to my air conditioning vent?"

"You should do something about that. It gives easy access to burglars."

"You did this!"

"I never walked through your wall. Do I look as if I fit through that gaping hole?"

"No but he does!" Han points an accusatory finger at Threepio."

Anakin has a smirk on his face. He laughs.

"Oops. Threepio, he's got you there."

"But Master, you told me too…"

Han interrupts.

"Goldenrod's done some ridiculous stuff but I'm pretty sure that the 'gapping hole' was your doing."

"No one answered the door. We were concerned."

Han tersely responds between clenched teeth.

"I was taking a shower!"

"Well how were we supposed to know that?"

Han comes back with another sarcastic remark.

"Gee, I don't know…Maybe try ringing the doorbell or…I know…try calling first!"

Threepio looks to his master.

"See, master, I told you we should have rung the doorbell."

It is obvious now that Han has caught Anakin in a lie. Anakin still tries to defend himself.

"How do you know I…How do you know _'we_' didn't?"

"You and your golden drone have a habit of going where you're not invited."

Threepio lets out a gasp then turns to his creator.

"Why Master, I do believe he has besmirched us!"

"Easy, Threepio, I can handle this." He crosses his leg then points to the alcohol and shot glasses on the coffee table. "So what's the deal here, you entertaining while your wife is away?"

"No. why? What did she tell you?"

"Ahh…so you know where she is…"

"It wouldn't be a surprise that she went crying to you. She's a spoiled princess...always has been. If you've come to accuse me of something then say it."

"Easy now…I come in peace."

"Where have I heard that line before?"

Threepio raises his hand wildly as if he is a student in class.

"Ooo…Master, I know that answer…It was a featured question on a quiz show just the other day…"

Both Anakin and Han stare at the droid in silence. Anakin continues his conversation with his son-in-law.

"Listen, I didn't come here to argue I just want to get Leia out of my house. It's apparent you're not taking care of your marital responsibilities so we're here to lay it out for you."

Threepio butts in again.

"Yeah! Master and I are here to give you the 411 on the situation back at our house. If that means taking it to the streets of Coruscant to get your attention, then so be it. That's how we roll. Humph!"

Han scowls at the audacious droid and points a warning finger at him. He turns to Anakin.

"Are you going to shut him up?"

"It's hard to stop him once he gets started." Anakin smiles proudly.

"Oh this is just great. I don't know which one of you is worst."

Threepio continues his assault on Han.

Pray that you don't have to deal with the wrath of the Dark Lord whose power is second to none; who sees all and is all-knowing and…"

Han yells back at the droid.

"Oh give me a break!" Han ignores the droid and yells at Anakin. What do you want from me?"

"I'm suffering. I want my house back that's what I want. What's going on with the two of you?"

"Oh, you really want to know? Your daughter is stubborn and irrational."

"Tell me about it."

"Yeah... and.…oh, you agree?"

"Of course I agree. Listen, Han, I don't want to beat you up over this I just want you to talk to her and get her to go home."

"What am I supposed to do? Drag her home?"

"Use some diplomacy. I'm suffering here. Why do I have to carry the burden in this family?" He notices a remote control on the end table near the blaster. He picks it up and starts pressing the buttons. A slight humming sound comes from the wall and a large wedding portrait of Han and Leia slides into the wall and a plasma screen takes its place. "Oooo…"

Han does not notice what Anakin is doing or why the Dark Lord is distracted. Han continues to speak.

"She's going to come back when she feels like it."

"Well then, I guest we're both in a pickle aren't we? Is this new? You've got a 2086 holobyte screen…Sweet!"

Han turns to see the plasma appear on the wall. He watches anxiously as Anakin fumbles with the controls.

"Yes and be careful with that remote. What are you doing? You have to know how to operate it."

"Relax, I got it. What's wrong with the image? It's kind of screwy…"

Han snatches the remote from Anakin.

"Give me that before you break it."

Threepio is shocked.

"Oh no he didn't!"

Han fixes the settings.

"The green button is for the picture. The read is for Rim codes. It was set for Core Worlds."

"Ohhh…nice picture. Okay, don't get your nerf chaps all in a twist. I've got it now. Hand it back I promise not to break your precious holovid panel. This must have cost you a bunch of credits. Let me catch the third race from Mos Espa Speedway. You may go now."

Anakin takes the remote then sits back and relaxes. Han grabs the ale bottles and shot glasses and starts to leave the room.

"It's my house!"

Anakin ignores him while staring at the screen. He has a question for Han.

"Got anymore ale?"

Han grumbles to himself before responding.

"Sure."

Han walks into the kitchen cursing to himself. He grabs a Corellian ale from the refrigerator.

"I can't _'effing'_ believe this! He's suffering…He doesn't know the meaning of suffering."

Anakin yells back at Han from the living room

"I can hear you, you know!"

Han rolls his eyes. The bottle falls to the floor spreading pieces of cobalt blue glass and ale over the white terracotta floor. He mutters to himself as he searches for sawdust in the broom closet.

"Damn! This is definitely not my day!"

Han reaches for the robo-broom that hangs from a hook inside the door. On the lower shelf there is the 3 kilo sack of 'Sweep-A-Way' he is looking for.' He grabs the bag but suddenly fixes his eyes on a 450 gram plastic container of '_Blister Gnat Begone'_, a household insecticide for houseplants. Inside the container is a coarse white crystal powder. The red and yellow label has a cartoon drawing of a dead Blister gnat across the front. The back label has an unending scroll of text full of instructions for product use and ominous skull and crossbones stamped on t hopper right-hand corner. A faint smile creeps across his face as he whispers to himself.

"_God I hate gnats!"_

When Han returns to the living room, Anakin has removed his black leather boots and is resting his stocking feet on the edge of the coffee table. Han stares down at him.

"Comfy?"

Anakin looks up at Han and takes the opened bottle of ale and a frosted glass mug.

"Yeah. I'm alright. Everything okay back there?"

"Yeah, It's fine…everything's fine…how are you?"

"Turn the heat up; it's chilly in here. Got any snacks?"

Han walks away without a word but returns with a box of Reythan Crackers with salted tops and spicy Jundland cheese spread.

"What's this?"

"It's called a snack. I wasn't expecting you to stay this long."

Anakin looks at the assortment of flaky crackers on the tray. He wrinkles his nose in disappointment.

"You eat this stuff?"

"Leia and I had a party a few weeks ago. It was more her party…lots of Galactic Senate politicos. The fancy crackers were her idea."

"You've been living on crackers since she left you?"

"No…they're not half bad once you put some food on them."

They stare at one another for a moment. Han sighs.

"What?"

"It'll be lunch soon."

"You came all the way over to my house for lunch?"

"Not initially but since you're offering."

"I didn't offer…"

"You're a terrible host, you know that don't you?"

Han is losing his patience but dare not go overboard lest he insight the ire of his father-in-law.

"Can I offer you anything else your lordship?"

"Yeah, you can start with some decent snacks."

"Oh great! Why don't we just grill up some steaks?"

"Shaak steak?"

Han forgot that his sarcasm is another person's reality. He has to make good on the offer now. God knows what his temperamental father-in-sith-law will do to him if he fails to deliver. He throws his arms in the air.

"Sure…steaks for everyone."

He heads back into the kitchen.

"Okay. Now you're talkin'." Anakin absently responds as he channel-surfs. He flips open his mobile phone and bites into one of the crackers. He brushes the crystals that have fallen onto his coat sleeve. "Hey, it's me…who do you think? I'm at Han's place. Nevermind why I'm here. He's working my last nerve. Hey! It's not my fault. Anyway, he's grilling…steaks. I got a game on and there's a pod race… I'm watching in picture-in picture….come one over..., of course! He'll love the company. Okay…see you soon." Anakin ends the call and starts dialing a new number. After several rings someone finally answers. Anakin seems annoyed by the delay. "Hey, why didn't you pick up...? Well, are you done for the day?...Still busy? Doing what? Are you serious? Deliberations? Oh geez…They really need to get it together. The kids are either Padawan graduates or not…I'm just glad they're not my kids. You guys seem to take anything nowadays. I'm at Han's place…You're invited…What's there to think about? So are you coming or not? Fake being sick. You're as old as sand, they'll fall for it….there's free food and booze…is that enough to get you here? …There you go! It'll be good for you to sneak out…you know what I mean…okay, I got it, you take the Jedi Code seriously but, come on…free booze…okay b'bye."

Han returns holding a grilling fork in his right hand.

"Who are you talking to?"

Anakin quickly folds the phone.

"Nobody." He shrugs his shoulders.

"I'll be right back. I'm watching you."

"I'm watching you. And if I'm watching you, that means no one is watching those steaks."

A few moments later while Han is in the kitchen, Anakin's cell phone rings. He stares at it. This is one call he is afraid to answer


	11. Chapter 11 Morally Bankrupt

_Chapter 11AE_

* * *

'_Carbonite Nerf Steaks, Delivered From the Ranch Straight to Your Door'_

'_Morally Bankrupt and Loving It'_

_Party land'_

'_Tagge Kills Sith Dead _'

* * *

The heart inside the Dark Lords chest immediately beats rapidly. He does not wish to listen to a lecture on how his 'moral compass' is lacking. There ought to be a law that stipulates brains and beauty should not be part of a woman's being. He puts his phone away and wonders why Han is taking so long in the kitchen grilling his steak. On the other hand, it's a good thing it is taking so long because the first of 'Anakin's _'invitees'_ is about to arrive.

Anakin snaps his fingers at Threepio who is in sleep mode.

"Hey! Wake up! Who told you to go into sleep mode?"

"I didn't think you needed me, sir. I assumed…"

"Of course I need you. You assumed wrong. When you do that you make an ass out of me."

"You're quite right, Master. I apologize for that."

"See? Now you're learning something. Answer the door."

"But the bell didn't ring, Master."

"I know that! I want you to answer it now before the nerf chef comes back out here."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I don't want him burning my steak."

"Oh, perish the thought! Who would want that? I had you all wrong, master. I understand now. You want someone to enter the house before Mr. Solo finds out."

"The nose of the police droid dog as usual. Just answer the door, _Watson_!"

Threepio rises from his seat and walks to the door. He has a surprised expression on his face.

"Oh, it's Mr. Calrissian…or shall I address you as General?"

"We're amongst friends, Threepio…'Mister' is fine.

"How're you doin' Threepio?"

"Well, what a surprise to see you. Mr. Solo didn't mention that you would be visiting."

Lando smiles his trademark grin and walks pass the droid while patting Threepio on the back.

"Yeah…good to see ya." He has something under his left arm. He hands it to Threepio and walks pass Threepio. Threepio closes the door and follows Lando inside. Lando sees Anakin sitting in the plush armchair like a royal figurehead receiving his subjects. Anakin stands as Lando approaches him. The two men embrace.

"Hey, you old Dark Lord SOB, How the hell are you?"

"Good…good…all things considered…" He exhales a woeful sigh. "I'm glad you could make it, Lando."

"I brought some refreshments for everyone." Lando turns to look for Threepio. Anakin flashes a smile.

"Don't tell me…"

"Yes, sir! A case of hard, cold Hoth 45 Malt Liquor; when you demand the best, demand a Hoth." Lando turns and continues to speak to a non-existent audience. "Made with the pure ice from the summit of the North Ridge and the finest Corellian hops. So when you're at the casinos on Bespin or the Dunes Sea, get your hands around a cold forty-five…Works every time."

"Who are you talking to?"

"All the fine people in the galaxy."

Anakin responds with a tentative nod.

"Okay…"

Moments later the sound of laughter from the living room draws Han from the kitchen.

"Oh, I just wanted to let you know I only have nerf steaks…"

Han stops suddenly. He is surprised to see Lando who is 'chatting it up' with Anakin.

"Lando?"

Lando turns and smiles.

"Hey, you side winding pirate! Come over here and give us a hug! How you doin'?"

"Uh…fine. I didn't know you were coming over…" He glances over at Anakin.

Lando realizes that he has been used but tries to fabricate a story to justify his arrival.

"The boss here says you were down in the dumps and needed cheering up."

"He did, did he?" Han extends another look at his father-in-law, this time with a scowl. "What a guy; always looking out for others."

"That's what he does best."

Anakin interrupts.

"Han, did you say that you're cooking up nerf steaks instead?"

Han is visibly angry. Unable to hide his displeasure he responds with a terse _"Yes."_

Anakin giggles.

"That's funny! Aha ha-ha! Nerf steaks! How ironic!"

"I'm glad you're amused."

Lando looks around for Threepio as he speaks to Han

"I brought some refreshment…Where do you want me to put it? I handed it to your droid." He points his thumb in Threepio's general area. Han rolls his eyes.

"He's not mine "Han sees Threepio in the foyer struggling with the heavy case of alcoholic beverage. "Hey! Goldenrod, stop fooling around and take that into the kitchen…and don't drop it!"

Lando follows Han and Threepio into the kitchen. Han looks back at Anakin and points an accusing finger at the Dark Lord. Anakin waits until they have disappeared in the back before flipping open his phone once more.

After about twenty minutes the door opens. Han and Lando are still in the kitchen talking.

"So, where's Leia?"

"It's a long story."

"Trouble in the marriage?"

"Not from me. What lies have you heard?"

"Nothing."

"So… what scheme do you have up your sleeve for being here?"

"Hey, I was mislead. Anakin didn't tell me what was going down."

Han responds with a tone of doubt in his voice.

"Right…you had no idea he was going to pull this stunt."

"It's not my fault!"

"You noticed he's not showing any signs of leaving."

"It doesn't seem like it….especially since you're supposed to be cooking up steaks…Speaking of that, I don't see any steaks on the grill. You're going to piss him off."

"I'm going to bide my time. Maybe he'll grow tired of waiting and go home. I can be just as stubborn as he can."

"He thinks he's getting nerf steaks. I'm surprised that he's being so patient."

"Fine! He wants a steak? I'll cook him a steak!"

Han opens the refrigerator, pulls out a slab of red meat. He slams a steak on the grill.

"There! Steak!"

Lando watches as the lone steak makes a sizzling noise when it makes contact with the hot grilling grate.

"Don't you put any dry rub or something for seasoning?"

"Hand me that container on the counter behind you. I'll season the steak for His Lordship."

Lando grabs a small shaker jar. A potted Felucia orchid sits a few inches away. Lando hands the container to Han.

Han grumbles to himself as he shakes the powder on the steak then begins stabbing the slab of meat with the grilling fork. He seems to take great joy out of this. Lando watches with a bit of unease.

"You know that you're letting all the juices out."

"I know. It'll be the last time he ever asks for a steak again. You want one?"

"Not if you're going to cook it like that."

Han grins like a mad man after placing two more steaks on the grill. He drags the first steak off to the far left corner of the grill. He glances over his shoulder at Lando.

"That's the 'special' steak for his _'Worshipfulness'_. Heh-heh!"

"Han, you are crazy."

Han points to his right temple and smiles.

"That's me, crazy like a nexu."

They hear voices in the living room and it's not the holovid plasma. He hears Anakin and another familiar voice that he had not heard for a long time.

"Hello there, Anakin, dear friend. I came as soon as I could get away."

Han stands in the kitchen and rolls his eyes.

"I cannot believe that this is happening to me. This is a bloody nightmare!"


	12. Chapter 12 Coruscant CSI

_Chapter 12AE_

'_Coruscant: CSI'_

'_Sith Hangover'_

'_Shopping Club for Men__'_

Han decides to investigate. He storms into the living room. Just as he suspected, his father-in-law is holding court with, Boba Fett and his weekly randomly selected token Imperial officer. The officer is overly gracious to the dark lord for the invitation.

He bows to show his respect.

"Thank you for inviting me, your lordship. It is a great honor."

"Yeah, have a seat and relax before you have an anxiety attack."

"Yes, my Lord." The officer nods as he removes his officer's cap then quickly takes a seat on the sofa.

Anakin points in the officer's general direction.

"Someone get this officer a drink."

Han is standing in the entranceway to the living room watching.

"Company?" He is being sarcastic.

Anakin smiles. He sets his ale bottle on a Wookie sculpture next to his chair and crosses his legs.

"Yeah. I told you we're here to cheer you up." He winks. Han wants to wipe the smile from the face of the dark lord father-in-law.

"You know what would cheer me up?" Han walks over and quickly takes the bottle off the sculpture and sets it on the table. He attempts to protect the odd piece of Wookie art from water stains. . Anakin rolls his eyes. He thinks the sculpture is ghastly.

Just then, Obi-Wan Kenobi enters the room with Han's father, Professor Solo. The two men seemed to have started a conversation in the foyer before joining the others. Obi-Wan is still in his Jedi robe having come directly from a meeting at the Jedi Temple. Professor Solo looks typically dapper in one of his custom-tailored suits. His eyes light up. Anakin suspects that the two men have already been drinking before their arrival. Professor Solo opens his arms to greet his son.

"Junior! There you are. Your father-in-law said you needed some cheering up."

Han feels betrayed that his father is part of this circus of visitors.

"Dad?"

"Everything will work itself out. At least you're keeping busy. Cooking is great therapy in these trying times."

"What?"

Obi-Wan concurs.

"You're a remarkable man, Han. You're showing a lot of courage..." He pats Han on the shoulder. "This calls for a round of drinks, don't you think?"

"A round of what?"

Professor Solo takes charge and walks across the room to the wet bar. He plugs a cigar between his teeth and starts mixing drinks.

"Junior, go back to what you were doing. I've got everything under control here. Leave the drinks to the pros." The professor sets up several cocktail glasses on the bar. "Name your poison, Kenobi."

"Whyren's Reserve, a double…neat. Thank-you."

"One pickled Jedi coming up." Professor Solo notices Anakin who is chatting with the naval officer. "Hello, Anakin, you old basterd."

"Hello, Solo, you old scoundrel."

"What are you drinking?"

"Ale."

"Ale?"

"I'm good until my steak is ready. It sure is taking a long time." Anakin turns to Threepio. "Threepio, go check on my steak."

Threepio responds.

"Yes, Sir."

Threepio leaves his chair and walks into the kitchen; however, something sends the protocol droid sailing back through the living room door. Professor Solo is pouring drinks. He removes the cigar from his mouth when he sees Threepio crashing into a potted climbing plant. Threepio scrambles to his feet brushing away the climbing vines. He starts to shriek like a peasant woman.

"Help! I'm being consumed by a man-eating plant."

Anakin giggles uncontrollably.

"Stop fooling around and see about my meal."

"I did, master. That impossible man says you will get your steak in due time and then he muttered something to the effect that you should not get your Cajónes in a twist. What is a Cajónes ? I don't have that in my translator which is odd because I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and can readily detect exotic words and idioms but Cajónes …I am not able to detect the origin…it could be an Alderaan." He sounds out the word. "…ca-ho-nes..."

Anakin laughs. The officer slaps his knee and begins to laugh too. Anakin stares at him.

"Why are you laughing? Do you know what that means?"

"Uhm…no, my Lord." His smile fades.

"Then why are you laughing?"

"It just sounded funny is all."

"It sounded funny? You see me as someone to laugh at?"

"Uh…no..no, my Lord…I thought you thought it was funny so I laughed…" Beads of sweat pulse from the officer's temples and forehead. "I could be mistaken…"

Anakin picks up the bottle. He refills his glass with the remaining ale.

"Relax, it's not as if I'm going to choke you or shoot you in the foot with a blaster. I'm curious to know what he means."

Meanwhile, Threepio is wandering around the room scanning holo-mags and holo-books for any hint of the word.

"What's your name, officer?"

"Needa, Sir."

"Needa? I have an officer on my team named Needa."

"Yes, Sir, I know. That would be Vivar Needa, my father."

"Viva who? No…no…not him. Lorth Needa."

"Ohhh, he's my father's cousin, we're second cousins."

"You're joking me!"

The young officer speaks in earnest as he answers the dark lord.

"No, Sir. It is true. We are related."

Anakin turns to talk to an authority on such matters.

"Is there such a thing as a second cousin? Where?…Threepio! Where are you, you useless heap of scrap metal?"

"I'm right here, master. What is it?"

"How do you get to be a second cousin?"

Threepio ponders the question then quickly has an answer.

"I've never been a second cousin. Being a droid, I don't believe there such relationships exist."

Anakin taps his fingers impatiently on the side table for Threepio to finish speaking.

"Are you done?"

"I believe so, sir."

"Let me rephrase the question then; how do humans become second cousins?"

"Ohhhh…why didn't you say so? The offspring of one's' cousin determines that, master. But you grew up an only child with no relatives to speak of, Master…until that evil old coot revealed himself to you as your father. Before that, you were just poor little orphan Ani."

"Are you done?"

"Oh, yes, Master!"

"So cousins can have second cousins?"

"Of course."

"Oh, so it's true. I though the officer here was pulling my leg."

Obi-Wan Kenobi takes a sip of his drink then starts laughing.

"That's a good one, Anakin! Pulling your leg….hah-hah-hah!" He slaps his knee.

Anakin fails to see the humor and decides to ignore Obi-Wan. The aging Jedi is a bit sauced after two drinks. Anakin hurls a flippant remark at his former mentor.

"Really, Obi-Wan? Drunk already? It's not even dinner time." Anakin turns to the young officer. "So, you're General Needa's cousin?"

"Second cousin, Sir."

"Humph…whatever. So…what do you do?"

"Sir?"

"Where are you stationed?"

"I'm a satellite operator. I'm stationed above Coruscant, same as my father."

"You like it up there? It must be relentlessly boring."

"My father said I should consider it an honor, Sir…just as he does."

"I didn't ask you what your father thinks. How do you like it?"

"Well, I'm grateful for any commission in the navy, Sir."

"So, why aren't you there now?"

"I'm on liberty, Sir. Five months on the station and two months off."

"This is your first day off duty?"

"Yes, my Lord."

"So, what are you doing here?"

"I was at the Imperial Headquarters when Admiral Motti called me to report to this address. He said you needed an officer to accompany you on a special assignment.

"I did? Oh, yeah, I guess I did. I do crazy stuff like that."

"Am I in trouble, Sir?"

"No…no…what makes you think that?"

"Uhm…" The officer is not quite sure how to respond.

"So…who's your dad again?"

"Lieutenant Vivar Needa, Sir."

"Threepio leans over to whisper to his master.

"I believe he already answered that question, Master."

"Do you mind? Back away…further…" Anakin waves the droid away and continues his conversation with the young officer. "What's your name, officer?"

"Karol, Sir…Lieutenant Karol Needa, Sir."

"So, you and your father are both lieutenants at the same post?"

"Yes, my Lord. He has enjoyed the title since I was a young child. He said he was honored to be in charge of such an important commission per your orders. He says that you are a great man."

"Oh! Hmmm…" Anakin is quiet for a moment, pondering these words from the officer he had never met before. A smile creeps across his face but it does not last long. He frantically looks around the room for Threepio.

"Threepio! Threepio! Where are you?"

"I'm right here, Master!"

The droid hurries across the room to the dark lord.

"What are you doing all the way over there? Stay within reach, so I can speak to you. Geez!"

"But you told me to go away…never mind. What can I do for you , my glorious master?"

Anakin reaches for the droid's golden neck and pulls him close in order to whisper in his ear pad.

"That soldier's father has not been promoted since I sent him up to that space station. Is that accurate?"

"But, Master, no one up there has, you decreed it years ago as a punishment."

"Really?"

"For their 'ineptness and stupidity' were the words you used at the time, Master."

Anakin giggles sheepishly before controlling himself.

"I totally forgot about that outpost. Remind me to check into the current commissioned posts on board OSETS 2711."

"Yes, Master. I'll remind you again."

"This kid is impressive. He admires me…I think I like him."

"Yes, Master. _'Blind obedience is the most sincere form of flattery.'_ I have all of your quotes stores in my memory.

"Wonderful, now back away, I can't think when you're hovering. I wish to speak to this young man some more."

"Yes, Master."

Anakin smiles then continues his conversation with the officer.

"So, Lieutenant, what's your drink?"

"I uhm…"

Anakin raises his hand and calls out the Professor Solo.

"Hey, Professor 'Double-0 boozer,' how about a drink for one of my officers over here?"

"Whyren's Reserve or Hoth 45?"

"No! I'm not trying to turn the poor kid into an alcoholic. Bring a couple of bottles of ale over here."

Professor Solo sends Boba Fett over with several bottles of ale. The officer graciously accepts it.

"Thank you. I'm really glad I came."

Boba keeps a bottle for himself and taps it against Needa's in a toast.

"Good on ya, mate! Drink up!"

Anakin gets up and storms into the kitchen. He sees several steaks on the grill.

"Is this mine? What's taking you so long?"

Han rolls his eyes.

"I was preparing it special." He stops basting the meat on the grill.

"Just give it to me. I'm starving."

"No salad?"

"What do you think?"

"Here…knock yourself out."

Anakin leaves the kitchen with his plate. The other 'uninvited' guests file into the kitchen to get something to eat. Anakin sits alone in the living room. He is watching live coverage of a Mos Espa podracing event. Threepio watches as the group hangs out in the kitchen watching another sporting event on a smaller plasma screen.

"Poor master Ani summoned you all here today to cheer up General Solo and what do you do? You abandon him. He's sitting in there watching his beloved pod racing event alone."

"Yeah? What's your point?"

"Well! I am disappointed in all of you. He's in there eating his steak all alone."

Han jokes about Anakin

"Fine with me. I hope he chokes on it."

Meanwhile, Anakin is eating and watching a commercial featuring Vic Jade promoting his new 'Coruscant Landing Bay Paving Company':

'_Hi, I'm Vic Jade with Cor-Jade Landing Bay Paving Company.'_

A younger man joins him in view of the holo-cam. The duo is the epitome of bad acting.

'_And I'm Vic Jade Junior.'_

'_Do you have a landing bay that is crumbling and is not up to Federation code? Are your starships skidding across the tarmac or damaged from surface holes? We can help.'_

'_That's right, Pop. Cor-Jade Landing Bay Paving can give your landing bay that perfect professional finish just like the big Imperial and Republic landing bays for thousands of credits less than other contractors.'_

'_We beat up the competition, Pop…" _He re-reads the cue card. "_…oh, 'beat' the competition.'_

Vic Jade continues to smile at the camera.

'_We sure do, Vic Junior. We have virtually shut out the competition.'_

'_You can choose the competition but you'll be sorry that you did!'_ He points to the camera.

'_With all due respect, Cor-Jade Landing Bay Paving will give you better quality at a better price with no repercussions. So, if you want the job done right, call us.'_

They point to the holo-cam and shout the telephone number in unison: _'Coruscant 4-3586. We'll make you an offer you can't refuse!'_

Anakin is speechless then begins laughing hysterically. He begins choking on a piece of steak he has been chewing. He manages to cough it up but falls backward onto the floor hitting his head against the Wookie sculpture.

Threepio walks into the room reading a holo-dictionary.

"Well! I was wrong. This is a rare moment. Master _'cajónes'_ is actually Massassi in origin but used galaxy-wide…I did not know that…hmmmm…it means…oh dear! So this is what Master Luke meant when he said I didn't have any…I wonder why…Master, I think Mr. Solo was trying to insult you.

He does not get a response; he stops reading and looks up from the holo-dictionary. The droid lets out a shrill scream.

"Call 9-1-1! Master Ani's down!" He scurries back into the kitchen. "Master Ani's on the floor and he isn't moving."

Han takes a sip from his bottle of ale.

"It's about time!"

"No. really. Come quickly! I fear the worse! Please!"

Han rolls his eyes and decides to humor the protocol droid. The others follow except for Obi-Wan, Lando and Professor Solo who are still drinking and chatting. Han thinks that Anakin is up to one of his pranks and grins.

"Oh, this is rich. He has truly sunken to a new low, just when I thought he couldn't go any lower." Han laughs as he looks back at Boba, Fett, Officer Needa and Threepio. "The gig is up '_O_ _great exalted one'_. I've got to hand it to him though, the tipped over chair is a nice touch. It makes his little prank look authentic."

Threepio looks worried.

"But, General Solo, aren't you going to do something?"

"Listen, Goldenrod, all he's looking for is attention but he won't get it from me. These episodes are getting old. I'll tell you what I will do, I'm going to ignore him and go back into the kitchen and enjoy the steak I was forced to cook. Let him rot…Hear that, _your Darthness_?" He winks at the others. "Watch this…"

Han nudges him with his foot but Anakin does not respond. Han suddenly steps away. The color drains from his face. He shouts to the others in the kitchen.

"Hey, people! We have a problem in here!"


	13. Chapter 13 It's Not My Fault

_Chapter 13AE_

* * *

'_Coruscant: CSI'_

'_So Close, Yet So Far Away'_

'_It Wasn't My Fault'_

'_Bait and Switch'_

'_The Blame Game'_

* * *

"Uhm…what's that blue residue on his shirt?"

"How should I know?"

Han hurries out of the room and back in the kitchen to get a first aid kit. As he passes the counter, he notices a few granules on the counter near the box of '_Blister Gnat Begone.'_1The crystals have turned blue from the condensation from a beverage glass that had been on the counter. As he heads out of the kitchen, he stops, frozen in the doorway.

A faint smile creeps across his face as he whispers to himself while he figures this out. It is not a smile of joy, but one of disbelief.

"Oh, _sith_! This is just _'effing'_ great! Lando! Could you come in here for a minute?"

"Sure buddy." Lando meets Han halfway. Han swiftly grabs him by his sleeve and drags him into the kitchen, closing the slatted doors. He corners Lando near the utility closet.

"When you handed me the container while I was grilling the steaks, which one did you give me?"

"The yellow one. Why?"

Han whispers back angrily pointing an accusing finger at his friend.

"Wrong answer!"

"What?"

"You gave me the insecticide container. My father-in-law took poison!"

"But you told me to hand it to you!"

"There's a label on it! You never bothered to read it?"

"I didn't think. How was I supposed to know? "

"I've got a bad feeling about this. Oh, God! What do we do? _'If_ ' and '_When'_ he comes out of this, you know who he's going to blame….Me! And then I'm going to blame you!"

Lando picks up the receiver on the wall phone.

"I'm dialing now!"

Han panics.

"No! Don't call anyone!…not yet…let's figure this out."

"Well, we can't just leave him out here."

"We're not. Get the Sports Utility Speeder; we'll take him to the Emergency Room."

"Can't we just call an ambulance?"

"Right, and they will call his wife. She's going to start asking questions and we'll all be in deep crap. I care about her. For some reason she loves that man and I'm not going to upset her …not yet. Let's get this over with and get him out of here."

The men leave the house while trying to think of a plan and an explanation. They are en route to Coruscant University Medical Center. It is the newest addition to the sprawling hospital. They pull up to the emergency room parking bay buy from the main entrance so they can figure out how to execute this drop-off. Anakin's feet stick out of the rear of the SUS as he lays unconscious in the cargo area. Lando pulls up close along side of Han. Boba Fett, Officer Needa, and Threepio are with him.

Obi-Wan, Han and his father discuss options. Lando exits his speeder and walks over to the rear of Han's vehicle.

"Okay, Dad and I are going to assess the situation. How's he doing, Lando? Any signs of life?"

Lando leans in the side of the vehicle and checks Anakin's vitals. Lando looks across at Han.

"No, but I think he's faking it."

Boba Fett reaches for his blaster. Boba stands guard to make sure to keep gawkers at a distance but the blaster is also aimed at Anakin. Lando sees the blaster.

"Boba, why are you waving that blaster around? Put that away!"

Obi-Wan agrees.

"A blaster won't harm him, Mr. Fett. He must be impaled with the power of a lightsaber."

"Well, I wasn't planin' on getting that close, Master Kenobi." Boba starts to smile. "Hey, fellas, this is a good time to encase him in carbonite and ship him to Tatooine…what d'ya think, mate?….heh-heh!"

Lando stands beside the vehicle.

"That's not even funny, Boba."

"Yes, it is."

Lando shrugs and finally agrees with him.

"Yeah, it is. He would kill us if he knew we were talking about him like this."

As the men crowd around the rear of the speeder, two doctors, heading back to the ER take a shortcut along a narrow walkway close to where Han has parked his SUS. They slow down and approach Han and his father. Han notices and starts walking towards them and away from the SUS. Lando and the others watch as Han and Professor Solo speak to the doctors but they are too far away to hear the conversation.

"You can't go through here. This is a private pathway for staff only."

Professor Solo is holding Han as if his son is about to collapse.

"Can't you see my son is sick?"

"Who are you?"

"If you don't get out of the way, he's going to spew all over your nice white coats."

There is a scuffle as Han, his father and the 2 doctors retreat behind the wall leading to the pathway. Suddenly Han and his father reemerge donning the white coats with badges still attached. The speed up, while at the same time trying not to attract attention. It is now dusk and many people are still in the area. Lando watches as they push a gurney towards the rear of the SUS. Han snaps at everyone.

"What are you waiting for? Let's go!"

They enter the emergency room, speeding pass the intake desk. The triage nurse yells at them. She is a heavyset redhead who is must have been thinner at one point of her life. She wears red lipstick to accentuate her curvy lips.

"Hey! You can't just storm through here…the rooms are filling up. That patient has to go through intake just like everyone else." She looks and sees the rest of the entourage. "Who are they?"

"Uhm…family…cousins and stuff…"

The triage nurse regards the group with a wary eye, especially Threepio. There is no way that these people are related. She rolls her eyes.

"Family or not, they have to stay in the waiting area with all the other dysfunctional losers…except the droid…he can stay….and you have to fill out forms!"

Han stumbles over his words.

"Uhm…oh…this won't take long…he's going downstairs." His father nods in agreement.

"That's right…downstairs."

The nurse notices the hospital badge on the physician's jacket Han is wearing. The nurse apologizes immediately.

"Oh, I'm sorry, doctor, I didn't see your badge."

"What?" Han looks at the badge he is wearing. "Oh…Then why am I talking to you? Boring conversation anyway!" He careens pass the Triage area and head down the corridor.

Professor Solo sees the two disheveled doctors heading their way followed by three Red Guards.

"Junior, we have trouble."

"Stop calling me that!"

One of the doctors points to Professor Solo and Han as he shouts to the guards.

"There they are!"

One of the Red Guards aims a blaster pistol at them. One of the pellets makes a pinging sound as it ricochets off an oxygen canister just outside one of the examination rooms. It pierces the sheet on the gurney. Professor Solo is surprised.

"Don't they know that this place doesn't respond well to bullets?" It is only now that the professor realizes that they are in danger. "Those basterds are trying to kill us!"

Han shouts back as they duck behind the gurney.

"I know, Dad!"

"We'll this has never happened to me before."

"Welcome to my life."

Han looks around the gurney then steers it to the next corridor on the right and into a room. They quickly dump the physician's coats and hustle out of a side exit back to the parking lot and abandoning the gurney.

Boba Fett is leaning against hover chair parking post. He is smoking near a 'No Smoking' sign. Threepio brings this to his attention by pointing at the sign. Boba ignores him and blows smoke rings in the droid's face. Lando watches as the father and son duo head back to their SUS.

"Hey, what happened?"

"The guards made us. Let's get out of here."

"Wait, wait, hold up. Where is Anakin?"

"Oh, crap! We can't go back in there. Why are you outside?"

Boba Fett shrugs after taking another puff from his smoking stick.

"I'd rather be inside; it's freezin' out here, but the surly nurse thought I was being fresh. All I did was wink at her. I like round women, I thought she was into me."

"Can't you guys just follow simple instructions?…Geez! Let's think this through." He runs his fingers through his hair.

There is some discussion over the next 15 minutes. Finally, Lando puts up his hand.

"Okay, Listen, this was partly my fault anyway, so I'll go in and get him."

Obi-Wan is taking a sip of whisky from his flask. He points to Lando.

"You're a good friend, Lando. Go!"

"Oh, right, so no one's coming with me? This deal is getting worse all the time. Listen, I'm willing to take some blame but not all of it."

"No wuckas**. **I'll go with ya, mate." Boba Fett tosses away his smoking stick. "Anakin and I go way back. If anyone can look back at this and laugh, he can."

Obi-Wan raises his flask.

"Boba, you're a good friend. Go!"

Lando and Boba walk into the emergency room. They are gone for some time. After almost thirty minutes, they emerge with stunned looks on their faces. Threepio walks over to them before they get to the speeder. Han sits behind the steering wheel of his speeder waiting for them. He sees Threepio stumble back a few steps them starts wailing. They try to silence him to no avail.

"Oh, curses! What will become of me? Poor Master Ani!"

Han gets out of the speeder.

"Well? Where is he?"

"He's gone, Han."

"What?"

"They wouldn't even let us go downstairs to claim the body."

There is a long silence. Boba shakes his head.

"This is terrible. A sad moment for sure. So who's taking the blame for this, mate?"

"Yeah, Han."

"What are you looking at me for? Lando picked up the container and never looked at the label."

Lando shouts back.

"It's not my fault! Why didn't you read the label? Who stores food products alongside pesticides?"

Threepio is still hysterical with grief. He wags his metallic finger at Han.

"Label? What label? I knew it! You never liked Master Ani! Murderer!"

"Will somebody shut him down?"

"I will not be shut down! As long as I am able to speak…"

Boba Fett locates the control switch on the droid and powers him down. The poor droid resembles a neglected ragdoll.

"Now, how are we going to break the sad news to his missus?"

Obi-Wan takes a drink from his flask.

"Sad indeed. Anakin was a great leader and a good friend." He offers his flask to the others but there are no takers.

Han has had about all he can take of Obi-Wan and his sobriety issues.

"And you have a drinking problem. Don't they have an AA at the Jedi Temple?"

Obi-Wan mutters to himself.

"Well, I never murdered anyone."

Needa, who has been quiet the entire trip, over offers a solution.

"If anyone asks, tell them it is my fault. I will take full responsibility."

Han turns to him.

"Really? You would do that?"

The others shout in unison.

"No! Don't do it!"

Lando folds his arms across his chest.

"So, guys, what are we going to do?"

Obi-Wan tucks his flask in the inside pocket of his Jedi robe. He sounds sincere and articulate.

"I am the oldest and most trusted friend of the family. I will talk to Isabel and the children."

Professor Solo pats Obi-wan on the shoulder.

"Master Kenobi, you are a good and honorable man."

"I know."

Lando ponders a bit and scratches his head.

"What are you going to say? You can't just say he was poisoned."

Professor Solo thinks of something.

"We can say he slipped on some tea and hit his head."

Boba Fett scoffs at this answer.

"Who in hell slips on tea? I've never heard of such a thing!"

"Ohhh…it happens."

"When?"

"When I was a captain in the navy….an officer I was having tea with slipped and died instantly. You doubt me, Mr. Fett?"

"I'm just saying…must have been a bloody lot of tea."

"No, just a cup."

Another 30 minutes pass before they decide it is time to drive to Anakin's' house with the news.

The doorbell rings around 9 o'clock that evening. The door opens. It is Isabel. She looks as lovely as ever. She is not expecting a crowd at the door.

"Obi-Wan, Lando…how are you? What brings you here at this hour?"

"Oh…well…could we come in? We need to speak to you."

"Sure. Is everything alright? What is this about?"

"It is concerning Anakin. Uhm…"

"Yeah? You want to gripe about me behind my back?"

A voice from the back of the group gasps: "He lives!"

Obi-Wan stumbles back a few steps. The visitors at the door look over Isabel's shoulder and see none other than the Dark Lord standing at the front door. He is eating something from a bowl. There is a bandage on his head. The men file in quietly and looking quite foolish. A loud crash can be heard outside the front door. The men are focused on Anakin and barely respond to the noise. They file quietly through the door appears both stunned and scared.

* * *

1 '_Blister Gnat Begone'_, a household insecticide for houseplants. Inside the container is a coarse white crystal powder. The red and yellow label has a cartoon drawing of a dead Blister gnat across the front. The back label has an unending scroll of text full of instructions for product use. An ominous skull and crossbones is stamped on the upper right-hand corner.


	14. Chapter 14 It's Alive!

_Chapter 14AE_

* * *

'_It's Alive!'_

'_Late Night with Anakin Skywalker'_

'_The Casting Couch'_

* * *

As the men file inside the house, Lando glances back at the catastrophe on the ground.

"Is your droid okay?"

Threepio yells out, "Get him off me!" Officer Needa has fainted. He is flat on his back laying on top of Threepio.

Professor Solo greets Isabel with a kiss and a bouquet of flowers that he grabbed from a hospital room. The tag '_Get Well Soon'_ is still attached to one of the stems.

"What a delightful surprise it is to see you up at this hour, my dear. You look beautiful as usual."

"And you brought me flowers? How thoughtful. Unnecessary, but a lovely thought. Thank you, Professor."

"You deserve flowers for all you do for everyone." Anakin gives Professor Solo a dirty look.

After a long disjointed explanation and profuse apologies from everyone involved, things seem to have calmed down. Anakin looks over on the sofa at Officer Karol Needa.

"How's he doing?"

Isabel adjusts the pillow on the back of Needa's head and applies a fresh compress.

"He took quite a fall. I think he should stay put for awhile."

"How long is 'awhile'?"

She ignores him. Obi-Wan speaks.

"I recall years ago, Anakin, when you were in a similar situation."

Anakin was hoping Obi-Wan did not remind him of that moment when Luke and Leia were still teenagers and he had a difficult time coping. At least he was passed out in his own home on his own sofa…not like this young officer.

The front door opens. Someone is attempting to sneak up the stairs. Anakin sets the bowl on the coffee table, rises from his chair, and hurries to head them off before they reach the second step.

"You're late! Where in the blazes have you been? Your mother has been worried sick. Do you know how to tell time?"

"Uh…yes…" It is Anakin's youngest, Krizstan. The boy is wearing a yellow down vest over a long-sleeve black t-shirt and Tatooine cargo pants. He holds onto his air surfer board and listens to his father. This is not the first time he has been interrogated by his father.

"Care to explain young man?"

"No."

This delights Threepio who has recovered from being nearly crushed..

"Oh, young Skywalker, you have a wit as sharp as a lightsaber."

Kris giggles but Anakin is not amused.

"I'm waiting."

The boy starts to explain. Anakin tries to maintain his authoritative demeanor but finds it difficult when the boy speaks. Kris's voice is sweet and angelic even though he seems to be whining.

"We were trying out the new air board park and then we got hungry so we stopped at Burger Barron for dinner…"

"Stop, I don't want to hear it; you're grounded."

"But, Dad…"

"Your mother prepared a lovely meal for the family and it went cold because we were waiting for you."

Isabel interrupts.

"That's not totally true, Anakin. You weren't home either. I tried calling you…"

He does not want to respond because she will know that he purposely ignored her calls earlier in the day; instead, he tries to change the subject.

"Isabel, can I be a parent for a minute? Are you going to deny me that one privilege?"

Isabel takes the bowl from the coffee table while her husband rants. She just stands facing him, unimpressed by what he has to say.

"I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. Rant on."

The men snicker.

"I'm not done with that. Put it back."

"What are you going to do, lick the bowl like a dog?"

"Just…just set it back down. Let me talk to my son."

She rolls her eyes then sets the bowls back on the table. Anakin watches her.

"Thank you." Anakin points to his son. "What are you waiting for, apologize to your mother."

Boba gives Kris a wink. Kris apologizes to his mother.

"Sorry."

Anakin is not satisfied and continues to scold Kris.

"That's not good enough!"

The guests in the living room, especially the unconscious officer on the sofa, are a distraction to Kris. With childlike curiosity and amusement, he points to the sofa.

"Hey, who's the stiff on our sofa?"

Boba Fett answers.

"He fainted and fell on top of Threepio. It was hilarious." Boba notices the disapproving expressing on Anakin's face then tempers his remarks so as not to encourage the boy, but it is too late. Boba continues "...not that he got hurt, but the way it happened gave us all a good chuckle."

Kris laughs.

"Wha…Hah-ha! That must have hurt!"

Anakin snaps his fingers and points.

"Never-you-mind. Go apologize to your mother."

Kris walks over to his mother.

"'Hi, Mom. Sorry I'm late."

Isabel responds.

"You need to call me next time and someone will pick you up."

"None of the other kids…"

"What did I tell you about _'other'_ kids?"

"They're not yours and if their parents let them run the streets at night then they're not good parents."

"Good, you still have your memory. I hope you wore your helmet." She kisses his forehead and takes his down vest. "This goes in the laundry, it's all sweaty; now go to bed…take a bath first!"

"Awww…I'm tired."

"You should have thought about that before you tried to slip inside the house late."

"Oh, alright…" He stops to greet Obi-Wan, Lando and the others "Hey, Ben! Hey, Lando!" He fist-bumps each of them."

"Young Master, Kris…good to see you my boy. How was the new air surfer park?

"Super awesome! I am thrashed! It was quite a workout."

Lando smiles at him.

"How you doin' you little rascal?"

"Fine, thanks. What's everyone doing here so late?"

"Oh, we wanted to make sure your dad was alright. He got a bit of a concussion of his own."

Kris turns to his father who is tapping his foot impatiently.

"Aww, Dad…really? How did you get it? Were you fighting insurgents or something?"

"No... Go to bed!"

"But I like hearing about all the heroic stuff you do."

Boba Fett has a big smile on his face. Kris notices this and knows there is something more to the story.

"Ahhh…okay, I know what happened!" He laughs. He turns to leave the living room. "Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight, son…and take a bath, you smell like a little tauntaun."

Kris is embarrassed by his father's comment.

"Dad? Geez…! Good night guys."

Anakin scolds him.

"Guys? They are not your pals at the air-surfer park."

Kris bows to Obi-wan and acknowledges the rest of the men in the room.

"Good night, Master Kenobi, General Calrissian, Professor, Mr. Fett, Honorable Brother-in-law, Threepio, Dead guy on the sofa…"

Obi-Wan nods.

"Oh, he's not dead…not yet."

The men smile and say goodnight.

Anakin folds his arms. He is not laughing.

"Okay, That's enough, funny guy."

Boba Fett waves to him.

"G'night, sprog!"

Anakin points to the air surfer board.

"Leave that air surfer down here."Anakin takes the air surfer board from him. "We're not done talking, young man. There are Yuuzhan Vong running around late at night kidnapping children who don't come home on time!"

This elicits horrified gasps around the room, especially from Isabel. "Anakin! Don't say such things!"

Anakin realizes he should not have said this even though it is based purely upon unsubstantiated rumors circulating the galaxy about planned kidnappings of children, especially ones whose parents are prominent government officials. Anakin has several members of his elite investigative team over at Headquarters checking into this as a precaution. Satisfied that he has instilled enough fear in the boy, Anakin yells up the stairs, "And you're grounded."

"Again? Awww, maaaan!"

"Don't make me come after you."

"Okay." Kris continues up the stairs to his bedroom. The element of fear has worn off.

Anakin now turns his attention to Han. "And you...!"

Han rolls his eyes.

"I can't believe this. He's still on a roll after all that's happened. What's that slop you're eating from that bowl?

"It's yogurt. I met up with one of the nurses in the ER. She suggested I eat it to ward off the effects of the toxins in my body. She saved my life. Han, you need cooking lessons. Your steaks suck…."

Anakin is again interrupted by someone else is coming into the house. It is Leia.

Anakin looks at Han and points.

"See that? That's your wife. Look at the time!" He shouts at Leia. "Where have you been in your condition?"

"I'm an adult and I don't have to answer to you concerning my whereabouts." She briefly acknowledges the men in the living room except for Han.

"Gentlemen." She continues walking upstairs, purposely snubbing Han and her father. Anakin is incensed…or pretends to be. "See that? What is with these kids? Where do they get it from? Han, I want you to go get your wife and get the hell out of my house."

Leia reaches the top of the stairs and leans over the rail.

"I'm not talking to him! And I'm not going home with him." She disappears into her old room and force-slams the door.

Everyone is quiet now. Anakin stares at them.

"Well? What are you all waiting for? Get out of my house. Take Lieutenant _'Faints-a-lot'_ with you."

Isabel walks in.

"He's in no condition to be moved. Leave him there. Thank you for coming to check on my husband but, as you see, he's fine."

Obi-Wan kisses her goodnight, as do the others. Anakin tries to usher them out the door. After locking the door, Anakin takes one long look at the poor unconscious officer on the sofa then shakes his head in disbelief and storms out of the room.

Meanwhile, the men are amazed that Anakin did not know about the incident with the _'Blister Gnat Begone.'_

Lando turns to Han.

"I thought you told him."

"No, I knew he would kill me. Let's just let it go."

"That was a close one."

Professor Solo smiles happily.

"See? Everything worked itself out. He's fine, that young officer is fine…this calls for a celebration. Drinks are on me!"

"We had all better head on home. He may not remember now but he will. When that happens, steer clear."


	15. Chapter 15 What Happened to My Shirt?

_Chapter 15AE_

* * *

'_What Happened to My Shirt?'_

'_No Varactyls Were Harmed While Making This Purse'_

'_Echo Two and Echo Three'_

'_You Walk Through My Door, I Walk Through Yours'_

* * *

Anakin is happy to be back home sleeping in his bed and showering in his luxurious master bath in the morning. He hums calmly as he brushes his teeth and gets dressed. Now he can enjoy breakfast without harmful additives. He knows he is in a safe place without fear of being rushed to the Coruscant ER. Everything is peaceful.

He heads downstairs and senses another visitor nearby. The idea of this particular visitor in the house brings a smile to his face but also; it brings a feeling of concern. The visitor is engaged in a quiet discussion with someone downstairs in the living room. He listens for a moment.

"Where am I?"

"In my house?"

"You're beautiful.'

"Thank you."

.

"For a moment, I thought I was dreaming to see such an angelic face before me."

"Thank you, you're so sweet."

"What's your name?"

"Ana-…'

Anakin decides to break up the conversation in typical authoritarian style.

"Hey! Get away from him!"

A gasp comes from his younger daughter

"Oh! My Dad's coming!"

Ana-Lena quickly gets up from the coffee table where she had been sitting, observing the young officer Needa. She hurries across the room to greet her father as he arrives at the bottom of the staircase.

"Good morning, Daddy."

"Isn't that uniform a bit too short?"

Ana-Lena looks down at the box-pleated skirt that falls four inches above her knees.

"It's the same length it's always been..."

"Yeah…short. What are those Jedi nuns teaching you girls these days? It can't be modesty."

"Geez, Daddy, isn't it enough that I'm in a convent school? Isn't it enough that I have to wear this dorky uniform? Isn't it enough…"

He cuts her off as he walks ahead of her.

"No, No, and No. Did you do your homework?"

"Of course I did." She looks back at the officer as they leave the living room. "So, what happened to him? You didn't run over him with your speeder, did you?"

"He tripped and fell. Don't worry about him."

"On what?"

"What?"

"What did he fall on?"

"Tea."

"Tea?"

Anakin becomes annoyed by her questions.

"Why do I hear an echo?"

"Leia said you were in the emergency department last night. Are you alright? That's why I got an early dismissal slip from Sister Dormé Infanta; I sensed something bad had happened to you." She points to the remaining bandage on the left side of his forehead. "Who smashed you in the head?"

"No one _'smashed'_ me in the head. I'm fine."

"Oh…okay…if you say so." She thinks of something. "I'll be back; I'm going to get my school books."

"Don't make any unauthorized 'stops' while you're 'getting your books', missy."

Anakin walks out onto the glass-enclosed terrace garden to have breakfast. He is sitting at the table sipping his coffee while reading some military reports from his data pad and listening to the morning business news on Rally's Financial News on the HoloNet plasma screen. After a few sips from his cup, he senses that he is no longer alone. He lowers the data pad and sees Kris and Leia sitting at the table. Leia ends a call to her assistant at the Galactic Senate.

"Leave two copies of the policy draft on my desk so I can review them when I come into the office." The assistant apparently makes a suggestion that annoys Leia. "No, I don't want you to send it electronically. I'm officially not available today…just do what I asked you to do. Thank you." She ends the call. "Geez….it's so hard to get good people these days. Why is everyone so difficult this morning? I swear!"

Anakin shakes his head as he comments quietly to himself while eavesdropping on Leia's call.

"Someone needs to work on their people skills."

Leia is reading notes of her own but mutters a reply to Anakin's remark from behind her data pad.

"Oh, you're a fine one to talk."

His wife, meanwhile is helping, a conscious, but still wobbly Lieutenant Needa to a seat at the grand table. Anakin slams the tablet on the table. The only one startled by the noise is the officer. Isabel reassures him.

"Ignore that."

As she steps away, one of the servants offers the Lieutenant breakfast from chafing dish. He takes a warm sweet roll, two duck eggs and apple-cured Eopie bacon. The servant fills a glass with freshly squeezed Felucia blood orange juice. He starts drinking it immediately. It is refreshing. He had never had fresh juice before. The space station only provided reconstituted beverages. He closes his eyes as he savors the sweet nectar sighs. Leia glances across the table at him then continues making notes on her data pad. The servant pours Felucia-grown dark roast coffee into the officer's cup.

"Sugar, sir?"

"Yes…please…"

"Cream?"

"Please. Thank you."

Karol Needa lifts the cup to his lips. It is the best coffee he has ever had. Ana-Lean arrives at the breakfast table. She watches with dreamy teenage eyes as he savours each forkful of food. He realizes that he is being watched and stops eating. Ana-Lena smiles.

"Gee, you must be starving. You're eating like an acklay."

"Oh, I apologize for my manners."

"That's okay. Daddy, can I have coffee too?"

Anakin answers her from behind his data pad.

"No, it'll make you crazy."

Ana-Lena makes a flippant remark.

"Enjoy your coffee, Daddy." She decides to continue her conversation with the lieutenant.

"So…do you get to go to lots of events?"

"Events, Miss?"

"You know… the officers' ball…formal events...stuff like that."

"Ahem…uh...I haven't attended any this year…just at my graduation. My parents were quite proud that day…How do you know about them? The events I mean…not my parents."

"I read my dad's newsletters when I'm helping him organize his desk. That's why I know about them. I would love to go someday...I love attending formal events."

"Really? Pardon me for asking but how old are you, Miss?"

"Oh, I'm 15…almost."

He almost chokes on the sweet roll. Leia is certain that her father has had a 'hand' in this. Ana-Lena is still looking dreamy-eyed at the guest across the table. Kris rolls his eyes.

"Fifteen…you're not fifteen. Oh, brother, there she goes, making googly eyes."

Ana-Leia scoffs at him.

"Oh, be quiet. What do you know?"

"A whole lot." He calls out to his father. "Dad, she hemmed her skirt again."

Ana-Lena squints angrily at her brother.

"Why you rotten little nexu!"

Anakin continues to stare at them as they squabble across the table. He turns his attention to his data pad but addresses Leia.

"Leia, your house is a hot mess. When are you going to take care of it?"

"Don't you worry about it."

Kris is amused and relieved that his father's attention is now on Leia and not on him.

"Ha!"

Anakin gives Kris the 'hairy eyeball' and speaks.

"Must I remind you that you are still grounded?"

"Oh…you were serious about that?"

An exasperated Anakin speaks aloud to no one in particular.

"Do any of you kids take me seriously?" There is silence. Anakin turns to Lieutenant Needa. Needa is preoccupied shaking pepper on his perfectly cooked duck eggs. The children look at him too. Needa suddenly feels the pressure to set the shaker down on the silver caddy. Anakin folds his arms across his chest.

"Lieutenant, what do you think?"

"Me, sir? Oh…I…uh…well, I-I try not to get involved in the personal family matters of my superiors, sir."

Anakin pushes.

"How would you handle this?"

"Well, sir…I am not married so I don't believe I am qualified to discuss…I...uhm…"

Kris is thoroughly amused, and grins ear to ear as the poor officer stammers his way around an answer. Ana-Lena rests her elbow on the table with her chin in her hand. She is smitten with the young officer and hangs on his every word. Anakin is waiting for an answer.

Leia rolls her eyes. She cannot stand to see this poor officer sweating for a response. She sets down her fork and speaks.

"Officer, Needa, how old are you?"

"Twenty-three…going on twenty-four, sir…I mean, ma'm."

Leia responds in her typical snippy manner when she feels insulted.

"First of all, don't call me, _'ma'm'_. You're twenty-three, single…Do you like your job? No, wait…don't answer that. Listen; don't you know when he's trying to bait you?"

Anakin interrupts.

"Hey! This is not your conversation."

Ana-Lena interrupts. She finds one tidbit of information interesting.

"You're single?"

Leia gives her little sister a stern look.

"Mind your business." She continues to speak to the officer. "Don't listen to him. You're an unwitting participant in this mess from yesterday. You know you have rights, don't you? The Galactic Officer's Bill of Rights was passed in the Galactic Senate a decade ago."

"I have heard of it but never seen a copy of it firsthand."

"You're being exploited."

"But he is my superior….the Commander of the Galactic Forces. I would gladly give my life for him."

Leia rubs her forehead.

"Oh, dear…then you truly are a lost cause. I'm wasting my time on you. "

Anakin is insulted.

"Don't talk to my officer that way. He's a loyal servant."

Ana-Lena sighs wistfully. Her breakfast is getting cold.

"I find his loyalty so refreshing; He is so gallant…except for the dying for my father part...that sucks."

Kris wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"Ewww…gross! Oh, brother, I'm going to finish my breakfast in the kitchen." Kris is about to take his breakfast and leave the table. Anakin finds his children to be an utter disappointment today. He yells at Kris.

"Kris, you stay put!" He scans the table and focuses on Karol Needa. "So, officer Needa, are you enjoying your breakfast?"

"Oh, very much, my Lord. Your wife is an excellent cook."

"My wife did not prepare this breakfast but she is an excellent cook. So, officer, let me ask you this, what do you think of my children? …the ones who are here."

""They are lovely and spirited individuals….full of independent thought. They are quite intelligent and entertaining."

Kris looks across the table at his sister and points

"Entertaining…a-ha! Ana-Le, he called you a clown!"

"He did not!"

"Did too!"

"You little troublemaker!"

Anakin sighs and rubs his temples. He feels a tension headache coming on. His children are undermining him at every turn.

"Finish your breakfast, Lieutenant. Kris, sit up straight."

"So, Lieutenant, you appear to be an intelligent young man, how's your math?"

"My math?"

"Yes! Why is everyone repeating my questions?"

Karol Needa blurts out an answer. The response causes dead silence around the table.

"Oh, my math is quite excellent, sir. I received honors every year at the academy in General Calculus, Algebra, Probability, and Stochastic Processes for Applied Mathematics and Computational Science, Probability Science and Geometry. I designed a mock tactical invasion of Coruscant to establish margin of error in troop effectiveness and weapon accuracy. It's applied as a standard training tool in drills across the galaxy…it's…"

Anakin gets over the initial shock of the officer's rambling.

"Okay, shut up."

A short while later Anakin leaves the table. Ana-Lena grabs a container of yogurt and stuffs it in her small pink tote with her edu-data pad and her e-textbooks. Anakin does not comment on the fact that she would have had a hot breakfast if she had eaten it instead of embarrassing him in front of one of his officers. He passes the officer's chair.

"Lieutenant, we have work to do; come with me."

"But…yes, my Lord." He decides it is better not to say anything more and wipes his mouth with the linen napkin then pushes away from the table. He follows Anakin inside the house.

Ana-Lena is chatting to someone on her pink JD3000 wireless earphone. Anakin bought it for her on her last birthday. He had misgivings about it because he was concerned that she would be on the line gossiping with her friends at all hours of the night. He was right. Each day since her birthday when she opened the clear box with the ribbon, the gadget has been in her ear. Isabel's solution was to confiscate it at night then return it to her in the morning. As soon as she gets it back, however, she is chatting away endlessly with her friends.

On this morning, she is chatting with one of her classmates as she gathers her things for school.

"Yes, in our home! He's so awesomely cute! And get this, he's super smart!"

Anakin walks by and hastily snaps his fingers in her face. She frowns then whispers to her friend.

"Gotta go, Soni. My dad is hovering…okay…see you on the school shuttle…byee."

Anakin walks ahead of her.

"Oh no, missy, you're coming with me."

"But Daddy, I was going to wait for the day-school shuttle. I only came home to see if you were alright."

"I'm your school shuttle this morning. You're not stopping at Dex's Diner today."

"Qui-Gon has a big mouth. Why are you making my life miserable?"

"Because I can. I'm your father and I love you."

"That's an oxymoron."

"What did you say?"

She scowls behind his back as she stuffs another e-textbook into her small pink tote bag. The bag does not hold much else, except for lip-gloss and gum, both items contraband at the school. The tote bag has pink down feather varactyl trim. A clear stylus is clipped to the side with a tuft of pink feathers sticking out from the top. The pompoms at the top of her two braided ponytails are made of the same feathers.

Ana-Lena stops to straighten her white knee socks with the Jedi emblem embroidered on the tops. Her gold and platinum Jedi emblem hangs from a fine chain around her neck. It was a confirmation gift from Gladys and Uli Jensen. A crisp white collared long-sleeved blouse and a navy cardigan compliment her navy and red tartan box-pleated skirt. She grabs her wool blazer with the convent school patch featuring the Jedi symbol. Ana-Lena trails behind her father. Anakin has not forgotten about the 'pink accessories.'

"By the way, do you know you have candy floss in your hair?"

"It's not candy floss."

"Your mother and I don't recall seeing it in the school handbook. Has the dress code changed since my last tuition payment?"

She rolls her eyes. Anakin turns to see Kris sprinting pass him to get out the door. Anakin snaps his fingers at this child as well.

"I'll drive you to class."

"But…"

"Get in the speeder. Here are the keys. Get inside and don't touch anything. I'll be there in a moment. Take the officer with you."

Kris looks up at the officer then releases a loud sigh

"Come on, Skipper."

"Lieutenant."

"Yeah."

Anakin is searching for his wife. Someone is calling him. He turns. Ana-Lena hurries pass him out the front door. He hears his name being called again.

"Meester Anakeen! Jou hast to see somesing pliss."

"Good morning Mazicia. What is it?"

A petite but round woman in her seventies emerges from the laundry room. Anakin looks as the worried Alderaanian housekeeper is holding something in her hands.

"Look….here…and here. What hast happened? Looks like a pistola. Who did thees to jour camisa?"

Anakin examines the blue shirt he had worn the day before at Han's house. There are two blaster holes in the shirt.

"I don't know but I'll find out."

"This is a beautiful camisa. What a terrible thing to happen. Maybe I can fix like new, ok?"

"You're a dedicated worker, Mazicia. Thank you but don't go to any trouble."

"Are you sure jou're okay, Meester Ani?" She tries to check his arms for injuries but sees nothing. He finds this moment slightly amusing as she circles him while he makes his way to the front door. He finds her thick Alderaanian accent adorable.

"I'm fine…really. Thanks for being concerned."

"I worry about jou Meester Ani. Nobody looking out for jou. All the time jou in mush danger. Jou're a good man."

"I can take care of myself."

"Okay. May the forsa be wis jou, Meester Ani."

"Ditto."

"¿Que?"

"May the Force be with you, Mazicia."

"Oh! Jes, Meester Ani."

Anakin continues to head for the door when he notices Leia sitting in the living room. She is lounging on the sofa flipping through a magazine.

"I see you're not budging."

"Nope!"

"Listen, I've have enough of this."

Someone passes Kris at the front door as he grabs his air surfer board. The two exchange a 'high-five'.

"Hey, sport. How's the galaxy treating you?"

"Rotten."

The visitor responds to Anakin's remark.

"So have I." It is Han.

As soon as Leia sees him, she tosses the magazine on the coffee table and gets up to walk out of the room. Anakin smirks.

"Finally! Someone has come to his senses. Finally there will be peace and quiet in this house."

Leia shouts back at her father.

"Oh, please! There has never been peace in this house."

"You are going home, and that's final!"

She shakes her finger at her father them points to Han.

"Don't be so sure of yourself. I'm not going anywhere with him!"

Han fumes.

"Listen, your exaltedness, this is no fun for me either!"

Anakin yells back.

It's because of you two that I was almost killed yesterday!"

Leia pokes him in his chest.

"Oh stop playing the martyr! You should have stayed home and then there wouldn't have been a problem!"

Anakin yells back.

"You're the one who should have stayed home!" He sees Threepio standing idle near the sofa.

"What are you doing? Keep busy! Go keep an eye on my kids and don't let that officer get away."

"You're referring to that klutz who fell on me last night? There ought to be a law!"

Threepio leaves the room in a huff.

Meanwhile, outside in the parking bay, Kris and Lieutenant Needa lean against Anakin's speeder as the argument inside heats up. Ana-Lena sits on a bench close by in the garden. She is talking on her earphone with one of her friends. Threepio catches up with them and watches the two children.

Needa glances up at the impressive house then turns to Kris.

"Is this a typical day at your house?"

"Hah! No day is 'typical' at our house."

"You have a lovely family."

"Yeah…we do okay…my mom and my brother Luke is the sanest of the bunch. Luke keeps busy and my mom goes shopping when it gets crazy."

"She must shop a lot. Your father is a fortunate man to have such an understanding wife."

"Like I said, she goes shopping. My mom is cool. So…how did you get mixed up with us?"

Kris twirls the keys on his index finger as he listens to Karol Needa explain.

"Well, I'm not supposed to be here. I tried to explain that to everyone last night. I was ordered to go to General Solo's house by Admirals Tagge and Motti. I was actually on liberty at the time."

"You can't stand up to those old geezers? You need to learn the ropes. Just keep quiet and don't do anything stupid. Agreeing to go yesterday was just stupid."

"Thank you, Kris. That's very helpful information." He nods towards the house. "Is he going to be in there awhile?"

"Depends."

"Depends?"

"Depends upon whether my sister gives in. They butt heads all the time. Master Kenobi says it's because they've got the same temperament."

"I see. Master Kenobi is the white haired gentleman in the robe, right?"

"Did he have a drink in his hand and was he wearing a Jedi robe?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"Okay, that's him. He's been known to show up at the Jedi Council meetings in his bathrobe."

"Amusing fellow."

"Yeah, Uncle Ben is a hoot."

"Oh, I didn't know he was related to you."

"He's a close family friend and default godfather to all of us. We have other godparents but we have to have a Jedi godparent to be baptized."

"Oh…it sounds complicated."

"Not really." Kris sighs from boredom but soon thinks of a way to bide his time. "So…while we wait it out, I'm going to pull this speeder out onto the driveway. Gotta practice my defensive driving skills."

"Uh…Master Kris, do you think it wise to do that? It is his lordship's….I mean, your father's speeder."

Threepio interrupts.

"I wholeheartedly agree, Lieutenant."

Kris ignores the droid.

"Oh, I do it all the time. Besides, he never notices."

Meanwhile, back inside of the Skywalker house, Anakin is on the losing end of an argument involving him, his eldest daughter and son-in-law. Anakin is not happy and goes on a rant.

"So, what, we're at a stalemate? Fine! That's just fine! I know one thing; you had better be out of my house by the time I get back home! No respect…" He pats his coat and feels inside his pockets for something. "Where are my keys?" Suddenly he hears a high-pitched screeching noise coming from the driveway. He immediately storms out of the house. Threepio hurries up the driveway to meet him while Artoo estimates the speed and skid marks. The astromech droid assesses that the vehicle was traveling at least 115km/h. Threepio chatters on.

"I tried to warn him, Master but he wouldn't listen to me…impossible child!"

Anakin is distracted and has a lot on his mind. He cannot be bothered with his speeder right now. He waits for his younger daughter to acknowledge him.

"Young lady, your chariot awaits."

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes then utters a loud sigh as she whispers into her earphone. "The Dark lord is calling…gotta go. See you in class."

Anakin holds open the rear passenger door. Ana-Lena takes her time walking to the speeder. She smiles sweetly to the young officer but scowls at her father. She slides into the back seat making sure there is ample space for the person he believes will sit beside her. Anakin points to the officer and directs him to the front passenger seat.

"Officer."

"Thank-you, my Lord."

Ana-Lena fumes.

Anakin grabs the keys from Kris.

"Give me those! Get in!"

Kris slides in the back seat with his sister. She dumps her pink tote on the seat. Kris looks at her.

"Move over!"

She takes her tote and sets it on her lap. Both children are pouting. Anakin walks around to the driver's side. As soon as he is behind the wheel Ana-Lena and Kris bicker. Kris sits with his air surfer board propped up between his knees. He taps out a beat the board. Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.

"Do you mind? That's really annoying."

"Want to move that pink nightmare bird bag?"

"It's not a bird bag."

Anakin waits a moment tapping his fingers on the dashboard. Finally he speaks.

"Don't make me stop this speeder."

Kris giggles.

"We haven't pulled out of the driveway yet."

Ana-Lena has something to say too.

"If you do, can I get out?"

"What do you think?"

Ana-Lena folds her arms and sulks. Anakin starts the ignition and pulls out of the driveway.

Back inside the house, Han finds the silence between him and his wife awkward. Leia pretends to read one of the fashion magazines she finds on the coffee table. Han decides to start the conversation.

"So….how's it going? You okay?"

"Fine…fine…we're all fine….how are you?"

"I…uhm…cleaned the house…in case you were wondering."

"That's nice." She continues to 'read.'

"I hired a maintenance crew to make repairs. They're filling up the hold in the wall that you father created."

"Hmmm…I hope you're sending him the bill."

"Oh, he's getting the bill alright."

"You know, he's got some nerve breaking into our home and causing thousands in damages; and then he cries about having to go to the ER." She pauses as she sets the magazine to the side on the sofa. "So, did you and Lando really poison my father?" There is a wry smile on her face. Han instinctively becomes defensive.

"It wasn't intentional! He made me so mad that we got distracted…Stuff happens when he's involved."

"It's okay. I found it highly entertaining. Serves him right. How would he like it if we intruded on him? Let's get out of here. There's too much tension in this house.


	16. Chapter 16 You Liked it When You Were 4

_Chapter 16AE_

* * *

'_You Used to like it When you Were Four'_

'_The Force is Driven With You'_

'_Back Seat Discord'_

'_Sweets for the Sith'_

* * *

Anakin is speeding down New Republic City Freeway to Exit 68 on Pleasant Spirit Drive. Ana-Lena is incensed. She knows this route by heart and wastes no time to protest.

"So, you're getting rid of me first?"

"That's right."

Kris expresses his displeasure as well.

"Yeah, Dad, you could have dropped me off in town already."

Ana-Lena is still complaining.

"Daddy, I can't believe you would do such a thing."

"Where did you think you were going? You're in boarding school, my dear."

Ana-Lena sits silent.

Anakin makes a sharp right turn at the exit sending Kris sliding on the seat into his sister. Ana-Lena shoves him away. The speeder cruises down a quiet suburban road surrounded by verdant rolling hills dotted with quaint cottages. A group of Jedi monks is trekking up toward the Manarai Mountains to a spiritual retreat for meditation, prayer and silence.

It is believed that this exercise eases their transition into the afterlife when that fateful time comes.

The Jedi monks have no possessions with them. They all wear the same thin nunaskin slippers that provided no insulation from the cold and no relief from the rough terrain.

Ana-Lena understood the theory in Sunday school of Jedi of all types taking a vow of poverty; she just thought it was impractical. She knew immediately that this life was not for her. She believed in a good pair of shoes.

The convent school students would hand out cheese sandwiches and freshly harvested pera fruit to the men as they make their pilgrimage up the mountain. Ana-Lena finds this use of her free time on campus truly rewarding. The girls play the part of poor Tatooine peasant girls, dressed in loosely woven gauze skirts or dresses with ivory linen aprons and peasant lace kerchiefs on their heads. They wear a single braded ponytail or two looped ponytails tied with a simple piece of gauze fabric. Their footwear consists of a pair of soft slippers made of double twill Tatooine linen with a bantha hide sole crafted by the Bestine Nuns on Tatooine.

Each girl is responsible for making her own outfit. The peasant clothing had to appear humble without too much adornment. Ana-Lena makes a new outfit each year. There were simple but beautifully made. She took embroidery tips from her maternal grandmother and created beautiful floral trim for her peasant skirt. They would sing in angelic voices as the Jedi Monks make their journey up the hill:

_Accept, these gifts,  
These fruits, so sweet  
Which we have picked this morning for you  
These cheeses, we make with our own hands_

_W__e give these gifts to show our gratitude_

_We are just poor peasant girls  
But the little we have,  
We gladly give unto you,  
These gifts with all our hearts _

_These gifts with all our hearts_

_The Good Lady of Bestine tells us,  
Your sacrifice will be repaid  
The Good Lady of Bestine tells us,  
This journey will be ours someday_

_She will guide you on your way_

_The Good Lady of Bestine_

_Will guide us up someday_

Ana-Lena is not thinking of the humble Jedi monks right now. She is thinking of the gross injustices inflicted upon her by the Dark Lord chauffeur.

The speeder continues then turns again inside a large gated entrance. A statue of the Holy Lady of Bestine, with arms outstretched, looks out over all who stand before her. Two Pear trees stand on either side of the revered figure. A vase of fresh Felucia lilies sits at her feet.

Anakin pulls up the drive to the entrance not far from the steps where nuns are greeting the non-resident day students as the shuttle drops them off.

"Isn't this wonderful? Door-to-door service. Do you need me to walk you inside, Sweet PJ? I can talk to the Mother Superior about the dress code…and the security in this place…I'm truly disappointed."

The speeder has barely come to a stop. Ana-Lena lets herself out of the speeder before her father has a chance to get out and open the door for her.

"Never mind." She force-slams the rear left passenger door and is about to walk around the back of the vehicle. Her father senses her anger but plays the innocent.

"What? No kiss 'goodbye' for your old man? You know what? I think I'll go inside after all. I haven't visited with the Mother Superior since parent-teachers day…"

Before her father can continue, Ana-Lena makes an about face, hurries to the driver-side door and leans in to give her father a quick peck on the cheek.

"Goodbye, Daddy."

The very thought of her father shadowing her on campus is horrifying. Ana-Lena starts to make her way in front of the speeder. She looks straight ahead, not turning to look at Lieutenant Karol Needa even though she wanted to. She imagined he must think her rude. The officer barely notices. The beautiful campus, the trees, and the blooming winter roses amaze him. It is a sharp contrast to the cold steel and black synthetic granite interior of the space station. He does manage to get out of the speeder in time to bow and, tips his officer's cap to her.

"Good luck on your return to school, Miss."

Ana-Lena continues to walk. Anakin has a few more fatherly words for his daughter.

"Enjoy your day back on campus. Oh, I've assigned a couple of troopers to stand guard outside the gate…just in case you get 'lost' again and wind up all the way in CoCo Town."

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.

"Gee, thanks."

Chris giggles as he turns down his ear pod. The music is still blasting through the micro speakers.

"Ah-ha! He got you good!"

Anakin looks at his son from his rear view mirror.

"How would you like a whack on the bum with that air board? Huh? It can be arranged."

Kris is quiet and reflects on the idea of such punishment.

"I guess I wouldn't like it at all."

"Well then, there you go. You need to be more sensitive towards your sister. She's a long way from home."

Kris knows this is not true.

"Huh?" Kris checks his wrist and examines his watch. It is a yellow Jedi chronograph watch with both holo and aqua settings. It was a gift from Luke for Kris's 12th birthday.

Ana-Lena starts up the steps pass the nuns when her father yells out to her.

"Second thought, I'll pick you up this afternoon. We could go into the next town for ice cream. Who knows when I'll see you again? Okay, Sweet Pea Junior?"

Ana-Lena used to enjoy these outings when her parents would visit the school or drop her off after a family holiday. Now it is just an embarrassment. She actually misses the special visits to the Twi'lek Licks Ice Cream Parlor with its retro Old Republic décor and 178 flavors….and she already misses her little brother.

Ana-Lena cringes when she hears him utter here nickname. She is hoping that no one hears this but a few girls walking nearby giggle. The girls follow her up the steps repeating the nickname, playfully taunting her. Ana-Lena is not in the mood for the early-morning ribbing.

"Not now, Soni."

The girls head towards the chapel after taking a curtsey in front of the statue. They are going to morning prayers before class. Anakin's daughter is thoroughly embarrassed by her father. The nuns smile and bow when they see Anakin's speeder. Anakin nods and smiles. Kris leans his head forward between the two front seats.

"I want to go for ice cream this afternoon."

"You're grounded. Sit back and fasten your seatbelt."

"Aw maaan! She always gets the perks!"

Anakin does not respond. He waits until Ana-Lena is inside before he drives off.

Anakin is back on the freeway again heading back into Coruscant City. Once in the downtown area, he causes an uproar. This time it is Kris who is outraged.

"Hey, Dad! You passed my stop!"

"We're not going to the Jedi Academy."

"I can see that. Dad, Master Kip is waiting for me. He doesn't like it when I'm late."

"He'll just have to wait a little longer. Gee, I can't believe someone made that knucklehead a master."

A few of Kris's friends are waiting near the parking bay ramp of the Jedi temple as the Skywalker speeder cruises pass them. Kris turns in his seat to watch his friends in the distance. The confused faces of the two boys and a girl with two long blond braids sticking out from under a blue and white earflap hat are both pathetic and comical to Anakin. Each child is holding onto an air surfer board. One of the boys appears to be saying: _'What the 'eff'?"_

Kris watches them and shrugs.

Anakin mimics Kris whining_, "Master Kip doesn't like it when I'm late." _Looks like 'Master Kip' is going to be disappointed in you as much as I am."

Kris has never spent much time at the former Imperial headquarters. The name was finally changed to The Intergalactic New Republic Armed Forces. Many of the senior officers from the former Imperial division are not keen on the title change. They feel it weakens their hold on the few remaining Imperial strongholds across the galaxy. Kris finds the headquarters boring. However, today, according to his father, 'This is your lucky day!"

Anakin parks his vehicle in his executive parking spot not far from the landing bay. A trooper meets them and opens the driver side door. Anakin emerges. He straightens his new cashmere coat but leaves it open. The soft black fabric flows behind him as he walks. An officer approaches him with some pressing information. It is Commander Daine Jir.

"Good morning, My Lord."

"Good morning, Commander. Arrange to have my speeder waxed immediately."

"Yes, my Lord." The officer points to two low-ranking officers and gestures for them to take care of the matter immediately. He speaks to Anakin again trailing him. Anakin finds him annoying but effective.

"And what about the meeting, my Lord? The Admirals have been waiting for over an hour, sir."

"Cancel the meeting. Something more pressing has come up."

"They were quite adamant, My Lord. They would rather …"

"Did I mumble or something? Cancel the meeting."

"Yes, my Lord."

Anakin continues to walk ahead. Karol Needa picks up his pace to keep up with Anakin. Kris grabs his rucksack and tucks his air board under his arm. Anakin does not turn around but continues to speak.

"You're not going to need that board where we're going."

They arrive in the lobby. The infamous Vader March plays quietly over the P.A. system. All of the officers and guards on duty stand at attention and salute. Kris watches with amazement. A sly smile creeps across his face.

"Sweet. You know, I have a new appreciation for what you do, Dad…whatever that is."

His father does not respond.

Kris follows his father and Karol Needa into a waiting elevator. They get out at the Executive suite and start down the hall. Admirals Motti, Tagge, and several other senior officers stand at attention as Anakin passes. They were speaking in hushed whispers then stop abruptly upon the Dark Lord's arrival. Kris hears their thoughts. One of the officers turns and looks down at Kris. Kris squints suspiciously at Admiral Tagge then slowly catches up with his father and Lieutenant Needa. Kris senses a measure of hostility from the men.

The three enter the reception area. The last time that Kris was in the office, there was a different decor. The Sullustan cherry wood paneling is now Kashyyyk Teak. The furniture in the reception waiting area is navy suede with stainless floor lamps.

Ms. DiPesto looks up from her data screen as they enter the room. Her toothy smile turns on like a light.

"Good morning, Mr. Skywalker." She sees the officer and looks at his badge. "Oh! Another officer Needa." She sees Kris. "Oh, my, the new hires are getting younger everyday! Are you here to work with your daddy?"

Anakin interrupts.

"Good morning, Ms. DiPesto. The officer and I will be in a meeting. The boy…" He turns and points to Kris. "Sit and don't move from that chair until I'm ready for you." He turns to Ms. DiPesto. "He's grounded. Don't speak to him."

Kris whines.

"Dad!"

"Want me to make it two weeks?"

"I didn't know how long it was the first time."

"You feel I'm treating you unfairly?"

Kris is about to answer him.

"Well…"

"Don't make me alter it." He sees the air surfer board. "And I told you to leave that board in the speeder."

"No you didn't."

"Don't look at me. Have a seat."

Kris and Ms. DiPesto sit at the same time.

"Not you, Ms. DiPesto."

"Oh!" She does not know whether to sit or stand. Anakin sighs and shakes his head. He decides not to complicate things anymore and continues into his office into his office. He force-slams his door once he and Needa are inside.

Ms. DiPesto resumes her work. She periodically glances across the room at Kris who sits quietly tapping on his air surfer board. He is listening to his ear pod. He senses that she is watching him and abruptly stops. He shifts his body at least five times in the chair.

Half an hour passes. Ms. DiPesto looks at the closed door to Anakin's office. She slowly slides out of her chair and takes a glass dish with a lid. A burgundy grosgrain ribbon holds it closed. She scurries across the room. Kris stares wide-eyed at the woman, scared that his father may pop out at any moment. She removes the ribbon and immediately the variety of fruit flavors fills his olfactory senses. She Whispers.

"Paonga Delights. Do you like them?"

Kris licks his bottom lip then nods an emphatic 'Yes.' Unlike the ones in the traditional teal box with the burgundy-colored ribbon, these are individually wrapped in teal-colored waxed tissue. He leans in close and selects the apricot-flavoured on. Ms. DiPesto smiles and urges him to indulge.

"If you like the apricot, you'll love the blossom wine, and the pera. Go ahead."

Kris takes one of each.

"You know, your Dad's not as harsh as you think. He's not going to punish you.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." She takes an apricot paonga sweet for herself then glances behind her and looks at Anakin's door. It is still closed. She continues to whisper. "I know I've been forbidden to talk to you but this is actually fun." She hurries back to her desk.

Kris removes the wrapper from the paonga delight and pops it into his mouth. Something prompts him to leave his seat. He tiptoes across the room to the closed door and places his ear against it. He giggles and places his hand over his mouth then tiptoes back to his seat. He blue down vest makes a swooshing sound as he plops back into the chair. Ms. DiPesto is intrigued. She whispers from her desk.

"What's so funny?"

"They've got company."

"Company? From where?"

Inside Anakin's office. Karol Needa sits in one of the guest chairs facing Anakin. They do have 'company.'

'_I do hope this poor kid is being compensated.'_

Anakin tries to ignore the uninvited guest. He focuses on the matter at hand.

"Okay, officer, who do we have so far?"

"I believe it's Huttese Transport for 600 credits to win…Dathomir Witch 5500 second...Tipoca Under-Toe…"

Anakin is snapping his finger impatiently as the poor officer examines the handicap sheet.

"How much? Come on! Keep up!"

Karol Needa quickly gives his answer.

"…7600 Credits, My Lord."

"Okay…the nags running in the second race didn't even show in the last time. I'm taking them off my racing ticket."

"If you don't mind a suggestion, sir, I would keep these philly's on the card."

"You sense this?"

"No, my lord, it's a statistical calculation. The odds are that these horses will show in the second race."

"What are the odds? Punch out the numbers on that number machine thingy."

"You mean the calculator, Sir?"

"Yes, the calculator."

"The chance of a Trifecta box is 89.999 percent, my lord. Tatooine Ghost is a good pick, sir."

"And the 10 percent chance that they don't? You know what will happen if you fail me, don't you, Lieutenant?"

"I am ready to die, sir."

"Needa, you're starting to freak me out, and I'm a little insulted that you think I would be so quick to dispose of you."

"So, I won't be punished, My Lord?"

"You've been on that space station, that's a lifetime of punishment. Okay, now, where were we?"

A visitor interrupts the _'meeting'_

'_Awh, come on…gambling, Ani?'_

"What? He said he was good in math. I want to make good use of him."

Qui-Gon sits in the chair next to the one Karol Needa is sitting.

'_Handicapping horses, Ani?'_

"I don't hear anyone asking Poindexter here to draw up any tactical plans for our troops."

'_How quickly you forget. Remember, he got an award for it at graduation?'_

"Are you speaking to me, Sir?" The lieutenant turns in his seat to look for whomever the Dark Lord is speaking.

"No."

The red light flashes on the intercom. Anakin sighs then ponders if he wants to pick it up. He presses the release button.

"What is it, Ms. DiPesto?"

"Uhm…Admiral Demetrius Zaarin is here to see you, sir."

"Who? What does he want?"

Anakin knows full well who it is. He smiles and winks. Lieutenant thinks that Anakin is looking at him. He is actually looking at Qui-Gon.

"He has an appointment with you, sir."

"Really? Is it on my calendar?"

"Yes, sir."

"Oh…Tell him to speak to my son." Anakin gets a laugh out of this remark.

"Sir?"

Anakin senses something and suddenly stops talking.

"Ms. DiPesto? Take me off the speaker please."

"Oh! Sorry, sir." She presses the button again. Anakin speaks.

"Can he hear me now?"

"Uh…yes, sir."

"Ms. DiPesto!"

Ms. DiPesto presses the button once more.

"Okay, sir. Go ahead."

"Can he hear me now?"

"No, sir."

"Good. Finally!"

"So, do you still want him to speak to your son?"

"I was kidding about that! Give me a minute."

Anakin hangs up. Ms. DiPesto puts down the receiver then looks up at the officer and smiles. He does not smile back. He is not happy about waiting. He remains standing. He suddenly hears an annoying tapping noise. He turns to discover Kris sitting in the reception waiting area tapping on his air surfer board. Their eyes meet. Kris looks up and smiles. The officer glares back at him. Kris senses the hostility then scowls at the officer.

Meanwhile, behind closed doors, Anakin has to decide how to handle this matter. He does not want to see the admiral but he knows the man is persistent and will keep calling for an appointment. He swivels slowly in his chair with his hands folded in his lap.

"I really don't have time for this nonsense. He thinks he can push his weight around. What a blow hard…who does he think he is? He didn't even earn half the medals he's got on that bad-fitting uniform. I never signed off on any of them; wrinkled old has-been."

Karol Needa hesitates before speaking.

"Are you speaking to me, Sir?"

"Yes, aren't you paying attention? Who else would I be speaking to?"

The poor officer is confused but tries hard to keep up with the Dark Lord.

"Uh…Yes, my Lord."

"Ponderous! That's what this is. I really hate dealing with him." Anakin sighs then prepares to step away from his desk. "We've got to do something about 'Captain Crunch' out there before he makes any trouble. He thinks I don't know what he's up to but he is in for a surprise. I've got a mind to…"

Karol manages to hold in a laugh when he hears this. He cannot believe he is in the executive office commiserating with the Commander-In-Chief of the New Republic Forces. Anakin gives him some wise advice.

"Lieutenant, none of this conversation leaves this room. We never had this conversation."

Karol is serious again, clearing his throat and listens carefully. He wishes he could share this moment with his fellow officers but he knows it would turn out badly for him and anyone else who knew.

Admiral Zaarin stands at attention then steps forward and leans over the desk to speak to Ms. DiPesto in his booming voice. He has a large square face that appears to grow larger as he speaks.

"Would you please tell his Lordship that this is the fifth time I have come to speak with him? Each time I am left waiting out here only to discover that he has left the office. How many times must I reschedule before I actually get to see him? Do you understand?"

This is the first time the typically cheerful Ms. DiPesto fails to smile. Zaarin's beefy hand is bearing down on the crystal candy dish. He uses his imposing presence imposing and overly embellished uniform in an effort to intimidate her. Ms. DiPesto nods quietly.

"Yes, Sir."

He points his finger in her face. Kris is about to stand and defend her but Ms. DiPesto quickly shakes her head _'No.'_ The Admiral continues to yell at her.

"You get on that COM or walk into that office and tell him I am here. I will not be kept waiting."

At this very moment the red button on her desk console flashes. Ms. DiPesto fumbles the handset and then nervously presses the button.

"Yes, Mr. Skywalker?...yes…yes.. Yes, sir." She hangs up and tries to collect herself before she looks up and speaks to the admiral. She is obviously trying to recite verbatim what her boss has told her.

"Admiral, sir…Mr. Skywalker says you should have a seat. He doesn't want you having a heart attack."

She almost hyperventilates as she speaks these words. She is especially shaken now.

Just then, the door to Anakin's office swings open. Anakin is speaking to Lieutenant Needa.

"Lieutenant, I am entrusting you to take care of that one thing for me."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Kris, go with Lieutenant Needa."

"What?"

"Go."

"But, Dad…"

Anakin sternly points to the door.

"But I need to tell you something…"

Anakin continues pointing towards the reception office door. Kris reluctantly obeys his father and follows the lieutenant.

Anakin looks in the direction of Ms. DiPesto's desk. He notices the fractured crystal candy dish at the edge of the desk but does not comment on it. Instead, he summons the Admiral into his office.

"Admiral, Thank you for coming…you're a bit early."

"No, My Lord, you are late."

"Hmmm…That's a matter of opinion." As he ushers the Admiral inside, he pokes his head out of the closing door

"Ms. DiPesto, why don't you take a break? I'll arrange for someone to clean up this mess." His voice fades as the door closes. "Admiral, it's good to see you…come in."

"It's long overdue. We need to talk."

"Well, I'm here to listen. I know you have concerns."

"Some of the senior officers have been talking…"

"Please, go on."

Kris follows Lieutenant Needa down the winding hallway of the executive suite.

"Where are we going?"

"Your father gave me specific orders…"

Kris interrupts him.

"Oh, please, he's always giving orders…so how was your meeting?"

"All I can say is that your father has some unorthodox ways of problem-solving."

"But you can't argue with the results."

"That would be a great understatement."

Kris, who is a precocious self-assured youth for his 12 years, turns quickly into that a fretful child. His voice would break the coldest heart.

"Did you see what that officer did to Ms. DiPesto's candy dish?"

"No, I'm sorry, I must have missed that."

"He broke it…on purpose. It made me so angry. I tried to tell my dad but he wouldn't listen. It was a mean thing to do. She never hurt anybody. I hope my father fixes him good when I tell him what happened."

"I am sure that your father will take swift and judicious action."

"I could tell that dish meant a lot to her. She looked as if she were going to cry."

"There, there, Master Kris. Don't worry. You have a great gift of compassion. That's a good thing. It will take you far."

Kris nods in agreement. This young officer is nicer than the others he has met over the years. He wonders if this is why the officer was commissioned on that awful space station. It does not matter now.

They stand waiting for the elevator. The doors open and they step inside. Kris looks up at the officer.

"So, where are we going?"

The office looks straight ahead.

"Down."


	17. Chapter 17 That Jedi Kid In The Hall

_Chapter 17AE _

'_You Used to like it When you Were Four II'_

'_That Skywalker Kid in the Hall'_

'_Absolutely Positively Nearly Dead'_

'_JAG: Jedi Advocate General'_

__

* * *

_

The two wind up where they started when they arrived earlier. It is the massive docking bay hangar. Kris sees vehicles of every type lined up for a docking spot and some going on to other areas.

"Where are we going?" He becomes excited. "Oooh! Are we going to ride in one of those? This is so cool!"

They cross the bay to a different hangar and then slow down. Karol final stops before he answers the boy.

"No, actually, you'll be helping this gentleman. Karol looks up.

A body laying an elevated red mechanics creeper appears from under Lambda class T-4a shuttle.

"That's right, kid; you'll be working for me."

The mechanic presses a button on the control panel on the side of the creeper; the pneumatic mechanism lowers it to the floor. He hops off three feet before it comes to a complete stop on the docking bay floor. Kris watches cautiously as the scruffy-looking man gives him the once-over. Kris observes him too. Thick dark hair already beginning to gray. There is stubble on his chin as if he had not shaved for a couple of days. He has a friendly enough face but he looks as if he could also become easily annoyed. Kris notices the name patch on the blue mechanic jumpsuit. It says 'L. Loneozner.' The man and boy circle one another. Karol stands quietly with his hands folded behind his back.

The mechanic scratches the salt and pepper stubble on his chin after sizing up his would-be apprentice. A smile forms on his face.

"So this is the boss's kid, eh?"

Karol Needa smiles too.

"Yes, this would be him."

The mechanic seems amused as he sizes up the boy.

"How are you, _'Boss's kid'_?"

"Fine." Kris regards him with some hesitancy.

The mechanic removes his dirty mechanic's gloves and extends his hand. There is a ring on his wedding finger. Kris wants to know what sort of woman would marry this scruffy-looking man.

"The name's Fixer. You don't remember me, do you?"

Kris shakes hands with the rugged-looking mechanic with the perennial Tatooine tan. It is probably from working under the intense Tatooine suns. His hands appear rough but Kris discovers that they are surprisingly soft to touch.

"No, I can't say that I do."

"I know your older brother Luke. We used to hang out together when he would visit his aunt and uncle on Tatooine. The last time I saw you, you were barely able to walk."

"I do pretty good now."

"I bet you do, kid. So, ready to get to work?"

"Sure!" Kris looks around at all of the vehicles in the docking bay taxing to different hangars and points to a vintage x-wing. "Awesome. Are we going to ride in that? This is better than Jedi training class."

Fixer laughs.

"Oh, we're not going to ride in that, kid."

"I'm not?" Kris is slightly disappointed but still hopeful. There are so many ships and other transport vehicles that he is bound to something exciting to tinker with in this massive hangar.

"Oh no…you're going to be my apprentice today."

"Really? Doing what? His eyes light up as if it were Befana Eve.

"Follow me and I'll show you the beauty you'll work on."

"Awesome! This is great! Is it a Star Destroyer? I know! It's a TIE Fighter! Awesome! "

Fixer looks at Officer Needa.

"He seems to like that word."

"It appears so."

Kris happily follows Fixer into a small docking area in the far end of the massive room. Fixer decides it is almost time to burst Kris's bubble about the task in which he will be undertaking.

"Oh, you're not going to need that fancy down vest where we're going."

Karol Needa takes the vest from Kris.

"I'll take good care of it for you, Master Kris."

"Thanks." Kris gladly cooperates. He is about to see his surprise. "Sure. This is so cool!"

Fixer turns on the lights in the private docking area. Kris cranes his neck to get a look at the vehicle. Another mechanic hands something to Fixer. Fixer presents it to Kris. Kris does not understand why he has a bucket and sponge and a container with a familiar red label. He slows down when he sees what is in the hangar. Fixer urges him closer.

"Okay, let's get to work, sparky. We don't have all day. Wax on, wax off. Come on…chop-chop."

Kris is definitely disappointed. He murmurs angrily to himself. His annoyance is not with Fixer but with his father.

"Not cool. Not cool at all." He walks slowly over to his father's speeder with the bucket and the container of 'Galactic Fantastic Speeder Shine.' He recalls watching the commercial for the product on the holovid while watching pod racing with his father. The loud, muscle-bound, over-exuberant pitchman lauding the attributes of the latest product:

'_**Rishii Maze here to tell you about a brand new product from Tagge Industries. Do you have a starship that has had too many close calls with oncoming ships? Is heavy intergalactic traffic scratching up your new military hardware? What about tons of non- gravity-resistant meteor rock hurling past your ship leaving nicks and dings on the titanium finish?" Well I have the solution right here in this single bottle of Galactic Fantastic Ship&Shine." I'm here on the top-secret docking bay of DS Space Station III. There are fleets of vehicles in this hangar. Watch as I dump a 12-ton meteor rock on this brand new Kuat Star Destroyer. Now, that's a nasty dent. That's going to take lots of maintenance droids and man hours to repair but how are you going to go into battle when your equipment looks like a hunk of junk? I just apply this 20-foot roller applicator dipped in some Galactic Fantastic Ship&Shine…and look! No sign of dings, scratches, nicks, or dents! No sanding, no tools, no droid labor. Dries virtually invisible! Watch me repeatedly shoot at this AT-AT with this Imperial-issued blaster**_**.'**

Blaster shots ricochet across the docking bay. Background sounds of camera crews crying in agony as shots hit a camera operator in the torso, other crew members scramble for cover. The video transmission goes grainy then silent. Another camera operator takes the place of the wounded crewmember and the commercial continues. The unflappable Rishii Maze continues his pitch:

'_**Are we back on? Okay. Other cleaners have harsh fumes, not Galactic Fantastic with its thick no-drip formula. So call right now and order a drum; and if you're one of the first 66 million callers, you'll receive Galactic Fantastic for the home. It's great for speeders, swoop bikes, and droids! You get the Galactic Fantastic Ship&Shine, the Speeder Shine for the home, one free Cloaking Device decal and a 500,000 credit off coupon towards any ray shield installation. The roller applicator is free! Got a blaster hole? Fill it! Got a dull Speeder paint finish? Shine it! Got a ding? Rub it out! Get all this…a 1 million credit value for only 19.95! Here's how to order!'**_

Phones at the order center light up at viewers dial the toll-free number 1-800-Order-66. Anakin was on the phone too, but it was not to place an order. He called to find out how the pitchman got access to board the space station, a highly classified area. Heads would roll later on.

Just thinking about this makes Kris angry. Stupid commercial! How could this be happening to him? He knows that his father is getting a big laugh upstairs right now.

Kris reluctantly begins to polish the speeder as Fixer closely supervises him. The mechanic makes him redo some areas where scuffmarks remain. Is this the lesson his father is teaching him for the unauthorized joyride he took in the family driveway? It's just unfair and unbefitting a Jedi Padawan.

Fixer takes another look at the vehicle.

"Well, kid, I know that this isn't your idea of fun, but it does teach you something."

"Yeah, don't piss off my dad."

"No…I mean it teaches you discipline and good workmanship. But I have to hand it to your dad; he has a good sense of humor sending you down here." Fixer runs his hand along the right rear door and examines a few more scrapes. "This is your handiwork, eh?"

"My dad can hold a grudge. You can barely see the scratch." Kris promptly walks over and applies more polish. The Speeder Shine is so effective that there is no sign of the damage. Fixer laughs.

"You sound a lot like your brother Luke." He continues checking the speeder. "Hmmm…good job…Hey, ever think of becoming a fulltime mechanic when you leave the academy? There will be plenty of job openings in a few years. When you get out of school this is the place to be.

"No, thanks."

"Fair enough…okay…wait here and I'll give you the supplies for your other tasks."

"Other tasks?"

"Yep, I've got my orders." Fixer stuffs his work gloves inside his back pocket. He steps away for a moment. When he returns, his little _'grease monkey apprentice'_ has disappeared.

"Where….?" He turns around then smiles and scratches his head. "Oh geez…"

Fixer is not sure if he should be worried for himself or humored that the youth was crafty enough to escape his watchful eye.

Kris has a good memory when it comes to finding his way back from a strange place; the problem is when he gets distracted. The fun begins with what he finds during his 'detour'.

He discovers the storm trooper's barracks on the sub level. He tiptoes inside pass the rows of lockers and pokes his head around the corner. Several troopers remove their helmets. He discovers that half are clones. He finds this amusing, especially when they line up side-by-side at the washbasins. They shave and comb their hair in sync. After a few minutes, he grows bored and moves on.

He arrives at an unattended staff elevator. Two storm troopers are nearby and heading in his direction. Kris waves his hand. One of the troopers looks down the corridor.

"What was that?"

"Not sure…let's check it out."

The troopers disappear down the corridor. Kris hops into the waiting elevator then presses a button. As the elevator goes up, Kris playfully practices some of his Jedi jumps, flipping upside down touching the bottoms of his feet to the upper walls and ceiling of the elevator. The elevator raises a few floors then stops. His heart starts beating fast and he lands back on the floor of the car. The doors open. Several naval officers enter. They barely glance at the boy. One office presses the 25th floor button then continues to stare straight ahead at the door. By the expression on their faces, Kris senses that they do not like children; there is neither a smile nor friendly face from any of them. One officer whispers in the ear of the other.

"What's he doing in here? That's all we need, another Jedi brat walking the halls."

Kris stands quietly on the left side of the elevator watching the display panel. He waves his hand. Suddenly all the floors light up on the display. The officers suddenly notice that this elevator is no longer an express. Another officer frantically presses the 25 button to no avail. The other officer shoves his colleague aside.

"Must be a computer glitch. Let me try." The officer tries keying in a pass code on the control panel, again with no result. He curses. Blasted elevator!"

Kris casually holds onto the side rail watching the officers fumble and panic. The elevator stops but does not open. Each time it reaches a floor, it makes that 'ding' sound. Another officer opens the emergency box above the display panel and grabs the red emergency COMlink.

"Control room over…Control room…is anyone there?"

A voice responds. The speaker sounds bored.

"Control room. What seems to be the problem?…over."

"We're stuck in the elevator at IMP – 68 over….stopping but doors fail to open…over."

How many people are with you?...uhm…over"

"Four officers…over."

"Four? No one else?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Just us."

"Are you absolutely positively sure?" There is a long pause. "…over. "

The office becomes annoyed with the questions and delay in helping them.

"Yes! I'm sure! Send someone to fix this bloody thing and get us out of here! Who is this?"

There is a click. The COMlink appears to have gone dead. Kris is still standing behind the officers. There is a big grin on his face. The officers try to get someone on the COMlink once again.

"Hello! Control! Is anyone there? Can anyone here us?" The officer turns to the others. He is confounded.

One of the officers turns to look at Kris who has been watching gleefully as the officers try to communicate to someone from the outside. He corners Kris, grabs him by the collar of his shirt lifting the child off the floor.

"You little brat! What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. Let go of me." The elevator slows then speeds up again, only this time it is going down and fast.

"Tell us how to fix this!" The officer points to the display panel.

"You had better let go of me. Do you know who my father is?" The boy gasps and attempts to pry the officer's hand from his shirt. He stares at the nameplate on the officer's uniform: M. Tork II

The bullying officer had a had a high forehead and a face that looked as if it had been in too many bar fights in Mos Eisley. He was as unpleasant as he was stupid.

"We don't care who your father is…We…"

Just as the officer is about to torment the boy some more the elevator door chimes and the doors open. Kris wriggles out of the officer's grasp kicks the officer in the groin before cutting loose and runs out of the elevator and down the corridor. The other officers consider going after him but then they realize where they are and start to laugh. They file back inside the elevator. Officer Tork is writhing on the elevator floor in agony. The force of the kick must have been powerful because Tork is lying in a heap, whimpering like a crippled old woman.

The elevator chime sounds. It appears to be working normally. The doors close. It is unusual for the elevator doors to open here. This level has been closed off for years. The officers suspect that the boy will never find his way back.

Kris turns to look at the large pillar to see what floor he is on right now. He has never been here before; nevertheless, he keeps his voice down to a whisper.

"Level five. Detention block C. C-twenty-three. What's this?"He had no idea that there was such a massive holding area at the headquarters. Of course, he heard they existed onboard the old space stations but never imagined they would be here on Coruscant.

Kris continues walking. The corridor is quiet. One of the old plates is from 18 years ago. It is mounted on each of the locked doors. He stops and reads the painted stenciled letters: cell twenty-one-eight-seven. There is a defunct MSE-6 mouse droid wedged sideways in the door. A splinter of light falls across the black granite floor.

Kris can hear muffled voices. He tiptoes closer and sees several of his father's high-ranking officers talking. After listening in for a few minutes, Kris decides he needs to hurry back to inform his father. As he creeps away from the door, a red signal light pulses on the mouse droid.

The officers turn their attention to the door. Kris turns on his heel and runs. There is another set of doors straight ahead. He sprints towards them. The doors automatically close cutting access off on the officers who are in hot pursuit. Kris watches as the doors close and he is out of reach. He is untouchable. Someone is faster than he is, however, and is able to head him off in the opposite direction. He looks up. His mouth drops.

"I knew it was you. Boy am I glad to see you!"

"Same here, kid."

"How did you know?"

"No one in this building wears Jedi Sprinters, kid."

It is his brother-in-law Han Solo. Han points to the latest fashion trend for millions of kids on Coruscant: Jedi Sprinter running shoes. Kris catches his breath He sees something in Han's hand that belongs to him.

"Oh, yeah. You were funny as heck on that COM!"

"I'm glad you think so. I hate those things."

"Hey, what are you doing with my down vest?"

"Don't ask."

Kris takes the vest and puts it on. He looks down. "Hey, Artoo!"

Artoo whistles and chirps.

"I had things under control, Artoo. I can take care of myself. Thanks anyway."

Han urges him along down the corridor.

"Okay, enough with the greetings, let's get out of here." Han glances up at the black endless ceiling. "This floor gives me the creeps."

"Yeah…but wait. I have something to tell you."

"I have news for you too; you're a wanted man, pal."

Artoo whistles in agreement with Han. Kris replies with some hesitancy.

"Oh…"

"I hope you have more to say than _'Oh'_ when we get upstairs."

"I've got plenty to say…hey, wait…what are you doing here? I thought you went home with Leia."

"I did but your family and their _'feelings' _take up a lot of my time. We were almost home when she sensed trouble brewing."

"Why did it take you so long to get home?"

"She wanted to stop at the market to satisfy one of her 500 cravings. Then with three vats of ice cream and a container of Kashyyyk oysters in the back seat she decides to get all hocus pocus on me."

"So, she likes me."

"You're her kid brother, she adores you. She would be inconsolable if anything were to happen to you. And, by the way… you're still a wanted man."

Han gets little reaction from the boy. He leads Kris to a little-known exit off the floor to avoid detection lest someone try to follow them. When questioned how he knows about it, Han reveals that several years ago he studied the plans and 'discovered crap that would make your hair turn white.' This elicits typical juvenile giggles from Kris.

They arrive back on the executive floor some 5 to 10 minutes later. Two paramedics are packing up medical equipment. Three other medics transport a gurney. Kris sees the medics securing an I.V. drip to Admiral Demetrius Zaarin. An oxygen mask is covering the Admiral's face. Kris stares bur says nothing. Anakin is speaking privately to the chief paramedic in his office. He glances over at his son from where is standing and continues to speak to the chief paramedic. The two men walk to the door and stop. Anakin is speaking.

"Thank-you, gentlemen."

Once the paramedic team is out of the office, Anakin turns and stares at Kris. He heads back towards his office as he summons his son over. "You! We need to talk, young man."

Kris hesitates before stepping forward.

"Where's Miss. DiPesto?"

"Don't you worry about Ms. DiPesto. Get in my office."

"But, Dad…"

Han raises his hand.

"Excuse me, don't I get a 'Thank-you'?"

"No! Get out!" As soon Kris steps into the office there is shouting. Anakin force slams the door. "So, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"But, Dad, I have something important to tell you. Admiral Tagge and some other old guys…"

"Shut up, sit down."

"But…"

Anakin stands against the front of his desk.

"Care to explain?"

"Uhm..."

"I knew what happened the moment you walked in, and I didn't want to believe it. I was hoping…just hoping to see a surprised or upset expression on your face. I saw none of that when you walked in here."

Anakin pauses then paces the floor. He stops and leans forward with a stern but anguished look on his face. "What were you thinking?"

"But, Dad, he was so mean to Miss DiPesto and he hurt her feelings…then he broke her candy dish and he didn't even say he was sorry, and then he was rude to you. He was too mean to live…."

"Stop it! Just stop it!" He slaps his hand against the desk. Kris flinches. He has never seen his father this angry before. He never yells at any of the Skywalker children the way he is right now. Anakin shakes his finger at Kris. "That was not your call to make. I was going to take care of him…Kris," Anakin pauses for a moment. He is clearly heartbroken. "I wanted the best for you."

"But what he did wasn't right."

"It's not the Jedi way, Kris! You're supposed to uphold the law, not break it. You're supposed to make peace with your enemies, not kill them!"

"But you did…"

"Don't even go there. That was a different time. Do what I say, not as I do."

Anakin rubs his forehead, clearly bewildered as how to deal with this situation. He paces the floor. Kris is sobbing. His cheeks are red and tears flow down his angelic face. Qui-Gon sits quietly in the large window with his arms folded. Kris looks over at him. Qui-Gon sighs then looks away.

At this moment, someone burst through the door.

"Mr. Skywalker, Sir…"

"Oh, look who it is! Finally!"

"I left the Jedi Temple immediately. I felt a tremor in the Force."

"Oh, shut up! Where were these tremors when my twelve-year old was sucking the life out the Admiral? Where were you when I my speeder wound up with 1600 credits worth of damage?"

"Wow, 1600 credits…Man, you got ripped off." Qui-Gon considers the remark then nods in agreement thinking that maybe he did pay too much. Fixer is a sub-contractor for Tagge Industries. Anakin allowed the deal to go through so he can secretly keep a watchful eye on the operations.

Anakin has little patience for any flippant remarks. He stares at the person who brazenly burst through his office door.

"Well? I'm waiting."

"Uhm…"

"What?"

"I…"

"What? I didn't hear you, _Kartman_."

Kyle will take almost any amount of ridicule but he has his limits and he is not afraid to let the Dark Lord know.

"It's Katarn, sir. When are you going to get my name right? You have been calling me everything but the right name since I was at the academy with Luke. I am a Master and I deserve respect. In fact, I should file a complaint."

"I'm the one who should file a complaint for bad service and poor Jedi Padawan mentoring. Listen Kyle, how are you going to help my son?"

"I'm doing more than you could ever do, and for your information, I'm a damned good Jedi Master."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"Listen, he'll have to go before the Jedi Council. Master Yoda and the others will determine whether Kris will remain in the program."

"He's just a boy. I would gladly take the fall for this but everyone in the Jedi Order must know the truth by now."

"Dad, you'd do that?"

"Quiet!"

Kyle interjects.

"None of this would have happened if you were a better father."

Anakin is incensed. He stares down Kyle.

"What did you say to me?"

"Just sayin'."

Qui-Gon shrugs his ghostly shoulders. Anakin is annoyed. He thought Qui-Gon was there to support him. Anakin lets the Force Ghost have a piece of his mind.

"Oh, you're a great help!"

"I'm here as a silent observer."

"Oh, now you're silent. All the other times, you're flapping your lips like a varactyl."

"A varactyl doesn't have lips." He looks around to elicit agreement. Qui-Gon wants to lighten the somber moment. "Am I right?" He winks at Kris.

Kyle tries not to laugh. Kris has stopped crying. He smiles back at Qui-Gon then raises his hand in agreement. Anakin gives him an angry stare.

"Put your hand down! This is no time to joke. Sit up straight."

Kris sits up in the chair. His feet barely touch the floor in the big chair. He is small for his age and the cuteness quotient is palpable. It is eerily quiet right now. There is a knock on the door. Han pokes his head inside.

"What's going on in here? Is everything alright?"

Kyle and Han shout back.

"Get out! Close the door!"

"Alright! Geez. I was just checking in on the kid…"

"Get out!"

Han quickly closes the door. He opens it again.

"Hey, there's a messenger here…Want me to sign for it?"

Anakin Force- slams the door in his face. The force of the door must have hit his nose. Han can be heard on the other side of the door yelling in pain.

"Ouch! That hurt! You almost broke my nose!"

Kris raises his hand.

"Dad, how much longer do I have to stay in here? Can I use your bathroom?"

"No!"

"But I have to go, Dad."

"I wasn't created yesterday. I cannot trust you. If I let you go, there is no telling what you will do, you little escape artist. You stay right where I can see you."Kris folds his hands.

There is silence. The father, son, and the Holy Force Ghost sit and wait for Kyle to come up with a solution that will satisfy the Jedi Council.

Out in the reception area, Han leans against the door eavesdropping. Ms. DiPesto has returned from her extended break. She watches him with curiosity and excitement.

"Do you hear voices?"

"I don't hear a thing. Oh, there's a package for you." He nods in the direction of her desk. A large package wrapped in turquoise cellophane sits on her desk.

A half an hour passes. The door swings open. Anakin stands silently in the doorway as Kyle walks out with Kris. Kris turns to his father and whispers in a meek voice. His eyes well up with tears.

"Does Mom have to know?"

"I'm afraid so. She's going to be devastated."

"Tell her I'm sorry."

"Go. Be brave and don't cry."

Kyle steers Kris towards the door. Kris turns to see Miss DiPesto. She smiles sweetly and winks; then whispers to him.

"Whatever it is, it'll get better."

He nods with a sad expression on his face then follows Kyle out of the office.

Anakin summons Han into his office. There is a somber expression on his face when Han looks at him.

"Han, I need to speak to you please."

Han whispers to himself.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." He holds his nose with an ice cube wrapped in a towel.

Han disappears behind closed doors with his father-in-law. The phone rings as the two sit down.

The day turns out a lot differently than Anakin had hoped. It is now late afternoon. He has an appointment to keep.

He waits in his speeder. Someone walks up to the vehicle. A couple of Storm troopers are 'forced' to the ground in a heap in the vicinity. Anakin pretends he does not see this. He mutters to himself.

"What the hell is going on with my kids? This is embarrassing." He flips open his phone. "Yeah, it's me…Ani…yes…will you shut up and listen? Send a crew down here to pick up these troopers. It's a mess….oh? Really? How soon?" He glances at the unconscious troopers laying on the lawn. "Another four hours? It'll be dark by then…okay, but people will start complaining. There are strict ordinances in this district. Yeah, they will be alright for a few more hours." He turns off his phone and rolls his eyes. "Moron! After all these years he hasn't taken diction lessons?"

The passenger sits next to Anakin.

"You're embarrassed? I had 'Dumb and Dumber' shadowing me all day."

"Oh, you poor thing. Some girls would kill for their own security detail."

"I gave it a lot of thought then reconsidered given the day's events; they're useless. At least Jar-Jar would have kept me entertained. Drive on; I need to be back before curfew."

"Yes, ma'm."

A short time later, Ana-Lena sits across from her father at Twi'lek Licks Ice Cream Parlor. Several other customers are at the popular ice cream establishment. Ana-Lena slowly eats her Bimmissari Red tea and Endor raspberry gelato. Anakin is somewhat agitated as he speaks, barely touching his dish of Yavin nut fudge.

"I don't understand, Ana-Le...you used to love it when you were four."

"That's just it, Daddy, I was four. It's humiliating now. Why can't you just be cool?"

"I thought I was being cool."

"Daddy, Look at me, do I look four years old?"

"I refuse to answer that. You are the only one of my two daughters who I saw when she was born. I was around when you sat up for the first time. I was there when you cut your first tooth. I missed all that with your sister. Can't you cut me a break?"

"Gee, Daddy…I didn't know you were going to get all mushy on me, in a public place no less."

"Do I embarrass you that much?"

"When I'm trying to get a date…yeah!"

"There is no dating in the Jedi Order."

"You act as if I'm going to do something crazy."

"Oh, I trust you…I just don't trust these boys. I know what each of them is up to."

Ana-Lena smiles.

"What's that guy up to over there with the green Endor mountain hat?'

Anakin squints across the floor of the blue and white tiled ice cream parlor at a group of boys sitting together. He zeros in on one of the boys.

"Sociopath."

Ana-Lena giggles.

"How about the guy with the striped university muffler around his neck?"

Anakin is starting to enjoy this game.

"Dumb as a box of Mustrafar lava rocks. Those idiots attend the prep school down the road. You are too good for them. This place is full of weirdoes who have no idea how to please a woman. Don't let me catch you talking to any of them."

Ana-Lena laughs.

"Daddy? You're terrible….but funny."

"If the day comes and you turn 30, don't you hook-up with a loser. I don't want to have to kill him."

"Thirty, Daddy? Really! You are truly out of touch. People never wait that long to date."

"Well then, I had better be absolutely nearly dead."

"No….I want you alive and well for that day."

"Why? So you could watch me suffer?"

Ana-Lena laughs.

"Of course. That's what fathers are supposed to do."

"I'll see what I can do. I think I've suffered plenty already."

"She sees someone heading towards their table. Ana-Lena twirls a spoonful of ice cream on her tongue. She point at them with her spoon.

"Hey, how did scooter here qualify for ice cream? I thought he was on punishment." She looks at her little brother. "How's it going, you little murderer?"

Anakin will have none of this.

"Cut it out. Leave your brother alone. He's had a rough afternoon."

Kris sits beside his father. He is sipping a chocolate ice cream soda topped with a mound of whipped cream, chocolate flakes, nuts, cherries and gummy Ewoks. It is his own creation from the _'Create Your Own Stargazer Ice cream Dessert Bar'._

"Master Yoda says you have to be nice to me. I'm a troubled youth."

"No, he said you were in deep trouble."

"He talks backwards, it's left to interpretation." He adjusts the straw in the tall glass so the liquid is not blocked by all the 'add-ins'. His sister watches in disgust.

"Yeah…right. No wonder you're a mess, look at the junk you're eating. Dad, how did 'Scooter here qualify to get ice cream?"

"Will you stop? Leave your brother alone, he's had a bad afternoon."

"Little assassin wannabe. You scraped by this one."

Anakin again calmly tells her to stop. He seems to have a lot on his mind.

"Come on now. Enough."

Ana-Lena has never seen her father this quiet before.

After their father-daughter chat, Anakin drops her off at school. She gets out of the speeder and looks over at him.

"What? You're not going to walk me inside? What sort of lame father are you?"

"I didn't want to assume…" He smiles softly then gets out of the speeder. He is happy that his daughter has extended this invitation to him. As he walks around the front of the vehicle, he points to Kris who is in the backseat. His tone changes as he speaks in a stern voice. "Don't move!"

Kris remains silent. This is not the time for back talk or flippant remarks. He is belted securely in his seat.

Anakin walks with his daughter up to the great statue. Ana-Lena turns then runs back to the speeder, catching her father off-guard. Kris is listening to his E-pod when his sister reaches over, throws her arms around his neck and kisses him.

"I love you, little brother."

"I know."

"I promise not to ignore you when I'm with my friends."

"Okay, cool. Will you tell Son'ya to talk to me next time?

"Good grief, No!"

"That's okay. I met someone ten times hotter than she'll ever be."

"Right….I'm sure she'll be crushed. Okay…gotta go."

She pretends not to be interested. She rubs his head then rejoins her father who is waiting on the steps at the main plaza. He looks around with his hands in his coat pockets. He looks down at the ground pushing a pebble with the toe of his mahogany jackboots.

"So, I guess I'll say goodbye to you here. I don't want to be _'uncool'_ by embarrassing you in front of your classmates."

"You don't embarrass me, Daddy."

"Oh, well…that's a change."

This is a landmark moment for Anakin and his youngest daughter. Someone has paid him a compliment today.

"I still keep the holovid of our father-daughter duet when I was four. Soni says it's 'ultra-fab'. She even says you have a nice singing voice. She said that if she didn't come from a broken home, she would have loved to do the same routine."

"Well, please tell Ms. Antilles, _'thank-you'_."

Ana-Lena turns serious now. She discreetly glances at her little brother who is sitting in the backseat of the speeder.

"Daddy, look after Kris. He's so vulnerable and innocent. He's so sweet, even when he's being a pain. His intentions were good. Help him, please."

"I promise."

She hugs her father. Anakin holds his daughter close. He envelopes her with his long coat. He kisses her forehead. Anakin does not let go immediately. His little Ana-Lena is growing up too fast for him. A long quivering sigh comes from deep inside of his chest. He pulls away first not wanting to embarrass her. Ana-Lena did not mind the long hug, even if her friends were watching. She smiles up at her father as she adjusts her pink fluffy tote on her shoulder.

"Well, I'd better go. Thanks for the ice cream."

"You're welcome…anytime."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Sweet Pea Jr."

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes and smiles.

Ana-Lena turns to head toward the archway leading to the chapel. Anakin walks down the steps. He turns slightly to glance up at the statue of the Our Lady. He whispers:

"Thank you."

The engraving at the foot of the statue where the flowers lay reads: 'Dedicated in Loving Memory of Shmi Skywalker.'

Ana-Lena is almost near the chapel doors. There is a big smile on her face. She turns to wave goodbye to her father as his speeder leaves.

That evening while freshening up for supper, Anakin tells his wife everything. Isabel listens quietly and does not interrupt with a barrage of questions as she usually does when there is a problem. Anakin waits for her reaction.

"So, there it is. How do you feel?"

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"That would be good. He's scared. Kyle said he thought Kris was going to wet his pants in front of the Jedi Council. They said he did well though. It's you he's afraid of now."

"Me? I'll talk to him when things settle down."

"Don't yell at him. I've yelled at him enough to last him a lifetime."

"I don't yell."

"No, but you lecture."

"No…I lecture you."

"I stand corrected."

Dinner at the Skywalker house that evening is a quiet affair. It is just Anakin, his wife and his youngest child. There is a signal on his phone. It is a text message from Karol Needa. Anakin mutters to himself.

"Calling me at dinner? I'll kill him." Isabel looks at him. Anakin adjusts his comments "I'm joking…relax. I will not harm a hair on _'Poindexter's'_ little head." All of the ponies ran as predicted. Anakin said that the young officer could have a third of the winnings. Officer Needa had never handled so much cash in his life. There was no place to spend credits on the space station. There is a lot that he could do with this windfall.

Anakin finishes up with his conversation with the officer and resumes eating his supper. His phone rings again. This is a call he has been waiting for. He abruptly leaves the table and takes the call in his study.

"Yes…yes…I understand…of course…It's my duty as a father… I agree…I will do as much. What was that? Oh, I expected this. I know…It's a serious matter. Thank you. Good night."

Anakin returns to the dinner table. Isabel and Kris look at him. His eyes do not reveal what he is feeling right now. She knows better that to ask. She is not sure that she wants to know.

Soon dinner has ended. The table is cleared. Everyone has left the dining room. Isabel stops by the laundry room after the servants have left for the night. She notices the yellow down vest belonging to Kris that he was wearing the day before. It hangs on the rail above the laundry cart. It is clean but it has that distinct scent that tells her it belongs to her youngest child.

The house is eerily quiet. The living room where family and guests gathered daily is empty. She switches off the lights but leaves on the one leading to the terrace door. The Felucia lemon tree plants still give off their fresh aroma as winter quickly approaches. She wraps the bantha cashmere shawl over her shoulders and slides open the door.

"Anakin, it's getting late."

"I know. This shouldn't take long."

"Okay…" She goes back inside and slides the door closed.

Anakin sits on the edge of the raised koi pond. It was a gift from the Sullustan monks. They helped 'Old Grand Palps' find his way to 'salvation'. There is a series of prayers etched into the slate stones around the rim. It is a meditation pond. The fish swim close to the surface as if to observe. Anakin looks up towards the lemon tree plants and speaks.

"Continue."

"_The __Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy._

_Jedi use their powers to defend and protect, never to attack others._

_Jedi respect all life, in any form._

_Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the galaxy._

_Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training.''_

Anakin speaks.

"Again."

"_Jedi use their powers to defend and protect, never to attack others._" There is a long pause.

"Again."

"Dad, I'm tired."

"It's now or I wake you up at 5a.m."

"_The __Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy._

_Jedi use their powers to defend and protect, never to attack others…_.I'm sorry, Dad."

"I know you are, sweetheart. Again, and don't interrupt."

"_The __Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy._

_Jedi use their powers to defend and protect…"_

Anakin listens while gazing up at the night Coruscant sky. The stars twinkle brightly and dance around the moon. The air surfer board is propped up against the side of the koi pond. There is a dent in it.


	18. Chapter 18 It's Always the Youngest Ones

_Chapter 18AE _

'_The White Light'_

'_It's always the Youngest Ones'_

'_You Crazy, Wonderful Droid Dog'_

'_Sweets for the Sith'_

'_Okay, I Should Have Told You This Earlier, but…'_

'_Anxious, Amused, and Annoyed'_

_

* * *

_

* * *

Several days pass since the incident involving Admiral Zaarin.

The ICU wing of Coruscant University Hospital is typically quiet. The morning sun splashes into the wide corridors. An early visitor passes through casting a dark shadow on the otherwise spotless alabaster floor. The visitor slips pass the nurses' station. An orderly is in the breakroom watching the early morning Millennium Entertainment Network show: 'Name that Sith.' Galactic entertainers team up with contestants to name sith lords across the galaxy. The glass-enclosed break room is soundproof so the orderly does not hear anything. If a patient is in distress, an alarm connected to the plasma will turn off the display screen.

The visitor enters one of the ICU rooms. The sound of life-support machines churn beside the patient's bed. There is a sudden white glow to the room.

The orderly does not notice anything unusual and continues to watch the program. Veteran Coruscant stage actress Dame Bettie DeWitt has ten seconds to "Name the Sith" before the other celebrity challenger and his contestant buzz in to answer. Dame DeWitt is a regular on the game show. She is verbose, self-absorbed, and always over-dressed; but audiences find her thoroughly entertaining as she shares unsolicited anecdotes of her earlier years in the theatre. She has not gotten one answer correct. Moreover, the viewing audiences love to tune in to see what outrageous outfit she is wearing on the show.

This is the second half of the game show and she has switched contestants with fellow celebrity acerbic political analyst and writer Rodi Vidar Kim. Kim is the grandson of former Galactic senator Vidar Kim. His mother is the younger sister of Romeo Treblanc. She married into the Kim family for mostly financial reasons after his uncle made several bad investments and lost much of the Treblanc family fortune. He was a young man at Coruscant University by the time his uncle was solvent again and repaid Chloe Treblanc her portion of the family fortune.

The host is Balzac zet Chatc, a descendant of the famous literary family. Balzac turns to the contestant, Kenny Durron, who hopes to win an additional 50,000 credits to bring his total winnings to 104,300 credits. His winnings so far have been attributed to Rodi Vidar Kim's enviable knowledge of intergalactic events.

Mr. Durron is hesitant to team up with the stage diva but figures Dame Bettie has to know the answer since she is portrayed a Sith in a classic Mon Calamari performance of 'Who's Afraid of Asajj Ventress?'

Balzac addresses the contestant.

"Okay, Mr. Durron, have you entered your wager?"

"Yes, I have, Balzac."

"You seem pretty confident. Dame Bettie, how confident are you that you have the answer?"

"Oh, I think this is going to be a cinch. As you know, I played the lead in the award-winning play _'A Sith Came to Dinner' _at the Grand Coruscant Theatre; those were the days when theatre as theatre andactors knew their lines, and stars weren't just in the sky…."

Balzac interrupts her.

"Okay, we'll see… here we go: What Old Republic Sith was quoted as saying, _"When Sith have nightmares, I am the face they see."_

The familiar game show theme music plays as the timer ticks away, as Balzac reads the clue.

"Time's up. What answer did you enter into the computer, Dame Bettie?"

"Who is Darth Maul?"

There is a collective 'hush' from the studio audience.

" Oooh…No, I'm sorry. The correct answer is 'Who is Darth Phobos.' How much did you wager, Mr. Durron?"

The frustrated contestant tosses his data card over the console in defeat.

The screen goes black. Tomo has to check on one of the patients. The red emergency light pulses

"Blasted!" He rises from the plastic molded chair and leaves the break room, grumbling to himself. "What is it now?"

As he heads towards ICU room 715, the white light is so intense; it knocks him off his feet.

A short time later, several orderlies hoist the rotund attendant off the floor and onto an empty gurney in the corridor. He continually mutters to anyone who will listen between gasps.

"I saw a g-g-g-ghost. It was looking right at me. . Then another one started laughing and …called me a fat…"

He grabs the mask from a nearby oxygen tank and inhales. One of the other orderlies scolds him.

"You were hallucinating. Serves you right for gorging on all those Sullustan bantha ribs. Those takeout leftovers will kill you. You need to start eating better. A couple of salads won't kill you."

"But I know what I saw, Tiny. I never heard a ghost use such language before."

"Ghosts don't curse because you never saw one."

"I did! The blue one was hovering over that patient's bed while the bald ghost was telling her what to do. It was like it was a big joke or something."

"Oh, so you heard ghosts giving instruction to other ghosts? That's new."

"No, it was just the two…my stomach doesn't feel too good."

Tiny looks at the other orderlies who are amused by Tomo's tall tale. They are all smiling.

"Slow down on the oxygen, bro, you're gonna make yourself dizzy."

The crew is transports Tomo on a gurney to triage to evaluate his injuries and possibly recommend a psych consult.

A short time later, Admiral Demetrius Zaarin is awake and surrounded by family and some of his officers recounting his brush with death.

"I opened my eyes and an angel appears in a bright light. She told me I would live another day and it would be full of joy and …oh, it was beautiful spiritual experience. I need to go to the hospital chapel to give thanks."

"His wife is stunned. Zaarin had never been a spiritual person and dismissed the Jedi Order as a bunch of hocus pocus nonsense. His wife knows him too well. He is just caught up in the moment. She gently pushes him back onto the pillow.

"Patience, Demi. Sow down. There is plenty of time for that. Rest. You've been in a coma."

"But I feel great."

"You still have that nasty bump on your head. The doctor says you suffered a contusion. You fell."

"Really? I don't remember falling." He touched his forehead. There is a large protuberance on the left side of his forehead.

"You had a heart attack and fell in Mr. Skywalker's office."

"All I recall is clutching my chest. He looked as surprised as I was. I honestly don't remember falling though. "

"The doctors are concerned because you would have had fallen on your face but the rest of your face is fine. It's strange that the back of your head is banged up too." Mrs. Zaarin points to the bandages on the back of his head.

"I'm sure there's an explanation."

Meanwhile, back at _620 Faleen Hyper Drive,_ this is how Anakin Skywalker explains the injury to his wife Isabel. He originally told her only that Zaarin had a heart attack by the 'hand' of their son. Now, several days later, he has a confession to make.

"I panicked. The guy was in the throes of a force-induced heart attack. I had to make it look like an accident."

The Family K-9 droid dog Skippy sits by Anakin's desk in the study. He playfully rolls on the floor as his owners engage in a discussion.

Isabel listens with her arms folded. Anakin is familiar with this all too well. It is her patronizing '_I'm listening but your story is a bunch of bantha crap; and I'll find out the truth eventually.'_ He watches her judgmental _'I have a PhD;'_ expression on her face.

"So you grab our sons' air surfer board and whack the poor man in the face with it? Are you insane?"

"Will you please calm down? I didn't have a choice. Do look at me like that. You have no idea what I was up against."

"You could have called C-911."

"Now _you_ sound ridiculous. How was I going to explain that their resuscitation efforts would be in vain? Do I say it's because someone more powerful then they is about to stop his heart permanently?"

"I can't believe this."

"Oh don't act so surprised Miss smarty-pants."

"Why are you telling me this now? I feel like an accomplice."

"I don't want to keep secrets from you."

"Gee, thanks for sharing. So how did you explain to the paramedics why he has injuries on his forehead and also on the back of his skull?"

"He lost his balance when he has having the heart attack…and tripped forward before falling back. Are you a lawyer now?"

Isabel is not buying into Anakin's interpretation of the incident.

"Do I look stupid to you?"

Skippy sits up. He is waiting for his master to respond.

"Uhm…no. You're a very smart woman. But you have to understand my dilemma."

"I don't want to listen to anymore of this. I'm walking away." She shakes her head and leaves him alone in his study.

Anakin looks around for the remote to the plasma. He is unable to locate it. He waves his hand to power it on. A live Sabacc game is on via satellite from Mos Eisley.

The doorbell rings. None of the servants is around to answer the door. Threepio and Artoo are not around either. Anakin switches off the plasma and leaves the study. The bell rings again. Someone is either very impatient, stupid or both. Skippy barks. Anakin looks down at the yapping dog.

"Has someone fallen into the bottomless shaft?" Anakin points to the door. "Oh! Someone is at the door, Skippy."

He is annoyed by the lack of response and cooperation with everyone in the household, and that includes the family K-9 droid dog.

"Must I do everything myself?" He looks down at Skippy. "What do you do to contribute to this household? Huh?"

Skippy wags his titanium tail then taps the door with his paw. Anakin follows him to the front door, shouting, as he gets closer.

"Someone has a death wish. I'm coming! Stop ringing the _'effing'_ bell!" Anakin grabs the knob then opens the door. It is Arnold Celchuk the local paperboy.

Arnold is an easily impressed but intelligent boy of thirteen. He is resourceful, taking on his part-time gig as a paperboy delivering the Coruscant Times door-to-door twice a day. He uses the modest income to pay for books and going to the holo-multiplex. He is ready to greet the 'Master of the House' a cheerful good day. The boy is a year older than Kris. He has short thick light brown hair. His bangs fall just above his eyebrows. His has a cherubic face and bright blue eyes framed by wire-rimmed glasses. Both he and Kris are small for their age.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Skywalker, how are you today…"

Anakin takes his paper and slams the door in the boy's face. Skippy barks after the door is closed.

the doorbell rings again Just as Anakin walks back to his study reading the paper,. He releases a heavy sigh then goes to the door and opens it again. Arnold holds a heavy box in his arms as he reads from a holo-pad script:

"How are you today, Mr. Skywalker?"

"I'm fine, Arnold. Thanks for the paper. I'm not missing the sports section this time, thanks for that."

He starts to close the door again but Arnold is just as persistent. He wedges himself in the closing door. Anakin watches with amazement. Arnold has a frayed mitten that falls to the floor. He lets it remain there.

"Wait! How are you today, Mr. Skywalker?"

"Do you have short-term memory loss?"

"But, I have to inform you about something. Did you know that 153 million students across the galaxy don't have the tools to work quantum physics and advanced math theorem?"

"Uhm…no."

"Would you be willing to give these kids a fighting chance by contributing to…?"

"What tools do you need? Don't you just need a brain for that? You're trying to shake me down for money? You've got to do better than that."

Skippy wags his tail wildly as he listens to Arnold. Anakin stares at the dog in disgust. "Attack mode! " The dog does not heed his call. "Geez, you're useless!"

Anakin is about the slam the door again when Isabel appears and steps in front of her husband.

"Hello, Arnold. What are you selling this season?"

Arnold uses this opportunity to start his scripted pitch again.

"Hello, Mrs., Skywalker. How are you today? You look lovely if I may be so bold in saying so."

"I'm fine, and thank you, Arnold. I'm flattered. It's cold out here. Wouldn't you prefer to come in and do this? Come inside and relax a bit."

Isabel ushers the boy inside. Anakin rolls his eyes as the boy walks inside with the colorful box in his arms. Three newspapers remain in his delivery bag slung on his shoulder on his back. She looks on the floor at the mitten near Anakin's foot.

"Anakin, what's that on the floor? Pick it up."

Anakin makes a face.

Arnold stands and looks around at the opulent home; he almost forgets why he is there. He pets Skippy who immediately warms up to the boy. "Cool dog! Hey, champ!" He leans over and hugs the dog. Skippy's tail wags and right hind foot taps happily.

Arnold soon remembers to restart his sales pitch.

"Oh! Did you know that 153 million students across the galaxy…?"

Isabel interrupts him.

"Arnold, would you like some hot cocoa? It's cold outside. Are you coming from school? "

"Yes, Ma'm. I do my paper route before school in the morning then, on days we get out early, I distribute the afternoon edition. But, yes, hot cocoa sounds nice. There is a chill in the air. Thank you."

Anakin quips:

"Hey, why don't you sit him down and give him a sandwich?"

Isabel responds as if this is the most significant thing her husband has said all day.

"That's a good idea."

Anakin was only joking. He did not expect Isabel to invite the boy inside for a meal.

"What?"

Isabel leaves Arnold in the living room with a skeptical Anakin. Anakin looks up from his paper. The boy smiles at him. Anakin snaps the newspaper and shields his face with it as he tries to ignore the boy. Skippy sits at Arnold's feet and begins to perform a series of tricks that Anakin had programmed into his data chip but never seemed to function. Anakin lowers the newspaper then grumbles to himself.

Isabel brings the boy in the kitchen and serves him hot soup and a sandwich in addition to the cocoa and chocolate almond biscuits. Anakin watches in disbelief from the kitchen door as she feeds the waif.

After the refreshment, they return to the living room. Isabel lets Arnold go into his sales pitch.

"As you know, many children lack necessary tools needed for math competition and…"

Anakin yawns.

"You need _'stuff'_ for that?

Isabel gives her husband a dirty look. Anakin shrugs his shoulders. Arnold continues as he tries to remember where he left off.

"…to support these efforts, we need to raise 335,000 credits per year. Today, I am selling pera fruit chews, muja berry twisters, caramel lollys', and Paonga Minis…"

Anakin grins.

"The dentists on Coruscant must love you. How much are you gouging us for this fine confection assortment, sparky?"

"Uhm…Oh, 2 credits each."

"Hummm…not bad."

Isabel is more concerned about Arnold. She ignores Anakin's flippant remarks.

"Sweetie, don't you have homework to do? You seem to have a lot going on besides your paper route."

Arnold leans over and hugs Skippy.

"Oh, I do alright. My teachers give me extra time to turn in my assignments." He laughs as Skippy rolls over. "Oh, you're such a great dog! I love you, Champ!"

Anakin chimes in. He expresses is distain for the name the boy is calling the Skywalker family dog.

"His name is Skippy. Do all the houses you go to offer you cocoa and biscuits?"

"No. You're the only one." The boy does not waste a morsel of food. Isabel believes he probably has not had a healthy breakfast and most likely any lunch at all.

"Lucky us."

Isabel nudges Anakin

"How can we help?"

Anakin mocks his wife.

"Yes, tell us. Last summer you were hawking pit droid key chains. How did that work out for you?"

"Not great. The droids kept wandering off with the keys. I had to give the customers their money back."

"I could have told you that would happen."

Isabel pinches Anakin. He scowls

"Oww! Hey!"

"Anakin, give him some money. I left my purse upstairs. "

"What?"

Anakin digs in his pocket and pulls out some bills. Isabel pulls two twenties and a ten from his hand.

"Take this. Arnold, go home. Your mother must be worried about you."

Anakin watches as she helps the boy with his coat. Anakin leaves the room. He returns a few minutes later with a cashmere muffler, hat and gloves that belonged to Li-An.

"Here you go. Eggheads need to keep warm too. Don't want all that brain data seeping out into the ionosphere."

Arnold eagerly tries them on. Everything fits perfectly.

"Thanks, Mr. Skywalker. These are nice and soft…warm too."

"Yeah…they were just lying around unused. Whose papers do you have to deliver?"

"Uhm…Madame Domina Tagge, General Carvin, and 'Resident'."

"Do they give you tips?"

"No. Just you. Thanks for the Befana Eve envelope last year. I never got a 200-credit tip before.

"Two hundred credits?" He stops himself "Well, the gift matched the service. Heh heh." He looks incredulously at his wife and mouths _'200 credits?'_

Arnold continues to speak.

"I never got anything from 'Mr. Resident' either. But I've never met him."

"I'll make sure these get delivered. I'll take care of the candy too."

"But I was just getting that script down. I deliver their paper and then I promote the afterschool program."

"Yeah, right. Listen, stick to what you know, kid. Delivering papers and hawking cheap candy isn't your forte."

He sees some holographs on the table in the foyer as Anakin urges him towards the front door.

"Is Ana-Lena home?"

"No. she's away at school. Off you go now." Anakin grabs the boy's head and steers him gently towards the front door.

Isabel hands him a thermal tote filled with hot food. She and Anakin see him off. Anakin shouts to Arnold as the boy heads down the driveway.

"Don't throw my paper in the hedges next time!"

After Anakin closes the door, he looks at his wife.

"Are we suckers or what?"

"You did a good thing."

"Hey, I had to get rid of the kid somehow." Anakin remembers when he was a young disadvantaged boy on Tatooine. His wife takes his hand in hers.

"He looks up to you, Anakin."

"He should; especially since I gave him a 200-credit tip. He's a good kid. He does a crappy paper delivery job, though."

"You complain all the time but you keep the subscription. You have access to it on your data pad."

"I kind of like having the paper delivered. It gives me a chance to bust his chops a few days a week…but he's a good kid."

"Speaking of that; we have a son who should be home from the Jedi Academy very shortly. He needs our attention."

"That reminds me, I have to wrap up a matter with some disgruntled parties."

"Oh, you're still giving that sad excuse of a story about the Admiral? It's a wonder you sleep well at night."

He changes the subject back to Arnold.

"I sleep perfectly well. Look at all this candy! I still think we've been had. There's no kid's quantum physics competition."

Isabel throws up her hands and turns away.

"That's it. I'm done talking to you."

"You mean there is such a thing?"

"Go away."

"I have business to tend to anyway."

"Oh, of course. You've got to tell that tired story about the air surfer board again."

Anakin heads back toward his study. Skippy looks out the window then follows his master as soon as the boy is out of view. Anakin turns and looks down at the 'disloyal' K-9 droid.

"And you! I find your lack of loyalty disturbing. Oh, and that shameful display of tricks….I have to say that I am sorely disappointed with you." The dog cocks its heads and pants happily. Anakin smiles. "Come on, _'Champ'!"_

Three others have trouble believing Anakin's story about Admiral Zaarin. The trio of Force ghosts arrives. They have feedback for him. Qui-Gon arrives first.

'_That's some doozy of a heart attack if you ask me.'_

"I wasn't asking you."

Mace Windu appears. He is slapping his knee and laughs.

'_I'm trying to picture Zaarin havin' a massive coronary while traveling into the reception area, falling on the air surfer board than returning to your office and collapsing on his back. The way you explain it, the man was waltzing all over your office_." Mace imitates Zaarin having a heart attack. He takes a few 'theatrical liberties _'This is the big one, Rosealee!'_ Mace jokingly stumbles around clutching his chest._ He comments afterwards: 'It sounds funny as hell!'_

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"I'm glad you're amused."

Ayala arrives. She is annoyed.

'_Anakin, don't ever ask me to do anything like that again! I had to hover over that man's hospital bed while he was having an out-of body experience. That ugly man was getting on my nerves: 'Will I go to heaven? Who will I see there? I want to apologize for all the horrible things I said about people while I was alive.' I was especially unforgiving when it came to the former Emperor. I tried to dethrone him…blah blah blah.' Geez, he was so annoying!'_

Mace laughs.

'_He wants absolution for that? That was the best idea he had during his military carrier. Then we almost had that fat ass orderly die on us. I had no time for him. I don't care how many times he needs to be resuscitated. He's not gonna die on my watch.'_

Anakin has heard enough from whining, force ghosts.

"Alright! I'm sorry I got you involved! Geez! Don't you guys ever stop complaining?"

Mace gets an attitude.

"_Well, excuse me, Mister, 'I bashed the Admiral upside the head with an air surfer board' And let me tell you another thing; you're an ungrateful sith! Yeah, I said it! Did I hear a 'Thank-you? "_He holds his hand to his ear. _Wait….hold on…what's that? Hell no, I didn't' get a thank you, Mace.'_

Anakin is insulted that he is seen as ungrateful.

"Thank you! Thank so _'effing'_ much for your services! Happy now?"

'_That wasn't so hard now, was it? You still have an attitude problem.' _

"I apologize for not thanking you sooner while I tried to save my son."

'Your son was going to be fine. No one was going to touch a hair on that child's head'.

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

'Yeah…yeah. You're still ungrateful.'

At another part of the house, Isabel is busy putting the final changes on a sandwich. She has company. Kris is watching from the other side of the kitchen counter.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Are you angry with me?"

"No, I am not angry with you."

"Everyone else is."

"That's not true. No one is angry…disappointed, yes. Everyone cares about you and wants what's best for you."

"Ki Adi-Mundi said I was too dangerous and if I keep this up, I'll wind up on the same path as Dad when he was younger."

"You tell him I said he is not to speak to you or about you. And if he's lingering around this house, tell him it's not nice to eavesdrop. And he's not welcome in this house if he has nothing nice to say."

"He's insulted…He left the house."

"Fine…if he feels that strongly."

"Mom?'

"Yes, sweetie."

"Are you planning to turn me in for a better model?'

"Look at me. You are ours…no matter what. We love you. I would never trade you for any other child in the galaxy."

'Mom?"

"Yes, Kris?"

"Dad said that the Admiral is going to be okay, right?"

"Yes. Your father called me this morning from the hospital. I'm still trying to figure out how the Admiral had a heart attack and wound up with a concussion and a contusion. He has a big knot on his forehead."

"Dad said the Admiral fell then tripped."

"You're father says a lot of things."

"He's back."

"I know; I your father walk in hours ago hours ago after his visit to the hospital."

"No! Not Dad! Ki Adi…he says he has reevaluated his remarks and he has decided that he would like to remain a welcome houseguest…as long as you approve…and he apologizes for the hurtful comments."

"Oh, well…he made a quick and wise decision."

"He says if anyone can help protect this family from all the evil in the galaxy, he can."

"Ahhh…I see. Thank you." She cleans her hands on a kitchen towel and then serves the sandwich to Kris."

"Thanks, Mom. You make the best sandwiches. I heard the food at JD Hall is not half as good as yours."

"Don't talk like that. You're not a Jedi Delinquent and you're not going anywhere. Eat your lunch. I can't believe they kept you all day without feeding you. It's almost three o'clock. Is that their way of punishing you? I didn't know starving a child was part of the training."

"I had to go to meditation so I could cleanse my soul and rethink my path in like."

"Humph. I'll give them something to rethink."

There is a loud cry from the study.

"What? A _'63'_? That can't be! Are you sure? Did you check your records? There has to be a computer error. I think I'm going to be sick. This is a disaster!... I intend on doing that very thing." The phone can be heard being placed on the cradle. There is a long silence followed by a loud cry. "Noooooo!"

A few minutes later, Anakin storms into the kitchen. His open black shawl-collar cardigan flows behind him.

"There's going to be a family meeting on Sunday!"

Isabel looks across the room at him.

"The whole family?"

"The whole bloody family!" He throws his arms up.

Isabel roll her eyes.

"Oh, boy!"

Kris bites into his sandwich. There is a slight smile of satisfaction on his face. He knows it is not about him anymore….for now.

"Hah-hah. Someone is in big trouble. Does this mean I get my board back?"

His father points to him.

"Wipe that smug look off your face. You're still grounded."

Anakin returns to his study. The phone rings. He knows who it is but he is not anxious to take the call. He picks up the receiver and yells.

"What? I wired your allowance last week."

"I know, I know. I got it. Thank you. Actually, Anakin…son, I've got some good news."

"If it involves you, it can't be good news. Can this wait? I've got fires to put out."

"Fires?"

"Bigger problems."

"Well…can we meet?"

Anakin hesitates for a moment.

"Uhm…fine…How about tomorrow around noon?"

"Fantastic. I'll see you then…oh, where can we meet? Your office? Hello…Ani?"

There is a dial tone.


	19. Chapter 19 Who Can Make the Suns Rise

_Chapter 19AE _

'_Listen Up'_

'_Who Can Make the Suns Rise?...The Candy Man Can'_

'_Gotta Move the Inventory'_

'_Almost Hired__**: **__Palps Gets a Job'_

'_Loose Lips Sinks Siths'_

_**

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_**Taggemart: "Where we look for your weakness for bargains and exploit them"**_

_**Shop with us and save! A subsidiary of TaggeCo**_

Palpatine gets a job at TaggeMart the newest megastore in the suburbs of Coruscant City, not far from the Shady Acres Retirement Community.

He is excited about his return to the 'workforce' wants to tell the family. He announces the news to Anakin first. Anakin's response surprises him.

It has been years since he was last at the former Imperial Headquarters. Things have changed. There is music filtered into the Public Announcement system. The officers have taken on other jobs such as official concierge greeters for high-profile visitors. It actually seems nice, that is until he reaches security checkpoint. The army ensign on duty waves a white paddle across his body while another aims a blaster at his head and questions him.

"Do you have any weapons on you, sir? Any blasters, lightsabres, Kashyyyk carving knives, Dark lightening…"

"No."

"Would you remove your shoes please?"

"What? Oh, of course."

Palpatine sits on a bench and removes his shoes. The second officer gestures for him to stand.

"Raise your arms above your head."

"What? What is this? I use to work here, you know. Is this absolutely necessary?"

"Yes, sir. All visitors go thought the security checkpoint pat-down."

"I think this is horrendous. Who's your manager?"

"One moment, sir."

After going through a 15-minute security check and arguing with the manager, Palpatine is escorted upstairs to the executive suite. He arrives at the reception area, strong-armed by two storm troopers. He shakes them off and adjusts his quilted velvet cloak.

"Unhand me you incompetent buffoons!"

Miss Beasley rises from behind her desk and greets him with her trademark smile.

"May I help you, sir?"

Palpatine smoothes his hair and approaches the desk.

"Yes, I am here to see my son."

"Your son?"

"I believe he is your boss…Anakin Skywalker."

"Oh! One moment, please." Miss Beasley presses the intercom. "Mr. Skywalker, there's an elderly man here to see you." She whispers into the handset. "He says you're his son. I think he may have wandered off from the old folk's home….poor little man." She speaks to Palpatine. "Excuse, me, sir, and your name is? Do you know your name?"

"Of course I know who I am! I am Emperor…Mr. Palpatine." He rolls his eyes then points to the phone on her desk. "And he knows full well who I am."

Miss Beasley speaks into the phone.

"Mr. Skywalker, it's Mr. Palpatine here to see you. I thought you said he was dead...hello?"

She gets a dial tone.

Palpatine smiles at Miss Beasley and extends his hand.

"I don't believe we've met…."

Suddenly the office door opens and Anakin steps out.

"Hi. What took you so long? I'm busy."

The former emperor is insulted.

"Why _'I'_ took so long? Oh, you must be joking! I was put through the most undignified and invasive security check. It is as if those men didn't know who I was and I cannot believe you still have that imbecile Jar Jar employed here. You made him a manager?"

"So? Come on, I'm very busy. Walk faster."

"What happened to that woman who used to work for you?"

"Gladys has been retired for some time now."

"You know I tried to hire her and she declined. Ungrateful woman."

"She's a smart woman."

"Can I see your office? What have you done with it? It's been so long since I was last here. You never introduced me to your secretary."

Anakin steers him back towards the outer door.

"It's the same office. Let's go downstairs."

"What? I went through that disgraceful security check only to leave the building again?"

"Geez, you're a whiny old bitch lately. So, what's the purpose of your visit this morning? I wired your monthly stipend last week."

"No, no no…I'm not here about that. I have fantastic news, Anakin. I have a job."

Anakin muffles a laugh as they stop in the windowed corridor.

"A what?" Anakin purses his lips to keep from laughing.

Palpatine continues sharing his good news.

"A job…at TaggeMart. I start just in time for the holidays."

"TaggeMart? You know…they exploit their workers. You're seriously going to work there?"

"Of course! They offer great career opportunities."

"Yeah, if you're 16 years old and have no ambitions. They must be desperate."

"For your information, they are vigorously seeking experienced mature adults…we seniors are the future of the workforce."

"Then they are desperate."

"They almost didn't take me because the hiring manager thought I was too young."

Anakin is amazed and amused.

"Get out of here! Really?"

"Really! Anyway, It's close by so I can visit the kids."

"Where?"

"Twice a week we get to work in CoCo Town."

"My kids are forbidden to go to CoCo Town."

"Oh? "

"CoCo Town…you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

He decides not to dispute his son. Palps knows information that may make the Dark Lord furious.

"CoCo Town is becoming very trendy nowadays. Don't you read the Coruscant Times Sunday Holo-mags? It's an up and coming neighborhood."

Anakin pretends to be interested in his father's 'Senior Work Release Programme.'

"So…when do you start?"

"Saturday. Lorian and I start the same day. We work well together."

"So, how did you find out about the job?"

"We were going on a double date…"

Anakin scratches his forehead.

"Are you two….?"

"Heaven's no, Anakin! What is the matter with you? We were at the mall to purchase corsages for a couple of women we are dating. There was a 'help wanted' ad on the mall kiosk."

"Where the hell did you find women who would go out with you two?"

"We joined an online dating service called _Intergalactic Senior Match_. We met these two lovely widows from Shady Acres on the Eastside."

"Ewww…that's nice."

Palpatine senses the condescending tone in Anakin's voice.

"Anyhoo, they almost didn't hire Lorian. I told the hiring manager, it's either both of us or neither of us."

"Oh, that showed them!"

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Me? No! Never! Go on with your little story."

"Do not laugh, Anakin. This is serious business. Companies need older employees."

"Yeah, I know…I got a call from them. You used me as a reference without asking permission."

"About that…thanks for nothing. I thought it was truly unprofessional of you not to give me a reference…after all I've done for you these last 50-odd years."

"Oh, right…you nearly ruined my life."

"You need to stop holding grudges. I don't understand you sometimes. Where did you learn to have such a sour attitude? I was embarrassed when the recruiter came back into the office and read your response: _'I cannot in good faith recommend Mr. Palpatine as he has not demonstrated his ability to be a team player in the workplace.'_

"I was being honest. You got hired anyway so stop complaining….so, who did you kill to get the spot?"

"No one. They died of natural causes. I was the next candidate on the list."

"I bet. So, what are your duties?"

"Lorian and I are 'Mature TaggeMart Greeters and Store Coordinators'.''

"So, you push shopping carts."

"We are 'Cart-Procurement Enforcers.' We get 50-centimes each for every cart a customer fails to return a cart to the trolley bin. It's called incentive compensation."

"Uh-humm…I can see how that isn't going to work out well for anyone. How much is your base pay?"

"Seven-fifty an hour."

"Minimum wage…You and Lorian can live like emperors on that salary."

Palpatine deflects Anakin's sarcastic remarks.

"Tyler told us there are other incentives to get bonuses."

"I think you're being exploited."

"Proves you understand nothing. We are doing it for the greater good. Tyler, he's our manager, says we're the frontline defense against inventory loss."

"Like what?"

"Late shift. We get overtime if we stay to count inventory. Lorian and I are locked in all night but we can have any Quick-Tagge sandwich and drink Hoth Fruit Frappes all night long."

"So, where's Tyler while you two old goats are on 'lockdown' all night?"

"He can't be there past his curfew."

"Why not? Is he in the CoCo Prison work-release' program?"

"Nooo…You have to be 18-years old to stay late."

"Okay, I've heard enough."

"But I can get you a discount."

"I hate shopping."

"What about Isabel?"

"She only shops on Rodian Drive; she's not a "mall" person."

"How about the kids?"

"They might take you up on your offer."

"I'll let them know. That's a good idea. I see kids around the mall all the time."

"On second thought, I don't want my kids hanging out at that place."

"I think you underestimate your children."

"So, are you coming to dinner on Sunday?"

"No can do, Anakin. We're open special hours for the holiday."

"Oh….okay."

Palpatine notices something Anakin is carrying under his arm. Palpatine points to it

"What's that you're carrying?"

"You buying?"

"No."

"So, are we done?"

"Yes. I believe we are. I'm disappointed in you, Anakin."

"Yeah…" He turns to the two officers standing at attention at the elevator. "Officers, escort Mr. Palpatine to the lobby exit."

"Yes, my Lord."

Palpatine seems hurt.

"Why do you continue to humiliate me, Anakin? Do I really need an escort?"

"It's standard operating procedure."

"I must tell you, Anakin, these draconian policies must change."

"Right…Well, I can't have you wandering the building; who knows what shenanigans you'd be up to?"

"You still don't trust me?"

"What do you think?"

"Fine. I'll be on my way."

The officers board the elevator with the old sith lord.

Anakin waits for a few moments then continues down the corridor.

Anakin has other things on his agenda today. He figures it is time to make peace with the high-ranking officials of the military in light of Admiral Zaarin's unfortunate _'illness.'_

The officers convene in the grand conference room. Anakin is 15 minutes late for the meeting. The officers talk amongst themselves. There is much grumbling.

"Look at this! The meeting should have started over twenty minutes ago. Typical."

Tagge pounds his fist on the table.

"I say we start the meeting without him. He has no intention in engaging in reasonable negotiations. Let's show him that we mean business and cut him off at the knees…before he gets the upper hand."

As Tagge speaks, Anakin walks into the room with Tarkin.

"Good morning, gentlemen."

The officers glance up at the clock on the black granite wall. Anakin continues speaking. The men notice the box that he sets on the table.

Gentlemen, I know we have reached an impasse during our negotiations over the control of the remaining five sectors. Some of you believe that I have not listened to your requests to resolve this matter. Well, I'm ready to talk…but first….who likes candy?...Everyone does."

The men watch dumbfounded as Anakin sets up the display box. He is much like an appliance sales representative who is on a roll and will not take 'No' for an answer... The bright red and yellow box is filled with the standard variety of sugary treats that Arnold was hawking just days earlier. Anakin has a sales pitch that Arnold could never match.

"Alright, I am selling these packages of candy for 150,000 credits each. As soon as these packs are sold, we can then talk about control of the sectors. Hey, Monte…I know you have all that retirement money squirreled away. What do you say?"

Admiral Motte is appalled at being called out like this.

"Vader, are you insane? I have no intention of throwing away my hard-earned money on junk food…I…argh…"

Tarkin and the other officers watch as Admiral Motti clutches his throat and turns blue

"Great, here we go again. Come on now, Anakin. Release him."

Motti gasps as he struggles to catch his breath. As soon as he recovers, Motti, hands shaking, reaches into his uniform pocket for his billfold. He pulls out several bills in 50,000-credit denominations. Anakin quickly scoops up the currency before it settles on the table.

"Thank you! Have a nice day." In exchange for the payment, Anakin drops a pack of Paonga Minis in front of the oft-tormented Admiral. Anakin scans the table. Suddenly the other officers each reaches for any cash they have on them. A pile of cash quickly fills the center of the table. Anakin tosses packages of the assorted candy to the officers. One of the officers, General Moradmin Bast, does not get one of the packages after surrendering his money.

"Excuse me, my Lord. I did not receive anything and I gave you money."

Anakin stares at the officer. Without hesitating, he points to another officer.

"Share with officer Red Weasel."

Officer Redd Wessel, speaking with a thick Eriadu accent, corrects Anakin.

"The name is pronounced _'Rhud Ves-sel'_ not _'Red Weasel'_."

"Oh, aren't we touchy? I thought you were named for that comic at the Outlander Comedy Club. My, aren't we sensitive today. Geez, you guys are like a bunch of babies!"

Anakin scoops up the rest of the money and stuffs it inside the red and yellow candy box. He passes Tarkin, who is whispering to a young, low-ranking officer. The office hands Moff Tarkin a message. Anakin backs up and returns to Tarkin.

"Oh, Muffy, I don't believe I got a contribution from you."

"You can't be serious, Lord Vader. You can't sell merchandise you don't have."

"I know…that's why I'm waiting for your contribution."

Tarkin is under the mistaken impression that his will is stronger that the Dark Lord's. He resists as long as he can. Anakin's blue eyes are fixed on the Grand Moff. Tarkin finally surrenders his cash. Anakin collects the money then takes a seat at the table.

"Well! That was easy. Now… let's move on to what everyone's been muttering about behind my back."

A familiar face speaks out.

"If I may be frank, my lord, the officers have no issue with you personally, they are expressing their concern that they are not being heard. We know you have a lot on your plate these days and things can, inadvertently go by the wayside…"

"Ozzel?"

"Yes, My lord."

"I thought you retired years ago."

"I did, but the men have asked me to speak as an impartial mediator to resolve any disagreements either side may have…"

"And they chose you? That was cowardly of them. Okay, I'll play along. If they want to vent, bring it on. Continue, Ozzie."

"Well… I believe that we are all…in agreement…that...the sectors in dispute can be managed without conflict…" Ozzel is becoming nervous as he realizes no one else is joining the conversation. Anakin interrupts.

"Ozzel, go and enjoy your retirement. I can take care of this very quickly."

"Oh, well…uhm…Thank you, my lord."

Anakin looks around the table.

"I should choke every single one of you right now. You thought I was going to kill Ozzel because you have less respect for him than I do. Sorry, Admiral. You would throw a fellow officer under the star cruiser. The only mistake Ozzel made was to listen to you numb nuts. I'll give you my answer now. The policy remains the same. You don't get control of the sectors because you're all too stupid to manage them. Now get out of my face before I change my mind and kill you all where you sit.

Across town, Luke and Mara have just returned from a fact-finding trip on Wayland. Luke reads the invitation. Mara has conditions.

"What's on the menu?" She starts to rifle through the cabinets of their spotless kitchen. Luke looks on the back of the invitation.

"I don't know. It's always something good. Does it matter?"

"I need to know what containers to bring."

"Bring what you usually do."

"I have the large dish with compartments and the salad bowl."

"Mar, my mom is going to think we never eat or have food in the house."

"She knows I don't cook."

"So why did we put all that cookware on our wedding registry?"

"In case someone wants to come over and cook for us, silly."

"Oh, right…how often does that happen?"

"My mother cooked for us."

"Oh yeah, the meatballs the size of asteroids. I had heartburn for a week."

'So, you're criticizing my mother's cooking."

"No, Mara, I…"

"I don't see you lifting a spatula around here."

"To be honest, I don't think we have one."

"So, you're saying I'm a bad housewife?"

"No. I never said that."

"You implied it."

"Oh, come on, Mara, now you're reaching."

"We'll see who's reaching."

Mara storms out of the kitchen. She takes the containers with her. Luke yells to Mara as she leaves.

"Aren't those my mother's containers? She's been looking for those since last Republic Day."

Back across town:

Anakin arrives home. He overhears Isabel having a telephone conversation.

"Really, Mom…you shouldn't…there will be plenty of food….well, if you must…" Isabel glances over her shoulder at her husband. Anakin gestures for her to wrap it up. "Mom, I have to go…Anakin is home…what? …bu…okay" Isabel hands the phone to Anakin. He bites his bottom lip then takes the phone to his ear.

"Hi Mom, I'm fine, how are you?...Yes…well, we're all fine…Oh, did she?" He looks at Isabel wide-eyed then continues speaking to his mother-in-law. "It's being worked out…Yes; I know you're a concerned grandparent…ok…ok...Wha? What? Yes, of course it's for family…heh-heh…don't be silly…okay…see you then. Bye, Mom." He hangs up and points an accusing finger at Isabel.

"You invited your parents to a family crisis?"

"You never said not to invite them. What's the big deal? They are family."

Anakin finds a package of pera fruit chews on the counter. He pops a few into his mouth and leans against the kitchen counter.

"What's going to keep your mother from telling those hens she hangs out with at the Bimmissari Tea club?"

"What? I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know 'what'…about Kris and what he _almost _did."

"She would never say anything."

"Who else did you tell?"

"No one. I never told her anything. She called me."

"How did she find out?"

"I don't squeal on people."

"I can make you talk."

"I'm sure you can. So, how did the candy sale go?"

"Isabel, you would be very proud of me…or not…"

"I'm imagining you didn't use the soft-sell approach."

"No, but you can't argue with the results."

"Are all of your customers still alive?"

"Of course. What sort of insane person do you think I am? I can show restraint."

"Well, show some restraint at dinner on Sunday. Don't alienate your children."


	20. Chapter 20 Daddy, I Need A Tutor

_Chapter 20AE _

'_Daddy, I need A Tutor'_

'_There's Always Room for Jedis'_

'_Eat, Drink, Pray, Kill'_

''_This Dinner Table Gets Worse All the Time'_

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It has been awhile since the Skywalker family has gathered for Sunday dinner. It is usually a joyous occasion. Anakin finally will see all of his children today.

The Sunday Coruscant Times arrives promptly at 7:30 that morning, albeit, with pages strewn across the garden in front of the house, the magazine is missing, possibly lodged in the hedges. Anakin has been looking for his elusive paperboy all morning.

He keeps his promise to make the other customers pay up on past bonuses owed to the neighborhood paperboy. The visits were short and effective as Anakin does not like to repeat himself. One visit to each of the offenders sufficed. Anakin brought the family droid dog Skippy as an added incentive. Skippy's microchip was temporarily set to 'stun.' Madame Domina Tagge, General Carvin, and 'Resident' never miss a bonus. They even leave bonuses when there is no holiday.

The cook staff is toiling away in the kitchen in preparation of the family dinner. Anakin stays out of the way, holed up in his study. Skippy is in rest mode at his side.

Several hours pass. Anakin receives one visitor just as the family members arrive at the house. Skippy flies out the study as the visitor enter and heads to the front door barking like a maniac. There is activity outside his study. He waits a few moments before opening the door again.

The dining table is set. Place cards are on each plate. Mara scans the table then reaches for a card.

"I'm not sitting next to anyone who calls me a bad housewife." She switches her place card.

Luke throws up his arms in frustration.

"Oh, good grief, Mara!"

Han sees his place card near the head of the table beside Anakin. He complains.

"I'm not sitting near his worship." He moves his card to another place at the end of the table. Threepio stands nearby.

"Mr. Solo, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Master Ani gets upset when people mess up his evil plans."

"…An even better reason to change my seat. Beat it, Goldenrod."

Luke calls to his stepmother.

"Mom, what's with the place cards?"

"Your father wants to seat you in the order in which he wants to speak to you."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am."

"So he wants to speak to me third?"

"Just sit there so we can all get through this evening."

Li-An arrives. He greets his mother with a kiss and a bouquet of Felucia flowers. He sets a white canvas duffle bag at his feet.

"Hey, what's with the place cards, mom?"

"Ask your father." She notices the duffle on the floor. "Thanks for the flowers. Is that what I think it is?"

"Uhm…yes."

"Put it in the laundry room."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you. You're the best."

Kris searches for his place card.

"Why do I have to sit near Dad?"

Alex slaps him on the back.

"I think you know why, _'chokey-smurf'_."

"I didn't choke anyone…Mom!"

Isabel scolds, Alex.

"Cut it out, Alex."

Alex is enjoying this and continues to taunt his younger brother.

"Okay, so you had a fist-grip around the Admiral's heart. I stand corrected." He pats Kris on his face.

Kris again focuses on his assigned seat at the dinner table.

"I'm not sitting next to Dad. He busted my air surfer board."

Alex laughs.

"Oh, yeah, I heard about that. Heh-heh! Admiral Zaarin must have a skull as hard as a Mustafar lava rock to cause that much damage."

"Now I can't go the surfer park with my friends. I'm being treated unfairly."

Han raises his fist in true rebel fashion.

"That's right, kid. Stand up for your principles."

Leia rolls her eyes. Don't give my little brother advice. He's in enough trouble as it is."

Ana-Lena arrives. She is pleased to see her place card on the right side of her father's chair. Everyone looks at her. There is a satisfied smile on her face. Leia walk over to her kid sister.

"Okay, little _'Miss Perfect'_, what are you up to?"

"Who, me? Nothing."

"You're up to something; I can feel it. You're a little too happy about the seating arrangements."

"If that's what Daddy wants then I think we should respect his wishes. Seriously, sis, I don't know what all of the fuss is about."

Leia is skeptical

"Hmmm…really? You don't fool me one bit."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Alex meanwhile is handing out concert passes to his latest gig.

"I got front row passes to my show at the Galaxies Concert Hall."

Leia examines her concert pass.

"Got any backstage passes? I'm not going to sit in the front row while you body surf through the crowd."

"That's half the fun, sis."

Kris tries to grabs a pass but Alex holds it out of his reach.

"Hey! How come I don't get a pass?"

"Because you're 12 years old."

Han chimes in.

"And there are half-naked women. They'll destroy your innocence, kid."

"So?"

Leia wonders why Han needs to go to the concert.

"Wait a second, why do you need to be at this concert? Aren't you a little old to attend garage bands?"

"I'm not just going for the music; it's my responsibility to act as a chaperone for these kids.

Isabel walks in and orders everyone to get ready for dinner.

"Skippy follows the Skywalker children through the house. Han yells at him.

"Shut up, you noisy little gas can!"

The K-9 droid nips at Han's leg.

"What's with this critter?"

Leia smiles.

"He likes you, Han."

"He tore a hole in my pants!"

"If he wanted to hurt you, he would have done it a long time ago."

"Oh, like his master."

"Yeah…isn't he cute?"

"Great! I feel so much love."

The bickering stops as the children hear the door open to their fathers' study. Ana-Lena especially takes notice. Anakin stands in the doorway. He is speaking to someone.

"Thank you for stopping by, Lieutenant. I am impressed with your work. You can expect more projects to come your way in the New Year."

Karol Needa salutes the Dark Lord.

"Thank you, my Lord. Those are kind words. I will work hard for you."

"That's good to hear, Lieutenant, I wouldn't expect anything less."

The lieutenant notices that others are in the house.

"Well, I see your family is waiting for you to join them for dinner. I shall not take any more of your valuable time."

"Don't stop to chat with any of them. They're nothing but trouble. Threepio will show you out."

"Good evening, my Lord."

Threepio leads the way.

"Follow me, please, Lieutenant."

Ana-Lena sees Lieutenant Needa leaving her father's office. She flips her long raven hair and flashes a coquettish smile. Her hypnotic blue eyes gaze at the young officer.

"Hello, Lieutenant Needa."

Lieutenant Needa turns nervously then nods respectfully and stammers a bit. He knows that Anakin is close by.

"G-Good evening, Little Miss."

Alex and Li-An giggle. They are mocking her. Ana-Lena is insulted. Just as she is about to have words with her brothers, Anakin calls her.

"Ana-Lena, I need to speak to you for a moment… Step into my chamber, please?"

Ana-Lena snubs her brothers then joins her father in his study. Anakin closes the door.

"What is it, Daddy?"

"Are you joking? Don't act so surprised, young lady. What's this about you failing Algebra?"

"Daddy, I have disappointed you and I am sorry."

Anakin is calm. He remembers to heed his wife's advice to listen to his children before reacting.

"I see you came prepared with an defense. Ana-Lena….you're usually good in math. I don't understand this. When the Mother Superior called me, I thought she was talking about another student. No one goes from an 'A' to an 'F' in less than a month."

"I tried, Daddy, but this new math is really hard."

"Then you should study harder."

"You know what I need, Daddy? I need a tutor. If you get me a tutor, I know I will improve."

"You've got it all figured out, don't you?"

"I just don't want you to worry. I am being proactive about this because I want you to be proud of me."

"You should have been proactive about getting an 'A'."

"I'll do better, I promise. I need a tutor."

Anakin glances at some notes in a folder on his desk, and then glances across the desk at his daughter. He closes the folder. Ana-Lena flashes her hypnotic blue eyes at him. Anakin releases a heavy sigh.

'Okay, you'll get your tutor."

"Thank you, Daddy. You're the best. See you at dinner, Daddy."

She gets up and walks around the desk, leans over and kisses her father on his right cheek. She leaves the study.

Anakin is distracted for a moment. There is a look of bewilderment on his face. He just realizes what has happened.

"But…that's not what I wanted to happen…Ana-Le! I'm not done with you!"

The one thing Anakin cannot tolerate is to have his children play Jedi mind tricks on him. He will exact revenge soon.

When Anakin finally enters the dining room, a few of the children have taken their originally assigned seat. Alex mouths the words 'coward' to Li-An. Anakin pretends not to notice that some of the family members are at the other end of the table near Isabel. His mother-in-law, who usually sits close to him, is seated several chairs away. He wonders why she is not sitting closer. Even her demeanor is frosty; His plan for a harmonious family gathering is collapsing. It is time to start dinner. He will have to address this issue later. He stands at the head of the table.

"So...good evening everyone. I'm glad you could make it. " He turns to Li-An. Li-An, How's work at the refugee camps?"

"We're making a difference in the lives of these displaced people, Dad."

"So, are you still thinking of taking a vow of poverty or are you going to finish medical school?"

"I'm going to make a final decision at the end of spring, Dad."

"Well, you may as well lead the family in grace while you rethink your life."

Li-An is caught off-guard but quickly thinks of a prayer.

"Oh, uhm…okay…if everyone would please hold hands? Okay…oh, man…"

Anakin keeps his head lowered in but lifts his eyes as Li-An begins the peculiar prayer. Ana-Lena smirks. Alex and Kris follow suit and begin to giggle.

The doorbell rings. Threepio is sitting in a chair at the dining room entrance. He turns his head towards the door.

"Who is so inconsiderate as to visit while we're having dinner?"

Anakin barks at the protocol droid.

"Will you get up and answer the door?"

Threepio gets up and walks to the front door. Everyone can hear him as he greet the visitors.

"Oh, it's you, Master Kenobi!"

"Good evening. I hope we're not too late for supper."

"You mean the _'family'_ dinner?

"Were you delayed at happy hour at The Outlander?"

"No…no, my metallic friend. We have just returned from a couples' retreat on Endor."

"A couple's retreat? Really?"

Anakin yells from the dining room.

"Will you get in here, please?"

Obi-Wan Kenobi enters the dining room with his wife, 'Aunt Bunny.'

Aunt Bunny leans over and gives Anakin a smooch on his cheek. Her bright red lipstick leaves an imprint on his face. Her strong floral perfume lingers. She speaks in her smoky drawl.

"Hey, Anakin, sugar, how are you doin'?"

"Hello, Bunny…I'm fine, how are you?"

Obi-Wan notices the empty spaces on Anakin's end of the table and smiles.

"So, Anakin, my good friend, I see you're bringing the family together in peace and harmony as usual."

Ouisanne, Anakin's mother-in-law, folds her arms and looks away.

"Humph!"

Anakin senses her displeasure with him.

Obi-Wan walks over to the empty places at the table to Anakin's left. He pulls out a chair for Aunt Bunny who sits to Anakin's left. The dark lord waits impatiently for Obi-Wan to sit. One of the servants approaches the Jedi Master. Obi-Wan whispers to the stately looking gentleman.

"A Corellian Twister for my wife and I'll have a Celanon Semi-Dry…."

Anakin clears his throat.

"Must you? We haven't eaten yet."

"My apologies, Anakin. It seems that we have arrived too late for cocktail hour."

"We didn't have a cocktail hour."

"Well, then please continue."

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"Thank you." Anakin looks to the right side of the table. "Li-An, you may continue."

Everyone holds hands again. Li-An bows his head in prayer.

"Uhm…this evening we come together with family and friends to enjoy this fine grub that our mother has prepared for us with the help of her staff. It will nourish us for our next mission and journeys…Holy, holy, holy lord…Lord who is all knowing and all-seeing…bless this table…Amen."

Anakin sits quietly for a moment as everyone is about to lift their forks and knives to eat. He reaches for his wine glass. They pause as he sets down his wine glass to makes a comment.

"Humph, that sucked. "What the hell kind of prayer is that?"

Li-An looks around.

"No one else is complaining."

"I hope you're better with as scalpel than the priesthood."

Isabel is outraged.

"Anakin!"

Ouisanne praises her grandson.

"Li-An, that was a lovely prayer. Some people at this table are just hard to please." She picks up her cloth napkin and places it on her lap. The servants bring the food to the table. Leia whispers to Han.

"She's right about that."

Anakin looks towards the other end of the table.

"Do you have something to share with us, Leia?"

"No, Daddy, I don't."

Alex senses his father's displeasure and quickly changes the subject.

"Mom, dinner is great. It's sure good to be here for a home-cooked meal."

Anakin starts speaking again.

"Well, if you spent more time visiting your mother and me instead of playing with that garage band, you would get better meals."

"Uhm…but we're doing really well."

"Is that so?" He turns to Luke. "Luke, what's going on with you that you can't stop by the house?"

"Me? Mara and I have been traveling for business, as a former Jedi, you should know that, Dad….but we're here and it's great to see family again. That's all that matters."

Obi-Wan raises his glass.

"Here, here!"

Anakin knows Obi-Wan is already intoxicated. He turns to Mara.

"Enjoying your dinner, Mara?"

Mara looks up from her plate. She become s defensive

"Sure, why? Okay! I know I owe you a storage container. Why are you picking on me? Leia borrowed as many containers as I did."

"What containers?"

"Uh…Never mind."

Anakin has no idea what Mara is talking about. He turns his attention to Kris.

"Did you see your chore list that I taped on your bedroom door, young man?" He lifts his wine glass.

"Yes, Dad. Hey, how come I don't get wine?"

"Drink your milk."

Ouisanne meanwhile cuts her roast duck. She decides to speak.

"The boy doesn't need any chores. He's got schoolwork, besides, he should be enjoying time with his friends and playing on his air board."

Kris woefully breaks the news to his grandmother.

"I don't have it anymore, Nana. It's broken."

"What?"

"I didn't break it. It's a long story."

Anakin lifts his eyes. Ouisanne looks at the head of the table. Anakin glances up from his plate and takes a sip of wine.

"What happened to the 'non-interfering' mother-in-law?" He sets down his wine glass.

"I feel I have to speak up for these poor children."

There is silence at the table as the tension mounts between the two strong-willed individuals. Mara giggles quietly. Isabel breaks her silence.

"Mother, Anakin, stop this right now."

Ouisanne ignores her daughter.

"Well, I'm Kris's grandmother. You can't take away the boy's air board."

Kris breaks the news to his grandmother.

"Nana, it's okay. I'm grounded."

Han whispers to Leia as Ouisanne speaks her mind. She and Anakin appear to be at a standoff. The Dark Lord sips some wine from his glass again then sets it down and quietly wrings his hands. Han leans back in his chair.

"Whoa! This boring dinner is finally getting good."

Anakin's mother-in-law keeps talking.

Isabel whispers to her mother to be quiet.

"Mother, please…don't aggravate him."

"Hush, Isabel. It's high time someone stood up to him."

Isabel has a sound of dread in her voice.

"Oh, God."

Kris fearing his father's temper pleads with his beloved grandmother.

"Nana, it's okay…I'm grounded anyway."

Ouisanne scolds him.

"Kris, don't interrupt your grandmother, dear. I want to straighten out your father."

There is a cacophony of hushed 'ooo's at the table from the other family members.

She continues to stun everyone at the dinner table with her volatile remarks. Anakin is stunned to the point where he is rendered speechless.

"Listen to me, Anakin, I've watched you discipline these kids with a heavy hand over the years and I've been quiet about it up until now. Why did you ground this poor child?"

Luke whispers to himself.

"And now would be a good time to stop talking, Nana."

Ouisanne ignores everyone's pleas to keep quiet. Mara crosses her legs and sips her wine. She giggles as Ouisanne keeps talking. Luke stares at Mara and wonders if she is drunk.

"You need to take it easy with them. Now, Anakin, I love you as if you were my own son, but I'm telling you, you're wrong about what you're doing. It's downright shameful."

Anakin taps his glass then clenches his fist. He lets out a loud sigh. Han discreetly unclips his side arm. Leia notices this. She immediately elbows him hard in his ribs and whispers tersely.

"Put that away! Are you crazy? Someone will get hurt!"

"Yeah, your grandmother will if his lordship loses it."

Meanwhile Nakai, Aunt Bunny and Obi-Wan are busy enjoying their dinner. Obi-Wan gestures for one of the servants to approach the table. He whispers to the gentleman servant.

"I think now would be a good time for a cocktail."

"Yes, General Kenobi. Your usual, sir?"

"Celanon Semi-Dry…double."

"Right away, sir."

Everyone waits for Anakin to spontaneously combust; instead, Anakin calmly turns his attention to Ana-Lena. The next revelation will surely vindicate him.

"So, Ana-Lena, did you tell your grandparents that you're flunking math?"

Ouisanne drops her fork.

"What?"

Nakai looks up from his plate.

"Is this a joke?"

Ana-Lena scowls at her father.

"Daddy!"

Ouisanne is still in shock.

"Flunked math?"

Anakin responds, almost proudly.

"Yep! Flunked math." Anakin take another sip of wine. He now has the upper hand. Ouisanne is stunned.

"But she was taking honors math classes. Ana-Lena, what happened?"

Ana-Lena feels betrayed.

"Daddy, this was just between us!"

"I never promised you that. This is family. We have no secrets."

Her grandmother agrees.

"That's right. We don't keep secrets in this family. Listen to your father."

Nakai reaches for his wine glass.

"Oh, boy."

He takes one long gulp and empties the glass. He waves one of the servants over. The servant has another bottle of wine at the ready.

Obi-Wan chuckles as he sips his drink.

"Oh, dear…this is where the fun begins."

Kris laughs and points to his sister.

"Aha! You're flunking math!" He leans over and is in her face. Ana-Lena is angry and shouts back at him.

"Be quiet, you heart-strangling little monster!"

Kris continues to taunt his sister.

"But I'm not flunking math. Blah! Hah-hah!"

Isabel scolds him.

"Cut it out. Kris, sit down!"

The servants prepare the table for the next course. No one is speaking to Anakin. Everyone eats in silence.

Anakin decides to speak.

"Ana-Le, I want to apologize for embarrassing you. I have a tutor for you as you requested. If it improves your grades, I'll do anything…" He looks towards the window, craning his neck. He rises from his chair. "As a matter of fact…I believe your tutor is outside now."

Ana-Lena squeals with glee.

"Really?" she tones down her enthusiasm takes on a serious air.. "Really?"

Anakin smiles softly.

"Yes. Uhm…shall I go get him?"

"Sure. If you think it will help me, father." Ana-Lena pretends not to care.

Kris rolls his eyes.

"Oh, brother!" He stuffs his mouth with a forkful of food.

Anakin leaves the room and ventures out towards the garden. Ana-Lena fluffs her hair and primps herself. Alex is perplexed as he stares at his sister.

"Oh-oh…it has to be a guy. Is he in high school?"

Kris giggles.

"Is he from Jrade Technical Institute? Loser!"

Ana-Lena answers.

"Better. He's a dreamboat and he's so mature...unlike some of you at this table."

Anakin can be heard yelling to someone outside.

"I've been looking for you. Get in here! Yes, you!"

Li-An smirks.

"Who is he yelling at like that?"

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes and sighs as she speaks in a self-important tone.

"Daddy can be so embarrassing."

Leia smiles.

"You've got that right. I remember when I brought Han home for the first time."

Everyone nods. Her siblings have heard this story a million times.

"Yeah, yeah…he force-choked Han. Heard it!"

Han is somewhat offended.

"Hey, it was a good story…. still is…"

Ana-Lena shrugs.

"Dad never talks about it."

"Your darling father tied to kill me."

Anakin re-enters the house and is back in the dining room. He has a someone with him. Ana-Lena flips her hair as she prepares to greet the new dinner guest. The table goes silent. Alex, Li-An, and Luke smile. Leia watches Ana-Lena's reaction when Anakin makes the introduction. The smile on Ana-Len's face disappears. The person her father brings inside is not who she thinks it is.

"Ana-Le, you know Arnold Celchuk, don't you?"

Han folds his arms across his chest. He appears amused as the others with the exception of Ana-Lena.

"Someone is at a loss for words."

Li-An giggles.

"That's the _'dreamboat'_?"

Ana-Lena looks as if she has seen a wampa creature. Arnold greets her with a cheerful smile.

"Hello, Ana-Lena."

Ana-Lena returns an icy stare. Anakin beams as he stands behind Arnold. He places his hands on the boy shoulders.

"Ana-Le, Arnold's your new tutor. Who's your hero now, huh? Loss for words? You can thank me later."

Ana-Lena is horrified. She scowls.

"Aw! "

Arnold is smitten. He remembers to remove his hat and stuffs it into his pocket. One of the servants takes his coat. He greets the others at the table.

"Hello, Mrs. Skywalker. Hello, everyone."

Isabel is happy to see him.

"Hello, Arnold. This is a lovely surprise. Have a seat." She turns to the head servant. "Hobson set a place for this young man, please."

"Very good, Milady."

Arnold is in awe of all the attention he is getting.

"Gee, thank you, Mrs. Skywalker."

"Arnold, you've met my parents before."

"Yes, I have. How are you Mr. and Mrs. Nor?"

"Hey, kid."

Ouisanne smiles.

"Hello, dear. What a nice young man. Weren't you in Ana-Lena's Sunday school class when you were little?"

"Yes, Ma'm."

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.

Aunt Bunny smiles then leaves her seat and gives him a warm hug.

"Hey, sugar. Aren't you sweet? Look at those dimples! I could take you home!"

Isabel introduces him to Obi-Wan and Aunt Bunny.

"You remember Master Kenobi and his wife?"

"Oh, sure. The lipstick lady. Hello Mrs. Bunny."

Luke almost spits out the wine he is drinking.

Anakin beams as he looks around the dinner table.

"This is great, isn't it? See, Ana-Le, this is the best thing that could ever happen to you."

Isabel cuts him off and changes the subject.

"Are you enjoying your dinner, Arnold?"

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Skywalker. I've never been to a royal dinner before."

Han whispers aside to Leia.

"Yeah, a royal pain."

Isabel smiles at Arnold.

"There's no royalty here. It's just a family dinner."

Dinner continues despite of the awkward moments. Anakin continues to listen to updates from each of his children. Obi-Wan is on his second cocktail. He calls Hobson to the table. Ouisanne continues giving Anakin a scornful eye, and Han smirks his way through the meal. Anakin notices all of this but dismisses it. Li-An causes a disturbance after noticing that there is someone missing at the dinner table.

"Hey, where's Palps?"

Han, Leia, Luke and the other siblings groan then toss their dinner napkins at Li-An. The commotion grows with a mixture of boos and protests such as, _'Why did you have to mention his name?'_

The servants begin clearing the table for the dessert course. Leia is thoroughly annoyed.

"What did you have to mention that man's name? We were just in the middle of enjoying a nice family dinner."

Li-An responds.

"Leia, you need to calm down so your twins can have a peaceful birth."

"Ask me if I'm worried."

Han chimes in with his trademark smirk.

"Li-An, are you concerned about our children?"

"All I'm saying is that Leia yells too much. I'm not saying anything else."

Mara takes a sip from her wine glass then leaves the table.

"Since you brought it up, where is the old critter?"

Anakin folds his arms across his chest.

"So now you're interested?"

"Leia laughs.

"Did he fall down a well?"

"No…the old man is a working stiff."

"Yeah, working at making everyone miserable."

"He won't be around enough to do that. He's got a job at TaggeMart with Lorian Nod."

There is total silence at the table and then a sudden burst of laughter. Luke shouts.

"What?"

Leia is listening in disbelief.

"Dad, you're joking. Who gave that old coot a job?"

Anakin sighs.

"I kid you not. Apparently there's a high demand for elderly workers."

"Where?"

"I just told you…TaggeMart. Don't you kids listen when I'm talking?"

"What's he doing?"

Anakin is amazed by the sudden interest in old man Palpatine's activities.

"He's some sort of door greeter or inventory control clerk. That store has no idea what they're in for with those two."

Obi-Wan raises his eyebrows.

"They should be a real boom to customer service." He winks across the table at Luke.

Li-An still has questions.

"So Palps skipped the family dinner to work today?"

Leia is more concerned about Palpatine being out on the street.

"Doesn't that retirement village have a curfew?"

"He's not at the TaggeMart near Shady Acres, he's at the mall in CocoTown."

"Really?"

"Yes, so don't go down there disturbing him while he's working."

Alex laughs and leaves the table.

"I've got to see this!"

Li-An leaps from his chair and follows.

"Discount!"

Kris, not wanting to be left out, cautiously gets up from the table. Anakin watches as all of his children leave the table.

"Hey! Get back here! Kris, you are grounded! You're not going anywhere."

"I was coming back. Gee, I never have any fun."

Luke points as he follows Kris.

"I'll go and keep an eye on him."

Anakin is outraged.

"What?"

"Relax, Dad. What can happen at the Mall?"

"Ana-Lena quietly leaves the table. Anakin looks at her.

"Where in the hell do you think you're going, young lady? You need to work on your math. Your tutor is here."

"Oh, Daddy, please!"

Ouisanne discreetly summons Kris back to the table and takes him aside.

"Kris, come give Nana a kiss before you leave."

There is so much commotion in the room,. Han figures this is his cue to make a quick exit. He stretches and yawns then checks his watch.

"Oh, look at the time. It's getting late. I think we're going to head home. Speeder traffic is going to be a mess tonight."

Isabel speaks as the Skywalker children leave the table.

"What, no dessert, Han?"

Han pats his belly.

"Counting calories…Got to be in shape for the twins."

Leia follows his lead and nods in agreement.

"He's been cutting down on carbs and fat." She rises from her chair and waddles behind her husband.

Mara, who has disappeared from the table, returns with a silver thermal tote filled to the top with containers of leftovers.

"Luke! Wait for me! Bye everyone! thanks for dinner."

Threepio shouts to the departing Skywalker children as they whisk pass him at the front door.

"Master Alex, it's cold outside, wear your muffler, Goodness gracious me, where is everyone going in such a rush? This is so unsettling."

The droid gets no response.

After the dust settles, only Anakin, Isabel, her parents, and Obi-wan, Aunt Bunny and Arnold remain.

Arnold looks around.

"Are we still having dessert?"

Isabel smiles.

"Of course."

Anakin sits upright at the head of the table with outstretched arms.

"Knock yourself out. We have plenty of dessert."

The servant presents a tray of assorted sweets.

"Wow… I could eat all of them."

"True but I wouldn't advise it. You'll be hurling all the way home. I need you here. You still have a tutoring gig, Sparky."

"You know, Mr. Skywalker? I'm surprised that Ana-Lena needs help she was at the Math Challenge at the Galaxies Auditorium last spring."

"Well, she needs to study more. She seems to have lost focus. It's time she rethinks her priorities."

"So, Mr. Skywalker, sir, your kids must really love their granddad to leave so suddenly."

Anakin does not comment. Obi-Wan grabs the bottle of Whyren's Reserve from the butler. He speaks to Arnold while filling his glass.

"Oh, they do enjoy the old devil."

"I always wanted to go to the CoCoTown Mall."

Obi-Wan offers some sage advice to the boy.

"Son, the CoCoTown Mall is a hotbed of corruption and reduced-priced goods. Best to keep your distance."

Anakin stares at the Jedi Master in disbelief.

"What?"

"Oh, I was thinking of someplace else. What were we discussing?"

"The CoCoTown Mall."

Obi-Wan confides in Arnold who listens but has no idea what the Jedi Master is talking about now.

"Ah, yes…CoCoTown Mall. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy…It's a shoppers' paradise. We must be cautious."

"Uhm**…**Yes**, **sir**."  
**

Anakin looks at Obi-Wan.

"Bunny, you're driving tonight, right?"

"We can drop off Arnold, sugar."

Anakin ignores them and turns to Nakai and his angry mother-in-law.

"Ouisanne, you have humbled me. I need your help."

A short time later, the Skywalker siblings stand outside the entrance to the TaggeMart Superstore. The mall is filled with Sunday evening shoppers. Luke passes through the automatic doors then returns a few minutes later while the others wait. The banner across the storefront of the superstore reads in huge block letters:

'Old Empire Days Sale'


	21. Chapter 21 Old Empire Savings Day

_Chapter 21AE _

'_Old Empire Savings Day'_

'_Maul Rats'_

'_Empire Records'_

'_Battle Hymn of the Red and the Gold'_

_

* * *

_

* * *

Leia is waiting anxiously. She shouts at her brother.

"So, where is he? Did you see him?"

Luke points his thumb towards the glass doors.

"Yeah, he's inside greeting customers. He's got a little red vest, name badge and everything."

Han smirks.

"So…he's dressed like an Ewok? Okay, I've got to see this."

Leia pushes pass her brother.

"Well then what are we waiting for? Let's go inside!"

"Leia, we can't draw attention to ourselves."

Alex and Li-An each pull out a pair of sunglasses and put them on. Luke sees them just as they are about to walk through the electronic doors.

"Will you cut it out?"

Han folds his arms.

"What are you afraid of? Think we'll get the old guy fired?"

Mara sulks as she leans against the wall near the entrance. She holds a fork and eats leftovers from one of the smaller containers she brought from the house. She is reading a store circular.

"I refuse to patronize any place with ties of to old oppressive regime that exploits its workers."

Han smirks.

"Wow, and you said that with a mouthful of food. Right-on, sister."

"Han, are you making fun of me? Because I'll kick your ass."

"I'm just giving credit where credit is due, hon; you've got spunk."

Mara responds with another mouthful of food. She is quite proud of herself.

"Thanks." She is suddenly distracted by something she is reading in the store circular. "Oooh! Food containers…three for one!"

The group enters the store. Their target is standing at the first aisle greeting the steady flow of customers. Palpatine looks smart in his red TaggeMart vest, white polo shirt, khaki pants and brown Seniorpedic softshoes. There is actual color in his otherwise pasty face and a true smile.

"Good evening. Welcome! Welcome to TaggeMart, the number one Galactic Super Store. Don't forget your Empire Bucks coupons for extra savings."

Lorian Nod is two aisles over and greets more customers. He deviates from the TaggeMart Greeter script. He attracts attention from customers arriving at the store. Unfortunately, it is not the sort of attention store management wants.

"Hey-Hey, Ho-ho, TaggeMart is the place to go!" Before Lorian can sing the second verse, someone heads over to stop him. Someone wearing a polyfibe TaggeMart jacket weaves hurriedly through the crowd in Lorian's direction.

Old Palpatine, meanwhile, continues his scripted greeting. He appears to be the ideal employee. Someone taps him on the shoulder. He is about to lose his composure after being taunted by a few juvenile delinquents earlier in the day. He senses they are back.

"Blasted kids!" As he turns to see who it is, his demeanor quickly changes. The wide smile creeps across his face. "Kris!" Palpatine remembers to greet another customer. "Good evening, welcome to TaggeMart." He turns to see his grandson. "Kris! This is a wonderful surprise. What brings you here this evening, my child?"

"Hi, Palps. Dad said you were working here." Kris surveys the galactic megastore. "This is way cool."

"So, how was Sunday dinner?"

"It was alright, Dad yelled, Nana was angry at Dad, Mom wasn't talking to Dad, Obi-Wan was…you know…the usual." Kris tips his head back with his thumb to his mouth to imitate the drinking Jedi Master Kenobi."

"Ah….I see. That doesn't surprise me one bit. Master Kenobi is an emotional drain on the family…but enough about that…And what about you, my dear boy?"

"Oh, I'm grounded; I'm not even supposed to be here."

Palpatine is sympathetic.

"Your father is way too harsh on you, Krizten. I would talk to him but I am afraid he won't listen to me…" Palpatine pauses for a moment as if awaiting an invitation from the child to intervene but Kris has other ideas.

"He smashed my air surfer board too; now I can't even have fun with my friends."

Palpatine tries his sympathetic tone once more.

"Yes…your little friends…so how is that lovely young lady friend of yours?"

"Who? Ohhh… Sieglinde…I guess she's okay…for a girl."

"Just okay?"

"Oh, I don't want her to take me for granted. I have to play hard to get."

"I see."

"Leia taught me that."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"But it might be awhile before we can hang out since I'm grounded and all."

"Oh. Well, when you're able, perhaps you'll bring her by one day."

"Sure…well, I'd better get going or else Dad will never stop yelling."

Suddenly someone shouts at the former Sith Emperor.

"Hey, Pops! You're not here to chitchat with the customers. Get back to work!"

"I will, Tyler. Oh, Tyler, this is my grandson Kris."

Kris looks at Tyler.

"Hey."

"Hey. What up?" Tyler turns his attention back to Palpatine. "Ok, back to work, old man. Don't forget, we've got inventory to put out for tomorrow."

Kris stares at the young manager. He senses that his presence there is not a good idea. He whispers to his grandfather.

"I'd better go."

"Oh…yes…wait…here's a little pocket change." He lowers his voice to s whisper. "No need to let your father know. Here's a discount card. Get yourself a new board."

"Gee, thanks, Palps."

"Now run along."

Kris heads to the sporting department.

Two more visitors arrive at the CoCoTown Mall. Threepio walks up to the electronic doors. Artoo trails behind him. A Red Guard stands at the entrance. His uniform consists of the traditional red hood, a white button-down shirt with a patch on the left sleeve, red polyfibe chinos and red softshoes.

Threepio looks down at Artoo.

"Gaudy but enticing. This place doesn't look to bad, Artoo. Let's go inside."

Just as they are about to enter, two guards stop them at the door.

"Hey! No droids allowed."

Threepio recoils.

"Oh dear! What an unpleasant fellow. Come on Artoo, we'll find the children some other way."

Artoo chirps something. Threepio responds.

"You're right, Artoo, I'm definitely going to pen a strongly-worded letter to 'AlieNation Security Services'. They have a horrible slogan, 'Security Service with a Smile…you can't even see their faces!"

Over in the Entertainment Department, Ana-Lena casually flips through the music data chips for the latest hits. She lingers there much too long. She is exchanging flirtations glances with a couple of young ensigns who are on the next aisle. The young men are dressed in dress-down liberty attire. One blushes at the attention while the other is a bit more reserved.

Ana-Lena bats her eyelashes. Her hypnotic blue eyes cause the officers to lose focus for a moment. One of them accidentally knocks down a row of music chips. He scrambles to pick up the credit card-sized jewel cases. Ana-Lena smiles sweetly then initiates the conversation. She pretends to be confused.

"Excuse me; are you knowledgeable about the latest sparkle-bop music-chips?"

The first ensign seems to exude a wealth of knowledge. He finds Ana-Lena's beauty intoxicating and is eager to impress the young lady.

"Uhm…well, Monocrystal Chaining is really hot right now. They're number two on the top 40,000 list. I have their entire pre-8 ABY microbox set. "

Ana-Lena is like a passionate fan.

"Wow…really?"

"Yeah… if you're really into sparkle-bop then Kamino Tide is awesome. They do an amazing cover of the Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes song 'Mad About Me'."

"Oh, Whyrren Bestine is so awesome when he sings that riff."

"Yeah, he's totally rad."

Ana-Lena nods in agreement.

"Totally."

By the time Kris selects a new board his siblings have done enough shopping for a week. Leia discovers that Kris is in possession of the discount card and promptly takes it.

"I'll take that"

"But I was going to use it to buy my new board."

"It's good for 30% off one shopping visit."

"Han is right. You are bossy."

Leia scowls as she turns towards her husband. The scruffy nerfherder quickly picks up a holo-mag tabloid from the checkout line and pretends to read it. Leia gives Han a dirty look.

"Is that so?"

Han responds once he knows she is looking at him.

"What?"

They gather their purchases. Ana-Lena is still in the music aisle. Han hangs back the checks the aisles. Where would a fourteen-year old go? He calls to the others.

"Hold on, guys…we lost a member of our party. I'll be back."

Han weaves through the aisles for a few minutes before he finds Ana-Lena and grabs her by the arm. She complains.

"Hey, wait! Will you stop embarrassing me?"

"Come on, jail bait."

The ensigns intervene and try to block Han's path.

"Who are you?"

Han turns and points a warning finger at the young man.

"I'm warning you, toy soldier."

The other ensign chimes in.

"Hey, leave her alone. We're military officers." He turns to Ana-Lena. "Miss, is this old guy bothering you?"

"Yes, but we're related…unfortunately."

Han gives the two young officers an ultimatum.

"Listen, you snot-nosed jerks; you have no idea what you're getting into. You're going to regret getting involved, trust me. You'll thank me later."

He pulls Ana-Lena towards the exit. She whispers tersely to him.

"They were just being friendly. Let go of me! I can walk on my own."

"Nice try, sweetheart. You want those poor saps to wind up at the Milagro5 Military Prison?"

"Daddy would never do that…."

"You're his youngest daughter and you're 14 years old."

"You and my dad are such killjoys."

"Yeah, kid, but we're killjoys who care."

"You used to be a cool brother-in-law, Han. My sister and father have totally destroyed your spirit…totally."

"You're going to have some spirit issues when you get home, kid. I wouldn't worry about me."

Han sees a flash of gold speeding pass the hardware aisle. Two Red Guard are in hot pursuit. Han shrugs. Perhaps it is not what he thinks it is. There is a loud crash of metal followed by astromech droid sounds.

"No, it can't be."

There is an announcement over the store public address system:

"_Assistance in Electronics. Clean-up in Aisle 12…Security!"_

They head back to the checkout line where Leia is paying for their purchases. The total spending for the unplanned shopping spree is 875 credits.


	22. Chapter 22 Walk Single File to Hide

_Chapter 22AE _

'_Walking in Single File to Hide Their Numbers'_

'_She came in Through the Dark Lord's Window'_

'_The Skywalker Walk of Shame'_

* * *

The house is quiet. Obi-Wan and Aunt Bunny have gone home. Nakai and Ouisanne take Arnold home in their speeder. Anakin paces the floor of the living room. He can feel Isabel standing in the foyer watching him.

"Don't judge me, Isabel."

"No one is judging you, Anakin."

"Your mother was. I didn't see you defending me."

"Oh please; it's not as if you need me to defend you. Give me a break."

"Why does everyone have to undermine me?"

"Anakin, you cannot humiliate your children at the dinner table and then expect them to obey you. All this drama is unnecessary."

"Thanks for supporting me."

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." Isabel finds one of Han's leather driving gloves and places it in the granite tray on the foyer table. "It's late, let's call it a night."

"Did you forget that we have a twelve-year old running amok in Coruscant City?"

"No, I did not forget. We need to approach this like responsible parents."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I believe I've made myself clear."

It is now ten o'clock. There is distant chatter going on outside on the terrace. Anakin hears someone running across the stone patio. Whoever it is bumps into the breakfast table. Anakin follows the footsteps in a steady but determined pace.

The sliding door opens. At the same time, someone else is climbing the trellis. It is evident that there are multiple intruders. The trellis is wobbly. A few leaves from the d'ian orchid vine break off and drift from the trellis to the ground. This structure could collapse at any given moment. The trellis suddenly stabilizes. The intruder is about to climb another rung up to a second floor bedroom window. The dark lord speaks to the intruder.

"Going somewhere, young lady? We do have a front door. Only burglars and truants sneak into bedroom windows."

Ana-Lena looks down and stares into her father's eyes. She whispers to herself.

"I can't believe this."

Anakin waits for her to climb down. Luke appears on the patio and stands several feet behind his father. He shrugs and mouths the words '_I'm sorry'_ to his kid sister. Mara is sitting in their speeder.

"Lu-Lu, hurry up. The food is getting cold. I thought we were going home after this, you promised."

Anakin speaks to Luke as he waits for Ana-Lena.

"You're the best Jedi in the galaxy, Luke and you've reduced yourself to contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

"She's a good kid, Dad."

Ana-Lena barks at them.

"I am not a kid!"

Her father has a difference in opinion.

"I'm paying for your tuition, you're a kid."

Mara calls Luke again.

"Luke! Come on!"

Luke rolls his eyes.

"Alright already!"

"Go to your ball and chain. I'm not through with you but your red menace is going to wake the neighbors."

"Okay, Dad."

Luke backs away and heads to the parking bay to the speeder. Ana-Lena steps to the ground. She scowls at her father. Anakin responds.

"If you think you're grounded, you'd be correct."

"I'm in convent school. I'm already grounded."

"Oh, I have a few more surprises for you, young lady. Get in the house!"

"I feel like a prisoner. You are so mean!"

"You think I'm mean? Pray I don't change your punishment. Start walking."

He follows her through the sliding doors leading to the kitchen.

At the same time this is happening, someone is creeping across the floor in the Dayroom. A sliver of moonlight sheds just enough light for the second intruder to travel across the room. The intruder stops walking halfway across the room. He senses a trap.

A reading lamp clicks on in the far corner next to an upholstered armchair.

"We have a front door you know."

"Uh…uh….Hi..hi, Mom…" Kris tries to act casually but his young voice cracks. "Gee, I'm sure glad it's you."

"You know what time it is don't you?"

"Uhm…yes."

"And you were someplace you weren't allowed to go. Your father was quite clear about that."

"I won't do it again. I promise…just don't tell Dad."

"Oh, I know you won't do it again. We're done. I stood up for you when your father was going to give you a stiffer punishment. You betrayed my trust, Kris."

The sound of footsteps gets close to the room. Anakin walks into the room.

"Ah! Here's the other intruder. You must think we're really dumb."

"I never said mom was dumb."

Anakin thinks for a moment then looks at his child. He notices something tucked under Kris' arm. Anakin flicks the object with his index finger.

"Is this what I think it is? Where did you get the money for this, huh?"

"You'll get mad."

"Oh…I'm beyond mad. Nice board. You had it customized too…sweet."

Kris confesses to everything as if compelled by the force.

"Nana…and Palps!..."

Anakin turns to his wife.

"See? Your mother is trying to sabotage my parenting."

Isabel rolls her eyes.

"Oh, Anakin, please!"

"Well, I'll settle this right now. The board comes with me."

Kris calls out to his father in protest.

"Dad! No! It's mine! I got it with a discount and everything." Kris is almost in tears. Anakin keeps up the pressure.

"Oh, so the old man is a co-conspirator, hey?" This is really a nice board…it's a shame that you won't be using it."

"I was going to meet my friends at the board park. It's not fair."

"Life sucks don't it? Stop the pity party tears. I see you're picking up the old man's habits."

Isabel reaches for the board.

"Anakin, hand it over."

Kris whines.

"But, Mom, if I'm grounded, I won't be able to see my friends."

"Your friends can come over here. I'm holding the board now. Go to bed…all of you!"

Anakin is annoyed that Isabel had stolen his thunder. In order to save face, he echoes her words after seeing Li-An and Alex eavesdropping while trying to sneak upstairs from the laundry room.

"Yeah! Move it!"

Even though Li-An and Alex are technically out of the house, there is still room to fear the wrath of their father. The brothers scramble to be the first up the stairs. Neither wants to get a lecture from the dark lord. They will be blamed for aiding and abetting two minors.

The house is soon quiet. Everyone has gone to bed after an exhausting evening.

Anakin is standing on the terrace outside the master bedroom. Isabel is in her nightgown and robe. She turns down the bed then stops to watch Anakin gazing up at the stars. She wonders what he is thinking.

"Happy?"

"It wasn't such a bad evening. After all, four of our six children are home. Yeah, I'm happy. But you know what? I could have done without the dirty looks across the dinner table. What was that all about?"

"Stop looking up at the sky, you'll give yourself a headache." Isabel drifts off to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23I've Got Your Tutor Right Here

_Chapter 23AE_

* * *

'_The Skywalker Walk of Shame: Keep Walking'_

'_I've Got Your Tutor Right Here'_

'_Can You Hear Me Now? Sith & Family Plan'_

'_The Neighbours on Faleen Hyper Drive'_

* * *

_'Lessons Learned'_

A week passes. The most sullen creature in the galaxy greets Anakin on a bright Sunday morning.

The unhappy creature lumbers pass Anakin in the kitchen on the way to the way to the dayroom. The Dark Lord stands at the kitchen counter sipping a freshly brewed cup of coffee. He smiles.

"Morning, sweet pea."

"It's noon," She responds curtly.

"It's still good to see you."

Ana-Lena sighs heavily.

"This is so unnecessary."

"Did you have breakfast?"

"I lost my appetite on the way over."

"I know you're hungry, so I made breakfast for you."

"You? …made breakfast?" Her tone is one of surprise and horror. Anakin is insulted.

"Why do you have to say it like that? I can cook…stuff."

Ana-Lena is barely listening as she is about to leave the room in search of her mother.

"Where's Mom?"

"You know Sunday is shoe shopping day. Heh-heh." He takes another sip from his cup. Ana-Lena is not laughing.

"Very funny, Dad."

"I'm joking…She's upstairs…go have a seat. I told her to give us some space. Oh, by the way, your tutor should be here shortly."

Ana-Lena appears disinterested as she draws the kitchen curtain and looks outside.

"He doesn't seem too reliable if you ask me."

"He's training his stand-in so he can spend more time to tutor you. This will be a good learning experience."

"I think I'll be able to manage on my own."

"Oh, suddenly you can use the Force to change an _'F'_ back into an _'A'_, eh?"

"Oh, Daddy!"

Meanwhile, somewhere in the posh neighborhood, Arnold observes his newspaper delivery trainee. It is not going as well as planned. The trainee has much to complain about to his instructor.

"I simply do not understand how this is enjoyable work for anyone."

"It's the work ethic, Threepio. It's about servicing others. I like it."

"My word! Your clients are so inhospitable. Not one _'Good Morning'_ or 'How_ do you do's'_ from any of them!"

"It's all in the delivery. As long as you do a good job…" He tosses a paper onto the manicured lawn of one of his customers. "It gives you a good feeling helping others." The owner scowls from a bay window overlooking the property. Threepio is not convinced.

"Excuse me, Master Arnold, but can't they get their news form the holo-net? This printed media seems very primitive; and besides, this shoulder strap is dulling my golden exterior."

"So you want me to lose my only income?"

"Well, I…I don't know what to say. I never thought about it that way."

"I know you're a protocol droid, Threepio, but you're awfully cynical."

"Well, over the years, my efforts to steer the Skywalker family in the right direction have failed. I feel so unappreciated. I sense they simply don't consider me part of the family."

"Really?"

"I have nightmares that they secretly tinker with my memory chip. I figure this is how the galaxy is. It giveth and it taketh away."

"Huh? Well, you can't give up, Threepio. When you get right down to it, I believe they really do appreciate you. Why would they keep you around otherwise?"

"My word, you are a smart lad. No wonder Master likes you. He is constantly complaining about his own children but he absolutely adores you."

"Really? Does he always complain about his kids?"

"Oh, yes! He thrives on it. Master Skywalker says that they have disappointed him for the last time; but then, he been saying this for years. He believes knocking their ego a few notches gives them something to aspire to later. He says it builds character."

"Oh…"

It is almost noon as Arnold and Threepio hit the last house on the exclusive paper route. The alarm sounds on his Jr. New Republic – _'Know the Force'_ wristwatch.

"Hey, it's time to get back. Mr. Skywalker says I had better be prompt."

Threepio reaches inside his 'trainee' messenger bag and pulls out a Sunday paper.

"But we have one more paper, young master Arnold."

Arnold checks the list.

"It belongs to this address over here! Why are you holding on to it?"

"I thought you were going to giving me the cue to toss it."

"Toss it now!"

Threepio swings back his golden arm. The rolled up paper sails across the lawn towards the house. It bounces off a flagpole where an Old Empire flag is waving in the breeze. The daily lands in a fountain at the base of the pole. Arnold stares for a moment.

"Whoa…"

Threepio watches too.

"Well, is that bad or good, Master Arnold?"

"I'm not sure. This guy never comes out of his house…not that I have ever seen."

Suddenly the dark drapes in the large bay window begin to move. A gaunt gray face peers out onto the lawn. The sunken eyes appear yellow with red irises.

Arnold tiptoes backwards. There is a click of the lock as the front door starts to open. Threepio stalls, curious to see who is at the door.

"Oh, the owner's coming right now."

Arnold's eyes widen. He shoves Threepio and then speeds up his pace.

"What are you waiting for? Run!"

"Run, why would we do that?"

"Don't just stand there! Let's go!"

Threepio trails behind his paperboy mentor, stumbling as he runs from the house. The messenger bag swings behind him with the shoulder strap caught around his metallic throat.

The two arrive at the Skywalker residence. Arnold rests against the door trying to catch his breath. A droid's golden body creaks loudly. Arnold giggles.

"Gee, Threepio, you should have seen yourself! Your arms were flailing like a crazy person."

"Are we out of danger?"

"We were never in danger. I just wanted to see you run. General Solo said you scare easy."

"That was not funny. Not funny at all. I'm shocked to hear that you actually listen to that impossible man!" Threepio tips his head to the side before speaking again. "Master Arnold, did you call me a person?"

The laughing subsides. Arnold thinks for a moment. The two look at one another.

"Master Arnold, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"You're welcome."

Someone is standing at the door.

Arnold looks down at the brown nuna leather slippers of the person standing before him. The tall figure greets them.

"It's noon. You're late."

"Oh, sorry, Mr. Skywalker. I'm ready for my next chore."

"As challenging as this is, I don't want you to think of this as a chore."

"Yes, sir. I mean…no, sir."

"What's going on with my protocol droid, he looks as if he's seen a ghost."

"Oh, Threepio…he's okay. He had a bit of a fright. I think one of my customers spooked him."

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"Say no more. Step inside."

Arnold steps inside the house the house pass the Dark Lord. He sets his paper delivery bag on the floor in the foyer. Threepio rushes up behind him just as Anakin is about to close the door. Anakin stares at his protocol droid. Threepio nods.

"Thank you, sir." The droid hands Anakin his trainee messenger bag.

Anakin is not being the gracious host that Threepio has assumed. The Dark Lord waves his hand and the door closes hard. He follows them inside, all the while thinking to himself, _'Fifty-odd years and his metallic creation is still useless.'_ Anakin tosses the bag on the floor.

_'Can You Hear Me Now?' _

After sending Threepio to the maintenance room for a cleaning, Anakin focuses his attention on Arnold. The two walk into the dayroom.

"Now, I'm going to get you started." He points to a chair. "Have a seat. I'm going to look for my wayward daughter. Don't move."

Anakin finds his daughter a few minutes later. Ana-Lena is on her phone in the laundry room. She is leaning against the dryer flipping through a fashion magazine.

"A double date? That would be so cool. Unfortunately, I'm wasting half my weekend at home. ..Of course, it's my impossible father! Who else would do this? I think he just enjoys making everyone's life miserable. His day isn't complete unless he crushes your spirit…listen…gotta go!" Lena rolls her eyes then turns with full knowledge that her father is approaching.

"I bet you stepped on scurries when you were young."

"Actually, I was quite fond of the critters…" Anakin is interrupted when her phone rings. She flips the device anchored on her ear and begins to speak.

"Hi…it ordinarily would be a good time but I have a tall dark cloud hovering …who else? Pepper-Ann, I would trade _"Mr. Killjoy" _for your "boring" dad any day."

Anakin grabs the phone out of Ana-Lena's ear then speaks into it to Pepper-Ann.

"Hey, Pep…this is Mr. Skywalker…I'm just dandy…no time to chit-chat so I'm cutting this call short…my daughter has an appointment with her tutor…bye." He snaps the phone closed and then slides it into the pocket of his black cardigan.

Ana-Lena is about to express her displeasure but her father gives her one of his _'I dare you to speak'_ looks and she holds her tongue. Anakin gestures to her with his index finger.

"Follow me, missy."

"Leia bought that phone for me."

"No, I bought it for you. Leia merely picked it out and wrapped it."

"Oh, yeah. You're all thumbs when it comes to wrapping presents."

"I feel your gratitude."

"Well, when will I get it back?"

"Maybe never. It was a bad decision on my part to give it to you. Show me an _'A'_ on your next report card and then I'll think about it."

"Daddy! That's months from now."

Her father offers a sly smile.

"Exactly! See? You're a smart girl. I have confidence you'll bring your grades up by then."

They head towards the dayroom. Ana-Lena's tutor is nowhere to be found. Suddenly Anakin hears a voice he knows well.

"Can I get you anything else, sweetie?"

"No, Mrs. Skywalker, I'm fine, thanks."

Anakin storms into the breakfast room. Ana-Lena follows her father to the glass-enclosed area with a view of the garden. Isabel sits with Arnold as he enjoys a late breakfast.

A servant places a plate of poached eggs over toast, jam, eopie ham, blue milk and yogurt. Anakin is outraged.

"What are you doing?"

"He needs breakfast."

"It's past noon." He points to his wrist.

Isabel stares at him.

"Why are you pointing to your wrist?"

"Can you tell time?"

"Not on your imaginary wristwatch."

Ana-Lena giggles. Her father turns to her and she stops. Anakin continues to argue with his wife.

"He's supposed to be tutoring!"

"He can't tutor on an empty stomach."

"But I didn't know…" Anakin is suddenly apologetic. He would never condone exploiting a child. Isabel stands up to him.

"They can work at the table."

Anakin quickly recovers his guilt feelings.

"What? When will he be done?"

"Half an hour, relax."

"If our daughter fails, I'm blaming you."

"Don't point your finger at me."

Anakin sighs loudly.

"You're getting in the way of my daughter's progress."

"Oh, that's how it's going to be, eh? Arnold, take all the time you need."

Anakin folds his arms then turns in a huff. Ana-Lena is no longer by his side.

"Now where did she go?"

Anakin finds his daughter on the kitchen phone chatting with one of her friends.

"Soni, you'll never believe this but I'm stuck with this little nerd who my parents fell in love with…I mean seriously! Oh, and get this, he's here all day. I think my dad's trying to teach me a lesson but I have my own plan…oops, gotta go…my dad's coming."

Anakin stands over her and makes one of his usual threats.

"If I find you on one more call…"

"I'm done, okay? Geez!…Am I in prison?"

"Don't make me give you a worst punishment."

"Why can't you be like other fathers? Don't you play golf or something on Sundays? Why should we suffer?"

"Go start studying. You're giving me a headache."

Arnold is at the breakfast table with his books open and ready to work. He folds his hands and smiles as Ana-Lena joins him at the table.

"You're beautiful."

Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.

"You're creeping me out, _'Poindexter'_. Just stick to the lesson, okay?" She sighs heavily then whispers to herself, "How did I get myself into this?"

Just as the two settle down to study, trouble is afoot elsewhere in the Skywalker house.

Kris tiptoes across the living room after successfully passing his father's study. He stops by the breakfast room and grabs a slice of toast, lathers the toast with pera jelly until it soaks through the bread. His air surfer board is tucked under his arm. Ana-Lena ignores him when he giggles at her. He leaves the garden and slips on his red parka without zipping it. A cold breeze shoots up the walkway. His cheeks turn bright pink.

As soon as Kris reaches the front of the house, he sets his board on the ground. He licks jelly from his hand. Just as he is about to take off down the path, He suddenly realizes he is not alone. His air surfer board is not moving. He looks down and sees some one standing in front of him. The tip of the person's shoe is firmly planted on the end of the board.

"Going somewhere, sport?"

Kris gulps then looks up at his father's face.

"Uhm…"

"You have a short memory. You know you're grounded, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Go inside."

"Awww…maaan…" Kris sulks and heads for the front door.

Anakin pumps his fist. "Yes!" He is again victorious. The victory is short-lived however. Kris is on the telephone.

"I just need some moral support. Mags went to his great grandfather's 110th birthday. He's the old man's namesake so he has to attend. Poor sap. Come on over…why not? What if she gets all mushy and stuff? Well…yeah…sure I like her but I don't want her to take me for granted. Han says I've gotta keep 'em guessing…he's my sister's husband …not Ana-Le! Don't be an idiot! He's my older sister Leia's husband...yeah, like Ana-Le's gonna snag a husband! The guy would shoot himself with a blaster first. Ha! So, are you coming? We can watch holovids or something…well, that's all I've got! I'm grounded and can't go to the air surfer park. Oh, my mum says your parents have to say ok…sure, I'll wait…"

Anakin returns inside the house and hears Kris on the phone. Exasperated, he throws up his arms.

"What's the deal with the phone today? Isabel!"

Isabel walks into the living room. She holds a mobile phone at her side and not doing a good job concealing it.

"What is it now?"

Anakin points to Kris.

"Didn't we take away his privileges?"

"We never mentioned the phone. It's a minor loophole…not a big deal at all. I told him that his friends can come here since he's grounded."

"What? Are you a lawyer now? So how long are they staying?"

"They're staying for dinner."

"Isabel, you're killing me."

"Stop whining."

"This arrangement is getting worse all the time. Things are going to start changing around this house. Mark my words." He storms out of the room and locks himself in his study.

Kris hangs up the phone. Just as he walks away, it rings. He hurries back to pick it up.

"Hello? Hi, Granpalps…yes…Dad, I mean, Mum let me invite my friends over for dinner…oh…he's in one of his dark moods. I think the whole family is going to be on punishment soon…yeah, well, you haven't seen him lately. We haven't seen you for a while…How's the job at TaggeMart? Cool…half day, huh? Uhm…Yeah, she'll be here...why do you want to meet her?…it's not a date; I'm too young to be getting serious about a girl. I think she's too cool for that…really? Okay, I promise…okay…see you then…bye…."

He hangs up then calls to his mother.

"Mum! Guess who else is coming to dinner!"


	24. Chapter 24 Weird Old Man

_Chapter 24AE _

* * *

'_Weird Old Man'_

'_Visitors for Young Jedi'_

'_Papa's Got a Brand New Apprentice'_

'_Being Grounded Has Its Rewards'_

* * *

'_**Fair is Fair' **___

Kris sits in the great armchair at the living room entrance. He is waiting for his guests to arrive. His mother is in the kitchen preparing the dinner. The Dark Lord is still holed up in his study. He is determined to remain there until dinner is served.

Kris repositions himself in the chair. He wants to appear cool. He leans over to check that his shoes are properly laced.

Ana-Lena walks through the living room. She escapes spending the rest of the afternoon with Arnold. The two strike a deal once he discovers that Ana-Lena never needed a tutor. Ana-Lena makes him promise not to tell her father. Anakin sees Arnold wandering around the living room and invites him into his study.

Ana-Lena passes through the living room. She smirks and rolls her eyes at her little brother as he waits for his guests.

"So, so sad…twelve and uncool. You know…if she's as hot as you say she is, she can't possibly want to be around a dork like you."

"Yeah? Like you're so hot."

"All the guys want to date me."

Anakin appears out of nowhere.

"And that is why you're in convent school."

"Ohh…here we go again…I feel a story coming on." She yawns then drops in the upholstered chair opposite her brother. She waits for the lecture. Anakin continues.

"I know teenage boys because I was one."

"And you weren't cool."

"That's beside the point…hey, who said that I wasn't cool?"

Kris giggles.

"Hee-hee…Uncle Ben did."

"What the hell?"

Ana-Lena taunts her father.

"You look upset, Daddy. Are you going to have it out with Uncle Ben? Are you going to turn to the dark side?"

"No, I'm going to teach you some life lessons. Boys are only after one thing so stay away from them or else."

"What about _'pip squeak'_ over here?" Ana-Lena points to Kris.

"He's twelve; I'm not worried about him."

"That's not fair, Dad!"

Arnold rushes out of the study and into the living room.

"Mr. Skywalker, Mr. Fett says it's your hand. What card should I play now?"

Anakin is torn between giving his _'lecture' _and a winning Sabaac hand. There is an awkward pause. He backs away then orders Arnold into the study.

"Get back in there! Wait…am I losing?"

"No…you're up 5000 credits."

"Oh, good." He turns to Ana-Lena. "I'm very busy right now but I'm not done with you, young lady."

Kris laughs.

"Ah-ha!" he thinks for a moment. "Hey, wait. How come he gets to play Sabaac and we can't? That's not fair!"

Ana-Lena agrees.

"Yeah. Is this about my math grade?"

Kris is curious as well.

"Is this because I'm grounded?"

Anakin ignores them and disappears inside the study with Arnold.

Kris and Ana-Lena look at one another then run after the Dark Lord. The door slams closed. They resort to eavesdropping outside the door. Someone is watching them. They look up.

"You know it's wrong to eavesdrop."

'_**Revenge of the Siblings'**_

"Oh, hi Mom. We were…uhm…"

Ana-Lena chimes in, keeping her voice to a whisper.

"Daddy's gambling and he's got poor Arnold in there."

Kris stares at his sister in disbelief. When did she start feeling sorry for Arnold? He waits for his mother to take action.

"So, what are you going to do, Mom? Are you going to give him the 'what for'?"

"Move away from the door."

The siblings step aside but do not leave. Isabel looks at them.

"When I said move away from the door, I mean, go find something constructive to do."

"Oh…you don't need our help?"

"What do you think?"

They sulk, and then walk away.

'_**Are You Being Served?' 'At Your Service' 'Man, Oh Man!'**_

The first dinner guests arrive a short time later. Threepio, refreshed from his hard drive cleaning, answers the door. The proper protocol droid looks down at the two guests.

"Oh my!"

"We're here to see Kris."

Threepio glances at the adolescent boy and girl standing at the door. The boy is slightly taller than the girl is. The mop of dark unruly hair makes him appear even taller. A pair of yellow ski goggles obscures his hazel eyes.

He has a mischievous smile accented by dimples on both cheeks. He is wearing a dark green parka two sizes too big. He wears loden corduroy trousers and Hoth workboots. He looks as if he is dressed for a youth rebellion. The laces on his left boot are untied.

The girl is petite and fair with two flaxen braids falling below her waist. On top of her head is a whimsical looking faux fur tauntaun hat with ears. The long ties from the earflaps hang over her shoulders and have with fringe on the ends.

Threepio continues to stare at them. The boy speaks.

"Hey, Mister Tin Man, are you gonna let us in? It's cold out here."

Threepio responds with a stern, "Young man, Master Kris is grounded and has been for some time now. His privileges have been suspended."

"Well, we have a special invitation."

"Listen you little raga muffins, I have just explained quite clearly…"

Kris appears at the door and steps in front of the protocol droid. He interrupts Threepio.

"Hey, guys, you made it! He turns to a perturbed Threepio. "I got this, Threepio."

"Well! Just wait till your parents hear about this!"

"Come on in, guys."

The boy hands Threepio his tattered rucksack and parka.

"Here you go, Jeeves."

"The name is Threepio, young man."

An elderly butler accompanies Threepio in the foyer to lend a hand. He bows before addressing the children.

"Your coat, young lady?"

"Yeah, it's mine. Why?"

Threepio interrupts.

"He is offering to hang your coat."

The girl hands the butler her white bantha shearling coat.

"Oh. Thanks, Mr. Jeeves."

The old man is puzzled. He looks at Threepio with a worried expression on his face.

But I'm Hobson."

Threepio tries to explain.

"It's the Coruscant educational system…poor waifs."

"My word."

Hobson turns to the girl.

"May I take your floppy animal hat, little Miss?"

"No thanks." She is distracted. Her eyes widen as she walks inside the beautiful house.

The boy is in awe too.

"Gee, Kris, the way you talk about your home, I thought you lived in a dump! This place is sweet."

He plops down in an over-stuffed armchair. The girl sits in an adjacent chair.

"Hey, Boonie, we're like a king and queen. Sweet!"

The boy runs his hand across the arm of the chair touching the soft fabric.

"You're complaining about being grounded in a place like this? Man…, if I had digs like this, I'd be happy to be grounded."

Ana-Lena passes through the living room. She attempts an about-face but it is too late. Kris and his guests stand in front of her. Kris makes the introductions.

"This is my sister. That's all you need to know."

"You're not going to introduce us?"

Kris releases a heavy sigh.

"Ana-Lena, this is Boone and Sieglinde."

Boone grins and then nods.

"Wow, you're beautiful."

"Calm down, scruffy." She turns to her brother and his two friends. "Looks like the youngling table will be pulled out tonight."

"Mom says we'll be at the adult table."

"Fine, just don't sit near me."

Sieglinde whispers to Kris.

"What's her problem? Dark side?"

"Boys."

Arnold joins Kris and the others in the living room.

Meanwhile, Isabel gives the Dark Lord an ultimatum.

"Enough with the Sabaac. I'm not going to ask you again. You need to spend time with your son Turn off that plasma and get out of the den!"

"Who's the boss around here? Ok! Fine! Fine! Fine!"

The doorbell rings. Threepio answers the door. The voice of the visitor is rude and abrupt.

"Out of my way, you metallic nuisance!"

"You don't have to be so rude!"

"Now…where are the little darlings?"

Old man Palpatine wrings his pale, aged hands as he pushes his way pass Threepio in the foyer. The former emperor follows the laughter of younglings to the day room. The children are seated on a long sofa. Skippy the family K-9 droid is seated on the floor wagging his tail. Arnold is talking.

"Well, Mrs. Skywalker knocked on the door and asked if I would leave while she discussed dinner plans with your dad. That's when the yelling started.

Kris chuckles.

"Hee-hee! My mum has no Force powers but she can sure get my dad in line."

Kris and Ana-Lena sense someone approaching the door. Ana-Lena rolls her eyes.

"Oh boy…cool time is ending. Old-timer at twelve o'clock." She looks at the door. Skippy goes into growling mode. The old man appears in the doorway.

"Good afternoon, children."

Kris and his sister utter a less than enthusiastic, _'Hello, Granpalps.'_

"It's so good to see you…and your little friends."

"Mom told us to stay in here until dinner."

"Well, it's a lovely room to entertain friends. Here's a little gift for you and your sister."

The siblings accept the red TaggeMart totes. They look inside their bags

"An E-Pod!"

"An E-Phone!"

"Thanks, Granpalps! You're the best."

"Oh, I brought a little treat for you to share with your guests."

Palpatine hands them a familiar-looking candy box. Kris opens the traditional teal box with the burgundy grosgrain ribbon. Five little heads lean into the open box. The fruity aromas of apricot, Blossom wine, and Pera waft through the air.

The old man takes a seat in a corner armchair facing them as they enjoy the sweets.

"Sooo…are you going to introduce me to your little friends?"

Kris hesitates and then makes the introductions.

"Uhm…guys this is my Granpalps. Palps, this is Arnold, Boone, and Sieglinde."

The three guests greet the old man. Skippy continues to growl.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

Palpatine stares at the K-9 droid.

"Does this _'thing'_ have to be under foot every time I visit?"

Ana-Lena responds.

"He's part of the family, Palps." She starts to baby talk to Skippy. "Who's the cute doggie? You are! Yes, you are!"

Skippy wags his tail then rolls over. Palpatine gives a disgusted look at the creature then changes the subject.

"So, this is your little friend? She's lovely." He summons Sieglinde."

"Come closer, child."

"Who? Me?"

"Yes, I want to get a closer look at you."

"Why? Are you blind or something?"

"You remind me of someone I knew a long, long time ago. Come; let me see you with these old eyes."

Sieglinde glances over at Kris and Boone. She slowly approaches the old man. She stops about a foot away from the chair. Palpatine leans forward. Sieglinde stares at the red TaggeMart vest he is wearing. The vest is decorated with accommodation pins. A pasty hand reaches out and touches one of her flaxen braids. She backs away.

"Eww…you're weird!"

Kris is upset.

"Palps, you're freaking out my friends!"

"I apologize."

"We're going to another room."

Boone and the others follow.

"Is your grandfather senile?"

"Close to it."

Ana-Lena is the last to walk out of the dayroom.

"Thanks a lot for embarrassing me, you old coot!"

Skippy growls and barks violently.

"Come on, Skippy. He's not worth it. I'll let you bite him later."

The kids gather in the living room. More dinner guests arrive. Leia is sitting on the sofa with Isabel's parents. Leia grins.

"How cute, the little prisoners get visitation privileges."

Their grandmother Ouissanne reaches out to them for hugs and kisses.

Here are my angels. Nana's got presents for you.

"The old man is here. He gave us E-Pods and E-Phones from TaggeMart."

"Oh, your grandfather and I got you something better."

"Oh, Nana, Pop-pop, you're the best!"

She hands them the fancy bags from Rodian Drive then whispers:

"Don't tell your parents."

"We won't, Nana." Ana-Lena squeals with joy. "Oh, Kris, we are the luckiest kids in the galaxy!"

Leia chimes in with a smirk on her face.

"Lucky until Dad finds out."

"Just because he made you and Luke miserable; don't ruin it for us."

"Good evening, everyone!"

Ana-Lena looks up.

"Oh, hi, Daddy." She quickly hides her bag and slips it to Sieglinde.


	25. Chapter 25 What Do We Do About Kris?

_Chapter 25AE _

'_What Do We Do About Kris?_

_ 'Jedi Idols for Sale in Aisle Three'_

'_Kiddie Pity Party'_

'_Remember In the Dark Times When People Had Manners?'_

'_Fear of the Red Hat'_

Anakin pretends not to see the shopping bags. He leans across the sofa and greets his mother-in-law with a kiss on the cheek.

"Good evening, Mother. Good to see you, Nakai."

"Hey, Anakin. Good to see you." The two men shake hands.

Anakin turns to Leia.

"How did you get here?"

"Nakai and Ouisanne gave me a lift. I'm fine, Daddy. How are you?"

"Where's that ne'er-do-well spouse of yours?"

"He's here."

Anakin watches as Han emerges from the kitchen eating a glazed duck wing.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Anakin sneers.

"I see you can't wait for dinner. You can smell food a parsec away but you can't pick up your expectant wife?"

"I was on my way but she called and said she caught a ride."

"Convenient for you."

"Are we going to start this tonight?"

Anakin glances over at his wife. Isabel is waiting for him to make a bad decision. Anakin rethinks his actions. He then turns to Han and smiles.

"I promised to be on my best behavior."

"Okay. Fair enough. You ought to try these wings, they're delicious!" Han licks his fingers. Anakin wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"If there are any left." He turns his attention to Kris and his guests. "So, Kris, are you going to introduce us to your dinner guests?"

Boone whispers across the room to Threepio.

"Psst…Jeeves…where's my rucksack?"

Kris nods to his father.

"Oh, Sure. Mom, Dad, I would like to introduce you to Sig and Boonie. Guys, this is Nana and Nakai, and that's my old sister and brother-in-law."

Leia forces a smile.

"Hello." When no one is looking, Leia makes a hand gesture to her kid brother. She runs her finger across her throat. She does not appreciate the _"old"_ remark.

Han wipes his hand on a cocktail napkin. He fist-bumps Boone.

"Put it there, kid."

Sieglinde watches the male bonding moment.

"What? You don't fist-bump girls?"

Han is caught off-guard for a moment. Her boldness reminds him of Leia on their first meeting many years ago.

"Whoa! What a big personality in such a small package. You've got spunk. I like that. Hit me."

Sieglinde is glad to oblige.

Isabel smiles.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both. Kris has told us so much about you."

Anakin stares at Isabel in disbelief. He knows nothing about the two youngsters. Boone pulls something out of his rucksack and hands a package to Isabel.

"Yes, ma'm. Oh, we each brought you a gift."

"Oh, thank you."

Isabel accepts the square box and removes the wrapping. Boone gestures anxiously at the gift.

"It's from the Jedi Temple Gift shop…just open it at the green seal."

"I see. Such lovely paper." Isabel lifts something out of the box. It resembles a crystal snow globe with a red jewel-like object floating inside. "Oh…The Heart of …"

Boone interjects.

"…The Galaxy…It's a replica."

Kris rolls his eyes.

"Duh! If that were the real thing, you'd be in jail for grand theft."

Ana-Lena quips.

"Yeah, jail. You're going to know a lot about jail real soon."

Isabel shows off the gifts to her parents, Leia, and Han.

"Replicas are good too. Thank you." She gives Ana-Lena and her brother a stern glance for their rude remarks, she then turns to Anakin. "Isn't this nice, Honey?"

"Real nice, Babe."

Han reaches for it but Anakin intercepts it.

"Don't put your greasy fingers on our gift."

"My hands are clean."

Sieglinde offers her gift. It is also from the Jedi Temple gift shop. Isabel opens it.

Suddenly, a familiar voice speaks but only Anakin and his children can hear it.

'_Oh great! A set of Mace Windu purple lightsaber bookends encased in crystal! I see everyone passed up on the Qui-Gon__ Jinn__Bronzium sculptures. How could they miss them? They're on the first display pedestal as you walk through the door. It's a staple in every Jedi family home.'_

Another voice responds.

'_That's my blonde-headed little air-surfer gal. You go girl.'_

Leia whispers to herself.

"Someone's going to be floating around in a bad mood tonight."

The specters of Jedi Masters Mace Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn hover near the fireplace. Anakin ignores the pouting Force Ghost Qui-Gon.

Just then, Arnold presents the Skywalker's with a gift wrapped in linen.

"Oh, I almost forgot; I brought something too."

Isabel smiles. She was not expecting anything from Arnold. The last thing she wanted from any of the children was for them to spend their hard-earned money.

"Arnold, you shouldn't have. You are such a sweet boy. Thank you."

Anakin can tell what it is by its shape.

"Gee…I wonder what it could be? No way! Isabel! It's a statue of Saint Qui-Gon Jinn. It's like the one on display at the Jedi Temple Gift Shop. Don't we have three of these?"

Isabel steps on Anakin's toe.

"Oww!"

"Thank you Arnold. We should put it in the dining room over the doorway. Right, Anakin?"

Anakin agrees in order to avoid further injury.

"Great idea, Honey. It's lovely!"

Leia folds her hands across her belly.

"Thank God! That should make certain "parties" happy. So, who else is coming to this shindig?"

Isabel responds.

"I believe we're it. Luke can't make it. He's still traveling. Li-An says he was busy putting something together and Alex said his band is stuck on Tatooine in a sandstorm."

There is commotion at the front door.

"Threepio, I go it…oh, man!"

"I am so sorry, Master Li-An. I will help you with that."

"No. I've got it. No worries."

Li-An tries to slip by the living room with a bundle slung across his shoulder.

"Hey, folks! I'm here for the kiddie party."

"Is that what I think it is, Li-An?"

"Uhm…It's not that much, Mum."

"What's wrong with the washers at the Jedi Temple?"

"I was gonna do it there but then I would be stuck in the laundry room all afternoon. So I thought, _'Wouldn't it be better to be here for Sunday dinner with my family?_'"

"Fine. Put it in the laundry room."

"Oh, I brought a little gift for you, Mom."

Li-An opens the laundry bag. He hands her something that he tied up in the bundle of laundry.

"Oh, a bottle of wine. Thank you, sweetie."

Kris and Boone smile and wring their hands greedily.

"Wow…cool!"

"Your family is so cool, Kris. We never get to drink wine in my house…except for the grownups."

Li-An presents another bottle.

"Oh, that's not for kids. This is for kids. Rodian Lime Youngling Beverage. It's non-alcoholic."

Boone laughs.

"Rodian lame beverage. You can't catch a break, eh, Kris? I guess you '_are'_ being punished."

Li-An hands his mother another gift.

"Oh, this is for the house."

"Oh, a Saint Ayala Secura house blessing candlestick. It's beautiful, Li-An."

Anakin examines the bottle of wine and then looks at his son.

"This is good stuff."

"I know. I was thinking only the best for my parents. You're the greatest cook in the galaxy, Mum. A superior wine is required."

Anakin tucks the bottle under his arm.

"I thought you were taking a vow of poverty for the priesthood. Where did you get the money?"

"Ahem… I charged it to the Skywalker account."

"Gee, let me thank myself for this generous gift."

"You're welcome, Dad." He gives his father a hearty slap on the back.

"So, what's going on with you and the priesthood?"

"I'm going to think about it some more…I met this girl while I was doing missionary work on Dantooine and she said I was throwing my life away and maybe being a doctor is cooler."

Isabel and Anakin speak at once.

"What?"

Li-An realizes he may have said too much.

"Uhm…"

Han has a wide grin on his face.

"So, is this chick your life coach now?"

Anakin is not amused.

"Does this girl have a name?"

"Yes….oh! Her name is Kyla Shan."

Han is surprised.

"Really? The singer? Isn't she on Dantooine doing community service for slapping an Imperial guard? She's hot…in person...so I've been told."

Leia gives Han a dirty look.

Anakin is not done with Li-An.

"Are you seeing this girl?"

"Uhm…Not really...sort of…I've got to put this laundry away, Dad…we'll talk later…okay?"

Li-An, I'm not done with you!"

Han cannot resist making a joke about this.

"Missionary work, eh? I bet you taught her a lesson or two!"

Leia is annoyed with Han.

"You can't resist making a stupid remark, can you?"

"I was just making conversation. I haven't seen the kid for a week. It was a joke. Right, Li-An?"

"Yeah, sure, Han."

Li-An makes his way to the laundry room. There is more commotion at the front door. The voice of the family's pompous protocol droid is chastising someone.

"Oh, now you show up. I hope you had a good time gallivanting all over the galaxy while the young Skywalker children are getting into all sorts of mischief. You rusty old trash can."

The astromech droid rolls pass Threepio ignoring his rant. Someone follows Artoo inside the door. Threepio greets them.

"Well, Master Luke! What a lovely surprise. We didn't expect you."

"It's good to be home, Threepio."

"Yes, it is, sir. Oh, good evening Mistress Mara."

Hey, Threep."

"Threep?"

"Yeah, that's my new name for you. Is dinner ready? They didn't start without us, did they?"

Mara sets an insulated tote bag on the table in the foyer. Threepio stares at it for a moment.

"Oh, they would never start without you."

"Good; this family eats like a group of nexu."

"I am sure you will put them to shame. Threepio walks away"

"You got that right….Hey!"

Alex arrives. He brings company. Threepio and Hobson are overwhelmed with the additional dinner guests.

Hobson the butler appears in the living room.

"Dinner is served." He notices the extra guests.

"Shall I arrange for extra chairs, Madame?"

Isabel looks at the frail old man.

"No, Hobson. I'll have the boys take care of that. Thank you."

"Quite a crowd you've got here, tonight, Madame. Where did they all come from?"

"They're supporting their little brother."

"Even the young lady in the tiny jacket?"

"I think we're about to find out."

Alex catches up with his parents on the way into the dining room. He hands his mother a gift. She is happy to see him.

"Mum? Dad?"

"Hello, Alex."

"Hope you don't mind me bringing a guest. This is Liana Aldrete. She just joined my band as one of my back-up singers."

The petite girl is wearing a short jacket that barely covers her waist and neither do the leather pants.

She enthusiastically hugs Isabel and Anakin. Anakin hates being hugged, especially by people he does not know. Her wispy brown hair smells like Endor mountain flowers. Anakin stands frozen in place. This is an awkward situation for him. The girl looks into his eyes.

"Alex says he has the best parents in the world. I can see why. You are so awesome."

Anakin nervously clears his throat. He unhinges her arms from his neck letting her drop to her feet. He then steps away.

"I hope so; we're the only parents he has… Shall we?" Anakin escorts her to the dining table.

Alex whispers to her as he pulls out a chair for her.

"Hold onto your seat; this is where the fun begins…I'm setting the timer on my watch."

"Why?"

"Fireworks."

Liana has an excited look on her face.

"Where? Outside?"

"No…right here in the dining room."

'_**Haroun Helper'**_

The youngest Skywalker files into the dining room with his guests. Anakin stands at the head of the table and gestures for Kris to sit near him to his right.

"Kris, since you are the special host for the evening, you may sit here at the head of the table with me. Apparently we have not spent enough time together."

"Oh, okay, Dad."

Anakin hears the beginnings of squabbles at the table.

He gives a warning.

"If anyone moves their place card, I'll strangle you."

Suddenly several place cards are returned to the original place settings at the table. Anakin takes his seat. Li-An is about to say grace but notices something is amiss.

"Something is wrong. Who's missing?"

Leia waves her hand.

"No one. Let's eat."

Just then, the butler Hobson escorts old man Palpatine into the dining room.

"It's okay, Sir, take your time…one step at a time…steady..."

Leia, Mara, Han, and Ana-Lena have the best view of the two old men entering the dining room. Hobson is shuffling slowly. Palpatine is putting up a fuss.

"I can walk! Get away from me you old fossil!"

Palpatine makes his way to the far side of the table facing Kris and Sieglinde. The girl immediately begins to feel anxious. She whispers to Kris. Anakin looks up at Palpatine.

"Sit on the other side of the table."

"But, Anakin, I'm already here."

"Other side, please?"

Palpatine obliges and takes a seat at the other end of the table to the left of Isabel.

Li-An begins the blessing. Palpatine rolls his eyes and pretends to bow his head in prayer.

"Bless this meal we are about to receive. We share this meal with family and friends.

May it nourish us and give us strength. May others across the galaxy be blessed with the bounty we enjoy here tonight. Amen."

Anakin raises his eyebrows then tips his hand from side-to-side. Li-An sighs in frustration. Luke gives his brother a "thumbs up".

"Amen! Good job, Li."

Everyone responds in kind. Quisanne applauds her grandson.

"That was beautiful, Li-An."

"Thanks, Nana."

Anakin drinks his wine. Ouisanne looks across the table at Sieglinde. The girl is still wearing her faux fur tauntaun hat with the ears. Quisanne smiles.

"Sweetheart, remove your hat. You have such a lovely face. Why cover that beautiful head of hair?"

"Yes, Ma'm."

Sieglinde reaches for the hat and slowly pulls it off her head. Hobson tries to take it but she stuffs it in her lap. Her two flaxen braids hang over her shoulders. Ouisanne smiles with approval.

"Ah…there you go."

Palpatine tries to crane his neck to get a look at her at the other end of the table. He whispers to Isabel.

"I tried to get her to remove that hat earlier. She totally ignored me. Children were quite different when Anakin was their age."

Leia chimes in.

"This isn't the dark ages. You probably frightened the poor girl. Creepy old man." She rolls her eyes.

Mara pushes her palms upward over her head in a _"raise the roof" _motion.

"Woo-woo! I second that." She serves herself from the crawlfish platter.

Anakin puts down his wine glass. He looks toward the end of the table at Palpatine.

"What happened to you, old man? You were holding everyone up."

"I must have dosed off in the dayroom. No one ever came in to get me."

Han, Leia, and Mara mock the old sith.

"Boo-hoo….hehehehee."

Anakin changes the subject. He speaks to Sieglinde.

"So, Miss Lundegaard, tell us about yourself."

Sieglinde stops chewing her food.

"I go to school in the city. I like air surfer boarding. This crawlfish is pretty good."

"Uhm…I'm glad you like it. So, how did you meet Mister Kris over here?"

"Oh, I met him on a ski day on Mt. Ison."

"Kris, when were you on Hoth?"

"Dad, remember last year Luke gave me a ski trip for my birthday?"

"Oh. Was that the trip I said you couldn't go on because you disobeyed Master Kyle?

"You said it would be a cold day on Mustafar before you paid for it."

"I see my message got across." He rolls his eyes then continues his conversation with Sieglinde.

"So, Missy, You're not from Coruscant?"

"No, Sir. I'm from Hoth. My family relocated when my dad's company transferred him."

"What does your father do?"

"He's a cartographer. He maps out the new star systems across the galaxy."

"He can do that remotely. What company made that dumb, bonehead decision?"

"The Imperial Armed Forces Headquarters."

"Oh…" Anakin turns to Han. "Hey, Han, check into that tomorrow morning when you get into the office. I want a report on my desk by noon."

"Uh…okay…sure. I usually don't get into the office until noon…but uh…" Anakin gives Han the 'stare of doom.' Han immediately changes his answer. "…But I guess I can come in a little early."

"Better answer. A perfect response would have been: _'I will have it for you first thing in the morning, sir.'_"

"But I thought you said noon…What difference does it make if I come it a little later? As long as you get it by noon…"

"Are you mocking me?'

"No, but you should say what you mean…Listen, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help. You asked me to help and I'm helping. Happy?"

Anakin is becoming agitated. Everyone listens as his fingers tap impatiently on the table. Mara and Luke try not to giggle. Luke covers his mouth with a napkin. Mara cannot hold it in and leaves the table.

"Excuse me."

Leia follows Mara into the kitchen.

"I need some water."

Ouisanne sees the water pitcher and all the filled water glasses around the table.

"There's plenty of water right here. Someone hand Leia some water."

Li-An grabs a glass and hurries into the kitchen. Alex discreetly leaves the table.

"We're out of haroun dinner rolls."

Liana follows him.

Ana-Lena tries to leave.

"I'll help."

Anakin speaks.

"You're in enough trouble as it is. Sit down!"

Anakin's father-in-law looks around the table. Nakai goes into a coughing fit. He wipes his mouth with his napkin.

"Anakin, I will go and bring them back to the table."

Luke joins him.

"I'll help you."

'_**Nerfherder Takes a Lickin' but He Keeps on Tickin''**_

Nakai and Luke stand in the doorway of the kitchen. Nakai is ready to scold them. He has a stern look on his face.

"I have never, in all my years with this family, witnessed such immature behavior from all of you! Absolutely shameful! You should be setting an example for your younger siblings and their guests…but …I have to say…that was the funniest thing I have ever seen!"

Nakai doubles over the counter in tears of laughter. Luke stands in quiet contemplation looking at the floor. His tone is serious.

"Alex, did you time it?"

Alex holds up his left arm showing his watch.

"Eleven minutes and 22 seconds."

Leia screams. Everyone gets quiet. She quickly covers her mouth. She squeals in a soft whisper.

"I won! I won! I beat you, Luke. Finally! Hah!"

Ouisanne knocks on the kitchen door.

"Is everything alright in there? Is Leia okay?"

Nakai yells back. He locks the door.

"Everything is fine…we're fine…I'm gathering the group. Go back in the dining room."

Liana jumps up and down but then she is confused.

"Yaah, Leia! What did she win?"

Alex turns to her. A crooked smile creeps across his face.

"Every family dinner, we post bets on how long it will take for my dad to lose his temper at the table. The last time it was 20 minutes. Today, he set a new record. To make things interesting we have to guess who will be his first target."

"What did she win?"

"Nothing…it's just a game."

"When can I play?"

"It's over."

"Oh…How about we do it again at dessert?"

Mara and Leia are losing patience with Liana. Her bubbly personality irritates them. Mara decides to respond.

"If we play, you can be the subject."

"Oh, goody!"

Alex grabs Liana by the arm.

"Let's get back to the dinner table." He looks back at Mara and Leia as if to scold them.

Mara giggles. She is packing food into the insulated tote that she brought with her.

"That was fun. Geez, Leia, you almost gave us a heart attack. We thought you were going into labor with all that screaming."

Leia helps herself to a pyollian cream cake. Mara stores several in her tote.

"Nakai, I thought you were going to faint when you walked in here."

"You kids are crazy."

Luke points to his wife and siblings.

"I just want to say that each one of you should be ashamed of yourselves."

The jeers start.

"Boo…Boo!" They all hurl napkins and tea towels at him. Li-An does not participate. Luke shields himself from the onslaught and tries to speak.

"What did I do? You're all guilty except for Li-An." Luke tosses the napkins and tea towels on the counter. "Real mature, guys. Leia, why don't you go check up on your husband and make sure he's still alive?"

"Daddy's over that. He's not going to do anything to Han. Han says something dumb every time they meet. Where's the challenge?" Leia thinks for a moment. "Okay, I'll go and check on him. Where did Alex find that girl? God, she's a ditz!"

"She must be some good singer or she's talented in the sack."

Mara agrees.

"Sack!"

Luke shakes his head.

"You two are horrible."

"Sue me."

Everyone returns to the dinner table. Anakin has been chatting with the young dinner guests. He learns that Boone Antilles is from Alderaan and he has three siblings, all sisters. Boone is a descendant of a long line of folk artists. Boone attends middle school in Coruscant City with Sieglinde. They have remained close friends ever since they arrived as outsiders.

Kris is the first Jedi they have ever met who is the same age as they are.

After dinner, Kris invites Arnold to join him and his friends to play holo-games in the family room. The four children get along splendidly.

Ana-Lena does not want to look at old Palps across the dinner table. She cannot believe that her mother is helping to cut the old man's food. She stares at the old sith with disgust. She cannot wait until dinner is over and she can go back to her horrible boarding school. She will hitch a ride with Han and Leia, providing Han is not too humiliated by her father.

'_**Bikini Laundry'**_

As the family gathers in the living room, Isabel summons Li-An.

"Li-An, may I see you for a moment, please?"

"Sure, Mum!"

Isabel takes Li-An by the arm and gently leads him to the laundry room.

"Li-An, I am going to do something for you that will influence the rest of your life."

"What's that, Mum?"

She hands him his bag of unwashed laundry. Grabs his hand and forces his index finger against a blue button on the washer. The display panel lights up with the word _'Wash.'_ She smiles as she waits for him to empty contents of the laundry bag into the washer.

"I want to commend you on your generosity in washing your girlfriend's candy-striped bikini. Is she a hospital volunteer or just play one on the holovids?"

Li-An turns red with embarrassment as his mother leaves him alone with his laundry.

'_**Puttin' On My Top Hat, Riding with the Sith'**_

Palpatine seems to be obsessed with Kris' friends, especially Sieglinde. Isabel plans to have a few words with her husband after everyone leaves. She is disappointed by Anakin's behavior at the dinner table in the presence of minors.

Isabel's parents take Arnold, Sieglinde, and Boone home. Boone says this was the best time he has ever had. He finds the Dark Lord thoroughly entertaining.

Anakin prepares to take Ana-Lena and Old Palps home. No one else volunteers to do it and Anakin was afraid of what the others would do to the old man if they are forced to drive him back to Shady Acres. Anakin calls Ana-Lena.

"Ana-Li? Where are you? Hurry up now; I have to drop off your grandfather."

Palpatine tries to fasten the buttons on his coat.

"Oh, bother! I don't know why I am having so much trouble with this coat. Anakin, son…do you mind?"

Anakin looks at the pathetic old soul.

"Come here. You're a mess. Have you gotten your check-up at the Shady Acres Senior Clinic?"

"I'm perfectly fine. I have no use for those quack doctors."

"Nevertheless, you should go to the geriatric clinic and have a check-up. It is included in your housing plan after all. You're an old man…you aren't going to go on forever, you know."

"Thank you for brightening my day, Anakin."

"You know what I mean. You're at that age where you forget things and your body isn't functioning the way it used to."

"Must you go on?"

"I'm just being real about it."

"Okay…stop…stop…." Palpatine slaps Anakin's hands away. Anakin laughs and them playfully spars with the old sith.

"What's that? You're trying to hit me, you old geezer? Put 'em up…put 'em up…"

Palpatine is not playing along.

"Anakin, please! Don't mock me." The old man appears disconsolate.

"Okay, I apologize." He removes something from a bag. "Here, wear this."

"What's this?"

"It's a hat. Isabel's mother made it. You don't have any hats…"

"How do you know?"

"I've never seen you wear a hat."

"She made a hat for me?" He looks at Anakin but Anakin does not answer. The hat was intended as a gift for Anakin from his Mother-in-law, but there is no way on Mustafar that he is going to wear it. Anakin is a born regifter.

"Yeah…it's for you." He is lying.

"I didn't think she cared for me…It's just that…I'm not a hat person, Anakin. I don't want hat hair."

"How are you going to get hat hair with that perm thing going on, on top of your head? Just try it"

Anakin places the red knit bantha wool hat on the old sith.

"Ohhh…" Palpatine whines. Anakin purses his lips to keep from laughing. He pushes Palpatine in front of the foyer mirror. The old man looks as if he is about to cry. "I look like an old queen!"

"Which one?" Anakin grins.

"It's not funny."

"But at least you'll be warm. Keep it on. So, did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

"Dinner was lovely…Isabel was very nice to me tonight." The old man pauses for a moment. He quickly changes the topic. "Anakin, you should talk to Kris. He is in need of parental guidance. I could do it…but I would never want to interfere with your parenting…"

"Don't worry about Kris. I'm his father. I know what he needs. We had a talk. I've already explained what's in store for him this summer."

"I just regret not spending time with Kris and his little friends."

"What? He didn't even spend time with us! What adolescent wants to hang out with his parents and grandparents when he has a bunch of friends at the house?"

"They spent time with Nakai."

"He was showing them how he carves miniature canoes. It's a cool skill that kids like. The man's got talent. What do you have?"

"I used to have a lot! I used to be somebody. Now I'm just a tolerated old man. Kris' friends were not as I expected. I'm disappointed in how they turned out."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Sigrid…she used to be so sweet and considerate; and the boy! What a potty mouth on him!"

"Have you lost your mind? The girl's name is Sieglinde. No wonder she was annoyed with you. You kept calling her Sigrid. You scare children…do you realize that? I think you're getting feeble."

"The older kids ignore me and disrespect me. I used to be relevant, Anakin. I am not feeble!"

"Well, this is your life. You played a bad hand and this is what you get. Don't start this nonsense tonight. I've got a lot of other important _'sith'_ going on." He pats Palpatine on the face. "Cheer up, old man. Things could be worse." He calls out for Ana-Lena. "Ana-Li! Get down here now! I've got to get your grandfather to the old folks home!"

Ana-Lena comes downstairs.

"Dad…"

"Oh, there you are. Let's roll."

"I'm not going."

"What? Of course you're going. You're due back at the school tonight."

"Han and Leia are driving me back to school."

Anakin will not accept this change of plans.

"No, you're coming with me."

"No, I'm going with Han and Leia."

"I'll kill that meddling nerfherder."

"I asked them to take me because you don't respect me as a woman."

"Because you're 14 years old! Do not piss me off tonight. I've got enough going on with your grandfather and Kris."

"I'm not going. You'll have to drag me to the speeder." Ana-Lena sits in a chair in the foyer and sulks."

Anakin feels as if he is losing control over his family. Looks around the room.

"Where's your mother? Isabel! Isabel!"

Isabel walks into the living room.

"Why are you screaming?"

"Where have you been?"

"I was giving some words of advice to your "number two" son. What's your problem?"

The Dark Lord points to his rebellious daughter.

"Talk to her. She won't get in the speeder."

Ana-Lena is defiant.

"I'm not getting in the speeder with Daddy after the way he treated me today. Han and Leia said they would take me back to prison."

Palpatine looks at Anakin sounding genuinely shocked at these revelations.

"Oh, dear! I thought she was in convent school."

Ana-Lena sighs.

"Convent school, prison…same thing." Ana-Lena stares at the old sith. "What the hell is that on your head?"

"It's a hat. Your grandmother made it for me."

"Looks like the crown in the 'Biscuit Baron Better Butter' commercial. Ah-ha!"

Palpatine squints at Ana-Lena. He turns to Anakin.

"Anakin, I'm ready to go home, please."

Leia appears in the foyer and puts on her coat.

"Ready, Kiddo?"

"Yes." Ana-Lena grabs her things then puts on her coat.

Leia sees the expression on her father's face. It is a cross between betrayal and hurt.

"Dad, don't worry. She is at that rebellious stage. She'll talk you again."

"Make sure she gets inside the building before you drive off."

"Dad, we've got it under control. I will personally walk her inside to Mother Superior. I don't think that woman ever sleeps. She scares the crap out of me."

"Yes, she is a Force to deal with." Anakin smiles.

"True."

"Han still mad at me?"

"He'll be alright. He's sitting in the speeder sulking. Dad, seriously, you've got to stop choking him."

"Hey, he choked me first! I didn't see that coming. I thought he was looking forward to me Force-choking him. It's become a Sunday dinner tradition. Hehehheh."

Leia wraps the cashmere neck scarf around her father's neck, and then tucks it inside the collar of his suede speeder coat.

"It's not funny anymore, Dad. The two of you have to grow up. You set a bad example for Kris, Arnold and the other kids. Anyway, thanks for dinner. See you next weekend." She kisses her father then glances at old man Palpatine. "Interesting hat."

Palpatine turns up his nose and walks pass her.

"Thank you." He follows Anakin out the door.

'_**Vulnerable State'**_

Luke stands in the doorway of Kris's bedroom.

"Kris, you're making too big a deal about this. Going to Tantooine is a rite of passage. I've done it, Leia's done it…You're not being punished."

Kris whines.

"But it's a whole summer with Uncle Owen!"

"Okay, you're being punished." Luke smiles.

"Am I a problem child, Luke?"

"No. You're not a problem child. You just screwed up a lot this year."

"Can you get me out of this mess I'm in, Luke? Please?"

"Sorry, kid. I can't get involved. Dad will kill me. He's in a vulnerable state right now."

"What about Kyle? Do you think he will help me?"

"Kyle Katarn can't help you. Dad is already blaming him for part of the mess you're in."

"Everybody says I'm going to starve. Luke, there are no activities."

"Well, you won't starve. Aunt Beru will feed you and you'll have plenty of activities…so…"

"I know, I know, 'idle hands are the Sith's playground'. You don't need to remind me."

"No, idle hands don't exist as long as Uncle Owen's running the farm. Hah hah hah! See? I made you laugh. Just wait until you return home. You're going to be spoiled senseless."

"I suppose… Maybe Dad will have a new appreciation for me…but what's going to happen between me and Sig? What if she meets another guy and falls in love?"

"You're joking, right? Relax, you're twelve."

"But…"

"Trust me, she'll be around. Girls will always be around."

"Thanks, Luke. I'm really glad we had this talk."

"You lucked out; Mara's still raiding the kitchen for leftovers."

"Is everyone still mad at her for packing the cupcakes before dessert was served?"

"I thought Leia was going to kill her but there was more dessert."

"Yeah, she almost caused a riot. Maybe you should send her to Tatooine. She needs an attitude adjustment more than I do."

"Nooo…Uncle Owen would kill her. Chin up, kiddo."

Luke tousles Kris' blonde hair.

"Thanks, Luke."

"May the Force be with you."

"You too, Luke."

"Get a haircut!" Luke laughs and then leaves his brother.

The specters of three Force Ghosts appear on the terrace.

'_Do you think Ani would mind if we kept an eye on Kris this summer?'_

_Ayala Secura scolds Qui-Gon._

'_Qui-Gon, we promised not to interfere.'_

'_What do you think, Master Windu?'_

'_I agree with Ayala. We do not interfere.'_

Ki-Adi-Mundi appears.

'_Am I late?'_

Qui-Gon responds.

'_We don't agree on how Ani's raising Kris. I vote on an intervention.'_

'_Did Mace and Ayala vote 'no'?'_

'_They did.'_

'_Will Ani be angry if we interfere?'_

'_Definitely.'_

'_Then let's do it.'_

'_I knew I could count on you. You are a reasonable Jedi.'_

Master Windu and Ayala glance at one another.

'_Does he realize we use reverse psychology every time we vote on something?'_

'_Apparently not.'_


	26. Chapter 26 Couch and Window Treatment

_Chapter 26AE _

* * *

'_Couch and Window Treatment'_

_ 'Get In Line'_

'_Mustafar Roasted Couch Potato'_

* * *

Anakin and Isabel heed the advice of the Jedi Council. The alternative would have been harsh. They are two parents at the mercy of the Jedi Youngling Disciplinary Committee. Anakin does not want to fail his child the way others failed him when he was young.

'_Think Calming Thoughts'_

The crystal clock on the wall ticks away. Fifteen minutes have passed. A full-sized ergonomic chaise is in the middle of the room. The nuna skin chaise is set on top of a blue and white Sullustan rug. The young patient's leg swings back and forth from the side of the luxurious piece of furniture. The navy and red Jedi Knights sport shoe barely touches the rug. There is a soft humming noise that stops and starts every 10 seconds or so. The floor-to-ceiling shades lower and rise as if there is some sort of malfunction in the mechanism. Someone is waiting patiently on the other side of the room. Finally the humming sound stops.

"Are you comfortable now?"

It is a woman's voice, soft and kind. Kris sets the remote control on the small side table. He laces his fingers behind his head and lays back. The white leather is soft. He feels relaxed.

"Yeah, I guess. So…what are you going to do, dig inside my brain?"

"Is that what you think?"

"Are you?"

"No. I'm here to help you sort through your feelings."

"Because my parents are freaking out about what I did to the Admiral?"

"They love you and want to make sure you grow up happy and follow the Jedi ways."

Kris is distracted and looks around the room.

"You've got a lot of certificates on your walls; you've been at this for a long time, eh?"

"I have."

"You must have treated a lot of people."

"Yes."

"What's your success rate?"

"Does that matter to you?"

"Well, sure! My folks expect to get their money's worth. I don't want to embarrass my Mum by having her visit me in reform school. You're not gonna slip me mind-altering drugs are you? I don't want to wind up a lobot zombie."

Doctor Melfi is almost amused by this restless and inquisitive adolescent.

"I doubt it will get to that point, Kris."

"My sister says I'm going to jail."

"I don't believe she means that. She's teasing you. What else worries you?"

There is a long pause. The wisecracking child is serious all of a sudden.

"You knew my grandfather, didn't you?"

"How do you know that?"

"I have a feeling."

Doctor Melfi does not answer immediately. She realizes that the Force is strong with her young patient. This is going to be a challenge.

It has been a long journey to this day. The Jedi Council summons her while she is on a lecture circuit on Corellia. She had to leave for Coruscant immediately to take a new patient. Her practice on Naboo ends and her patients are quickly referred to other doctors capable of handling the daily trials of wealthy business executives and neglected housewives around Theed.

The doctor responds to Kris' concerns.

"That was a very long time ago in a different place far, far away."

"Palps is from Naboo."

"Does it bother you to talk about this?"

"It feels weird."

"How so?"

"It's sad. I don't like it much. Can we make the room brighter?"

"Of course we can." Doctor Melfi waves her hand and the shades turn from black to white. The sun filters in and fills the room with a soft amber glow. "Better?"

"Yes. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"I thought you were going to be an old grumpy lady but you're nice…and kinda pretty."

Doctor Melfi tentatively accepts the compliment.

"Uhm…thank you."

"Okay, I'm ready for you to scan my brain now."

"We'll _'scan'_ later. Let's talk about you first." She gives him a wink.

"Okay."

Doctor Melfi is relieved that her new patient is feeling better.

"I hear you recently hosted a dinner with three guests."

Kris lifts his head to look at the doctor as he speaks. She is delighted by his enthusiasm.

"Uhm, oh…yeah. Since I was grounded and all, my mum said my friends would have to come to the house. It was actually cool. My grandparents stopped by too and they gave me presents… but because I was grounded, my mum told them not to bring presents. When my Dad found out, he gave my presents to my friends. Do you believe that? He didn't even wait until I fell back into his good graces. What loving parent does that to his child?" He ponders for a moment. "Is that considered child abuse?"

"I don't believe so. Sorry, kiddo."

"I'm the baby…the cutest member of the family too! Geez!"

Doctor Melfi tries not to show her amusement as she listens to his juvenile rant. Instead, she pretends to sound as shocked as he feels.

"Tragic! Kris, do you think you're spoiled? Just a tiny bit?" She measures with her thumb and index finger."

"Oh, sure! No one lets me forget. My mum told Nana and Pop-Pop not to give me any more gifts unless it's Befana Eve or my birthday."

"What about your other grandfather?"

"Oh…he gives me stuff but my parents get real upset… when he gives me stuff that is. He loves to give me money. Somehow, I don't mind so much when my Dad takes it away. My Dad says the gifts are always attached with conditions."

"I see. What are the conditions?"

"I don't know but my brother Luke says they can't be good. Grand Palps works at TaggeMart. He gets a big discount."

"Oh, does he now?"

"Yeah. I bought a new air surfer board with the money and discount card."

"Why did you need a new air surfer board?"

"Oh, my dad had an accident with it."

"Was he injured?"

"O, geez, no! I'm not sure what happened, but it was all banged up."

"How do you feel about Nana and Pop-Pop?"

"Oh, I love them. Nana smells like Jade roses and she always dresses up as if she's going somewhere fancy. I don't think I've ever seen her wear pants. She always goes the high tea with her friends and she plays bridge. My dad says if more women attended these gabfests, men could stay home and watch sports with their friends in peace. My mother used to make us go to the Bimmisaari Youngling Etiquette Club. We had to get dressed up as if we were going to Sunday Mass. The food was good though. Dad said it was only useful if you needed to know which fork to use at dinner. He always goofs about it but I think he actually enjoys it."

"What kind of grandfather is Pop-Pop Nakai?"

"He's super cool. Pop-Pop Nakai builds canoes so we get to go on the lake at our summerhouse on Naboo. Pop-Pop made miniature canoes for all my friends the night they came for dinner. My friends think he is awesome! They said I'm the coolest kid under house arrest."

"Where was your grandfather Palps while this was going on?"

"I don't know…in the living room with my parents I guess."

"How do you think he feels when you spend time with Pop-Pop Nakai?"

"I try not to think about it. I know it's not fair but I have a bad feeling about him sometimes. My dad says he's reformed, but I'm not so sure. I know I get into a lot of trouble on my own, but I don't need any help. I want to be a Jedi when I grow up."

"Well, that's something we will need to work on, agreed?"

"Sure. So, how many more times do I have to come back here?"

An hour passes and Kris is reunited with his parents in the waiting room. Isabel sits quietly. Earlier during the wait, she had no patience for the coffee table reading materials. She decides to stand at the window overlooking the plaza. Anakin, on the other hand, has been reading the holo-mags on the coffee table. He flips through the celebrity gossip mags:_'Your Stars and Mine,' and the professional and home mags such as: 'New Scientific Galactica,' 'Coruscant Psychology Digest,' 'HoloNet Kids Reader,' 'Corellian Horticultural Digest,' and_ _'Bimmisaari Teas By Mail.'_

Isabel smiles as her youngest finally emerges from the office. She has worried for the hour that Kris had been with Doctor Melfi. She helps him with his down jacket then she runs her fingers through her son's blonde hair.

"Are you okay?"

"I guess we'll find out soon enough, eh, Mum? Hah!"

Anakin scolds him.

"No wisecracks. This isn't funny."

Doctor Melfi approaches Anakin and Isabel.

"Mr. and Mrs. Skywalker, may I speak to you for a moment in my office?"

Anakin whispers to his wife.

"Come on; let's chat with this quack."

Isabel turns to Kris.

"Have a seat and don't touch anything. "

"I'm not looking to get into any more trouble."

"Good, let's keep it that way."

As his parents follow Doctor Melfi in her office, Kris pulls his E-Pod from his back pocket and slouches in one of the comfy quilted leather chairs. The receptionist glances across the room at him. Kris sits up straight. Another patient arrives.

Meanwhile, Anakin and Isabel sit as Doctor Melfi takes a seat at her desk. The doctor glances at a folder then looks across the desk at the concerned parents. Anakin is a bit distracted as he takes in the office décor. He finally looks across the desk at Doctor Melfi. He wonders what she is reading.

"So, Doc, what's the consensus? But, I warn you, whatever he said about us is untrue. I know my rights as a parent."

"What was that, Mr. Skywalker?"

"Did you scare him senseless like on those prisoner intervention holo-vids?"

"That's not one of the tactics I use on my patients. This is not a prison, Mr. Skywalker."

"Oh…pity."

"I called you in to give you my findings."

"Tell me, Doc; is he in for a lifetime of therapy? I know he can be a handful. Tell me now; I can take it."

Isabel stares at her husband then whispers to him.

"Anakin, will you stop? I apologize for the interruption. Please, Doctor, what is your assessment of our son?"

"Well…Kriztan is a fascinating and intelligent child. He is full of love and compassion; however, he is also a very troubled child. The incident that brought him here concerns me greatly. Is this the first outburst he's had?"

Isabel quickly responds.

"Yes, Doctor."

Anakin chimes in.

"I honestly don't know what came over him."

Doctor Melfi glances at the folder then looks at Anakin above the rims of her eyeglasses.

"Mr. Skywalker, do you believe that he has learned this behavior from you? I understand that Sunday dinners are quite lively at the Skywalker home."

"We're a lively family…wait, what are you saying?"

"You tell me. What's going on, Mr. Skywalker?"

"Nothing. How's our son?"

"He's fine. There is nothing wrong with him that a good balance of nurturing and tough love won't cure. He's a charming young man capable of many great things."

"Oh…okay…so…he's not going to murder me in my sleep?"

Isabel elbows her husband and gives him a dirty look. Doctor Melfi ignores his wisecracks then nods.

"Nothing to worry about. He's going through typical Jedi adolescence but he looks up to you. You are a huge influence on him and your actions professionally and at home may send the wrong message."

"What actions do you find questionable, Doctor?"

"You want me to go down the list?"

Anakin is stunned.

"You've got a list?"

He attempts to lean over the desk to view the 'list' then stops.

She stares at him without blinking once.

"Any questions? If you don't understand, I can explain so you will understand,"

"No. I know what you mean." Anakin sulks and slides back in his chair. There is a guilty expression on his face. Doctor Melfi closes the folder.

"Okay, let's go get your son."

Doctor Melfi leads them to the door. Anakin ushers his wife out.

"Bel, I'll be with you in a second."

He turns to Doctor Melfi who is about to receive her next patient. He whispers so Isabel does dot hear him.

"Doctor, can we talk a minute?"

"What is it, Mr. Skywalker? I have a patient waiting."

Anakin turns to see who else is in the waiting area. He focuses on an anxious-looking middle-aged man. The man is in business attire but it is somewhat disheveled. The man nervously picks at his eyebrow. After a five-second assessment of the man, Anakin turns to Doctor Melfi. There is a big smirk on his face as he speaks.

"If he's crazy, he's not going to get well any time soon. That's more money in your pocket, eh?" He elbows her with a wink.

Doctor Melfi is appalled.

"Mr. Skywalker!"

"Listen, I have a few things to get off my chest."

Anakin enters the office and waves the door closed.

"Mind if I sit here?" He takes a seat on the chaise before Doctor Melfi has a chance to refuse. He grabs the remote from the table and begins to play with the buttons. The lighting in the room keeps changing. The intercom on Doctor Melfi's desk buzzes. She leans over her desk and reads the message on the telephone display. Doctor Melfi sweeps a lock of her auburn hair away from her cheek.

"Mr. Skywalker, your wife and son are outside waiting for you."

"Just give me a few minutes. Nice rug. Who's your decorator?" He lays back and gets comfortable.

"Mr. Skywalker, you are not my patient!"

"You don't have to yell!"

"Well, apparently I do."

"What sort of shrink are you? Where's your compassion? What about your _'hypocritic'_ oath?"

She is about to correct him about the _'Hippocratic Oath'_ but decides not to bother.

"You need to go." Doctor Melfi folds her arms across her chest.

Anakin continues to talk.

"Do you know that I'm taking a big chunk of time out of my work day to come here? I'm a busy man."

Meanwhile, in the waiting room, the receptionist is getting an earful from an 'impatient' patient.

"Miss Kester, I have been waiting patiently. I have sacrificed a substantial portion of my day to make this appointment. I didn't come in today to get bumped."

"I know, Mr. Carlin. I've been waiting to marry a millionaire. I feel your pain." She makes some notes then looks up at the frazzled man who is still standing over her desk. "The doctor will be with you momentarily."

Anakin gives the doctor a rundown of issues bothering him.

"Doctor, I have stress. My son-in-law tries my patience. He traps me into situations where I have no recourse but to strike back. Then there is my son Alex. He's taking a semester off to travel with his garage band or gundark band…whatever he calls it…and…he's going with his half naked girlfriend; my two daughters defy me at every turn. If you see what I'm up against, it's clear that I'm the real victim here…Do I need meds?"

The light on the intercom flashes.

"Your wife is on her way in to get you."

A few moments later, Anakin emerges from the office. As Isabel approaches the door, Anakin ushers his wife and son along.

"Why don't you two walk ahead? I'll catch up with you." Anakin stops at the reception desk. He reads the nameplate _'Carol Kester.' _Miss Kester looks up at him. Anakin flashes his charismatic smile.

"Hi, Carol. What openings do you have for this week?"


	27. Chapter 27 Sessions and True Confessions

_Chapter 27AE _

* * *

'_The Good Wife and the Bad Dark Lord'_

'_An Intimate Dining Experience'_

'_It's Not Pizza, It's D'Jabba's'_

* * *

'_**Sessions and True Confessions'**_

'_**Riddle Me This'**_

The hum of the lightsaber can be heard as it dangles along the side of the chair. The dull humming sound goes on for some time. The patient lies on the white leather chaise in the middle of the room. Just knowing that the lightsaber is charged is insulting. He finally speaks up, avoiding any violent outburst. He throws up his arms.

"Awh, come on, Doc, really? I mean really?" He flicks a leaf fragment from his black cashmere duster. "Where is the trust? You made me check my lightsaber with the receptionist."

"Trust is a two-way street, Mr. Skywalker."

"Oh, boy, here we go with the analogies. Could you turn up the heat in here?"

"Sure." She waves her hand at the thermostat panel on the wall. "Why don't we get started? Why did you feel the need to switch therapists?"

"Oh, don't get me started with that melon head! Okay, it's like this. He tells me, _'I'm listening,'_ but he's not listening. The next thing I know, he's telling me how crappy his life is with his ex-wife, his father, and his dopey brother…I don't care about his problems! Who the _'eff'_ does he think he's screwing with? That was my time! Then, he tells me that my hour is up."

"So you left?"

"Uhm…yes…soon after…I…uhm…choked him."

"You what?"

"He had it coming! You can't neglect your patient and then expect him to sit back and take it…would you?"

"That's how you solve all your problems, Mr. Skywalker?"

"I was under a lot of stress."

"Are you going to choke me if you don't get the results you want?"

"Heaven's no! You're my son's shrink. The good ones are hard to find. You look as if you're pretty smart. Besides, my wife would kill me. You're our only hope for Kris."

"Oh, wow, I'm glad you still have faith in me."

"Okay, don't get cocky."

"So, Mr. Skywalker, tell me about your first visit to your son's school."

"Who? What?"

"Your son Alex. You mentioned him the last time we talked. He's at Coruscant Institute of Technology…correct?"

"Oh, You've got to be specific, Doc. You can't go jumping around from topic to topic like that."

"I apologize."

"Apology accepted."

"Your son, Mr. Skywalker?"

"Okay, Yes."

"What's his major at CorTech?"

"Who knows? He must be majoring in the technology of parting me with my money."

"That's an excellent school. You must be proud of him. The Jedi Academy is graduating some excellent students. CorTech is a difficult school to get into."

"To answer your question, yes, I visited that campus and I was highly disappointed. When do these kids study? It wasn't even move-in day and these kids were partying like it as 1999ABY."

"So, tell me what happened."

"So, I visited the campus and the tour guide walks us pass empty kegs of Corellian Ale and a messy terrace. I asked the guide the reason and she told me it was a 'welcome to campus' party. Do you _'effing'_ believe that? Are you telling me that's where my hard-earned credits are going? I may as well throw the money in a big pile and set it on fire on a Mustafar fireball. Then, if that's not bad enough, my youngest daughter and her pals are sneaking off campus from her convent school to check out the cadets at the academy. What's a father to do? I always wind up looking like the bad guy."

"Have you considered giving her a bit more freedom to show you trust her?"

"God, no! Are you crazy?"

"The words_ 'flexible' _and _'trust'_ don't seem to be in your mental dictionary, do they?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"There are no 'trick' questions, Mr. Skywalker. What really troubles you about your daughter going out and socializing?"

"That she might go out and socialize."

"Have you considered that perhaps this may not be the best approach?"

"Have you seen the pathetic losers out there? If she brings one of them to my front door I can't be responsible for my actions."

"No surprises there."

"I just want my kids to grow up and do the right thing."

"You mean _'obey'_ you."

"Of course! Am I right?"

"I'm impartial. I am only here to listen."

"If that's the case, I could be home telling this to my wife."

"She seems to be a reasonable woman. Have you tried to express these feelings to her?"

"Oh, sure."

"Does she have any thoughts on your dilemma?"

"Oh, she sure does! She's got an opinion about everything."

"What's the problem?"

"Humph! She gives me this superior look as if to say, _'Honey, you're an idiot!' _She thinks she's right about everything. Everyone tells me, _'She's the voice of reason.' 'She really makes sense. You should listen to her.'_ _'Reason'_ needs to stop kicking me in the ass!"

"I sense a lot of anger. Why are you so angry?"

"Do I sound angry?"

"Yes, you do."

Tell me Doc, how many therapists do I have to visit in order to find one who agrees with me? Huh?"

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

"It's a ridiculous question."

"You're the smart one. Come on, Doc; give me a number! Geez!" He throws his head back on the headrest of the chaise.

There is a long silence. Anakin is visibly disappointed in this doctor. He looks up at the rotating ceiling as live images of the Tatooine suns are about to set. Dr. Melfi breaks her silence.

"I'm going to write you a prescription."

"Now we're getting somewhere."

'_**The Unscheduled Session'**_

Isabel has been losing sleep since the meeting with Doctor Melfi. Guilty feelings fall heavy on her shoulders. She feels compelled to confess.

Doctor Melfi greets Isabel as she enters the office.

"Mrs. Skywalker, it's so good to see you."

"Thank you for seeing me, Doctor. I won't take up much of your time. I know how busy you must be."

"Not to worry. Please, come in. Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea, water?"

"Thank you, no. This won't take long."

The sit in the two chairs facing Doctor Melfi's desk. Isabel decides she would like some water. Doctor senses that Isabel is concerned about something. Isabel sets the glass of water on the coffee table and begins to speak.

"I had to come here because I have not been totally honest with you."

"About what?"

"When you asked if the incident with Kris was the first and only one…"

"Oh, that. I sensed that something was bothering you."

"I would never intentionally lie about something as serious as this but I felt I had to tell you…See, there was another…it was such a long time ago, I didn't think it was important."

"Tell me about it."

"A long time ago Kris burned his grandfather's hands."

"You're referring to grandfather Palpatine…"

"Yes. It happened so suddenly. I wasn't home at the time…."

"Go on…"

"Anakin thought it would be okay for Mr. Palpatine to babysit the four little ones. I wasn't sure he could handle four young children."

"You refer to him as "Mr. Palpatine? Sounds so formal."

"I'm sorry but I can't stand the man."

"I see. Would you like to relax on the chaise?"

Isabel lies on the chaise. It is comfortable and she speaks freely now. Doctor Melfi moves to her swivel chair and takes notes while listening to Isabel express her feelings. She is intrigued.

"So, what happened?"

"Well, as you may have observed, Kris is a curious and impulsive youth. He always liked to explore… My son is an independent soul…he gets into everything, it's ridiculous." Isabel laughs nervously before continuing. "I don't think the old man saw it coming. He decided to intervene and that's when he got…zapped." Isabel waves her hands in a matter-of-fact-way.

Doctor Melfi raises her eyebrows.

"Zapped?"

"Zapped! Force lightning. The old man wound up with second-degree burns up to his elbows. It left him practically helpless. So he was stuck at our house for a few days."

"How did that work out?"

"He was and is an intolerable old man."

"I see."

"I know I should try to get along with him but I just…I just can't do it."

"Is your husband helping you? Does he understand the stress you're under with everything that's going on in the house?"

"Anakin is busy in his den or at his office at headquarters."

"Doing what, may I ask?"

"Playing sabacc or watching pod races…Anakin does whatever he wants."

The doctor is busy taking more notes. The intercom buzzes on the desk across the room. Isabel raises her arm and glances at her watch.

"I apologize for taking up your time, Doctor. I should go. Do I pay at the front desk?"

"Mrs. Skywalker, you have shed light on the root of your son's problems. There is no fee. Thank you for stopping by today. " Before Isabel leaves her office, the doctor hands her a referral data card. Isabel reads it.

"What's this?"

"A marriage counselor. Good luck."

Upon arriving home, Isabel passes the den. Anakin calls her before she gets too far.

"Isabel, get in here."

She sighs then rolls her eyes as she reluctantly backs up and stands in the doorway.

"You rang, Master?"

"Come in…have a seat." He waves his hand and lowers the volume on the plasma screen.

Isabel sets her shopping bags on the floor as she settles into the armchair facing the Dark Lord.

"What? Couldn't find the mustard again?"

"I found it fine. Fending for myself in the kitchen has been a daily struggle but I manage. Did you stop by Doctor Melfi's office today?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I sensed it."

"Well, if you know so much, why ask?"

"I want to see if you're honest with me."

Isabel folds her arms across her chest. She is not pleased.

"Yes, I was there, so what?"

"You spying on me now?"

"What are you talking about? No one is spying on you. I went there to discuss Kris…" Isabel thinks for a moment. "Aha! You were there! When were you there?"

"That is irrelevant and you know it!"

"You big dummy! You went to see Kris' doctor?"

"I didn't see her about Kris, I went there for me!"

"For you?"

"I thought she wasn't half bad so I got an appointment."

"Didn't you call her a quack?"

Anakin laughs nervously then points his finger at her.

"Don't try and turn this around. So, what did she say?"

"You go first."

"No, you go first."

"I'll go first."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Okay, I apologize. Go ahead, dear."

"She said I need meds. I'm under a lot of stress."

"Is that right? Humph…"

"It's your fault! I get no support from my family. Don't give me that look, Isabel"

"What look?"

"The look you give me when you think I'm an idiot."

"Oh, okay."

"So, what did the doc say?"

"She said you need to spend more time with Kris and we need to go to marriage counseling."

"Again? We went a few years ago."

"Well, obviously it didn't take."

"Man…! This is all your fault."

Anakin bangs his hand on the desk. He takes notice of the shopping bags on the floor next to the chair.

"I see you sought a quick remedy for the devastating news. How was your shopping spree?"

"It wasn't a shopping spree."

Anakin mocks her using a falsetto voice.

"_Mercy me! I can't handle all this bad news; I need to buy some new shoes to calm myself down!"_

"That sounds nothing like me! I was going to surprise you with this but you have a toxic attitude today. Here, enjoy your gift, you ingrate. Dinner is at 6."

Isabel stands up. She drops a shopping bag on Anakin's desk then takes another bag and leaves the den.

Isabel avoids Anakin. He hears her preparing dinner in the kitchen. She enlists Threepio to keep the Dark Lord at bay until dinner is served.

Anakin stands in the doorway.

"Bel, there you are. Listen…I" Threepio blocks the entrance.

"Sorry, Master but Madame Isabel asks that you stay out of the kitchen."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. She says your negative energy will make her soufflé drop."

Anakin ignores him and looks over the droids' head to speak to his wife.

"Bel, don't be ridiculous. Talk to me."

Isabel directs her response to Threepio.

"Tell that miserable creature in the doorway that dinner is not ready yet."

Threepio 'translates.'

"Madame, his lordship is adamant about speaking to you."

"Tell his lordship that he needs to clean his ears."

"I can hear you just fine!"

"Madame, his lordship says he can hear…"

"I know."

Anakin grabs Threepio by the neck and pulls him through the door sending him crashing into the wall of the alcove leading to the dining room. Anakin confronts Isabel.

"See what you made me do?"

"Shut up."

She chops some vegetables on the cutting board.

"Will you stop for a second and talk to me?"

"No."

"I can make you."

"And I can cut you." She grips the Corellian-made chef's knife.

"Fine. I'll see you at dinner."

Kris arrives home accompanied by his sponsor, Kyle Katarn. Anakin sits in the living room reading the Coruscant Times. His custom-made Eames-style lounge chair is a slight reclining position. He hears something.

Kris drops his rucksack on the floor in the living room.

"Hi, Dad."

Anakin lowers the paper and gets a glimpse of Kris and Kyle.

"Hello son." He glances over at the rucksack.

Luke's old Jedi Academy classmate Kyle bows respectfully to the master of the house.

"Good afternoon, my Lord."

"Kyle. Dropping off my impressionable young son?"

"Uhm... sort of…Mrs. Skywalker was gracious enough to invite me to dinner."

"Did she now?"

Kris interjects.

"Dad, Kyle's got a new speeder. It is the coolest thing I've ever seen!"

"You win the Mos Eisley Lotto?"

"No, I'm not that lucky, my lord. I've been saving my credits, plus I received a bonus last year."

"Oh…a bonus no less." Anakin is distracted by something in the entranceway. "Kris! Were you raised by Sand people?"

"No…why?"

"So, what are you going to do about that rucksack?"

Kris gets the hint.

"Oh. I'll take it upstairs."

"Good boy."

Anakin reads his paper. He realizes that he is alone in the living room with Kyle. He almost regrets the thrashing he gave Threepio earlier. He peeks over the top of his newspaper. Kyle is leaning over reading the other side of the news daily. Anakin almost jumps out of the chair.

"What the hell?"

"Oh, sorry, Mr. Skywalker. Just looking at the headlines. Heh-heh! Gee, that was funny. I've never seen you jump like that." He stops talking for a moment. He can tell that Anakin was close to sucker punching him through the newspaper. This is a good time to get out of the Dark Lord's way. "I'm going to say hello to Mrs. Skywalker." Kyle awkwardly points towards the kitchen then backs away until he is out of the Dark Lord's view.

Anakin overhears Isabel's enthusiastic response when Kyle appears in the kitchen. Kris comes downstairs and watches his father mimicking them. _'Hey, Mrs. Skywalker! You look as beautiful as ever. Gee whiz, I can't wait for dinner. Everything smells great! Can I help?' _Anakin switches to an exaggerated imitation of Isabel. _'I don't mind if you do, Kyle. You're so polite and helpful.'_

"Are you okay, Dad?"

Anakin clears his voice.

"Uhm…I'm fine! Did you wash up for dinner?"

"Yeah!

"Have a seat."

Kris sits across from his father. Anakin sets the newspaper on the end table. Kris anticipates his father's next comments.

"What's up, Dad?"

"I've been told that I need to start spending more time with you."

"Oh…Okay."

"You can sit next to me at dinner."

"Is that it?"

"You should be privileged. You'll be near the head of the table in the presence of greatness."

"Yeah, every night. Big Whoops."

"Wha-?"

Just as the Dark Lord is about to respond, Li-An and Alex walk through the front door.

"Hey, Dad!"

Soon, everyone is at the dinner table. Anakin Opens a bottle of red Corellian wine and fills his glass. He stands and walks to the other end of the table and attempts to fill Isabel's glass. She places her hand over the glass.

"No thanks."

"Move your hand before I spill the wine on it, Darling."

Alex calls out.

"Dad, I'd like some wine."

Kris chimes in and holds out his milk glass.

"Me too, please."

Anakin ignores them then returns to the head of the table. He sits down and folds his hands.

"Kris, would you like to do the honors?"

"Uhm…sure!" Li-An gives him the 'Thumbs Up' signal. "Nub Lub, thanks for the grub!"

Anakin is not amused.

"Great! Let's keep going downhill." He looks at Alex and Li-An as they giggle. "You're not helping, guys."

"Sorry, Dad."

"So, Alex, how's life at CorTech?"

"It's cool."

"Just cool?'

"Yeah…life on campus is fun. I like my profs…"

"Profs?"

"Teachers."

Kyle breaks up the awkward moment.

"Mrs. Skywalker, dinner is fantastic. This is restaurant caliber cuisine. I'm savouring each bite… Awesome!"

"Thank you, Kyle."

Anakin snorts a comment.

"How do you know what it tastes like if you're scarfing it down like a rancor?"

Isabel gives Anakin a dirty glance then speaks to Kyle.

"Ignore him, Kyle."

Li-An tastes his shaak steak.

"Mum, you've outdone yourself. This is so good. Thanks for going to all the trouble."

"You're welcome, sweetie. I'm glad someone appreciates my efforts around here."

"So, Dad, when are you going to make your mark in the kitchen?"

"I'm not allowed in the kitchen."

"What? Mum, is that true?"

"Your father is being silly."

"Tell your mother she knows what she did."

"Tell your father he's a big baby."

"She threatened me with a knife."

Kris stops chewing and stares at his parents, his mouth agape. He finally finds his voice.

"Geez, mum, really?"

"Your father is ridiculous, I was chopping vegetables."

Kyle looks at his plate.

"And, I must add that they are chopped beautifully."

Li-An passes the wine bottle to Kyle. Kyle fills his glass. Anakin watches as the bottle is passed to Alex. Alex checks the label.

"Ohh, this is the good stuff! Kyle, you should see my dad's wine cellar. It's awesome."

Kris turns to his father.

"Can I have some wine while you go to the cellar?"

"No. Drink your milk."

"This is so unfair."

Li-An changes the dinner conversation.

"Cool shirt, Dad. It looks new."

"Thanks. It was a gift from your mother."

"It's rockin'!"

"She thinks I can't dress myself."

Isabel responds.

"Tell your father that a simple 'thank-you' would have been nice."

"I'm wearing it. Isn't that 'thank-you' enough?" He grabs the bottle of wine from Kyle. "Haven't you had enough? My son needs a sober master."

"Yes, Sir."

"So, Kris, how was your training today?"

"Okay. Kyle taught me some battle techniques…can I try some wine?"

"No. We've got to figure out how you'll spend your summer when school is out."

"Oooh, my friends are going to Wartaki Beach. Can I go too, Dad?"

"Oh, must I remind you that you're still grounded?"

"Really? Through summer too?"

"It's no picnic for me either but you need to have a learning moment."

"I don't want to be stuck in the house all summer."

"Oh, you won't be…you're going to Tatooine to stay with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru."

"What? Mum! Please, anything but that! Can I have some wine? I need to calm down."

Isabel and Anakin respond.

"No!"

"I'm telling Dr. Melfi you're sending me to child labor."

Isabel looks across the table at Anakin as she speaks.

"Relax, Kris. Your father and I need to discuss this first. Nothing has been decided. Right, Anakin?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Anakin gulps down his wine.

Kris s relieved that his mother has intervened. His spirits are up for the moment.

"What's for dessert, Mum?"

Anakin is looking forward to Sunday dinner. These intimate weekday dinners leave him vulnerable and there is no one to force choke.

'_**Sessions with Yoda – A House Call'**_

Isabel is calling Anakin to hurry up. She secures the earring in her right ear.

"Anakin, we're going to be late. Come on."

"I'm coming! We're probably his only appointment. He's in no hurry. I don't know why we have to sit here and be grilled by him again. We're adults. We can work this out on our own."

Anakin comes downstairs. He adjusts the cuffs of his dress shirt. His dark blue designer suit displays his excellent physique. Isabel runs back upstairs when the doorbell rings. Anakin calls her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to change my shoes. Go get the door."

There is an annoying tapping noise on the front door. It does not stop. Anakin storms towards the foyer to get the door.

"Who the hell is stopping by this time of the day? I don't believe this. Old senile bastard! I'm coming already! Stop knocking on the _'effing'_ door!"

He opens the door. Isabel comes downstairs and stands with Anakin as the visitor enters the house. There is a 'click-clack' sound on the floor. The visitor stops and looks up at Anakin.

"Take so long you do to answer door."

"What are you doing here? We were on our way to the Jedi Temple." Anakin examines the door for damage.

"House call better. Many distractions at Jedi Temple." The gimmer stick clicks against the marble floor again. Isabel smiles.

"How are you, Master Yoda?"

"Rest I need. Long trip to Skywalker home."

"Please, come in and sit down."

"Okay, proceed with your counseling we must."

Master Yoda sits with the beleaguered couple and prepares to counsel them. Isabel and Anakin anticipate his first words of advice. The aged Jedi Master appears to be in deep meditation. Anakin stares then rubs his forehead. The Dark Lord feels a headache coming on as he and his wife wait. Isabel crosses her legs and lets her shoe dangle from her foot. They hear snoring. A smile creeps across Anakin's face.

"I don't _'effing'_ believe this. Hey! Papa Smurf…wake up!" Anakin snaps his fingers.

Master Yoda opens one eye and then whacks Anakin on the hand with the gimmer stick.

"Respect for your elders you must!"

"Hey! Listen, are you going to counsel us or can we tend to other things? You're dozing off."

"Respect your wife you must. A sacred pact Marriage is."

"Yeah, yeah…I remember. Listen, we got dressed up to meet with you at the Jedi Temple, so, could you speed this along? Please?"

Isabel leans over to speak to Master Yoda.

"Would you like some tea, Master Yoda?"

"Tea…mmmmm…would be nice…yes..."

"I'll be right back."

Anakin stands and speaks to Master Yoda.

"Excuse me." He storms into the kitchen. Isabel presses the automatic tea dispenser. The hot liquid fills the silver teapot. "Bel, have you lost your mind? There's no time for tea and biscuits!"

"It's called hospitality."

"It's called insanity. It's not an _'effing'_ Bimmisaari tea social."

"Are you calling me crazy?"

"No."

"Place the tea on the tray. You need to watch your language! She slaps him on the shoulder with the biscuit tongs."

"Ouch! Will you stop? All I'm saying is…" He places the lid on the teapot. "This is not good."

They return to the living room. Yoda sips the tea and munches on a teacake. Anakin watches in horror as crumbs drop onto the newly reupholstered ottoman.

"Sooo…Master Yoda, you came to provide counseling for us?"

Yoda chews a bit before responding.

"Why fight with wife?"

"I run a peaceful household. She never does what I ask…oops."

Isabel gives Anakin a dirty look. Yoda turns to Isabel while giving Anakin a look of disapproval.

"Okay, Isabel, What most annoys you about this one?"

Yoda points to Anakin with his gimmer stick. This annoys Anakin so much that he imagines grabbing the stick and snapping it in two. Isabel expresses her grievances.

"You want to know what bugs me about him? He spends all of his time in that den playing Sabacc, pod race gambling, and other nonsense…"

Anakin interrupts.

"I tried to get you interested in sports…"

"Gambling is not a sport!" She continues her rant. "Master Yoda, he leaves me to deal with that impossible father of his, and he never helps with the children."

This renders Anakin speechless. He feels emotionally wounded by her remarks. Yoda listens intently then ponders for a moment. He looks over at Anakin and laughs quietly.

"She's got you there…hehhehheh…hmmmm."

"Oh, so you're going to gang up on me, hey?"

Yoda leans on the handle of his gimmer stick, sighs for a moment, then points to Anakin.

"Do you love your wife?"

"Of course I love my wife. That's a stupid question!" Anakin calms down as he realizes his anger is getting in the way of progress. His anger turns into contrition. "What must I do, Master Yoda?"

Yoda looks at Isabel but he is still pointing to Anakin.

"Do you love this miserable creature?"

"I never stopped loving my husband. I don't like him sometimes but I still love him."

"Hmmmm … long time can take in counseling to fix what is broken in your marriage." Master Yoda reaches for another tea cake. Anakin notices this as more crumbs spill on the furniture and floor.

"What if Isabel packs you a box of tea cakes?"

"Hmmmm…Stand…Hold hands."

Anakin and Isabel hold hands. They wait for further instruction. Yoda stands and hits Anakin in the shins again.

"Oww! What is your problem?" He moves closer to his wife. Yoda rolls his eyes.

"Mind what you have learned. Save your marriage, it can. Marriage is what dreams are made." Yoda looks up at them. "Still cakes I get?"

"Uhm…sure."

"Okay. I declare your marriage saved."

"That's it?"

"Yes. Soon will I rest. Return to the Jedi Temple I will. Earned it, I have. Twilight is upon me."

"You're not going there to die in my house, are you?"

"No! Rush hour traffic back to town…twilight it will be when I get back. This fancy neighborhood you live…too far from town it is. Over 900 years am I."

Anakin is eager to usher the old Jedi master out of the house.

"Yeah, well let's get you on your way before your heart gives out. Don't forget your cookies."

Isabel hands Master Yoda a pastry box filled with cakes. Anakin sends him off in an express air taxi. Anakin returns to the house and closes the door. He looks at the clock.

"Kris won't be home for a few hours. It's just the two of us."

"Want to help me in the kitchen?"

"Oooh, kitchen privileges…" He wrings his hands like a lecherous man. The crumbs on the floor and ottoman suddenly distract him.

"Artoo could have been useful right now. He could be vacuuming this mess instead of gallivanting across the galaxy with Luke."

"Well, he's emancipated. He can come and go as he pleases. Anyway, we have a vacuum cleaner."

"All I'm saying is that he chose Luke over us."

"No…he chose Luke over you."

"Fine! You love getting in the last dig, don't you?"

"Are you going to help me in the kitchen or not?"

"Why don't we check out those new shoes you bought instead?"

"Okay, Mr. Shoe salesman."

"Are you going to make me earn my commission?"

"I sure am."

"Ooooh…"

Isabel leads her husband up the stairs.

'_**Thank You for Your Patronage, Mr. Skywalker'**_

**Late Afternoon -**

Kris arrives home from school. There is no Jedi training today. The house is quiet as he tosses his rucksack on the floor near the sofa.

"Mum, I'm home! Hello?"

Kris leaves the living room in search of his mother. He checks the kitchen. "Mum?" There is no sign of food preparation and no aromas of food cooking on the stove. There are no dinner rolls baking in the oven. Kris decides to check the den in search of his father.

"Dad?" He walks back through the living room sulking like a lost child. He stops at the foot of the staircase and looks up. He rolls his eyes then sighs heavily.

"Aww, man! They're not fighting anymore. I'm going to starve tonight." He whines. "I have nothing to eat."

Kris returns to the kitchen and grabs the phone from the wall panel. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Kyle taught him that. He presses some keys on the panel. A menu appears on the small plasma screen. He still has the phone as he casually walks back into the living room and plops on the sofa. He begins to speak into the receiver.

"Hi, I'd like two large Corellian pizzas delivered to 620 Faleen Hyper Drive…make one with the works and the other with munch-fungus…uhm…credit of course…Mr. Skywalker…yes…I'm fine, the troops are fine…Could you please throw some Rodian soda in that order?…uhm…Ewok cola and cherry fizz…you have that 15 minute delivery guarantee right? That's cool…You're very welcome. May the Force be with you too."

Kris ends the call and takes out his ePod and begins to play 'Clone Invaders' as he anticipates the delivery of a delicious, piping hot Mustafar-coal oven pizza. _'Papa Jabba's'_ is the biggest pizza chain on Coruscant. The order taker on the phone was so respectful. The Skywalker name has its advantages. Life is Good.


	28. Chapter 28 Dinner With My Father

_Chapter 28AE _

* * *

'_Dinner with My Father: Please Press '1' to Report Your Credit Card Lost or Stolen'_

'_Tub Wine'_

'_That Slippery Mustafar Lava Slope'_

'_Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night'_

* * *

Anakin heeds Master Yoda's advice and decides to set aside time at the end of the week to spend with Kris.

Anakin realizes he had better do something fast, especially after the pizza incident. The unauthorized use of the credit card and eating in the living room with his feet on the sofa is a part of the boy's descent on the slippery Mustafar slope.

During the _'great pizza rebellion'_, Anakin and Isabel are in bed talking. Anakin strokes his wife's hair as she recounts her visit with Doctor Melfi. They are laughing.

"So, tell me what happened."

"I just told the doctor what I thought she should know and she was fine with it."

"You told her about burning the old man? What did you tell her that for?"

"How is she going to help Kris if we're not honest with her?"

"True."

Isabel switches topics.

"Oh, do you remember a man sitting with us in the waiting room?

Anakin remembers but pretends he does not.

"I don't know…maybe…why?"

"He was yelling at the receptionist."

"Oh, that crazy-looking bug-eyed guy, all disheveled?"

"That's the one."

"Was he pissed?"

"Oh yeah…I think he recognized me…He went on a rant about people coming in without an appointment. I tried to slip out of that office as quickly as possible."

"Well, if he starts any crap next time, you let me know. I'll deal with that lunatic."

"Anakin, you're in enough trouble as it is. Anyway, I don't anticipate going there again. I don't need a therapist."

"What? You threatened to cut me."

"I did not."

"You had that _'I'll cut you'_ look in your eyes."

They laugh. Isabel sits up in bed and pours some tea from the tea service used earlier during Master Yoda's visit. She glances at the clock on the night table. Anakin furrows his eyebrows and wrinkles his nose...

"Do you smell food?"

Isabel puts the teapot back on the tray and panics.

"Oh, God! The time! I need to start dinner."

They scramble out of bed and hurry to shower. Meanwhile, Kris is no longer alone downstairs.

Alex arrives home and immediately prepares to enjoy a hot meal.

"Alright! Pizza! Mum and Dad finally kissed and made up, eh?"

"Yeah…I don't know if I should be emotionally scarred from neglect or happy that I'm not the product of a broken home."

"A little bit of both probably…Heh-heh…so…where did you get pizza money, kid?"

"I have my sources." He hands his brother a beverage. "Rodian cola?"

"Sure!" A few moments later, they hear footsteps. Anakin lumbers down to the living room and walks over to the sofa.

"Who said you could order pizza?"

Kris stops chewing.

"There was no dinner."

"Oh, okay."

"Want a slice?"

"Yeah…feet off the sofa."

"Want a Rodian soda, Dad?"

"God no! I'm going to get a bottle of wine." Anakin gets up to retrieve a bottle of wine. Kris calls him from the living room.

"Oh, dad, your wine is bad. I tried it and it was yucky. Good thing I had Rodian soda to get the taste out of my mouth. I dumped the bottle down the drain. You should get your money back." Anakin's youngest is so proud of himself. He has no idea what he has done.

Anakin sees the empty bottle in the sink before Kris finishes talking. The last of the red liquid is now a dried stain in the sink. Eighty-five credits is now flowing though the Coruscant drainage system. Anakin taps his fingers on the kitchen counter as he counts to ten. He looks at the label of the 36-year-old bottle of Corellian Bela Vistal Bordeaux and whispers to himself.

"I'm going to kill him."

'_**The Commitment'**_

It is sometime in the afternoon at the end of the week when Anakin picks up Kris at the Jedi Temple. Kris stands at the bottom of the steps. Anakin beeps the horn to the speeder. Kris grabs his rucksack and walks to the vehicle.

Anakin watches as his son tosses the rucksack in the backseat. A Jedi robe is stuffed inside the rucksack. Anakin speaks as Kris opens the front passenger door.

"Hello, "Mr. Skywalker."

Kris rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Hi, Dad."

"Where's your Jedi robe, Mr. Skywalker?'

"In my bag. I'm not wearing it to dinner."

"You're the boss."

"Are we going to keep this up for the rest of my life?"

"As long as it takes, boss. You're the one with the credit card."

They arrive at headquarters. Kris figures this cannot be good. He has not been at headquarters since the big commotion involving Admiral Zarin. Kris and his father take the elevator to the Imperial Executive Dining Room. The maître D' Raine Jir escorts the father and son to Anakin's favorite table. He is overly ingratiating and fidgety.

"Good afternoon, my Lord…" He notices Kris. "Young man." He turns to Anakin. "I will have the waiter tend to you immediately."

"Thank you."

They sit quietly as a waiter arrives to recite the specials.

"Good afternoon, My Lord. My name is Pierre and I will be your waiter this evening. Would you like to hear about our specials? We have an Okikuti bass sautéed in a green butter white wine reduction sauce, Shaak rib-eye with sliced munch-fungus and peppers…a refreshing winter green salad…" Anakin stops him.

"Give us a few minutes." Anakin looks across the table at Kris. He is beaming like a proud father. "Well! Here we are."

Kris looks around at the officers dining nearby. He is not impressed.

"Yeah."

"See anything on the menu you like?"

"No. Just a lot of fancy food I can't pronounce."

"There's a youngling menu available but I thought perhaps you had grown out of that."

"I guess."

"Why aren't you showing more enthusiasm?"

"It's stuffy in here and I don't like the way those officers are staring at me."

"We can move to the other private dining room."

"No…it's okay…"

"I remember when you were a baby; you cried every time your mother brought you up here. The officers hated hearing a screaming baby. You were a handful."

"Looks like they still hate me." Kris takes a sip from his water glass.

"No one can ever hate you." Anakin reaches across the table and tousles his son's hair.

"They do." He nods in the direction of the dining naval officers.

There is a long silence. Anakin tries to makes another attempt at conversation.

"Where did you get that t-shirt?"

"At the Astromech Arcade Diner."

"Oh, they sell t-shirts?"

"Yeah, it's a collector's shirt."

"I see. You wear that shirt a lot. Does that thing ever get cleaned?"

"I give it to Mum to wash each week."

Anakin slaps himself on the forehead. He now comes to the realization that he is failing as a father.

"Oh geez…Yoda begged me to talk to you."

"I have an extra one."

Anakin looks around the dining room. It is dark and gloomy. The background music is not exactly something to tap your foot to; and the burgundy-colored velvet drapes look too austere for a father and son get-together.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

The younger Skywalker's eyes light up.

"You serious?"

"Yeah…come on."

The maître D' panics and follows them as they leave the table.

"Is there something wrong my Lord?" He blocks Anakin from exiting. "If the waiter was too slow, I'll replace him straight away."

"No. We're done here. Thank you."

"But, my Lord…"

"Excuse me." Anakin sweeps pass the maître D' with Kris in tow.

The befuddled headwaiter nervously watches as Anakin exits the dining room. He turns helplessly to the other wait staff. The officers at the surrounding tables watch with no great interest. "We're all going to die!" The maître D' promptly faints as several naval officers are preparing to eat their dinner.

'_**That Tall Darth Dark Lord Sure Plays a Mean Fuse-ball'**_

Twenty minutes later father and son are sitting at an oval table. Multi-colored strobes flash across the room. Moog synthesizer music pulses through the place. Kris is slurping through a straw the last of a beebleberry malted. Anakin watches patiently. The slurping stops. Anakin points to the empty 32-ounce cup.

"You want another one of those?"

"No, I'm done. You should try one, Dad."

"I'm good." Anakin has not finished the Super Gonzo shaak burger deluxe in the neon blue serving basket. The gravy has since seeped into the fries and the hijiki salad is untouched. He pushes his plate away. Kris has ordered the Astromech Special burger with the works and Gonzo cheese fries. The excess cheese congeals on the fried potatoes. It resembles the brightly colored milk glue used in youngling school projects. Kris has a voracious appetite for his small frame.

Anakin looks around at all the kids playing arcade games. The strong pulsing lights make him wonder why none of the youths has passed out from a seizure. Kris sits quietly at the edge of the seat inside the booth. He looks as if he is about to leave. Anakin notices.

"Are you anxious to go someplace?"

"Umm…I usually play a couple of games."

"Is this where you spend your time after training at the Jedi Temple with 'Master Dummy'? "

"Who? Oh, Kyle." Kris smiles sheepishly. "He doesn't come here…that much."

"I bet. So, are you any good?"

"I hold my own. I scored 155 million points to date…wanna play?"

"I'll just watch you waste away 25 percent of your life."

They walk over to an available machine. Anakin watches as Kris inserts a data card and begins playing. Kris scores and additional 750 thousand points before his value on the card is zero. Anakin notices that the other players must also replace value on their cards. Kris throws up his arms in frustration.

"Aw man! I was almost at 160 million points!"

Anakin goes to the vending machine to refill his son's card. He notices a man sitting at a counter near the bank of machines. The sign on the counter reads 'Customer Service: No Refunds'. Anakin walks around the front.

"Excuse me."

The scruffy looking man at the counter is flipping through a magazine. The nameplate on his shirt pocket reads "Nat _'the Spider'_ Wuher." He has several tattoos on his arms and neck. His hair is unruly with some sort of hair gel on it. Nat glances up periodically at a plasma screen anchored above the counter. Anakin stands in front of the attendant and places his hand over the magazine _'Millennium Hot Bodies'_.

"Hey! Gnat!"

The attendant sighs then, without looking up, he responds in a monotone voice. It becomes clear that he has repeated this to the customers on a daily basis. Nat points to the sign on the counter.

"The data card machine is working. No refunds. Stop tampering with the slider."

Kris calls his father. "

"Dad? I need my datacard or I'll lose my points."

"One minute, Kris, Daddy's trying to talk to the nice man."

A few of the young gamers overhear this and giggle. Kris blushes. He cannot believe his father has embarrassed him this way. After all, he is no longer a baby.

Anakin realizes that the attendant does not immediately recognize him. Anakin is trying his best to contain his anger. He is supposed to be setting an example of patience and calm negotiation. Suddenly the plasma turns black. The attendant reaches for the remote to restore the picture. The remote flies out of his grasp and into Anakin's hand. The attendant looks stunned.

"What the…"

"Gnat, I need your undivided attention."

"What?"

"Don't you think it's dishonest that these kids pay have to pay 1 credit for three minutes of play?"

"Not my problem, Buddy."

No one has ever referred to the Dark Lord as _'Buddy'_ and no one will, ever again. He could teach the attendant a lesson but this is supposed to be a quality time father and son night. On the other hand, someone needs to learn some respect.

Anakin returns to the arcade game that Kris is playing and hands him the card. He tosses a ripped up magazine into the trash bin.

"Here's your card. You can play now."

Anakin's demeanor is upbeat, a big change from several minutes ago. Kris thinks it is just part of Anakin's new and improved parenting style. Kris resumes his game. He is happily playing as his father stands at his side. Kris turns to his father.

"Dad, sure you don't wanna play a game?"

"I'm sure."

"I'm hoping to win that Kashyyyk 3000 Jetboard. You need 600 million points to win."

Anakin glances up at the big prize hanging from the ceiling. Inter-galactic water surfing champion Wade Joben signed the brightly colored jetboard. The gamers have been competing for the prize for months without a winner. This is the unattainable prize of the year. The odds are against anyone who attempts to play to win. Anakin watches as the players spend every credit they have but never coming close. Kris fairs better than most but not by much. He has two credits left on his card and he is becoming frustrated. Anakin gently pushes his son aside and takes over the game controls.

"Kris, let me try this."

"No one ever wins. We'll be here all night and still not win."

"It's all how you play the game…" Anakin plays and scores 450 million points with one credit left to play on the datacard. A crowd begins to form around the game console as Anakin continues to rack up points.

The surly attendant is throwing a tantrum when he sees the crowds forming. Players are racking up points on every game in the arcade. The attendant decides he had better return to his seat before the Dark Lord comes after him again.

Returning home is another adventure. The father and son make their way from the parking bay and to the terrace.

"So, you had a good time?"

"Yeah…but you didn't have to take over the game."

"But look what you won!"

"You raked up the 600 million points. Leave me a little dignity, Dad."

"You weren't going to make it without me."

"I was close."

"Yeah…right."

"Nat was awfully pissed when everyone was racking up points without refilling their datacards."

"I know. He was pissing me off; I had to teach him a lesson. Don't tell your mother."

"He'll never call you 'buddy' again, that's for sure."

"I guess not."

"He was so polite to you when we left, _'Yes, Mr. Skywalker…Goodnight Mr. Skywalker'_… that was funny."

Anakin hoists the jetboard and carries it through the trellis.

"Let's get this thing around the back before your mother sees it."

Father and son are not alone.

"Where have you two been all night?"

Isabel stands in the doorway of the dayroom. Anakin's attempt to sneak the jetboard around the back of the house fails. He whispers to himself.

"Oh, _sith_!" He turns to his wife and flashes his charming smile but he knows he is in for an earful. "Uhm…oh, hi, Honey."

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Late?"

"I tried calling you."

"Hey, I spent quality time with my son. You're going to nag me now?"

"Kris has to go to do chores in the morning."

"Hey, it's a Saturday, let him sleep in tomorrow."

"What's that?" She points to the large shadowy object he is carrying.

"Uhm…guy stuff." He waves his hand in her face to apply the Jedi mind trick. "You're tired. You should go to bed."

"Yes, I'm tired. I'm wondering why my twelve year old isn't home and in bed."

Kris smiles.

"It's not working, Dad."

"Isabel, just let me put this thing in the back and we'll talk in the morning."

"Who are you hiding it from? I know you have it."

"Oh." Anakin sets it on the terrace then enters the house through the dayroom sliding door. Kris follows him inside. Isabel watches them as she locks the door.

"Go upstairs and brush your teeth."

"Will you stop stalking to me as if I'm a child?"

Kris interrupts. "She's talking to me, Dad."

"Oh. Good. Listen to your mother."

"Goodnight, Mum."

"Goodnight, sweetie." Isabel kisses Kris on the forehead. "Take a shower before you get into bed."

"I'm tired."

"Utilize the energy that you were planning to use to hide that jetboard behind the house."

"Aw, man…"

As Kris heads up the stairs, Isabel looks at Anakin. He feels her staring at him as he is about to go upstairs.

"What?"

"You didn't do much talking, did you?"

"It slipped my mind, okay?"

"You were supposed to have a talk. Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah…we did. We ate bad food and played arcade games. It was fun."

"Good."

"I know. I'm a good father."

"You are. Thank you."

"So, you want to …you know…" He gives her a sly wink.

"Not after you ignored my phone calls. Would it have killed you to keep your phone on? I was worried."

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"Oh, jeez, here we go! Qui-Gon didn't do you any favors by making you immune to Jedi mind tricks. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. Things are going to change around this house."

"Good luck with that."

"That diner food is repeating on me. Do we have anything for heartburn?"

"Oh, you still have a heart in there?" Isabel playfully taps her fist against his chest.

"Very funny."

"All you need now is a brain."

They go upstairs to bed.


	29. Chapter 29 Early Arrivals

_Chapter 29AE _

'_Early Arrivals'_

'_Shower Your Pain'_

'_Return of the Planner'_

'_The Granddaddy of All Siths'_

* * *

Anakin and Kris have been spending more time together. Doctor Melfi sees a great improvement in the relationship. She praises Anakin for the time he sacrifices for his son. Anakin has another reason for spending time outside the house.

There are guests in the Skywalker home, several of them. This requires stealth Jedi movement to avoid said parties.

Anakin is sneaking out the back door. Kris trails behind as he struggles to slip into his remaining hiking boot. He is trying to keep up with his father.

"Dad, what's the hurry?"

"Come on! It's going to be scary in a few minutes."

"But, Dad…"

"Kris, I am your father. You have to trust me on this."

"Okay…"

The two walk pass the terrace when a familiar voice heads to the door.

"Oh, they're still here. They're on the terrace."

Anakin increases his pace when he hears the voice growing closer.

"Daddy! Where are you going? Come in and say hello to everyone."

Kris whispers to his father.

"So, this is why you're running for the hills?"

"Shhh! I was not running away…" Anakin feigns a smile then walks back to the house and stands at the day room door. "Hey Leia, how are you, sweet pea?"

"Daddy, Oma and Opa are here from Naboo. Come in and say 'Hello."

"Oh…they are, eh? I was just taking your little brother out for some quality time."

"I'm sure he won't be permanently traumatized if he misses a day with you. He might welcome the break."

Anakin walks inside and follows Leia into the living room. He looks around the room at the guests. His former in-laws are sitting on the sofa. Jobal and Ruwee appear refreshed from their recent holiday on Yavin4.

"Jobal, Ruwee, hello. What a surprise."

"Hello, Anakin. "The two men shake hands.

"What brings you here?"

"We're here for Leia's baby shower."

"Oh! Ummh…Where are you staying?"

"Well…"

Leia responds.

"They're staying with me and Han, Daddy."

"Oh! That's great! They have a lovely place way across town." Anakin gestures with his hand to demonstrate the distance to the Solo home. He suddenly tones down his enthusiasm. "That's nice."

Isabel interrupts.

"But we're having dinner tonight, so Anakin, you'll have to be home by 6pm."

"Uhhh…oh…." Anakin is about to make an excuse but he sees the look on Isabel's face and stops himself. He already has a reprieve from the Naberrie's. He figures he should be grateful. "Sounds great, honey. Well, I'm going to take my son for our bonding time…I'll uhmmm see you later. Have fun at the shower!"

Anakin quickly ushers Kris out of the house to the speeder.

"Boy, you dodged that bullet, eh, Dad?"

"Hurry up before they call us back."

"Where are we going, Dad?"

"Let's increase our score at the arcade."

"As long as we're back by six or Mum will be mad."

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Skywalker."

They get into the speeder and head downtown.

After spending a few hours in town, Anakin and Kris return home. They are storing another prize in the back of the house before sneaking to the front door. They enter the foyer. Anakin hears Ruwee Naberrie's booming voice in the living room.

"Isabel, you must get back to Naboo."

"We'll see. We have to decide what to do with our youngest for the summer."

"Oh? Where is he?"

Isabel hears Anakin's voice in the foyer.

"He's coming in as we speak. Hi, sweetie. You remember Mr. and Mrs. Naberrie"

Kris stops in the entranceway to the living room. Jobal and Ruwee have their eyes on him.

"Uhm…yes. Hello." He nods politely.

Jobal smiles.

"Oh, Isabel, he's adorable. He reminds me of Luke when he was twelve."

Isabel smiles adoringly at her youngest child.

"Kris, did you have a good afternoon with your father?"

"Sure. It was cool."

Isabel explains to Jobal and Ruwee.

"Anakin is spending some quality time with Kris. The Jedi council thought Kris was lacking a positive role model outside of training."

Jobal chirps.

"Oh…so Anakin stepped in as a substitute?"

Isabel quickly changes the subject.

"Kris, why don't you go wash up for dinner?"

Kris gladly makes his exit and heads upstairs.

Anakin finally enters the living room. He takes a deep breath, and then puts on his "smiley face" for the Naberrie's.

"You're still here?"

Isabel stares at him.

"Anakin, Jobal and Ruwee are helping with Leia's baby shower."

Anakin throws up his hands.

"Well where's the element of surprise?"

Isabel speaks calmly but firmly to her husband.

"She should have a say in what she wants for her shower."

"Well, she is a control freak. I wonder where she gets that."

Isabel tries to usher Anakin out of the room before he says anything embarrassing.

"Why don't you go freshen up? We have guests for dinner."

Anakin is happy to leave the room.

"Oh, okay. I'll be back soon. Jobal, Ruwee…excuse me." He bows and then disappears upstairs.

After a quick shower and clean clothes, Anakin is almost ready to go downstairs. He stands in front of the mirror and adjusts the collar of his navy turtleneck sweater.

"Well, time to dine with the in-laws, Anakin. Be brave. Okay, let's get this nonsense over with once and for all."

Anakin heads downstairs. He hears Leia.

"I love this house but I don't think my father is ready for a big party here."

"It is a beautiful haus! But I promise you, I vill make your baby showa the envy oft der galaxy anywhere we have it. Achkay?"

Anakin stands frozen midway on the staircase. He knows this voice.

"Oh, hell no!"

Anakin ventures down the staircase to verify his suspicions. Standing beside Leia is that over-exuberant event planner. He wonders why the family keeps hiring this man. Before Anakin can say another word, Leia and her guest see him.

"Mr. Anakin Skyvalker! As I lift und brief! Such a langer time I haft seen you. Vust a delight! How are you? Come here! Gibt mich ein hug. "

"I'd rather not."

"Come on. Roulf vill not bite you!"

Leia commands her father.

"Daddy, give him a hug."

Anakin scowls as he is forced to get close to the smiling event planner. Roulf reaches out and gives the Dark Lord a hearty embrace. Anakin looks petrified. Leia stands back and smiles.

"Oh, how sweet."

Anakin abruptly pulls away.

"Enough! Where's my wife?"

"Dad, she's in the dayroom with Oma and Opa."

"No one tells me anything!" He storms out of the room. Isabel stops him as he enters the dayroom.

"Where are you going? Dinner is ready."

"Umm…can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Can it wait? We have company and dinner is ready."

"Not really."

"Are you serious? People are waiting. You look very nice. Stop sweating. Why are you breathing so heavily? Anakin, did you take your medication? You look stressed. Calm down, it's just family."

She pats his forehead then leads him into the dining room.

Anakin walks into the dining room and takes his place at the head of the table. All the people who torment him are present. He releases a heavy sigh. Someone is missing.

"Where is Kris?"

"Oh, I let him have dinner early. He doesn't need to be here with the adults."

"Then who's going to sit at the head of the table with me?"

"This is so wunderbar! I am sitting next to zuh imperial Gottväter!"

Anakin turns and watches as Roulf takes the seat at Anakin's right. At least the chair on his left is empty. Roulf grins ear to ear. Anakin rolls his eyes.

Just as he begins to say grace, another dinner guest hurries into the dining room and plops down in the empty chair.

"Sorry folks, thanks for waiting."

Leia is disappointed.

"Well, it's about time you showed up, Han. You're late."

"Hey, I'm sorry."

Anakin snorts sarcastically.

"I guess I should have expected you to show up."

"I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up."

"Great. Well, since you're late…say grace."

"Ummm…sure. " Han folds his hands and ponders for a moment before finding the right words. Leia's grandparents stare at him. "Don't expect too much. I'm not really into these hocus pocus religious rituals…"

"I'm losing my patience."

"Okay. Bless this table and save us from the forces of evil." Han opens an eye to steal a peek at the Dark Lord. Anakin stares back. Han continues. "Thanks for the chow, Amen."

"Some example you'll be as a parent."

"What? You're being judgmental."

"When I ask you to say grace, I was not expecting you to be stupid."

Isabel is embarrassed.

"Anakin!"

"Oh, please, everybody stop pretending to be shocked."

Roulf looks around the table then speaks to Anakin.

"You know, I would love to say grass."

"What?"

"Grass. What Han just said. I thought it was fah-bulous! Such a wunderful ritual. I remember many jahres ago ven I wast ein jungerkinder."

Anakin returns a blank stare.

"Good for you." He turns to Han. "Han, I want to apologize. You did a passable job."

"Gee, thanks."

Anakin starts to pay attention to Jobal and Ruwee.

"So, Ruwee, you're helping Leia and Han?"

"It's a special event, don't you think? We enjoy being great-grandparents…which is why I wish to propose a toast to Leia and Han."

Anakin joins the others in raising his glass. Ruwee continues to speak.

"To our dear Leia, Han. You are about to become parents. Thank you for allowing Jobal and me to participate in the planning of your baby shower. You cannot imagine how much this means to your grandmother and me. Cheers."

Everyone drinks. Anakin immediately refills his wine glass. Roulf claps his hands.

"Zat ist wunderful. It brinks a tear to Meine eye but not oft sadness but happiness…so, so happy! Ist wunderschön!"

Anakin zones out the dining room chatter as the wine slowly enters his bloodstream. He is careful not to appear overtly inebriated or else there will be hell to pay later on. He does not want to hear about how thrilling it is to be a great grandfather again from Ruwee. Anakin does not want to hear anything with the words "grand" "father" or "babies". And if that Roulf does not shut that garbled trap of his, Anakin will fear the dark side will come out to handle matters. This will not be pretty. Anakin cringes when he hears the dreaded words drop from his wife's lips.

"So Ruwee, Anakin is going to be a grandfather for the first time. Do you have any words of advice for him?"

Ruwee raises the wine glass to his lips then ponders for a moment.

"Well, he should prepare to sacrifice his time to the two new younglings due to grace this home."

Leia almost spits out the pera juice she is drinking.

"That's going to be a tall order, Opa. Daddy does not do sacrifice well."

Han seconds this.

"You can say that again."

Anakin takes issue with this remark.

"Excuse me. I sacrificed a lot in my life. Don't tell me what I don't do well."

"Daddy, calm down. It's not a big deal. The twins will love you either way." Leia sees the servant arrive with food. "The first course is here. Enjoy your dinner."

Anakin responds sarcastically.

"Enjoy dinner…hmmm…if only…" Anakin sees Isabel giving him the stink eye from across the table. He quickly changes his comments. "Ah! Dinner…the most delightful time of the day where I'm surrounded by family and people…Isabel, you're looking at me as if I'm the most handsome man at the table." Anakin flashes a charming smile to his wife as the servant serves him his steak. "This looks delicious I hope everyone enjoys the meal. Isabel has slaved over a hot stove all afternoon."

Isabel responds in a firm but charming voice. She wants him to be quiet.

"Anakin, your food is getting cold."

"Yes, ma'm, Mrs. Skywalker, I'm getting ready to dig in right now. You're the boss. Bon appétit, everyone!"

Roulf smiles gleefully.

"It looks and smells marvelous! Guten Appetit, everyone! Bravo!" He waits for cheers from everyone but none comes.

Han whispers to Leia.

"Okay, now I see why your Dad is about to blow a gasket. For once he's not giving me the hairy eyeball."

"We might lose an event planner."

"Better him than me!"

Leia whispers back.

"Keep your head down and keep eating, you'll be fine."

Han swallows a forkful of food.

"Dinner is great." He gestures with a thumbs up.

Anakin makes it through dinner and barely tolerable table conversation. Anakin slices a large piece of cake and ice cream just as coffee and dessert are served. Jobal asks for Bimmisaari tea and Isabel steps away to get it. Anakin waits until Isabel is out of sight. He bows to Ruwee and the others.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to spend some quality time with my youngest."

Leia is annoyed.

"Daddy!"

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"We have company."

"Your little brother is having a difficult time right now. I should be with him. Ruwee, Jobal, you understand."

Ruwee nods in agreement.

"Oh, of course, Anakin. We understand completely."

Anakin winks.

"See? Ruwee understands." Anakin snaps his fingers and points to Mr. Naberrie. "Enjoy the rest of the evening everyone."

Anakin disappears upstairs.

Isabel returns with the tea.

"Where's your father?"

Meanwhile, upstairs Anakin is in Kris's room on the bed. The two are eating ice cream and cake while playing holovid game _'Space Pirates of the Galaxy.'_

"You need a game upgrade. What version is this?"

"It's 7.2.3. I'm on punishment, remember? I'm not even supposed to be playing."

"Who made that rule?" Anakin presses his controller and scores some more points on the game.

"You and Mum did."

"What were we thinking? You poor kid!"

"Are you alright, Dad?"

"Yeah…but I couldn't take one more moment of that marble mouth event planner and then your sister is downstairs giving me the stink eye."

"Leia gives everyone the stink eye. You sure you're not freaking out becoming a grandfa-"

"Ack! "

"Gran-"

"Ack!"

"Are you …heh heh heh…come on, let me say it!" There is a gleeful expression on his face. Anakin stares him down.

"Keep it up; you'll be on punishment until you leave the Academy."

"Don't freak out, Dad, their just babies."

"Eat your ice cream."

"Can I have the rest of your cake?"

"Don't push it."

"Okay, Grandda-"

Anakin quickly surrenders his cake to Kris.

"Eat up!"


	30. Chapter 30 Labour Day

_Chapter 30AE _

'_Labour Days – It's No Holiday'_

'_My Speeder Is No Delivery Vehicle'_

'_Sessions…The Long Version'_

'_I Sensed that This Would Happen'_

'_The Granddaddy of All Siths'_

'_Imperial Rehab'_

* * *

The Skywalker home is at peace once again. Anakin tries to stay away from the Naberrie's while they are visiting Coruscant City. It is just as well; he has his scheduled father-son sessions with Kris. There is also the update from the therapist Dr. Melfi.

Anakin does not have the burden of old Palpatine on his shoulders now that the old Sith has a part-time job tormenting shoppers at the mall. Anakin's view is, _'Not my problem'_.

The morning is a good time to stop by the Coruscant Rehabilitation Centre formerly named the EmPal SuRecon Center, where Admiral Demetrius Zaarin is continuing his recuperation.

The Imperial entourage marches through the corridor of the critical care therapy wing. Nurses and staff clear the way as the Dark Lord and his officers walk to the room. Before they enter the room, Lieutenant Daine Jir reminds him of something.

"My Lord, is this a good idea? I mean, in light of the lawsuit and all…"

"Lawsuits don't concern me, Lieutenant."

The lieutenant is referring to the pending lawsuit brought on because of the _"incident"_ months before. The Dark Lord does not appear concerned especially after the last visit while Admiral was in the hospital intensive care unit. A warning sign on the door reads, _"No Flowers while Oxygen is In Use."_

Anakin catches Zaarin "awake" from his coma. The Admiral's nose wrinkles at the strong scent of the bouquet.

The "big faker" Anakin growls under his breath as he watches Zaarin. The Admiral closes his eyes pretending to be asleep. Anakin waves his hand upon leaving the room. The bed suddenly malfunctions and closes in on itself folding Zaarin in half. Nurses hurry into the room after hearing his pitiful cries for help. Anakin is already downstairs in the lobby on his way to his speeder.

"Big Fat Liar" indeed.

Now, on the morning of this _'follow-up'_ visit, Anakin finds Zaarin practicing his mobility therapy on the parallel bars. A burly attendant spots the recovering Admiral but he is distracted by the presence of the Dark Lord and the entourage that accompanies him. The other physical therapy technicians take notice but do not attempt to move in to stop the Dark Lord. One other burly attendant enters the room chewing on what were the last few bites of his lunch. The deep-set dimples in his cherubic cheeks appear to open and close as he chews. His name is Tiny. The therapist guiding Zaarin along the bar exercise wears a badge with the name Tomo.

Tomo watches Anakin approach the bars. Zaarin suddenly behaves like a fearful child. There is a wide grin on the Dark Lord's face.

"Hey…AZ! Look at you! First steps. I'm impressed, you old buzzard! In a few weeks, you'll be performing on the Galaxies stage. So, how the hell are you?"

"I'm fine…considering…"

"You keep it up. You'll be strong as a gundark the next time I visit."

"Oh, you don't have to do that, my Lord. You're a busy man."

"But I want to visit you. See? I'm interested in your progress. I want you back to your former self. Trust me; I am concerned about my officers. I won't stay long because I know that you need to complete your P.T. session…but I'll have my eye on you. Okay?" Anakin slaps Zaarin hard on the back. The Admiral losses his balance at the bars. Anakin catches him and then leans in close to whisper in his ear. "I know you're faking it. You think you're going to sue me successfully? I recommend you work on a miracle recovery. Atta boy!" Anakin pats his face. You take care now, eh?"

Tiny and the other attendant, Tomo watch as the Dark Lord makes his exit. A female nurse stands between them looks on as Anakin and his entourage leaves.

"Who is that cloaked man?"

A voiceover coming from no place in particular utters the following reply:

"_The cruiser with the speed of a light saber, a cloud of Tatooine dust and a hearty "Hi-yo May the Force be with you" - the Darth Vader!_

The familiar march can be heard in the distance. Rhythmic, thunderous footsteps of the entourage echo through the corridor.

Outside the hospital entrance, Lieutenant Daine Jir opens the door of the black stretch speeder. He stands at attention as he waits for the Dark Lord to step inside the vehicle.

"Will you be returning to headquarters, my Lord?

"No. I have to see someone. Take me to the university complex."

"The university complex? Are you sure?"

"Did I ask you advice, Lieutenant?"

"No, my Lord."

Several minutes later, the limousine pulls to a stop in front of the Coruscant Medical Arts Building. Anakin walks through the sliding doors.

Doctor Melfi swore she would never take on any more patients, especially the one coming to her office today. On the other hand, she feels a sense of duty to the Coruscant community as a whole. She stares at the flashing light on the telephone console. She can no longer hold off the patient waiting outside. She prepares herself, if only for the sake of Carol the receptionist. Poor Carol, sitting at the front desk putting up with difficult patients. Doctor Melfi is intrigued by what this session would bring.

The good doctor stands beside her desk and glances across the room at the Dark Lord as he lies on the white leather chaise.

"Hey, Doc, what are you doing all the way over there? Time is a-wasting."

"Mr. Skywalker, just because you have an appointment does not entitle you to storm in here before I am ready to see you."

"So?"

"Do you even understand the idea of the "waiting area?"

"Actually, no I don't. Why should I wait when I have important issues to discuss?"

"I need you to respect my secretary when she asks you to be seated in the waiting area; and I want you to wait until 1 come for you."

Anakin stands and paces across the room.

"Are we going to waste time arguing? I'm in crisis. I could be out of here by the time you finish giving me a tongue lashing."

Melfi glances at her watch.

"Point taken. Have a seat."

Anakin lies back on the plush chaise. The doctor takes her usual place in the armchair across the room. There is a drinking glass on the small table beside her. Anakin is quick to notice.

"You're drinking a bit early, aren't you, Doc? That had better be water."

What I drink is none of your business."

"I hope you're not boozing it up when my son is here."

"No, just you."

"You and Obi-Wan would get on well together at happy hour."

"Ah, yes. He used to be your master in your youth."

"Yeah, you remembered."

"I do. Poor man."

"Okay, enough about him. Let's discuss me."

"Okay. Let's do that. How is your 'father and son time' with Kris?"

"I thought this was going to be about me…oh." Anakin remembers the reason he is there. It is time to sound like a concerned parent. He rephrases his answer. He will get back to his issues in a moment. We're doing just fine."

"Is he learning anything?"

"Sure. We went to the Galaxy's Arcade recently. He learned the value of 10 credits, especially when it comes to using those machines. What a rip-off."

"Bullying the arcade attendants now are we? Mr. Skywalker, shaking down honest, hardworking people is not what you're supposed to be teaching your son. The incident at the Imperial Headquarters was supposed to inspire a teachable moment."

"Yeah, you stick to that theory, Doc. I'll decide what a teachable moment is and what is not."

"Perhaps your wife can add balance to these moments with your son."

"What's she going to do?"

"Well, she is Kris' mother. I want her to spend some alone time with Kris. She can surely bring a new perspective to this situation. The parent/child relationship should also involve the mother. She can help him understand the repercussions for his actions."

"Oh, Geez! Listen, Doc, all Isabel needs to do is to provide food and clean clothing for our son. I'll be responsible for the discipline and teachable moments."

"I don't see any positive results, Mr. Skywalker. Let's try things my way for awhile. We'll bring Kris in after a few weeks and see how things progress. After that, I want to meet with you and Mrs. Skywalker together."

There is a long silence. The Force is strong with this woman. Anakin cannot break her. A woman with a degree and a lightsaber is a terrible combination. He has to make her change her mind about involving Isabel in Kris' therapy. _'Think…think…'_

"I've got to tell you, Doc, she's trying my patience. Let's not throw her into the mix. She'll get all emotional. It's counterproductive."

Doctor Melfi folds her hands on her lap.

"Oh? What happened this time?"

"I made one innocent comment and she turns it into an intergalactic incident."

Care to elaborate?"

"No, I don't care to elaborate. You women twist things around…eghh!" He rolls his eyes and tries to start over. "Sorry, I didn't mean to insult you. You're a fine person. Why do chicks always dig up old history?"

"Why do you keep digging your own grave? I gave you the opportunity to stop talking but you can't seem to help yourself."

"Okay, it's like this…She accused me of lying while I was dating her."

"Were you? About what pray tell?"

"You're going to pull this out of me, aren't you?"

"You volunteered. I'm just trying to figure out where you're going with this."

"Fine! She got mad because I told her she was a lousy driver and she said I never told her that while we were dating."

"What did you say?"

"All I said was, 'If people didn't lie while they were courting, there would be no marriages."

"Do you believe all couples lie before marriage?"

"Sure they do! No one wants the truth."

"You really believe that?"

"You say that as if it were a bad thing."

"It is a bad thing. That is no way to start a relationship. I'm going to regret asking this but how did the argument start?"

"Isabel wanted to drive my in-laws…excuse me…'_former_ 'in-laws… are visiting from Naboo because my eldest daughter is having twins."

"Oh, that's wonderful! Congratulations, you're going to be a grandfather."

Anakin stops speaking. He stares at the doctor as if she had just told him he had a dreaded disease. Doctor Melfi senses this but pretends not to notice. She refuses to indulge him.

"Why do you have to be so hurtful? Where's your bedside manner?"

"Don't you want to see your in-laws? I think it's nice. What's wrong with a little company? Your house is almost empty save for Ana-Lena and Kris."

"I like company just fine…as long as they don't come to visit."

"Now, Anakin, you know you don't believe that."

"Are you going to take my side or what?"

"I'm neutral. Look at me as just an observer. There are no judgments here."

"Get the_ 'eff' _outta here. You're judging me right now."

"What is troubling you, Anakin?"

"I've got a lot of stress. My plate is full with issues."

"Talk to me."

"My youngest daughter is not talking to me. One son is leaving the priesthood to become a doctor, and I've got to figure out what to do with Kris for the summer."

"A doctor is a noble profession. You should be proud. Jedi spiritual healers are few and far between."

'He's going to get his pants sued off of him. You know how litigious people are these days, especially those Alderaanians."

"That's a biased remark, don't you think?"

"You know it's true."

The timer signals that the session is over.

"Well, our time is up. I want you to sit down with your wife and work out a schedule with Kris."

"After all the things I said about my wife and you still want to see her?"

"Yes."

"Fine."

"And you will make a proper appointment with my secretary."

"Yes, ma'am."

Anakin hops off the chaise and leaves. He remembers to apologize to Carol before exiting the office.

Upon arriving home Anakin explains to Isabel the new strategy recommended by Dr. Melfi. Isabel is eager to participate…much to Anakin's chagrin.

'_**Mother and Child Reunion'**_

A few days later Isabel begins her 'mother and son' time with Kris. Anakin stops by Kris' bedroom to check out the wardrobe selection for his big day. A dull groan rises from his throat.

"Poor kid. Looks like Youngling '_Back-to-School' _attire. " He leans over his young son and runs his fingers through his hair as he sleeps.

"Dad, I'm trying to sleep, stop breathing over me."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Good night, son."

"Good night, Dad."

Anakin walks down the hall to the master bedroom. He confronts his wife.

"Isabel, what are you doing to our son?"

Isabel brushes her hair in the mirror.

"What are you talking about, Anakin?"

"That outfit you put out for Kris."

"It's a nice outfit. What's your problem?

"Bimmisaari Country Club crap."

"Will you cut it out? The Bimmisaari Tea House is a lovely place. It's what the doctor recommended."

"She didn't recommend dress-up day." He pulls his sweater over his head.

"This is going to be our day so butt out. I didn't interfere when you two went arcade hopping and stayed out past his curfew."

"We didn't go arcade-hopping. It was the Galaxies Arcade. He's going to be miserable tomorrow, I know it."

"I am not getting into this with you, Anakin."

"You're blowing me off, aren't you?" He sits on the quilted bench at the foot of the bed.

"I refuse to indulge you."

"Fine!" Anakin rips off his socks and tosses them to the floor. "You're a real piece of work, aren't you?"

They get into bed and turn off the lights. A few moments pass. There is a long silence. The tall silhouette of the Dark Lord gets out of bed and stomps his way to the foot of the bed. There is a soft 'whooshing' sound and then a hard thud. "Ouch" The dark shadow hobbles back to bed mutters a string of profanities.

"Socks are in the hamper. You happy?"

Another loss for the Dark Lord.

_**Morning**_ _**–**_

Anakin waits downstairs as Kris prepares to spend the day with his mother. Anakin sips his coffee when Kris comes downstairs. Anakin almost spits out his coffee.

"You look as if you're going to christen a starship."

"The last time I got dressed up like this was for Mass."

"Just say the word and I will put a stop to this nonsense."

"I'll try it, Dad. It's okay."

"Alright, but don't come home crying."

"I promise, Dad."

"Good luck, kid."

Kris and his mother arrive at the Bimmisaari Tea House. The interior is brightly lit. The tables are decorated with fresh freesia. Kabir crystal chandeliers twinkle from the sundrenched glass windows.

The dining room is full today. Ladies in their finery and fascinators sit and chat. A few well-dressed old men, mostly tea aficionados, join women at some of the tables. Kris and his mother receive the royal treatment. Isabel looks beautiful. Anakin had tried to downplay the place during his chat with Kris before leaving the house. Kris was a bit nervous upon arriving but as soon as they are seated, he remembers which spoon and fork to use for each course. He even sees children his own age in the place.

The young girls would steal glances at him from across the room as they pretended to engage in conversation with their parents. Isabel observes her son gazing across the tearoom at the young girls while he tries to sip his beverage from a straw. The straw flies across the table. The girls at table across the room giggle. Isabel catches him and snaps her fingers. The girls are amused as Kris clumsily attempts to act cool.

The Bimmisaari Tea Room is not at all what his father was warning him about earlier. His 'yacht attire' is a big hit. All of the attention is on him. This is heaven!"

Meanwhile, back at the Skywalker residence, Anakin hangs around the house waiting to console his young son for having to play 'dress-up at 'Bimbo-sorry Tea House.' Being home alone today was no fun. It is too quiet….but not for long.

Someone unlocks the front door and enters the foyer. Skippy barks and sprints to the door.

"Hello? Anybody home? Daddy? Out of my way you crazy dog."

Anakin walks to the foyer holding a bowl of cereal.

"What are you doing here?"

"You're spending how much money on therapy and your manners are still lacking?"

"Don't start. Why are you here and where is your husband?"

"On some foolish mission you sent him on no doubt. Where is everyone?"

"Your little brother is at the Bimmisaari Snot Club having high tea with his mother and a bunch of hens."

Leia mocks her father.

"Oh, that can't be as much fun as those mindless arcade games."

"Hey! Those games are for highly skilled players. They improve statistical and logistical acumen."

"Yeah, I heard you gave the arcade attendant the shakedown." Leia heads for the kitchen and grabs a Rodian soda from the refrigerator. Anakin notices only because she never drinks the stuff.

"He was cheating kids out of their game time."

"You had no idea until he tried to scam you."

"Why are you here tormenting me?"

"I need a ride."

"Where? Oh, No! Why couldn't you stay home?"

"Well, unless you want me to give birth here in the kitchen…"

"Fine! My day keeps getting worse every minute. Just hold it until we get to the hospital. I just had my speeder cleaned." Anakin grabs his cell phone and heads for the front door "Wait a minute; how did you get here in the first place?" Anakin speaks into the phone. "Lieutenant, where is General Solo? What? Tell him to get off the ship; plans have changed…that's impossible. Find him now…That is a direct order…Don't make me kill you…General Solo is to report to Coruscant University Hospital immediately." Anakin ushers Leia out the door.

"Hey! Don't push!"

"You don't push! Keep it moving. Keep it moving. What is it with you Skywalker women and the kitchen?"

Father and daughter arrive at the hospital. Leia is at the admissions desk filling out forms. An orderly arrives with a wheelchair. Anakin immediately plops down in the chair.

"Oh, it's about time. My dogs are barking"

Leia completes he registration and turns to see her father in the chair. She folds her arms across her chest.

"I believe that was meant for me."

"Oh." Anakin gets out of the chair.

They arrive upstairs on the maternity ward. A nurse checks Leia's vitals. She is amiable, not at all sharp-tongued like Nurse Ratched. Her name is Naomi.

"Any contractions in the last half hour?"

"No, we're good."

Leia and Naomi turn to look at Anakin who is standing in the doorway. Naomi smiles.

"Is this Mr. Solo?"

Anakin is insulted.

"No, I am not. I am her father…'Mr. Skywalker.'

Naomi continues. She is bubbly and intrigued.

"Oh, will you be joining your daughter in the delivery room?"

"Hell, No!"

Leia rolls her eyes then speaks calmly to the nurse.

"He's had enough experience in the delivery room."

Naomi is stunned by his reaction.

"Don't you want to see your first grandchild, Mr. Skywalker?"

"Of course I do…when they're 18 and can complete a sentence."

The nurse chuckles.

"Oh, you don't mean that, Mr. Skywalker."

Leia flips through her data pad to bide her time. She comments without looking up.

"Yes, he does."

Naomi shakes her head in amazement.

"You're so crazy, Mr. Skywalker."

Leia chimes in flatly. There is a smirk on her face.

"That, he is."

Naomi adjusts the fetal monitor. She is still amused by the father-daughter banter.

"Nurse Ratched mentioned you. She said you were a handful."

Anakin is annoyed.

"Nurse Ratched talks too much." He sees Leia laughing to herself. He squints. "Where's your husband? He had more than enough time to get here. I can't hang around this place all day."

"Oh, stop your whining and have a seat. This is all your fault. He would be here by now if you didn't send him on assignment."


	31. Chapter 31 New Younglings

_Chapter 31AE _

* * *

'_New Younglings, Odd Names'_

'_The League of Inebriated Gentlemen'_

'_No Galaxy for Old Jedi'_

'_Jedi Maul Cop - Dusk til Dawn'_

'_Vader Knows Best'_

* * *

Meanwhile, Isabel and Aunt Bunny arrive at the house after first dropping Kris off at the Jedi Temple.

Isabel sets her purse on the table.

"Where is everyone? Anakin? No droids."

"They probably went to the office, Sug."

"I thought we could have you and Ben over for dinner. Where is that man? It's been a while since we all got together."

"I know, Sug, but Obie and I are going out for drinks tonight. Let's get together some other time."

The doorbell rings.

"That's probably him right now. "

Isabel opens the door. Obi-Wan walks in and smiles.

"Good afternoon, Isabel."

"Good afternoon, General."

"Anakin has not called you yet, I see."

"No, he hasn't."

"Well, good news. He is with Leia at the hospital."

"What?"

"I'll drive you."

"I have a speeder. You and Bunny can go on your date."

"I will drive you, I insist."

Isabel grabs her handbag and follows Bunny and Obi-Wan out of the house.

"What has he been telling you?"

Obi-Wan responds in his typical diplomatic manner.

"I am sure you have a spotless driving record, Isabel."

Isabel knows that Anakin talks about her driving all the time. It is insulting. She has not received a ticket in all the years they have been married. What Galactic traffic cop is going to issue a ticket to the wife of the Dark Lord?

Obi-Wan opens the speeder for the ladies.

Shall we?"

Bunny folds her arms as she walks to the speeder.

"Sug, does this mean we're not going out tonight?"

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, not all is well. There is a commotion in the delivery room. A nurse tries to reason with the patient and her father.

"Mr. Skywalker, you've been through this several times. You should be used to this by now."

"I'm not doing it. Where's her husband?"

Leia chimes in as she lifts her head from the pillow.

"You know what? I don't need him. Get him out of here; he's useless!"

"What?"

"You weren't here for me years ago so there's no need for you to be here now!"

"Don't start bringing up ancient history, Missy!"

The hospital staff hurry out of the room and watch the fireworks through the glass door.

Across town, another fight has broken out in the control room at the spaceport.

General Han Solo exchanges gunfire with several storm troopers. A young naval officer enters and immediately runs for cover behind a console. He feels blaster shots whiz pass his right temple and places his hand over his cap.

"General Solo! General Solo, I have a message for you!" Blaster shots continue to ricochet around him.

"Not, now, I'm busy here!" Han Solo shoots several more rounds. The officer crawls to the corner of the console.

"But, General, I have an urgent message…please…"

"I said…**_not_**…now!"

"Your wife is at the hospital…I'm supposed to tell you leave immediately!" He cowers behind an open utility cabinet door under the console.

The blasts from the weapons exchange die down. Han lowers his firearm to his side. He turns and walks towards the cowering officer grabbing the frightened man by the collar.

"Why didn't you say so? Is everyone in this _'effing'_ place a moron?"

The office is not sure if Han wants an answer.

"Uhm…"

"Outta my way!"

* * *

Back at the hospital.

Anakin is unceremoniously tossed out of the delivery room when Isabel, Obi-Wan and Bunny arrive. Isabel sets her handbag on a chair and walks over to her husband who is leaning against a wall in the waiting area. He has his arms folded across his chest and looks more pitiful than angry. Two storm troopers stand at attention nearby. Isabel purses her lips then gently touches Anakin's face. She knows something has gone terribly wrong.

"What happened? You look as if someone stole your speeder."

"That Leia is so ungrateful. I was trying to help. She doesn't care who she hurts."

"You know, you're not the easiest person to live with, Anakin."

"Who said anything about living with me?"

"All I am saying is that you need to learn to get along with others."

"Oh, so you're against me too. Isabel?"

"No…I'm saying that you could stop thinking about yourself for once and listen to how other people are feeling." She glances at the stormtroopers."

"Why are they here?"

"That wasn't me. Leia summoned them here to remove me from the building. Do you _'effing'_ believe that? She's commandeered two of my guards! She has some voodoo spell over them. What's this galaxy coming to? Is nothing sacred?"

Isabel mocks him.

"Shocking. Come on, let's take a walk."

The couple are in the hospital commissary having Bimmisaari tea. After claiming that he is too depressed to eat, Anakin chows down a roast duck sub. Isabel watches with amazement as Anakin devours the huge sandwich.

"Better?"

Anakin nods as he uses the last piece of the baguette to sop up the remaining remnants of the mushroom onion and gravy and pops it into his mouth. He nods sadly.

"So-so."

"Anakin, it's not the end of the world."

"Sure feels like it." He munches on the side order of taro chips then dabs his mouth with a napkin.

"Come on, big guy. Let's get back upstairs."

They return to the waiting area on the maternity floor. Han emerges from the delivery room jubilant and ready to talk.

"It's twins folks!"

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"We already knew that." Isabel elbows him. "Ouch!"

Obi-Wan applauds with joy.

"It's a wonderful day to be a Jedi! I bought a magnum of champagne."

Anakin whispers to himself.

"Figures."

Han walks over to Anakin after sharing hugs and kisses from everyone.

"Can I see you for a sec?"

"Say what's on your mind already. I know you want to gloat."

"Just follow me."

Anakin sulks as he follows Han through the sliding glass doors. Han reaches in a bassinet and lifts a swaddled newborn in his arms. He turns to Anakin who looks defeated.

"So, you want to hold him or not?"

Anakin does not like Han's tone but steps forward ready to receive the bundle.

"You can't hold two, so why not?"

"Don't drop him."

"I know how to hold a baby. I have six kids, you know." He takes the baby and opens the blanket to inspect the youngling. "So, does this kid have a name?"

Han takes the other baby. The Dark Lord and nerfherder face-off.

"You're holding Jacen and this is Jaina."

Anakin holds back a laugh.

"What? You're _'effing'_ with me, right? Who made up those names?"

"Don't start."

Anakin rolls his eyes.

A few minutes pass before Anakin walks out to the waiting room with tiny Jacen. A silly smile creeps across his face as if he just illegally caught a trout from the Solleu River.

"Hey, look what I've got."

Everyone gathers around to get a glimpse of the baby. Obi-Wan chimes as he pats Anakin on the back.

"You make a stellar grandfather, Anakin."

Anakin says nothing for a moment. Isabel is afraid he will be offended after complaining for the past nine months about his new role as that horrible 'G' word. Finally he speaks.

"Of course I do!"

Han stands behind Anakin. He cradles little Jaina in his arms.

"Leia wants to see you."

"Oh, she does, eh?"

After reluctantly posing for a few holo-graphs, he hands the baby to Isabel. Anakin checks his reflection in the glass door adjacent to the delivery room. Satisfied that he looks great, Anakin continues inside to see Leia.

Anakin knocks before he sheepishly steps into the room, hoping that Leia has forgotten about his embarrassing behavior earlier. He snaps his fingers and gingerly makes his way to her bedside. It is an awkward moment.

"Hey, sweet pea…what's up?"

"Are you done acting like a fool?"

"That depends…are you still bantha-crazy?"

"I'm too tired to be mad. Are you happy, Daddy?"

"Of course I'm happy. I'm happy I'm not responsible for two more mouths to feed."

"I think Han and I will do just fine."

"Hmmm…"

Leia stares at him suspiciously.

"What?"

"So…have the epidural side-effects worn off yet? I mean…so you can give those kids decent names?"

"Those _'are'_ decent names!" Leia is visibly insulted.

"Aww, come on, are you joking me?" Anakin sees she is not amused and figures he had better change the subject.

"Anyhoo... You did a good job, sweet pea. The kids look better than I thought they would. I'm proud of you."

"Um…thanks…I think…"

Anakin leans over and gives his daughter warm fatherly hug. He feels a dark presence. Someone is watching them. It is Ruwee and Jobal Naberrie. They approach the left side of Leia's bed.

"Leia, dear! Congratulations! The babies are absolutely beautiful!"

Anakin whispers in her ear.

"Want me to get rid of them? Just say the word…One wave of my hand and it's a done deal."

"It's okay, Daddy."

"'Cause I'll be right outside…I'm here for you."

"I'll be fine…Go before you piss me off again. Love you."

"Okay…love you back…"

Jobal and Ruwee greet Anakin before he leaves the room. Ruwee shakes Anakin's hand.

"Hello, Anakin. We are truly blessed today. Two beautiful bundles of joy!"

"Yep!"

"Congratulations all around! Grandparents, great-grandparents! It's a miracle!"

Anakin forces an exaggerated smile.

"I'm ecstatic! I'll be outside celebrating with that big-ass bottle of champagne Obi-Wan brought with him."

Jobal and Ruwee giggle nervously not sure what Anakin means but they are overjoyed to see Leia and the babies so they quickly dismiss his comments. Anakin leaves the room only to see two more of his least favorite in-laws, James and Sabrina Solo. They are both dressed as if they are going to a cocktail party. Sabrina is in a black cocktail dress and pearls. Professor Solo is in a black dinner jacket.

Anakin cannot wait to comment.

"What's all this?"

"Hello, Anakin. How does it feel to be a grandfather?"

"I was about to let it sink in and then I came out here."

"Junior was telling us that you drove Leia here and almost witnessed the birth."

"Yeah, I dodged a bullet on that one."

"Did you hear the names they gave those poor brats?"

"Don't remind me."

"Makes you want to drink."

Han overhears them.

"I heard that, Dad."

"Junior, let's discuss this."

"No, Dad. I'm going in to see Leia."

Sabrina Solo follows Han.

"I'll go with you, Darling. Isabel, Bunny, let's see the new mother!" Isabel and Bunny join her to visit Leia.

Luke and Mara arrive. As soon as they hear that the Naberrie's are with Leia, they head for the elevator. They do not want to answer questions about starting a family of their own. Anakin sees them as they try to make a run for it.

"Luke, get back here and go congratulate your sister."

"Dad, there are so many people in the room…we'll stop by tomorrow."

"There will be plenty of room. I'll be leaving in a minute."

Artoo and Threepio arrive on the floor. They enter one of the delivery rooms in error. There are screams. Several nurses chase out the two droids. The duo eventually finds their way to the waiting area. Anakin looks at them.

"Where have you two been?"

"The staff here is not helpful at all. We got lost… and I saw the most frightening thing. I'm going to have nightmares for the next several months! This gruesome-looking alien emerged from the patient's body…it was dreadful, master." Artoo corrects the protocol droid. Threepio hurls an insult at Artoo. "Well, if you didn't take that detour to talk to that AOD, we would have been here hours ago, you rusty barbecue grill!" Anakin has had enough of their bickering.

"Shut-up! Threepio, I have a job for you."

"Of course, Master. What is it that you need me do, sir?"

"You will be my designated driver tonight."

"Uhm…in your speeder, sir?"

"Yes."

You mean the one that was recently detailed?…the one you forbid your wife to drive?"

"Yes! Move it!" Anakin turns to Professor Solo and Obi-Wan Kenobi. "Gentlemen, are you ready?"

Luke walks over to his father.

"Can I go with you?"

"Hell no! I want to have a good time."

"I can be fun. Where are you going?"

Obi-Wan follows Anakin and Professor Solo down the corridor. He is still holding the magnum of champagne. There is a gleeful smile on his face as he winks at Luke.

"We're going for a little drink." Obi-Wan pats Luke gently on the shoulder.

Isabel, Bunny, and Sabrina emerge from the hospital room only to discover that their husbands are gone. Artoo finds himself in an awkward position trying to explain the disappearance of the three men.

Things eventually settle down and visiting hours are over. Han and Leia bid goodnight to the remaining family members. The only speeder left in the lot belongs to Obi-Wan and it is locked. Luckily, Sabrina Solo arrived in a Limousine. They are furious with their husbands and return home in the limousine.

* * *

The men hunker down in the Jedi Temple Courtyard drinking champagne from hospital specimen cups. They grumble about the happenings of the day.

"Do you, 'effing' believe the names they gave those kids?"

"Whatever happened to honoring the father? James Bond Henry Jones Solo…what do they name the kid?"

"Jaywalk or some such rubbish!"

"Obi-Wan is a perfectly good name."

"No it's not, you drunken basterd!"

"We're all drunk!"

"Cheers to that! Hahahaha!"

"Could be worse…kid could have been named Indiana."

"Wha?"

"Listen, Skywalker, it's a different age. Kids aren't the traditionalists we were at their age. A name stood for something back then. Now they just make them up as they go…name mash-ups so ghastly you would think they're talking about a surgical procedure or an animal.

"Anything left in that bottle?"

Obi-Wan eyeballs the contents, tilting it up towards one of the lamps in the Jedi plaza. He places the opening of the bottle to his lips and drinks. He stops, holds the bottle up to the light again.

"Nope! All gone."

Professor Solo looks up at the night sky.

"So, is that droid of yours competent enough to drive us home?"

Anakin laughs.

"Hell no. The speeder is on autopilot. I just want him to think he's driving so he doesn't blab to my wife." Anakin stands up to stretch his legs when he sees someone in the distance. "Shh…someone is coming…"

Obi-Wan cradles the bottle as if it were a baby.

"Who is it?"

Anakin hears keys and sees a beam of light in the distance. A mischievous smile creeps across his face. He whispers to the others.

"It's a guard! Hey! Let's have some fun."

A uniformed guard walks onto the plaza and raises his flashlight. He can see three figures in the distance. He slows down.

"Hello? The plaza is closed…It opens tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock…so…if you'll be on your way…"

The guard's name is Eb Dawson. He is a tall fellow with sandy blond hair parted on the side, blue eyes, and a perpetual smile. The trousers of his guard uniform are a few inches too short, exposing his white socks.

Eb gets closer and moves his flashlight from one figure to the next. He suddenly recognizes one of the men.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi? Is that you on the bench?"

"Yep! Tis I. How are you, Eb?"

"Just fine, General Kenobi…I sure am glad to see you!"

"Tell me, young Eb, what brings you out this time of night?'

"Oh, the guys in security said the nightshift gives me a better chance for a promotion. They said the sky's the limit and if I work hard, I could wind up on the Jedi Council. They're a nice bunch of fellas. Everyone's been so helpful since I came up here to work."

"Eb holds the flashlight on Anakin. "Oh, Hey, Mr. Skywalker. Haven't seen you around these parts in a while."

"Do I know you?"

"I'm Eb Dawson…you hit me with your speeder by accident a few years ago on Tatooine. I was the podracer mechanic at Mos Espa. Remember me?"

"That depends. Did I hurt you?"

"Oh, no, sir. Your son Luke pushed me out of the way just in time...my tool kit got kinda banged up though."

"Oh, that's too bad."

"No harm done! That's how I got this spiffy job! That son of yours has connections. This is a long way from Mos Espa, although sometimes I miss being at the raceway."

Eb sees Professor Solo sitting on the bench. Solo is shielding his eyes from the glare of Eb's flashlight.

"Geez, who's that?"

An inebriated Professor Solo begins yelling profanities at the security guard.

"Will you stop shining that torch in my face you blasted idiot!"

Obi-Wan makes the introductions.

"Eb, this is our friend, the esteemed Professor Solo. Professor, this is Eb."

Eb offers his hand but Professor Solo nods instead. Eb tips his guard hat thinking it is protocol.

"Top of the evening to ya, Professor. Didn't mean to make you so esteemed."

Solo stands beside Obi-Wan and whispers to him.

"Is he for real? _This _is a guardian of peace and justice? The Jedi Oder is in worse shape than I thought."

"He's not a Jedi, just a good-natured park guard."

"No powers?"

"No powers."

"Then why are we answering to him for? Let's kick his ass!"

"No…Eb's alright. The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded."

"Folks on Tatooine used to call be professor 'cause I was always coming up with new ideas and stuff." Eb remembers that he has a job to do. "Sorry, gentlemen but the plaza and courtyard are closed. States here…" Eb take out a data card listing the rules and regulations for Jedi Temple Security staff. "Okay, here it is…code 10-70 _'No visitors allowed in public space between dusk and dawn'_…or is that a 10-54? Oh, 10-54 is Meer rat in roadway! I get those mixed up all the time. Life is a lot different here is the big city. Oh, so anyway, sir, professor, General Kenobi, the plaza is closed."

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"If it's a public space, it's legal."

"I-don't know about that, Mr. Skywalker. It specifically says here no visitors from dusk to dawn. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Solo whispers to Obi-Wan.

"So much for '_influence on the weak-minded_.' Persistent little bugger."

Obi-Wan waves his hand across Eb's face.

"There is no one in the guard booth. You should go."

In trance-like voice, Eb speaks:

"I forgot. The guard booth is empty. I should go."

Eb turns to leave. Anakin and Solo are easily amused. Eb heads to the booth at the front gate. Suddenly he stops halfway down the path and turns around. He walks back to the three men. They stare at him, dumbfounded.

"You really have to leave. Come back at 7 o'clock tomorrow morning you must. Coffee you need."

Anakin is confused for a moment.

"What the _'efff_…?"

Eb is still in a trance. Suddenly a small dark shadow appears a few meters behind Eb. Anakin grabs the flashlight from Eb's hand. The figure speeds up. Something is making a tapping sound against the stone walkway. Professor Solo pulls a blaster from inside his dinner jacket and is ready to fire.

"What in the blazes is it?"

A terse voice answers.

"Put that away, need it you do not!"

Anakin throws his arms in the air.

"Noo! Do you have to ruin everyone's fun? When do you sleep, you old buzzard?"

Master Yoda leans on his gimmer stick and glances up at Anakin.

"No matter it makes to you, Anakin Skywalker. Look at yourselves, fueled with alcohol you all are."

Obi-Wan smiles.

"Master Yoda, so good to see you. What brings you out this time of night, old friend?"

"First grandchildren born today and you celebrate by drinking?"

Anakin thinks this is a ridiculous question.

"Uhm…yah!"

Professor Solo bows.

"We, Master Yodel, are the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen…at your service."

Anakin corrects him.

"It's _**'Yoda'**_. He gets ticked off when people mispronounce his name."

"What difference does it make? He doesn't even use proper syntax!"

Obi-Wan laughs hysterically and slaps his knee. He drops the empty champagne bottle.

"Oops!"

Professor Solo looks down in horror at the sparkling shards of glass on the dark ground. It is as if a holy grail had been lost in a deep crevasse.

"You drunken crazy Jedi! You broke our champagne!"

Obi-Wan laughs.

"No…just the bottle."

Anakin looks at the mess they have made.

"I'll clean it up. Don't wanna make Master Yoda mad." He giggles. "(Sigh)…sorry."

Anakin grabs a recycling bin and scoops up pieces of the broken bottle.

Yoda gives the men one last disapproving scowl then leads them to the exit gate. Eb tips his hat. He is still under Yoda's influence.

"Coffee you need. Sober up. Great responsibilities you have."

Professor Solo shoves Eb who stubbles a bit.

"Ahhh, shut up!"

Eb and Yoda are alone at the gate. Eb comes out of his trance and rubs his forehead.

"I feel mighty dizzy all of a sudden. I think I'm gonna be sick."

* * *

Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Professor Solo return to the speeder. Threepio wakes up from sleep mode.

"Oh! Goodness gracious me! What happened?"

Anakin waves his hand.

"Drive!"

They stop at Dex's Diner for coffee. The night shift crews from the surrounding factories have come in for their break. Anakin is slowly sobering up but he looks sad.

"Okay, I'm officially depressed. I can't be a grandfather!" He buries his face in his arms at the table. Obi-Wan pats him on the back.

"There…there. You're an old fool like us now."

"Speak for yourself!"

Dex walks over to their table. So, gentlemen, how's it going? Tied one on tonight, eh? Heard the good news. Congratulations are in order." He eyes Anakin who is having one of his childlike meltdowns. His head is still on the table. Dex turns his attention to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan hints to Dex not to bring up the birth of the twins then smiles at the diner manager.

"Growing pains."

"Been thirty years…you would have thought by now…"

"He'll be fine." Obi-Wan looks around. The diner is brighter and cleaner than he remembers. "Place looks great. What happened?"

"Oh…someone called the health department. Next thing you know, I had to close down for three weeks to remodel."

"I noticed you finally got an 'A' rating…impressive."

"Yeah, I'm as busy as ever, but now, I've got all the hoity-toity officers from the Military Headquarters stopping in for lunch. It's pushing out my regulars."

"Pity."

"This place used to have character. I was getting write-ups every week in the tabloids. I was on the top ten list of riskiest eateries to visit. The diner was featured in an issue of _'Extreme Adventures' _holo-mag. Tourists from as far away as Utapau came just for the experience. Now I get moms, nannies and the younglings for weekday and weekend brunch."

"Tragic."

"Who would destroy my business like this? It had ambiance."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, we'll sneeze in the sugar dispenser."

"What sugar dispenser? The new health code says I have to offer the stuff in packets!"

Professor Solo reads the menu.

"How's the pie here?"

Dex looks at Solo, who is overdressed, even for the newly renovated diner.

"It's actually pretty good. Never realized fresh fruit could taste so good. Got a new supplier. Don't have everything listed on the menu though."

"What do you have?"

"Let's see…All-Almakian apple pie, Co-Co town chocolate cream pie, Zoochberry pie, Wasaka berry pie, and Dirty blackbottom lemon chiffon pie."

"The blackbottom is chocolate I presume?"

"No, just blackbottom."

"I'll have the apple pie."

"Coming right up, Professor. How about you, General Kenobi?"

"Hmmm…Wasaka berry sounds good...with whipped cream."

"Yes, sir."

Obi-Wan leans over to whisper in Dex's ear.

"Top it with some _'extract.'_"

"Whyrren's Reserve or the house hooch?"

"Whyrren's if you have it." Obi-Wan winks.

"You got it." Dex looks at Anakin who still appears despondent. "Can I get you anything, Mr. Skywalker?"

"Nothing for me, thanks."

A waitress arrives at their table with the order. Anakin watches his friends eat their pie. He reaches over to the next table where four burly factory works are enjoying a meal. He grabs a stray fork and uses it to sample Obi-Wan's Wasaka berry pie. Obi-Wan watches as Anakin finishes the pie.

"Sure you don't want anything, Anakin?"

"No…I'm too depressed…well maybe a little something."

Obi-Wan summons the waitress. He orders another slice of Wasaka berry and Zoochberry à la mode and another round of coffee. Anakin pops a forkful of the pie in his mouth. He lets the plump berries settle on his tongue. The fresh sweet juices almost bring a smile to his face. The dessert does take the edge off a difficult day.

After sampling a few of the other pie selections, they decide it is time to leave. Anakin pays the tab and they return to the speeder. Threepio is in the driver's seat where they left him.

* * *

Anakin arrives home after dropping off Professor Solo and Obi-Wan. The house is quiet. He expects to get an earful from Isabel after abandoning her at the hospital. He goes upstairs and notices the door to Kris's room is ajar. He steps inside and sits across from him on the other bed.

"Why are you up so late?"

"I needed a glass of water." He yawns.

"Is your mother mad?"

"She was for awhile and then she said she could only handle one 12-year old in the house so I figured she meant me."

"I know I'm impossible sometimes."

"Come on, Dad, you're impossible all of the time…but I love you anyway."

"Thanks."

"Gee, I'm sure glad I'm not the youngest in the family anymore. Maybe all the unwanted attention I've been getting will go away. Hey…now that I'm an uncle, can I boss the twins around…when they're old enough to get into trouble I mean."

"No…you're still on the hot seat, pal." Anakin stands and stretches. "Sorry."

"Awww, man…"

"Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay."

"I love you." Anakin leans over and kisses his son on the forehead then switches off the lamp.

"I love you too, Dad."

Anakin goes downstairs and stands on the terrace. He is not ready to confront Isabel just yet. Two stars stand out in the night sky as the brightest.

"This is a good night after all." He reaches in his lapel pocket and looks at a holograph. With all the chaos going on in the hospital, he cannot remember when anyone was able to get the family together for this image. The Skywalkers, Naberries, the Solo Family, and Obi-Wan are together. It is truly a miracle! He makes a good-looking grandfather! He'll get a better frame tomorrow so he can put it on his desk at the office.

'_Congratulations, Anakin.'_

"Thanks, Qui-Gon."


	32. Chapter 32 Vader Knows Best

_Chapter 32AE _

* * *

'_Do You Kiss Your Babies with those Names?'_

'_Camp Town Podraces Broadcast Delayed'_

'_I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing'_

'_Vader Knows Best-Problem-Solver 66'_

'_Executive Order-66 Mirrors'_

* * *

As the weeks pass, Anakin finds himself enjoying the twins…especially now that the Naberrie family has returned to Naboo. He made a point to avoid them while they stayed with Leia and Han. He forbade Isabel to go to the house since he was on a self-imposed exile. It is the principle…family solidarity means everything.

Finally, he can now revel in his new role of which no one can utter the name. He is the best-looking grandfather ever. Yes, the pass several weeks have been good. Not a worry in the world…except for one piece of unfinished business…Kris.

Anakin plans a sit-down to discuss how his youngest will spend the summer. He invites Isabel in order to make his case.

Anakin wears his black cardigan with the elbow patches or, as Luke and Leia used to refer to it: _'the problem-solving sweater with more problems._'

The sweaters' effectiveness seemed to wane over the years. The Skywalker twins discovered, long ago, it was not only a fashion piece but also used to dispense punishment instead of _'helpful'_ fatherly advice. The _'wearing-of-the-cardigan'_ became a source of entertainment well into their late teens. They would enter their father's study to listen, in mock reverence, as he proceeded to lecture them on a litany of issues. Anakin would talk about their many transgressions such as damaging a new speeder, breaking curfew, dating, the Jedi Code and academic studies. He also gave frequent warnings about Leia dating Han, Leia calling Han, Luke taking joyrides with Han, hanging out with 'dopey' friends, warning them about hanging out with a bad element, i.e.: Han and similar activities involving scruffy nerfherder pirate 'types'. It made for fun conversation while breaking the very rules that their father had set for them. Han was always anxious to hear about the next rule about dating the teenage daughter of the Dark Lord and just as excited to break it. Han is impressed that the Dark Lord was obsessed with him.

Anakin caught on soon enough; and decided that the _'problem-solving sweater' would_ work better on the _'uncorrupted minds' _of his younger children. The only problem with the 'problem-solving sweater' was that the problems were not theirs. The children admit, however, that the black cardigan is a good look for the Dark Lord.

Anakin checks his reflection in the mirror in the alcove leading to his study. He adjusts the sweater and checks his hair. It always helps to look good when dispensing advice or punishment.

He walks to the den and reaches for the doorknob. It is a beautiful afternoon for a sit-down. The clock on the desk flashes 1400 hours and one minute. Punctuality is crucial in the Skywalker home.

"Where is everyone? Get in here!"

Isabel arrives and stands in the doorway.

"You yelled, Master?"

"You're late. Sit there." pointing to one of guest chairs facing his desk. Isabel ignores him and sits on the velvet settee close to the door. She intends to make a quick getaway when the sparks fly. Anakin grumbles. Kris arrives.

The youngster knows that something is up when both parents are in the den. He knows that his mother never sets foot in the_ 'Den of Darkness'_ unless some _'sith'_ is going down. It smells like an intervention.

Anakin points again to the guest chairs. "Have a seat, son."

Kris sits. He is wearing a white Jedi robe over a vintage grav-ball jersey and cargo pants. His angelic face appears worried. He glances across the room at his mother. Anakin sits at the desk with one leg across the other. He is wearing a new pair of nuna leather slippers. Kris smiles nervously as he fidgets in the oversized chair.

"What up, Dad?"

"I'll tell you _'what up'_. Sit still. So, Kris, your mother and I have been discussing how you will spend the summer."

"Okay, cool."

"Don't get excited, this is serious. We gave this issue a lot of thought and it was decided that you will spend the summer on Tatooine on Uncle Owen's farm."

"The complexion on the young boy's face turns three shades paler than when he first walked in the room. He looks horrified.

"What? Why am I being punished? That's a fate worse than death. Mum!"

Isabel starts to speak.

"Well…"

Anakin stays firm on his decision and immediately cuts her off before she can speak.

"It's been decided." He looks back at Kris then turns his head as Isabel attempts to speak. She is about to do something he had feared before this meeting began.

"Well, Anakin, it hasn't been totally set in stone…we can't let him suffer through an entire summer on that farm."

Anakin stares at his wife in disbelief. The silence in the room is palpable. Anakin is furious.

"What? Can I see you outside for a moment, please?"

Isabel calmly complies. The woman has no fear.

"Sure."

Isabel knows that she is about to get an earful from her husband. She stands and walks out of the den. Anakin storms out behind her and immediately starts yelling. Kris leans across his chair to listen in on the discussion.

"Isabel, we had an agreement…"

"Oh, please, Anakin! That's not true and you know it. What about the other option? It was still on the table the last time we discussed the matter."

"We were supposed to be a united front. I would do the talking and you would back me up."

"That was before you were going to ship out child off to a summer of hard labor! The punishment does not fit the crime!"

"Fit the crime? Are you a lawyer now?"

"No, but I know people who are…"

"You turned against me in there!"

"No one turned against you."

Anakin shakes his finger at her.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing. We're supposed to be a team!"

"I think you'll do anything to make a point, including putting our son in harm's way. So, no, Anakin. I don't have faith in that."

Kris is listening and enjoying the battle going on outside. He pumps his fist victoriously and whispers.

"Yes! You go, Mum!"

Anakin overhears Kris cheering.

"Don't start your victory dance yet, young Skywalker. I'm not done with you." Anakin force-slams the door.

Anakin continues arguing with Isabel.

"Isabel, I am trying to save our son from a life of misery and pain."

"All I am saying is that we don't have to send him to Owen. They have a staff of farm hands and droids."

"Half the farm hands quit and two of the droids are barely functional."

"Who told you that?"

"Luke did."

"Oh that's just great! So, do you still want to send our son down to that sandpit to work? Owen is crazy. You are aware of that, aren't you? He has no qualms about putting children to work. Beru's not going to say much. You've seen how he pushes her around."

Anakin ponders for a moment then throws up his hands in defeat.

"Fine! We will do it your way. We're going to regret this."

He opens the door. Isabel returns to the sofa. Anakin grabs his desk chair and drops into the seat. He is not happy. He bites his bottom lip angrily thinking about what he is going to say. Kris is slouched in the chair with his feet propped up against the desk.

Anakin reaches across the desk and grabs a Kaiburr sphere paperweight. He rolls it between his fingers for a few moments. He is thinking. Kris watches as the ball weaves through his father's fingers. The boy can sense great stress in his father. Finally, Anakin releases the sphere and it repositions itself over the stack of papers. He folds his hands on the desk blotter as he stares at his young son.

"Put your feet down." The rubber soles of the Jedi Knight sport shoes squeak against the wood desk before dropping to the floor against the rug. Anakin is in no mood for nonsense right now. "Okay, here it is…You'll spend the summer away at camp on Naboo."

Isabel interrupts.

"I thought the camp on Endor was nice. Did you even read the brochure?"

Anakin holds up his hand for her to stop talking. Isabel rolls her eyes as he continues.

"Naboo. He's not going to that ridiculous Ewok camp where that idiot Kyle Katarn is working as camp counselor."

"Anakin, Kyle is not an idiot. Be nice."

Kris sits up in the chair.

"Camp?"

"Did I stutter? Yes, I said Camp, and don't start whining or I'll send you packing to Uncle Owen and I know how much you dread that."

"I guess I can do camp."

"It's supposed to be a teachable moment. I will get full reports on your progress so don't mess up."

Kris nods obediently.

"It's cool. It'll be my path to becoming an honorable Jedi."

"It'll be your path to a sore behind if you screw up. Don't forget…and don't make me regret this decision. Get out of here before I change my mind." He glances across the room at Isabel. "Any objections,_ 'Judge Lorteli?'_"

Isabel tries not to laugh at his joke. Arabelle Lorteli was a former Judge of the Coruscant High court. Known for her acerbic wit and no-nonsense judicial decisions, though now retired, Lorteli has become somewhat of a media celebrity dispensing similar tough justice in civil court on broadcast holo-network. Anakin caught her show a few times when podracing was delayed due to sandstorms or torrential rains. It was a comic diversion while waiting for the weather conditions to improve. He would get a kick out of watching dysfunctional family members and couples air their dirty laundry for all the galactic public to see. The highlight of the program was watching the red-cloaked court guards stun unruly participants. It was sheer comedy.

Anakin is not laughing now, however. Isabel, on the other hand, smiles cheerfully.

"No objections, Mr. Skywalker."

Anakin waves his hand as Kris hesitates for a moment. The boy is not sure if his parents are done with him yet. Anakin straightens his desk then stares at his son.

"What are you waiting for? We're done."

"Okay, Dad." Kris gets up to leave. He kisses his mother before exiting the study and closes the door. Thanks, Mum."

"You're welcome, sweetie." She beams as she prepares to rise from the sofa. "That went well."

Anakin squints and scowls at Isabel. He mocks her.

"'_That went well.'_ I'm not done with you. What happened to parental cooperation?"

Isabel smiles sweetly as she walks over to his desk. She leans over and kisses her husband on his forehead.

"It _'was'_ parental cooperation. You cooperated and took my advice."

"Fine! I hope you're happy."

"I am. You're a good man. I'll have dinner ready at 5 o'clock."

"Don't bother; I've lost my appetite. I'm going out for awhile."

"How long is _'awhile'_?"

"Until I'm not ready to kill someone anymore."

"Fine. Walk it off, mister. Don't forget, we need to buy a baptism gift for the babies."

Isabel closes the door as she leaves.

Meanwhile, across town, Leia deals with an endless stream of visitors. Just as she finally has some peace and quiet, an unwanted guest arrives.

The creature reaches inside the bassinet to tickle the babies. Leia folds her arms across her chest waiting for the visitor to leave. She is losing her patience.

"Okay, you've seen enough."

"But Leia, I hardly ever get to see the twins."

"Don't make me kill you."

"There is no need for violence, Leia. I am an old man wishing to see his great-grandchildren in his twilight years. I see the demureness of motherhood has not seeped in yet."

"Shut up!"

"I am the great-grandfather. You let that pompous Ruwee Naberrie spend more time with the babies than me. It's not right."

"Oh, yes, and the galaxy has been so unfair to you...'wah-wha-wah."

"Don't mock me, young lady. It's unbecoming. I thought you would have mellowed by now but it is obvious you haven't a maternal bone in your body…pity."

Old Palps looks inside the bassinet again and breaks into a smile.

"Coochie-coo! What beautiful younglings. Coochie-coo!"

Leia is still standing close by.

"Don't you have to be at your senior citizen job? Isn't your teenage floor manager wondering where you are?"

"For your information, I am on the late shift. One of the workers had to go in for some medical tests and he asked me to switch shifts with him. See, I can work with others. You could learn a thing or two instead of screaming at people. I recite daily affirmations in the mirror each morning."

"How many mirrors do you go through each morning doing that?"

"It cleanses the spirit. I am a member of the Order 66 Club. Their teachings are therapeutic and insightful. People like me. I like myself. I have been grossly misunderstood over the years."

"Shocking!"

"If you join my group, you too can set an example for little China and Mason."

"Their names are Jaina and Jacen."

"Teena and T'ai Chien."

"You senile old fool! Move away from my babies."

Leia scoops up Jacen when the doorbell rings. The door opens before she has a chance to do it herself. She shouts at the intruder.

"Can't you wait until someone answers the door? Must you let yourself in all the time?"

Threepio speaks to the person behind him in the doorway.

"See? I told you we should have waited until she answered the door, Master."

Anakin responds to Leia's question.

"Hey, I was trying to be helpful. I even waited until the Naboo contingent left town. I thought they would never leave. Anakin tilts his head upward as if sniffing the air. He zeros in on the sitting room and sees old man Palpatine. Leia rolls her eyes.

"Great! Just what I need, one more pain in the ass in my house."

Threepio interjects with an air of relief.

"For once she's not pointing at me!" Anakin shoves Threepio aside causing the droid to stumble against the foyer table. The lamp rattles and a fresh pack of sabacc cards fall onto the floor. Anakin turns to Leia.

"Hey, I'm trying to be helpful." Anakin tilts his head towards the old man without speaking his name. He walks into the sitting room and takes tiny Jaina out of the bassinet. Palpatine is annoyed by this.

"Anakin, I was here first."

Anakin ignores him and speaks to the baby, bouncing her gently in his arms.

"Hello, Jacy."

Leia corrects him.

"It's Jaina. What's wrong with you people?"

Threepio walks over to Anakin and whispers. "See? I told you, Master."

Anakin peeks inside the diaper.

"Ohhh…hey, little girl!" He continues to bounce the infant in his arms then turns to Leia. "What's her name again?"

"Jaina! Jeez, Dad, you're worse than that one over there. She rolls her eyes at Palpatine.

"Well, it's not my fault you gave these kids dumb names. You know they're going to get picked on in school. You're telling me you couldn't think of better names? Poor little Chicklets and A-cents are going to suffer."

"Their names are perfectly fine."

Palpatine interjects.

"You know…_'Dantius'_ is a perfectly fine name for the boy."

Anakin ridicules the old man.

"Are you out of your mind? No one in their right mind is going to name a baby after someone who almost destroyed the Galactic Republic and took innocent people down with him."

"Anakin, you wound me. Have you no compassion?"

"Oh, shut up."

Leia stares at both men.

"Okay, it's time for both of you to go."

Anakin places the baby back inside the bassinet.

"What? No, _'Thanks for visiting, Dad'_?"

"Thanks for visiting, Dad…Goodbye."

Anakin ushers Palpatine out of the room.

"Come on, old man, You've outstayed your welcome."

"But, Anakin, I just got here."

Anakin continues to push Palpatine towards the front door.

"Let's not make a scene. You have to leave. Hey, Leia, little Jango needs a diaper change."

"Thanks for that, Daddy. Goodbye."

"Let me know when they're potty-trained so I can plan my next visit."

Goodbye, Daddy."

"Hey, Threepio! Let's go! Chop-chop!"

"Coming, Master. It was a lovely visit, Princess Leia even for the uninvited. "

"Get out!"

Anakin drops Palps off at the TaggeMart for the nightshift. He and Threepio return home. Anakin heads straight for the kitchen. He can smell the residual aroma of shaak roast in wine and mushroom sauce and freshly sautéed watercress with lemon and garlic. There is a plate for him in the refrigerator. He sneaks a few bites then shoves it back in the refrigerator when he hears someone coming down the stairs. He grabs a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. He wants to prove a point that he is protesting. He pops a spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth as he stands against the kitchen counter. Isabel walks in and sees him.

"I made a plate for you."

"I'm not hungry." He continues eating out of the jar.

"Anakin, will you please not do that?"

"Do what?"

"Don't eat out of the jar. Scoop out what you want onto a dish."

"I don't want a dish."

"Other people in this house use that jar. It's rude to double-dip."

"Is that the term for it now? Listen, I paid for these groceries! I'll double-dip all I want!"

"Well, then you keep that jar."

Anakin opens the cabinet and takes a new jar of peanut butter. He unscrews the lid, rips off the vacuum seal, and then plunges the same spoon into the new jar. He knows that this infuriates Isabel and proceeds to eat out of the new jar. Isabel turns and walks away. Anakin continues to taunt her even though she has left the room.

"There she goes. Miss _'team player' _runs away. Thanks for your support earlier. You were great! I know now that you have my back…oh, wait…that's the lightsaber stuck in my back…it went straight through my heart. I'll use some of this peanut butter to seal up the gaping hole it left!"

Anakin laughs. He suddenly goes into a coughing spasm when the peanut butter is caught in his throat. Kris walks in and sees his father gagging. He immediately takes action and slaps Anakin on the back a few times. The obstruction dislodges from his throat. Anakin leans over the sink and spits out the glob of peanut butter then rinses his mouth.

"Gee, Dad, don't eat so fast. If something happens to you, who will yell at me non-stop when I'm doing something dumb?"

"Don't be a smartass." He grabs a tea towel and wipes his face. Kris is relieved that his father is okay and pokes fun at him.

"Man, you should have seen your face! I thought you were gonna bust a gut or something. Why are you eating peanut butter? You're not having dinner?"

"I'm not hungry. Are you through questioning me?"

Kris searches the refrigerator. He pulls out the platter of food that Isabel had prepared for Anakin. Kris removes the lid and places the platter in the microwave. The aroma is intoxicating. Anakin turns to see what Kris is heating up.

"What are you eating?"

"Leftovers"

The timer stops and a computer-generated voice announces that the meal is ready. Kris sits at the counter and prepares to eat. He pushes the sleeves of the grav-ball jersey above his elbows. The name 'Zapalo' and a number '16' are stenciled across the back. Anakin watches him.

"Hey, didn't you have supper?"

"Yeah, but I went out to play grav-ball with my friends and then I got hungry again."

Anakin points to the note on the lid.

"Hey, that was my dinner."

"I thought you were on a hunger strike."

"Where did you hear that?"

"I saw mum on the way in and she told me you were on a hunger strike."

Anakin grabs a fork from the utensil drawer and helps himself to the meal.

"You don't need this food."

"But, Dad, I'm still hungry."

"You're a bottomless pit, you know that? Step aside."

"I saved your life a few minutes ago. Does that count for anything?"

"You get free room and board as it is. Leave me alone."

"I'm a child; it's the law."

"Sue me."

Anakin takes a forkful of the pan seared shaak steak and closes his eyes as he savors it. The meat is tender and bursting with flavor. He is reminded what an excellent cook his wife is. The succulent mushrooms, the handmade Corellian papardelle pasta with fresh herb sauce is warm on his tongue. He closes his eyes to enjoy this moment. Just as he is about to swallow, Kris interrupts his moment of euphoria.

"I hear mum coming."

Anakin drops the fork on the platter and shoves it in front of Kris. He grabs the jar of peanut butter and resumes eating it. This is not nearly as satisfying as the steak. Isabel walks in the kitchen. Anakin pretends to ignore her but she ignores him and focuses her attention on Kris.

"Kris, I want you to clean your room this weekend…and why are you eating again?"

"I'm a growing boy, Mum. My metabolism is wreaking havoc on my body…I'm wasting away." He continues to eat while Anakin watches the food on the plate gradually disappear.

"Well, waste some time this weekend cleaning your room; it's a mess. Oh, and how many times have I told you not to leave your hover boots in the driveway? They belong in the mudroom. You're not supposed to have any company after dinner. You're still on punishment."

"Gee, Mum, why are you whaling all over me for? You're gonna miss me when I go away to camp. Who are you gonna nag all summer when I'm not around?" He looks at his father and nods knowingly. "Ohh


	33. Chapter 33 Cool Hand Luke

_Chapter 33AE _

* * *

'_Cool Hand Luke'_

'_Norma Ray Shields'_

'_Baptism by Mustafar Fire'_

'_Burnt Offerings & the Five Families'_

'_Washing the Sins Away'_

'_The Three Tenners'_

* * *

The school year nears the end. The Skywalker family prepares for the long summer holiday. Kris is packing for his 'banishment' to Naboo for summer camp. Ana-Lena returns home from convent school. She does not like what the Dark Lord has planned for her. She has her own plans and it does not include interning at the Galactic Headquarters. She makes it clear to her father how unfair it is that she and Kris have no rights as minors.

The young teen beauty sits in the same chair that sentenced Kris off to summer 'labor camp'. She has a stare-off wit her father.

"I can hold out as long as you can, young lady."

"It's not fair."

"Life isn't fair."

"Remember, years ago, you said, and I quote: _'I would never disappoint you, sweet pea.' _Well?"

"'_Well?'_ What?"

"What happened to that promise?"

"It's a two-way street, sweet pea. You kids have let me down, so I'm the real victim here. _'Well?'_"

He mocks her. Ana-Lena pouts and folds her arms across her chest.

"Where's mum? Does she know about this? Why isn't she in here?"

"I don't need your mother as a witness to every decision I make."

"I don't think that's legal."

"Yeah, about that…" Anakin glances at a small legal pad on his desk blotter. He appears slightly amused as he pushes it aside with his index finger. "I read your list of demands."

"Well?"

"Well, Little Miss Skywalker, it ain't happening. I admire the effort. Cute! However, you will spend the summer being productive. You're not going to wile away the summer hanging out at the mall with your feather-brained girlfriends."

"I want to be taken seriously. I demand to be taken seriously! If I have to stand on the monument at Imperial Headquarters to make myself heard, I'll do it. It's gonna take, you, the Republic Armed Forces, The 501st Legion, and the Red Guard to get me out of there. "

"Well, the next time you want to be taken seriously, _'Norma Rae'_, you don't submit your list of _'demands' _on a pink legal pad with flowers drawn in the margins. What's with this family, lately? Everyone comes in here trying to evoke their 'inner-lawyer' and not one of you has any legal expertise."

"I want to become an emancipated minor. I can do it, you know."

"Oh, really?"

"Really. I spoke to Leia and Uncle Ben about it."

"Is that so?"

"That is _**'So'**_. Why, you don't believe me?"

"I believe that you believe it. Leia hasn't practiced law since she married 'Dumbo' and Obi-Wan is in no position to give advice. He's never taken the bar. The only bar he knows is the Outlander Club during happy hour."

"Uncle Ben is a great man. He knows a lot and he says minors have rights.** '**_**I' **_have rights." Ana-Lena points to herself.

"What are your grounds? What's your hardship?"

"You consistently disregard my feelings. You humiliate me in front of my friends. You are a horrible dictator and I refuse to live under the same roof as you."

The Dark Lord almost laughs.

"You're moving out? I could use a little peace and quiet around here…" Anakin is enjoying this moment. He leans back in his leather chair and laces his fingers behind his head as he listens to his daughter state her case. "How are you going to support yourself?" He glances at the legal pad again and chuckles softly. Ana-Lena issues another threat.

"I'll join the military."

"I run the military; so technically, I'll still be supporting you. What else you got?"

"I have excellent grades. All I have to do is take the graduate's exam and I could be out of here in a month."

"I have some clout…that's the rumor anyway…I can arrange for you to take the exam tomorrow. You can get your IGD."

"Okay. Fine. I'll need time to pack my things."

"Whoa…stop right there. You are entitled to one piece of luggage. I own everything you have in your room. I'm being a nice guy by letting you take anything you can pack in one suitcase. You have money?"

"I have my trust fund…"

"Not till you're 21 years old."

"I can get married."

"You're not even 15 years old. No one will legally marry you…not if they want to live."

"I can go live with Nana and Pop-Pop."

"They don't have time for you. They're about to go on a cruise to Yavin 4. Anything else?"

"You're a horrible person."

"Yeah, I get that a lot. Listen, I've got a lot of work to do so why don't you go up to your room and re-think your life. There is always Jedi training. You can complete that."

"I never said that I wanted to be poor! I hate you!"

She storms out of the room and force-slams the door behind her. Anakin can hear her calling for her mother.

"Mum? Who's _'Norma Rae'_?"

Anakin reaches for the remote control and turns on the Pod racing championship (already in progress). He grabs the phone and speed dials Lando Calrissian. Lando's answering machine starts.

'_Good mornin' to you. You have reached Lando Calrissian. I'm not available at the moment. All payouts for last weeks' podrace were paid in full. Please see Boba Fett if you think you are owed more credits. If you are calling about the 'Raxus Hold 'em Hoth 45 Invitational Sabacc Tournament', the game is not fully operational yet…'_

Lando's live voice picks up the phone.

"Hello, this is Lando."

"Screening your calls? Who's after you this time?"

Lando appears on the plasma screen.

"Heh-heh! Anakin, you son-of-a-Sith! How are you, buddy?"

"Hey, Lando, my daughter's trying to sue me." He laughs.

"I thought Leia dropped that lawsuit years ago."

"She did…it's my youngest."

"That Ana-Lena, she's a little firecracker, Anakin. You better watch out."

"Where did I go wrong? She used to worship me. My kids are turning against me, Lando." His tone changes. There is a bit of sadness in his voice. Lando tries to buoy his spirits.

"They're not turning against you, they're just bein' kids."

"I guess so…oops! The race is about to start. Who else is on the line?" Boba Fett, joins them along with a few other players. Anakin is preoccupied thinking about his children. His winnings have dropped. It is not a good day to be the Dark Lord of the Galaxy.

So much is going on during this time. This is the baptism for Leia and Han's twins. The Naberrie family is back in town as are Han's parents. The guests include Lando Calrissian and his wife Tendra, Chewbacca, Beru and Owen Lars, The Jade family, Fat Bantha and his entourage, Master Yoda, Isabel's family, Gladys and Uli, Nurse Ratched, Winter, Jar-Jar, and friends. Anakin looks out at the guests standing in the pews. He did not invite the heavyset mob boss, and he certainly did not invite the Wookie and Jar-Jar. Where did all of these people come from?

The priest invites the immediate family up to the baptismal altar during the ceremony. Luke, Mara, Obi-Wan, and Aunt Bunny are godparents. Threepio and Artoo join the group. It is getting crowded around the baptismal font. Ana-Lena is stuck between her father and Luke. She pouts. Anakin notices but he refuses to indulge her in her moody behavior; besides, if anyone should have the right to pout, he should. Ruwee Naberrie is standing to his right.

The baptism is being recorded. Famed holo-videographer Nigel Silver Stallion is on-hand with an assistant. He winks flirtatiously at Ana-Lena and he zooms in on her face.

The Jedi priest, Father Valentin, is young and has his own way of doing things. Besides being young, he is handsome and somewhat of a free spirit. The church attendance has increased amongst its female parishioners during the mid-morning Mass, the only time he officiates. The bishop assigns the Skywalker-Solo baptism to Father Valentin. It is more of a test to see if he can handle the more challenging members of the congregation. During the initial meeting with Han and Leia, Father Valentin sees a normal young couple. No one has informed him about the Dark Lord. He has nothing but praise when he sees the entire family step up to the baptismal font that morning.

"Before we begin the ceremony, I would like to invite the rest of the family to join the godparents at the altar. What a beautiful day it is to bring these two children into the Sacraments of the Jedi Order. May the Force be with you."

Everyone bows before Father Valentin continues.

"Name these children who are to be baptized."

Leia and Han respond.

"Jaina and Jacen."

Anakin purses his lips to keep from laughing. There is a long pause before the priest continues.

"Chaina and Jayson, welcome. Will the godparents please give their names?"

"Luke."

"Mara"

"Obi-Wan"

"Bunny. Hi, y'all."

Father Valentin is not sure he has heard her correctly. The younger Skywalker siblings try to suppress their giggles. The confused priest continues.

"Okay…Luke, what are you asking of God's Church?"

"Faith"

"Mara, what are you asking of God's Church?"

"Faith"

"Obi-Wan, what are you asking of God's Church?"

"Faith in the Force."

"Bunny, what are you asking of God's Church?"

"A New Hope….can someone turn on a fan or something? It's getting hot in here." Bunny starts fanning herself with a Mass card she picked up at the church entrance.

Father Valentin is briefly distracted when she fans her cleavage. He blinks nervously, and then continues.

"Ahem…What does faith hold out to you?"

All respond, "Everlasting life."

Aunt Bunny nudges Obi-Wan.

"Good answer, Babe." She continues to fan herself.

The priest looks at Bunny then continues. He breathes softly in the face of each child, and follows up the gesture with these words:

"Depart from Jacen and Jaina, unclean spirit of the Sith, and give place to the Holy Spirit, the Advocate. Receive the sign of the Jedi Order on your heart. Put your whole trust in the heavenly teachings. And lead a life that will truly fit you to be a dwelling place for all great Jedi. Let us pray. Lord, if it pleases you, hear our prayer, and by your inexhaustible power protect your chosen ones, Jacen and Jaina, now marked with the sign of the Jedi. Let them treasure this first sharing of your sovereign glory, and by keeping your commandments deserve to attain the glory of heaven to which those born anew are destined; through all great Jedi before us."

As the ceremony progresses, a gentle breeze flows from the open windows of the church. The priest has finished with Jaina. Obi-Wan has completed his part. Father Valentin holds Jacen over the baptismal font and addresses Luke.

"Do you renounce the Sith?"

"I do."

"And all his works?"

"I do renounce them."

"And all his attractions?"

"I do renounce them."

Father Valentin hands Jacen to Luke.

"Jacen Linus, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit…."

The front doors of the church fly open with such force that the water in the font ripples. A dark figure appears and charges up the aisle. The red guards at the door are surprised and slow to respond. Several of the guests gasp in horror. A monk and one of the Red Guards follow in hot pursuit, grabbing the intruder's robe. The intruder struggles and pulls free, slapping them away.

"Wait! Wait! Wait, godammit!"

Han throws his arms up muttering to himself.

"I don't _'effing'_ believe this! Siths! I hate Siths!"

The guests gasp at the blasphemous shadowy figure. The robe falls to the floor. Anakin closes his eyes and tries to contain his anger while he mumbles to himself.

An out of breath Palpatine glances behind to see his cloak on the floor in the aisle. He leaves it and hurries to the bottom step of the baptismal altar. The monk and guard try to hold him back as the old man tries to step up onto the altar.

"Unhand me, you fools!" Palpatine makes eye contact with Anakin. Anakin returns a disdainful stare. The second red guard catches up with the other guard and the monk. They yank Palpatine by his collar and plop him down in the pew. Anakin frowns at the old man before turning away. Palpatine quiets himself, as he does not want to be tossed out onto the cathedral square.

Father Valentin is a bit shaken by the disturbance and cannot recall if he has completed the sacrament.

"Uhmm…Take this burning candle as a reminder to keep your baptismal innocence. Obey the Jedi commandments, so that when our Lord comes for the joyous wedding feast you may go forth to meet Him with all the saints in the halls of heaven, and be happy with Him forevermore."

"Amen"

Go in peace. Go lightly, Jaina Holly and Jacen Linus, your godparents, Luke, Mara, Obi-Wan, and Bunny, and may the Force be with you…always."

"Amen"

A flustered but relieved Father Valentin meets the other family members and guests. Palpatine weaves through the crowd and extends his hand to Father Valentin.

"Hello, I am the great-grandfather of these fine younglings you blessed here today…ahh!"

Before Palpatine can say another word, Anakin yanks him away and corners him in the confessional. A _'discussion'_ takes place.

"Anakin, why are you being so rude? Isn't it bad enough I never got my invitation? Did you forget my address?"

Anakin has a tight grip on Palpatine's shirt collar.

"Shut up! I have had enough of you today. You didn't get an invitation because I never sent you one!"

"Anakin, you're choking me. Why are you being so cruel? I am an old man who just wants to share this momentous occasion with his family…and you're wrinkling my shirt."

"You listen to me, you old bugger, I desperately want to toss you out of this place but I don't want to ruin this day for my daughter and her husband. I would love to kill you now but it is not the Jedi way. The only good thing about killing you here is that I can confess it at the same time."

Palpatine observes their surroundings in the confessional.

"You don't want to do anything you'll regret later, Anakin. Your temper always gets you into trouble. I implore you…"

"Quiet! I need a moment to think. Sit!" He drops Palpatine onto the velvet-cushioned bench. Anakin leans in close to the old man. A prayer book falls off the kneeler.

Palpatine tries to distract an infuriated Anakin.

"This is a nice little confessional…surprisingly roomy…is it a group confessional?"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

Meanwhile, the guests can hear the two men arguing. Someone enters the priests' compartment of the confessional and slides open the screen. Anakin freezes. He did not expect that confessions were being heard during the baptism ceremony. Someone whispers through the lattice screen.

"Everything okay in there?"

Palpatine nervously speaks.

"Oh, Padre, so good of you to hear confessions…"

"Mr. Skywalker, you okay?"

Anakin looks towards the screen. The voice does not belong to the priest. He still has a tight grip on Palpatine.

"Who's there?"

"It's me, Mr. Skywalker, Fausto Mostachioli…you know…Fat Bantha."

"Oh, uhm…hi…"

Palpatine whispers loud enough for the guests to hear.

"The mob guy?"

Anakin signals for Palpatine to stop talking. He responds through the screen… It is an awkward moment.

"Uhm…Hey, Fausto, what's up?"

"That old Sith givin' you trouble? I can take care of 'em for you. You familiar with the causeway near the Count Dooku Spaceport? I'll bring Aldo with me…we'll get the job done, stop and pick up some cannoli and be back in time for the reception."

Anakin pretends to consider the offer. A worried Palpatine pleads with Anakin.

"Anakin, you wouldn't…You know what 'those types' do to innocent people? Once they get a hold of you, you're never heard from again. Look around, Anakin…we are in a place of mercy and forgiveness. Don't give in to those people. They're lowly thugs. Remember the dark side."

Fat Bantha hears this. He presses his pudgy face in the small confessional screen.

"What do you mean by _'Those people?'_ I have a mind to reach through this here window and give you a breathin' treatment from which you will not recover. Tu Capisce?"

Palpatine cowers in the confessional. Not many people can instill fear in old Palpatine, but Fat Bantha can. He looks to Anakin.

"Anakin, you wouldn't cause bloodshed on the day of the twins' baptism…would you?"

A few moments pass before Anakin extracts Palpatine from the confessional. The old man stumbles out, straightens his suit and TagMart vest just before he greets the rest of the family with unwanted hugs and kisses.

"Leia, Han! It's a glorious day for a baptism!" He throws his arms around Leia.

Leia and Han back away. Leia mouths to her father, _'Fix this now!'_

Anakin shakes his head in dismay. Father Valentin greets the family and guests as they leave the church. As Father Valentin heads back inside, Anakin crosses the aisle to speak to the priest. He is about to hand Father Valentin an envelope when Professor Solo approaches from the back of the church. He also has an envelope and gently pushes Anakin's hand away.

"Padre, his money is no good here. It would be my honor to make the offering today."

Ruwee Naberrie re-enters the church and offers a cheque as he blocks Solo's access to the priest.

"Father, please accept this offering from the Naberrie family. It includes a dedication to my daughter, rest her soul."

A commotion erupts. Leia overhears the men arguing. She hands Jacen to Beru and storms back inside the church.

"What the…" She sees the men converging on the young priest. "What's going on?"

Anakin waves her away.

"Nothing is going on. I am in the process of making a gift to the church."

"No, No, No! You three are not going to ruin this day for me! All of you, back away, you're embarrassing me."

A few other family member re-enter the church.

An hour passes. During the reception at the Galaxies Garden Restaurant, family and friends mingle. Anakin sits at a corner table sulking. Isabel applies an ice pack to his left eye.

"Oww…oww…oww! Easy!"

"Serves you right for getting in the middle of an altercation."

"I was only trying to help."

"And look what it got you! A black eye and a bruised ego."

"This has never happened to me before. It's humiliating."

"Well, I'm sure Father Valentin appreciates the large donation. He has never seen three parishioners so passionate about giving money to the church; but I am surprised that Han's father and Ruwee wound up in a fistfight. Ruwee is usually such a calm and sensible man. "

"See? Everybody has a dark side."

"Well, it was a good day for the church. Thirty- thousand credits is a lot of money."

Someone approaches the table. Anakin looks at her with his good eye.

"What do you want?"

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to hit you."

"Where did you learn to punch like that?"

"Let's just say, convent school isn't a total waste."

"I guess I don't need to worry about you after all."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you …like forever." Ana-Lena playfully nudges her father.

"Well, watch it next time."

"I was trying to help. No one takes a swing at my father and gets away with it."

"Do me a favor and stop helping. Look at me…I used to be beautiful." He lifts the icepack to show his daughter the damage.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I know."

She kisses her father on his forehead but it is still too close to his bruised eye.

"Ow! Ow! Careful!"

"Oops! Sorry."

"Go away…You kids cause me nothing but heartache. By the way; you're still not getting emancipated!"

"Just when I thought you were cool!" Ana-Lena walks away in a huff.

Isabel is sitting at a table with Obi-Wan, Bunny, Ruwee and Jobal Naberrie, and Li-An and his date. Jobal compliments Isabel on coordinating the reception.

"Isabel, this is absolutely lovely. You did a remarkable job. This is a beautiful restaurant."

"Thank-you, Jobal. I wanted to help."

Aunt Bunny takes a sip of water.

"Oh, That sure did hit the spot. I'll tell you, that church was so hot. I was burning up like a Mustafar barbecued eopie frying in a vat of grease. Was anyone else hot?"

Across the private dining room, Father Valentin arrives. After at first respectfully declining an invitation to the reception, he realizes his presence is urgently needed, especially after the incident in the church. He offers a blessing to the group and then begins to mingle. Maggie Jade catches up with him.

"Oh, Father Val, I was just talking to my husband Vic, We would love for you to come over for Sunday dinner."

"You are Mrs., Jade, correct?"

"My, what a good memory you have." She pinches his cheek. "You are absolutely adorable, but we need to fatten you up. Mama Carmella makes the best Shaak parm on the planet."

"Oh…well, thank you. You are too kind. I could never pass up a good meal."

"When can you come over?"

"Well, I uhm…need to check my calendar. A priests' work is never done; you understand."

Vic agrees.

"Father, we understand. You are a busy man…baby's to bless, people to bury, sins to absolve. Your hands are full with God's work. Just pop on over anytime you wish. Here's my card. The home address is on the back."

Father Valentin reads the card:

_Vic Jade & Sons_

_Road Paving Contractor and Carcass Removal_

'_We make problems go away'_

The graphic on the card depicts a road with a chalk outline drawn on the galactic highway and two 'workmen' loading a 'bundle' onto a trash compactor.

"Oh…thank-you. Interesting graphics."

"That's my son Vic Junior's artwork. Kid's got talent. He learned from that online art course. You know the one where you practice tracing the boga. Remember, Father, anything you need, you just say the word."

"I will keep you in mind. Thank you, Mr. Jade."

Father Valentin continues to circulate the room, greeting the other family members and guests. He sees someone who needs a kind word. He approaches the troubled soul sitting alone in another corner of the room near the bar.

"Mr. Palpatine, I couldn't help but notice the pain you must be feeling. It is unfortunate what happened to you today. You feel abandoned and misunderstood. I can listen to your confession tomorrow morning before the 9a.m. Mass. It can cleanse the soul more than that Rummy tonic you're holding."

"What?"

"Wouldn't you feel better if you were to speak to someone? I am here to offer you peace and salvation."

"You don't know me! Go to H…!"

Luke intervenes.

"My apologies, Father Valentin. He's not himself. He hasn't taken his medication." Luke takes the drink away from Palpatine. "Come on, old man. Let's take a walk."

"Did you see that, Luke? He tried to use his Jedi mind tricks on me. We're surrounded by evil-doers."

"You're drunk. Let's go get you some coffee."

"My favorite grandson. You're a true friend, Luke." Palpatine pats Luke on the shoulder as they leave the room.

"No I'm not. I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble. It's my job."

"Well, you're one cool guy. You're so good and polite. Anakin is lucky to have a son like you. You have a good relationship with your father, don't you?"

"The best…most of the time..."

"I wonder where I went wrong with Anakin. Perhaps I spoiled him too much?"

"No, you were a crappy influence on him and you ruined his life."

"I did the best I could as a single parent."

"You're sticking to that story?"

Luke takes Palpatine into the next room where a barista is serving coffee beverages. He orders a carafe and brings it to a small table. He sets a cup in front of Palpatine. The old Sith takes small sips from the porcelain cup. Threepio joins them at the table.

"Awww, come on! Luke, does he have to be here?"

"He makes for a grumpy drunk. Not at all the jovial inebriate that Master Obi-Wan is."

"Quiet, you metallic chatterbox!"

Luke shouts at both of them.

"Cut it out! Both of you."

Palpatine remains quiet for a moment but is compelled to explain himself.

"You know, Luke, I wasn't always this way…okay, yes I was…but there were extenuating circumstances. I had a miserable childhood and I never got along with my father. Then one day I met someone who changed my life. Did I ever tell you about 'Plagueis the Wise'?

"Too many times. Keep drinking."

"He said he would make me great…but I made myself great. I did, you know. He never really helped me. He sucked as a mentor. I worked my ass off for him! I never learned to give love, Luke…it's not my fault. I'm depraved on account I was deprived. I never had a healthy relationship with a woman…I know I had a hand in ruining your father's relationship with your mother…Anakin was close to his mother…I guess I was jealous…If I could do it over I would make things right…"

"Okay, now you're starting to piss me off. Shut up and drink."

"Deep down inside of me there is good."

"Well I'm not digging to find it. I am here to get you sober and then take you home."

"Luke, I am so sorry."

Palpatine breaks down and sobs. Luke stares blankly at the pathetic old man. Palpatine looks up from his coffee cup hoping for some sympathy from the Jedi knight. Luke is not impressed.

"Keep drinking."

Back in the private dining room, Ana-Lena weaves through the crowd in search of someone. She sees her target but someone stops her…a 'roadblock'. He is a big, cigar-smoking 'roadblock'. Ana-Lena tries to walk around him but he jumps from side to side in an effort to get her to stop. He has a big grin on his face.

"Hey, girlie! You look bootiful…gee...you grew up. Remember me? We used ta sing together. You were a tiny tot." He lowers his hand to his knee. "It's me! Your Uncle Aldo!"

"My_'what'_?"

He starts to sing:

_'I eat tattoo-ine minestrone_

_just to be with her alone_

_Ana-Lena_

_Ana-Lena_

_the waitress at the pizzeria…'_

Aldo pauses and waits for her to recognize the song hoping that she will join in. Ana-Lena gives _'fake'_ Uncle Aldo a blank stare.

"Okay, that was creepy." She darts out of his path to get to her destination.

Aldo looks around. He is confused. A few of Fat Bantha's henchmen stand nearby. Aldo shrugs his shoulders.

"What happened? She used to be such a jovial little girl."

"What can I tell you, Aldo? Kids today don't appreciate the classics…they're into that hippity-hoppity music."

"Oh yeah…wit the cute little rabbits and the eggs. They listen to those holiday songs year-round? I don't know how they do it."

Isabel leaves Anakin's side in order to mingle with the guests. A familiar face appears and sits beside him.

"I hear someone is being moody today of all days. How are you, Anakin?"

Anakin looks up as Gladys takes a seat. Her smile seems to make all of his problems disappear for the moment.

"Gladys! How are you? Are you fed up with retirement? When are you coming back to work? I bet you're feeling guilty leaving me without adequate office support."

"Agnes is doing quite well so stop behaving like a child. I know what happens when you _'really'_ don't like someone so cut it out."

"Miss DiPesto is okay. She drives me up the wall sometimes but she's working out… I guess. So…did you witness that catastrophe of a baptism?"

"It was lovely. That new priest is so kind to invite everyone up to the altar. Anakin, you're building quite a network of families."

"It's not the families I want."

Gladys ignores him and keeps talking.

"The Naberries must have loved the dedication to their daughter. Han's family is now part of your family. The Nor's, the Jade's, the Solo's…You are doing wonderful things. I am so proud of you."

"But…"

"But 'what', Anakin?"

"I know something else is coming so let me have it. My 14-year old social-activist daughter has already assaulted me. Look at my eye! She cold cocked me! You're going to say something. Let me have it while I'm still down."

"Anakin, sweetheart, your family, and friends have only the best intentions in mind. They love you. Sometimes love comes in the form of a bitter pill."

"I'm not taking any more pills. I'm becoming irrelevant, Gladys. No one fears me anymore."

"Oh, Anakin!" Gladys gently pats his face and smiles. "Of course they do."

"Don't patronize me. Who?"

Without missing a beat, Gladys answers his question.

"Your staff, your armed forces division...that pitiful little man who used to work for the former Emperor…"

"Oh, I know that. I'm talking about people who matter."

"Ohhh…I see…well, dear, it's like this; people who matter are the ones who truly love you and therefore don't fear you."

"What kind of sense does that make?"

"Are you still in therapy, Anakin?"

Anakin lifts the ice pack from his eye.

"What are you trying to say, Gladys?"

Anakin wants the day to end quickly. There are too many cheerful people in the room…and his youngest daughter is chatting with Cadet Cort Needa. He is tempted to raise his hand to invoke the power of the Force. Someone stops him with a few taps on the hand.

"Ow! Stop hitting me with that stick!"

"Nice couple they will someday make."

"Someday is one day too soon for me."

"Trust your daughter, you must. Let go of the things you love."

"Get the hell out of here!"


	34. Chapter 34 Camptown

_Chapter 34AE _

* * *

'_Camptown'_

'_Lil' Bow-wow- A New Leash on Life'_

'_One of these Droids is Not Like the Other'_

'_Father's Day at 620 Faleen Hyper Drive - The Gift that Keeps On Giving'_

* * *

The day for sending Kris off to camp is looming. Luke volunteers to take Kris to Naboo. Anakin tries to put up a good front but Luke knows otherwise. He stops by the house a week early to chat with his father. Threepio follows Luke through the house.

"Dad?"

"He is not answering, Master Luke. Do you think he hears us?"

"Oh, he hears us alright. Dad? Where are you?" Luke walks into the kitchen. He sees his father sitting on a stool at the island counter. "Oh, here you are. What are you eating? I'll join you."

"Peanut butter."

Luke walks over to the cabinet and opens one of the upper doors. He sees a row of jars with white labels. Each label is handwritten with a black permanent marker: _'Double-Dipt.'_

Threepio reads the label.

"What is 'D-I-P-T'? Oh…well, spelling was never his strong suit."

"Daad…are you still eating out of the jars? You know how mum hates that."

"I know."

"Then why do it?"

"Because it makes her angry."

"Six jars?"

"The jars were never opened but I get a kick out of seeing her reaction when she opens the cabinet. Heh-heh!"

"You really need to grow up." He looks in the refrigerator, pulls out the cold cut container, and prepares a sandwich.

"You know, there's plenty of food in here."

"I'm not cooking."

"Apologize to her."

"I have nothing to apologize for. She needs to remember who I am."

"Dad…come on…you're not going to score points by being stubborn. You haven't won so far. How long do you think you can keep eating that stuff?"

"Luke, you underestimate my willpower."

Luke whispers to his father.

"Here she comes."

Isabel walks in the kitchen. Anakin pretends to ignore her. Luke opens a bottle of Rodian soda pop.

"So, why isn't Dad eating a hot meal?"

"There's plenty to eat. If you can find something then so can he. What do you want me to do? Do I have to list every item in the fridge and pantry?"

"Oh, no…of course not. I was just wondering why Dad is on a diet of peanut butter and crackers."

"Because he's dumb and stubborn."

Threepio joins in with a quip of his own.

"Well, at least she didn't say, _'He is as clumsy as he is stupid'_. Hahahah!"

Both comments elicit a laugh from Luke. He quickly restrains himself.

"So, there's dinner tonight?" He tries not to laugh but what sends him over the edge is Anakin's steely-eyed glance at Threepio. Luke covers his mouth until his laughter subsides. Isabel opens the refrigerator then closes it.

"Luke, no one is keeping your father from eating. If he wants dinner, he can join the family at the table like a civilized person. There were plenty of leftovers from last night but somehow those magically disappeared."

Luke looks at his father. Anakin bites on a cracker and looks away. A knowing smile creeps across Luke's face.

"Wow…you guys might have a scurrier problem."

"Could be…if the _'scurrier'_ is six feet tall and has opposable thumbs to open the refrigerator door. I think I need a trap…a great big scurrier spring trap. You know…the ones that go BAM!" She claps her hands together then looks in Anakin's direction. Luke giggles.

"I would love to see what you catch. Give me a call so I can come over and watch the pest control team load it in their vehicle. Gee, I wonder if the critter will get a warning. It's a trap! Hahahah!"

Isabel smiles as she shakes her finger at him.

"Luke, you're enjoying this too much."

Anakin looks across the counter at Luke.

"So, Luke…how is Mara doing? Has she learned how to boil water yet or is she planning to do her weekly shopping in my kitchen?"

"Very funny, Dad. Mara has been busy…working. She doesn't have time to cook when she comes home."

Isabel turns to leave the kitchen. Anakin nudges Luke and whispers.

"Ask her about Sunday."

"Sunday? What about Sunday? Ooooh…." Luke remembers now. "Mum, are you preparing anything special for 'Sunday'?"

"What? He's worried about that? I don't think there's a holiday for 'Worst Father of the Year.' If he means 'Fathers' Day', then yes, the family will be here for dinner."

Luke knows what the next line is from his father so he repeats what Anakin says next.

"If anyone has a right to be angry at his kids, I do. They have disappointed me for the last time."

Anakin scowls at Luke.

"So, you think it's funny mocking me? I still haven't forgiven you for what happened to Skippy."

Things get serious now.

"Dad! I said I was sorry. It was an accident. You didn't have to take it out on the Jawas."

"They destroyed my droid dog. I built that dog with my own two hands." He gestures with his hands.

Threepio blinks and clutches his metallic chest.

"Master, you built me with your own two hands…"

"So? Skippy was loyal."

Threepio is shocked by his master's response.

"Well!" The dejected protocol droid walks out onto the terrace. There is a 2-foot high pebble and stone wall near the koi pond. Threepio steps onto the wall at the far side between the lemon trees. "Farewell, cruel world!" He leaps off the wall and disappears. No one notices. Luke is still trying to apologize to his father.

"Dad, I'm sorry I brought him to Tatooine with me. I should have turned the ship around and brought him back home as soon as I discovered he was onboard. How was I to know he would start chasing that sandcrawler?"

"You broke my heart, Luke. I loved that damned droid dog." Anakin stops eating. He no longer has an appetite for peanut butter. "I'll be in my den if anyone needs me."

The doorbell rings. Isabel opens the door. Threepio steps inside; he is covered with leaves and twigs from the lemon tree.

"That was embarrassing. I could have sworn this house was built over a void."

Luke walks behind Anakin.

"Hey, don't you want to discuss the trip I'm taking to Naboo? I'm dropping Kris off at camp, remember?"

Anakin stops and turns to Luke.

"Oh, I remember. Should I trust you with that too? Are you going to let him run wild until Jawas mow him down with a sandcrawler?"

"Don't be silly. There is no Jawa sandcrawler on Naboo…Dad, it's a joke. Come on…"

Anakin is not laughing. Luke follows his father to the den. Threepio is not far behind them. He is about to enter the den but the door closes in his face. The protocol droid is distressed.

"Well! I don't know how much more of this I can take."

The next day Anakin shows up at Doctor Melfi's office. She is not happy to see him. He walks in and immediately positions himself on the white leather chaise.

"Doc, what a week I've had. I don't know how much more I can take."

"Mr. Skywalker, you cannot walk in here without making an appointment."

"But…"

"No exceptions, Mr. Skywalker. I am putting my foot down. No sessions without an appointment."

"Okay! Fine!" Anakin takes out his E-phone and dials. "Good morning, Ms. Kester, I would like to make an appointment…now is good…aww come on! I'm already here…take an early lunch, my treat. Well, it's going to be a long cold day for both of us…thank you." He puts away the phone and gets comfortable on the chaise. "Well? Do your thing, Doc."

The intercom light flashes on Dr. Melfi's desk. She ignores it as she engages in a staring match with Anakin.

"Mr. Skywalker, you cannot waltz in here at will and disrupt my office. You cannot tell my staff what to do."

"Staff? What staff? Carol is the only person I ever see out there. Come on, Doc…lighten up. Has your husband ever told you that? You must make his life a living hell."

"My personal life is none of your concern. Why are you here, Mr. Skywalker?"

"You have the worst bedside manner. I am a man who is suffering. I am paying you to help me."

"Okay. Fine. What is bothering you, Mr. Skywalker?"

"I'm having trouble sleeping…I have dreams."

"Premonitions, premonitions. These visions you have...are they…"

"They are of pain, suffering…"

"Is it yourself you speak of, or someone you know?"

"Of course it's someone I know! I don't have dreams about people I don't know. Why would I give an _'eff'_ about them?" Anakin repositions himself on the chaise. He is annoyed at Dr. Melfi's questions. "Are you listening to me? Geez! My daughter had twins not too long ago. We celebrated their baptism."

"Oh, congratulations. I thought I read something about it in the news."

"Who blabbed?"

"Your daughter and her husband posted an ad in the society page of the Times. What's wrong with that?"

"Oh…right…never mind."

"It must have been a lovely event."

"Yeah, everyone's soul was saved that day; blah, blah, blah. It was one of the worst days of my life. Let's talk about me. We're wasting time!"

"What's on your mind?"

"You want to know what's on my mind? My kids have disappointed me. My youngest daughter wants to be emancipated. What child thinks up stuff like that?"

"Perhaps, like you, she feels she isn't being heard."

"Oh, she's being heard. She won't shut up. She's telling me about her legal rights; I'm ready to kill her."

"What?"

"It's a figure of speech! Calm down. I love my daughter."

"Why would she want to become an emancipated minor? Does she feel abused? You do have a heavy hand when it comes to punishment."

"Are you kidding me with that question? She has everything a kid her age wants and then some. I send her to the best schools, she wears beautiful clothes, and I feed her and keep a roof over her head. And you know how she thanks me? She wants to rule her own life! Abused? I'm the one who's abused. Oh, and then my eldest son… he really hurt me."

"What did he do? What happened?" Anakin becomes emotional. She has never seen the dark lord in such a vulnerable state.

"He killed my K-9 droid."

"Excuse me?"

"Little Skippy. He was my best friend. So loyal…poor little guy." Anakin chokes up.

"Why do you say he killed it?"

"Well, he didn't do it directly but he may as well have. Skippy stowed away on Luke's ship; and after they landed on Tatooine, a gang of Jawas mowed him down with a sandcrawler."

"They mowed your son down…"

"No! Not Luke! Are you even listening? It was the Jawas! It's always the Jawas! Humph! The little buggers ran over Skippy until he was as flat as a piece of scrap metal." Anakin's eyes well up with tears. He grabs a tissue from a dispenser on the side table. Dr. Melfi sits quietly in her chair, stunned. She tries to shuffle her notes and adjusts her glasses. Anakin is so upset that he does not see her cover her mouth to stifle a laugh. She rises from her chair.

"That's devastating…uhm…will you excuse me for one moment?"

Dr. Melfi leaves the room and closes the door. Carol Kester looks up from her desk.

"Is everything alright, Doctor?"

Doctor Melfi nods her head quickly so the Carol does not see her face. She quickly calms herself.

"I'm fine…Everything is fine."

She stands at the door for a moment before re-entering. She is back to being her professional self as the session resumes.

"It's always difficult when a pet dies. May I ask you a question? Why didn't you have him on a leash?"

"What? I wasn't on Tatooine when this happened!"

"Well…it seems to me that had Skippy been on a leash when your son shipped off for Tatooine, Skippy would be functioning today. There are leash laws, you know."

"Are you blaming me? How the _'eff'_ is this my fault? I'm the victim here!"

"Yes, you are the perennial victim. There are so many reckless people in your life trying to destroy your happiness."

"True…Hey, was that a swipe at me?"

"Your family is not your enemy, Mr. Skywalker. I'm sure they loved Skippy as much as you did and have fond memories."

"He was so intelligent. He was fluent in over six million commands and tricks that I personally programmed for him. He was more loyal than my own kids."

"Well, like they say, if you want a loyal friend on Coruscant, get a K-9 droid. Our time is up. Shall I refill your prescription?"

"Sure."

'_A Whale of a Time!'_

The Skywalker children gather at the house for the annual Father's Day Dinner. It used to be Sunday brunch each Father's Day but the children are older and have lives of their own. The only ones who show up in the morning are Ana-Lena and Kris because they still live at home. Kris will be leaving soon for summer camp and the house will be empty.

Li-An makes a rare appearance on this special morning. He has his usual duffle bag full of laundry. He finds his father on the terrace reading the Coruscant Times. Li-An joins his father at the table and helps himself to coffee, toast, and a section of the Sunday news. Anakin speaks without lowering the paper.

"Don't mess up my paper; I'm reading it in order."

"But you haven't gotten to this section yet. I'll be finished before you need to read it."

"That's not the point."

"What _'is'_ the point, Dad?"

"Sunday morning is my quiet time. This is my sanctuary. I have my garden, my fishpond, lemon trees, my breakfast, and my paper. I am at peace."

"So how's that working out for you? Your sad devotion to that hideaway you call a study has not helped you conjure up the stolen credits from the last podrace, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Father's Day gifts hidden for…ooh waffles!"

"So, you've gone from priest to doctor to comedian?"

Li-An helps himself to three waffles and douses them with maple syrup. He slices into the waffles. Anakin cringes at the soggy, sweet mass on the plate. Li-An finally responds.

"Laughter is the best medicine, Dad."

Anakin stops reading and sets the paper on the breakfast table.

"Unless your patient is dead. Before I die, all I ask is that you kids settle in on a life worthy of the Skywalker name. I don't ask for much."

"Well don't die yet. Give us some time to find ourselves. Pass the orange juice please?"

"Oh, Geez." Anakin massages his temples. He sets the carafe of orange juice in front of Li-An.

Obi-Wan stops by later that morning to take Anakin to a hoverball game at Coruscant Park Stadium. Kris accompanies them. Obi-Wan wanted this to be a special day for the father and son before Kris leaves for camp. Anakin actually has a good time. They return to the house in time for dinner and the Father's Day celebrations.

Anakin is disappointed this year that he has to share the day with Han. Anakin is on the terrace where he started the day. This time Han arrives and stands at the opposite end of the table. Anakin smirks.

"You're not packing heat today, are you? Because I'll rip that blaster out of your hand."

"I'm not here to start a fight. Anyway, my kids are sleeping in the day room. I don't want to disturb them."

The family is soon gathered at the table. Li-An offers the blessing

"God, bless the fathers at this table. Guide them to be good role models and loving to all their children. Help them to be a father like You are. Give them grace and patience to handle situations in a loving way, not prone to punish or blame them for their mistakes. Amen."

Mara rolls her eyes. She is about to say something when Luke signals for her to keep quiet. Dinner goes well up until dessert time. There are mini fruit tarts and sorbets to enjoy. Mara boasts that she ordered the 'Father's Day Cake.' Kris laughs when the cake is brought to the table.

"Wow! We never had a 'Baga the Bordok' cake before…awesome!"

Han and Leia exchange glances after seeing the ice cream cake. Han laughs. The cake depicts the shape of the famous bordok in cartoon form. It looks like a cake intended for a child's birthday. The words _'Happy Father's Day'_ is written in black piping gel across the chocolate icing body. The tail and mane are decorated with coffee icing, and the horns, muzzle, and hoofs are a lighter dulce de leche flavor. Mara is about to pick up the cake knife.

"Han and Mr. Skywalker should get the first slices. Heads or tails, guys?"

Han points to the head.

"I'll take a piece of the head…unless you want it, Mr. S. or are you an ass man?"

Kris giggles.

"Han said _'ass.'_"

Alex laughs.

"Hurry up before the ice cream melts!"

Anakin remains quiet amid all the jokes. Isabel can tell he is annoyed and intervenes.

"You know what? Why don't we bring the gifts to the table?"

Each family member presents a gift to Han and Anakin. Leia gives Han a brown leather fedora. Han smiles.

"Thanks, babe. This is a great hat."

"It's waterproof too."

"Am I going to get wet or something?"

"You never know what kind of weather you'll encounter on one of your trips."

"Oh."

Leia hands Anakin his gift.

"There's a card…."

Anakin tears open the beautifully wrapped box without reading the card.

"Ooh…more shirts."

"You like them?"

"They're blue…and canary yellow…mint green…pink, lavender."

"Well, shirts come in colors other than black. And that's periwinkle, not lavender."

"Periwinkle…hmmm. I stand corrected. Where's the gift receipt?"

"Daddy, if you return those shirts, I'll never speak to you again."

"Like I said, where's the gift receipt? ….I'm joking! Everybody calm down! You people turn on a dime! The shirts are great. Thank you. At least you didn't buy me khaki pants to go with it…"

Suddenly Ana-Lena angrily tosses a box in his lap then walks away. Anakin clears his throat as he sheepishly opens the gift. An-Lena sulks as she sits in one of the patio chairs. He pretends to love what he finds as he lifts the tissue in the box. He is actually horrified.

"OMG! Khakis. See? I'm using your lingo, sweet pea junior. I cannot wait to wear these with my new pastel shirts. I know you must have used your allowance to buy me this wonderful gift."

"No, I charged it to your account."

The gifts keep coming. He receives a case of Whyren's Reserve from Obi-Wan and Aunt Bunny. Anakin urges Obi-Wan to open a bottle. He knows the old Jedi did not want to part with the 200 year old whisky. Obi-Wan wastes no time. Han finds an empty glass and waits to be served.

Alex gives his father an E-Pod with downloaded songs from his band's latest album; Li-An presents his father with a book of inspirational life rules by Jedi monks. Kris makes stationery for his father to use to write to him at camp along with other miscellaneous items. Han gives Anakin a trip for two to explore the caves of Felucia and Yavin4…Anakin realizes that the _'two'_ is he and Han. Leia thought it would help solidify their relationship. Anakin gives Leia a dirty look. He jokes that they may go in the cave together but only one will come out alive. Isabel has her own 'surprise' gift for Anakin. She enlists Master Yoda to shield the secret from Anakin using the force. He will receive it later in the week.

Overall, Han is pleased with all of his gifts while Anakin is adjusting to his. He receives a gift from everyone but Luke.

Luke is careful with his words before presenting his gift to his father.

"Oh, uhm…Dad, I have a little something for you."

Anakin responds with indifference.

"Really? Fine. Let me have it. What is it? A pair of cufflinks? A belt to hold up my new chinos?"

"I was going to take you to it."

"What is it? A new speeder? He looks under his chair. "Nope, I guess not."

"No, it's not a new speeder, Dad."

"Then put it here in my hand so I can retreat to my room and cry about my horrible children. Shall I close my eyes to buffer myself from the imminent disappointment?

Luke sighs as he continues to carry the burden of guilt on his shoulders. He leaves the terrace and returns a few minutes later.

Anakin pretends to fall asleep in the chair.

"The suspense is killing me, Luke. Let me have it. Put it in my hand." He holds out his right hand as if he is about to receive a small box.

Luke stands behind his father. Isabel signals for everyone to remain quiet. She nods and urges Luke to do what his father asks.

Anakin feels something small and warm and quivering as the object makes contact with the palm of his hand. There is a confused expression on his face. The 'gift' seems to have a mind of its own. Anakin feels something warm and moist against his face. He opens one eye and recoils.

"What the _'eff'_?"

Luke speaks softly.

'It's a real puppy, Dad."

"Why?" He wrinkles his nose at the little creature.

"I wanted to give you something that will give you unconditional love."

"Then what?"

"Dad…"

"They die, Luke…Skippy was forever…or at least he was supposed to be." Anakin looks displeased with his gift. He is almost sad. Luke pleads with his father. He still feels guilty about Skippy's destruction.

"Dad…"

Isabel scolds Anakin.

"Anakin, he is trying. Don't do this."

Kris hurries over to claim the animal.

"Can I have it?"

Ana-Lena makes a wisecrack.

"No, you can't have it. You might kill it. You're off to jail camp anyway."

Isabel has had enough of this.

"Ana-Lena, cut it out! And stop calling it jail camp."

Luke tries to reach out to his father.

"I was able to salvage the memory chip. He has all of Skippy's memories."

"It's the least you could have done." He cradles the puppy in his arms.

Han chimes in.

"I had a dog once…back on Corellia. You could call him Indiana."

Anakin stares at Han as if he has said the most absurd thing in the world.

"I'm not naming my dog Indiana!"

"So, you like him, Dad?"

Han whispers to Leia.

"Didn't he steal Skippy from Isabel's Dad?"

Leia elbows him. "Shh!"

Everyone is relieved as Anakin begins to bond with the mini bull terrier. Anakin sees him as an organic version of Skippy covered with short white fur. It seems to smile up at Anakin with its big ears perked to listen to his master's voice.

"I guess he's alright. For once, I got a gift that wasn't sucky." The puppy licks his face. "Yeah, at least someone in this family will remain loyal to me. Isn't that right, Skippy? Yeah. Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog? You're a good dog!" He looks up and notices everyone staring at him. "What?" He lets the dog lap up water from his glass. Han points.

"Mark that glass."

Anakin leaves the table and retreats to his den. He sets the puppy on his desk and picks up the phone. The puppy explores the desk and almost falls over the edge. Anakin catches him just in time. He puts down the phone and sets the animal on the floor.

"Now, let's see how intelligent you are so we can begin your training. Sit…good…rollover…speak." The puppy lets out a squeaky bark. "Okay, we'll work on that. My officers need to fear you. Okay, mind trick wave." The puppy makes a circle with its paw. "Good dog! High five. Now let's…Hey! Hey! What are you doing? Put that leg down! I see you require potty training. That's an expensive Sullustan rug from 75BBY. You had better learn some rules if you're going to stay here. First rule…no peeing…Not in the house anyway." He is on his hands and knees. He senses that he is being watched. "Don't spy on me, Luke, come on in."

Luke walks in and stands beside the desk as his father plays with the puppy.

"How's it going?"

"Fine…cute little guy." Anakin scoops up the puppy and goes outside. Luke follows him.

"So, you're going to keep him?"

"Of course. When have I ever returned a gift? Okay, when have I ever re-gifted a gift?"

"You really want me to answer that question?"

"Luke, you don't have to worry. I'm keeping him."

"It'll be good, Dad. You'll have a companion all summer long."

"Why are you in here? Shouldn't you be checking on your wife? She's probably ransacking our pantry."

"I think she's done. She ran out of storage containers."

The following day Luke returns to the house to pick up Kris for summer camp. Anakin stands in the loading bay as Luke carries luggage and gear for Kris's trip. Luke emerges from the skiff and walks down the ramp to his father.

"Where's Kris?"

"He's inside the house getting pampered by his mother. I told her she has to be tough."

"Yeah, I guess. They have never been apart for more than a week."

"She'll be fine. I'll take her shoe shopping; it will cheer her right up. She'll hardly notice he's gone."

Luke smiles.

"Dad, you know that's not true." Luke sees Kris enter the loading bay. "Hey, sport. Are you ready?"

"Yeah. Mom was going to hold me hostage. I calmed her down. I told her that I can handle this."

Anakin rubs tussles the boys hair. Kris takes Skippy in his arms and hugs him.

"Can I walk him sometime when I come home?"

"Of course you can; I'm not getting out of bed at five in the morning. That's going to be your new job."

Luke checks his watch.

"We had better get moving. You don't want to be late on your first day."

"I sure don't. I'm in enough trouble as it is. So, Dad, you're going to write to see how I'm doing, okay?"

"Sure I will but you'll forget about me as soon as you arrive."

"I doubt it."

"Alright, stop stalling. Give your father a hug."

The father and his youngest hug for what seems to be an eternity. Anakin feels a tear roll down his cheek and onto his son's head. He composes himself and steps away. Kris looks up at his father.

"I'll make you proud, Dad."

"You better. May the force be with you, son."

"Also with you, Dad…sir." He salutes then bites his bottom lip. He refuses to let his father see him cry. He is ready to face whatever the summer on Naboo brings. Anakin sets Skippy on the floor of the landing bay. The puppy sits obediently as Anakin holds onto his new red leash.

"Thanks for the leash. I don't want to break any laws."

"I know what you mean. I love you, Dad."

"I know. Go on, get out of here." He waves the boy away.

Luke walks over to his father while Kris boards the ship.

"I'm sure he'll do fine, Dad."

"Yeah. He's a tough little kid."

"I'll see you soon."

"No Jawas, right?"

"No Jawas." Luke smiles. Skippy looks up at him. The puppy's tail wags like a busy windshield wiper. Luke laughs. "Skippy, keep an eye on him."

"We've got plans. I'm taking him to headquarters tomorrow."

"Oh-oh, I sense trouble."

"We're going to keep those officers in line."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I'll be out of town."

Anakin opens his arms. The father and his eldest son embrace. Luke boards the skiff. Anakin and Skippy back away as the ship lifts off into the blue heavens.

"Well, Skip, It's just you and me. Let's go see if any of the awful ice cream cake is still in the freezer."


End file.
